Blogs


Notices

End of Journey

Old 07-09-2018, 06:44 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Babylon
Posts: 37
End of Journey

I see people in long time sobriety, still posting on forums, still attending meetings, still actively getting support. Does this journey ever end? Or is this a permanent screwing for life?

I can totally understand being 5 months sober, i need to do everything right now to stay on track, but in 5 years from now?

Do i really need to be on recovery websites, attending groups, STILL talking about alcohol every single day?

For the people attending meetings 15 years latter after non drinking, do you still need support? Don't you see it as a hassle, to have to get in your car, drive to a location, and discuss drinking, In that long period of time are you still thinking about there is a possibility that you will go back to drinking?

I am feeling agitated today, and thankful that my tools have been working for myself, but i cant phantom the idea of having to live the rest of my life lift this. I want the journey to recovery to end, with out relapsing. Am I being realistic?

If im not, im just not sure if i can live the rest of my life, with the constant thought of alcohol EVERY single day. The feeling is not in fear of relapse, i would find it super annoying to discuss a topic 5 years latter, then i no longer have in my life.
cotwo is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to cotwo For This Useful Post:
Gilmer (07-10-2018), Hevyn (07-09-2018), Mummyto2 (07-10-2018), Tatsy (07-09-2018), topspin (07-09-2018), WeaverBird (07-09-2018)
Old 07-09-2018, 06:50 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
biminiblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 20,121
Well, I picked up after 18+ years sober, so my angle on this is that what I did last time didn't work so I'm going to put it front and center this time. I am making sobriety the most valued thing I have.

I'm at four and a half years this time and though I'm not concerned nor worried, it doesn't hurt me to stay involved on this site - and I am daily reminded that drinking will not serve me in any way. Just read through any of the multiple relapse threads on any given day.

Your mileage may vary. Follow your own heart.
biminiblue is offline  
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to biminiblue For This Useful Post:
Awake61 (07-10-2018), Hevyn (07-09-2018), MantaLady (07-09-2018), Mummyto2 (07-10-2018), Rar (07-09-2018), Snufkin (07-09-2018), SurvivorK (07-09-2018), thomas11 (07-09-2018), tomsteve (07-09-2018), Trelkovsky (07-10-2018), Verdantia (07-09-2018)
Old 07-09-2018, 06:51 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 737
Very good question!! I am not far enough in my recovery to answer that, but I’m curious to know what others think as well.
Behappy1 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Behappy1 For This Useful Post:
Hevyn (07-09-2018), Trelkovsky (07-10-2018)
Old 07-09-2018, 06:53 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Babylon
Posts: 37
Originally Posted by biminiblue View Post
Well, I picked up after 18+ years sober, so my angle on this is that what I did last time didn't work so I'm going to put it front and center this time. I am making sobriety the most valued thing I have.

I'm at four and a half years this time and though I'm not concerned nor worried, it doesn't hurt me to stay involved on this site - and I am daily reminded that drinking will not serve me in any way. Just read through any of the multiple relapse threads on any given day.

Your mileage may vary. Follow your own heart.
I can understand it cant hurt to stay involved. Does needing a daily reminder last for ever? Cant drinking just be something you used to do, and dont think about any more?
cotwo is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to cotwo For This Useful Post:
Awake61 (07-10-2018), Hevyn (07-09-2018), Tatsy (07-09-2018), tomsteve (07-09-2018), Trelkovsky (07-10-2018)
Old 07-09-2018, 06:54 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 514
Hi cotwo. First of all, I completely understand your agitation with respect to feeling like constant maintenance (i.e. meetings, forums etc) is a hassle and not something you can keep up forever.

First of all, forget about ideas like “forever” and “the rest of my life”. When it comes to sobriety, just think about today and what you need to do today to stay sober. When tomorrow comes, you will do the same. For many, myself included, it is a daily struggle, but no longer an obsession. I’m still in early sobriety and have had and still sometimes have the same feelings you do. Why can’t there just be a cure? Like at some point people stop physical therapy for a broken leg; why can’t I be deemed fit to face the whole alcohol-feee on my own?

Well, it’s a lifelong thing. Stress and catastrophe are out there, and as alcoholics we too quickly forget the disaster that befell us when we drank. You mentioned people 15 years sober in meetings; I’ve known many people 30+ years sober who go to meetings every day. The meetings are the reason they’re still sober. No one is forcing them, no one is judging them or anything; they’ve made the decision to stay sober and they do what they need to do to remain that way.

That said, remember that nothing is guaranteed. I’ve heard too many stories of folks with 15-20 years, sometimes more, who fell off the wagon because they stopped being vigilant and remaining active in sober communities. It’s easy to forget how disastrous it is when alcohol is everywhere in society and alcohol is basically encouraged at social events. To remind myself why I’m sober, I remain active in a community to the extent that I know I need.

Bottom line is, you do what you need to do to stay sober. There aren’t any hard and fast rules; if it works for you, work it :-)
VigilanceNow is offline  
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to VigilanceNow For This Useful Post:
Awake61 (07-10-2018), biminiblue (07-09-2018), cotwo (07-09-2018), Deserto (07-09-2018), Hevyn (07-09-2018), Rar (07-09-2018), Trelkovsky (07-10-2018), Verdantia (07-09-2018)
Old 07-09-2018, 06:56 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Hears The Voice
 
Nonsensical's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,633
Blog Entries: 20
I felt like a giant bag of buttholes the day I found this website, and now I'm living a life so amazing some days I can barely believe it. Here's what I believe about that:

What got me here will keep me here.

I don't have to participate here. I get to participate here.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Nonsensical is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Nonsensical For This Useful Post:
Awake61 (07-10-2018), Hevyn (07-09-2018), least (07-09-2018), MantaLady (07-09-2018), Rar (07-09-2018), SurvivorK (07-09-2018), Verdantia (07-09-2018), VigilanceNow (07-09-2018), yinzer (07-09-2018)
Old 07-09-2018, 07:01 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
biminiblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 20,121
Originally Posted by cotwo View Post
I can understand it cant hurt to stay involved. Does needing a daily reminder last for ever? Cant drinking just be something you used to do, and dont think about any more?
I don't know about the forever part.

I do know that (especially in the summer) I still get thoughts of drinking. Having a daily reminder of where that would take me is super helpful.

The first time I quit drinking in my early thirties my life was a complete disaster on every front. I knew I needed to quit or everything was about to blow up.

This time my quit wasn't about any need or catastrophe other than it was stealing my soul and my desire to live. (Oh, only that.) I still remember how bad it was in my thirties, though. I'm glad I jumped off earlier this time. Once bitten, and all that.
biminiblue is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to biminiblue For This Useful Post:
cotwo (07-09-2018), Hevyn (07-09-2018), MantaLady (07-09-2018), Rar (07-09-2018), Verdantia (07-09-2018)
Old 07-09-2018, 07:03 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Babylon
Posts: 37
Originally Posted by Nonsensical View Post
I felt like a giant bag of buttholes the day I found this website, and now I'm living a life so amazing some days I can barely believe it. Here's what I believe about that:

What got me here will keep me here.

I don't have to participate here. I get to participate here.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!
I guess my brain just looks at it differently. If i busted my but getting a Masters Degree, would i want to keep studying, cause it got me the degree?

I would want to graduate and get a career. I just want the studying/maintainance of recovery to have an end point. When i see people 20 years sober still active, i feel hopeless.

Quitting drinking has been as stressful as actual drinking for me. They both suck in a way. I will not be truly happy till the though of alcohol is out of the way for life.
cotwo is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to cotwo For This Useful Post:
Hevyn (07-09-2018)
Old 07-09-2018, 07:10 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
MissPerfumado's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,320
I'm 2.5 years sober so not a super-long time in the scheme of things. But my thoughts FWIW.

I like coming to SR which is why I'm still on this forum. This is just a really nice site with lots of nice people. Plus I kind of know the regulars. It's a warm friendly place for me.

I like to read and I like to comment when I think I've got something helpful to say. It's a kind of service, I guess. It's a kind of past-time too. For me, it's not about keeping myself reminded about alcohol at all.

Also, it's not my perspective that I was somehow defective because of alcohol and now I've got to treat myself and get to a point of being better or "fixed". The whole thing is a journey - the drinking and the recovery - and everyday is about improving myself in some way. Becoming a better person isn't a hassle to me.
MissPerfumado is offline  
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to MissPerfumado For This Useful Post:
biminiblue (07-09-2018), cotwo (07-09-2018), Hevyn (07-09-2018), Rar (07-09-2018), Tatsy (07-09-2018), Trelkovsky (07-10-2018), Verdantia (07-09-2018), WeaverBird (07-09-2018)
Old 07-09-2018, 07:12 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 514
Cotwo, getting a Masters is a great example - you committed yourself to something for a preset period of two years (presumably) followed by a potential lifetime of pursuing ventures in that field! In other words, more learning about that subject and all things that encompass it. Yes, now it’s called a “career” and you’re paid for your work, but you’re learning and contributing to it at the same time. I had to apply this exact kind of analogy to my sobriety.

It doesn’t mean it has to take over your life. But you can’t pull a sort of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind phenomenon on your brain and erase thoughts of alcohol (if you find a way let me know!!!) Like I said, it pops into my mind when simple things happen, like passing a liquor store, seeing an ad on TV, being around people who are drinking and having fun. It’s everywhere, and for me there is still part of me that is mourning the chapter of my life during which I could looking forward to a night of craziness involving getting drunk. That sounds absurd, but acknowledging that is part of my process. I know I can’t go back to that, so I seek out the help I need to stay on track.

Just be realistic and honest with yourself and you’ll be fine :-)
VigilanceNow is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to VigilanceNow For This Useful Post:
biminiblue (07-09-2018), cotwo (07-09-2018), Gottalife (07-09-2018), Hevyn (07-09-2018), Rar (07-09-2018), Trelkovsky (07-10-2018), Verdantia (07-09-2018)
Old 07-09-2018, 07:14 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
DreamCatcher17's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,435
Step 12 in AA:
“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result
of these steps, we tried to carry this message to
alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all
our affairs.”

The old-timers are here to guide and help the newbies. I am sure it also helps them greatly to be of service and also it keeps them in recovery to not be complacent.
DreamCatcher17 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to DreamCatcher17 For This Useful Post:
Gottalife (07-09-2018), Hevyn (07-09-2018), least (07-09-2018), Verdantia (07-09-2018)
Old 07-09-2018, 07:15 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Babylon
Posts: 37
Originally Posted by MissPerfumado View Post
I'm 2.5 years sober so not a super-long time in the scheme of things. But my thoughts FWIW.

I like coming to SR which is why I'm still on this forum. This is just a really nice site with lots of nice people. Plus I kind of know the regulars. It's a warm friendly place for me.

I like to read and I like to comment when I think I've got something helpful to say. It's a kind of service, I guess. It's a kind of past-time too. For me, it's not about keeping myself reminded about alcohol at all.

Also, it's not my perspective that I was somehow defective because of alcohol and now I've got to treat myself and get to a point of being better or "fixed". The whole thing is a journey - the drinking and the recovery - and everyday is about improving myself in some way. Becoming a better person isn't a hassle to me.
This is actually where i think i was going with this. It seems that a lot of people in recovery, made recovery a hobby. I am not one, to want to make this a hobby. I would love to help people if i could, but i am just not interested in helping people in addiction for life.

I respect that you can do this, for myself it would cause anxiety. People sign up to become a priest, and have a choice. If that makes any sense.
cotwo is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to cotwo For This Useful Post:
Hevyn (07-09-2018), Rar (07-09-2018), Tatsy (07-09-2018), Trelkovsky (07-10-2018)
Old 07-09-2018, 07:16 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 572
About 4 weeks ago, after a 2 week binge, I decided I was done: with both addiction and with recovery.

I haven't been to a meeting since, and I haven't felt more liberated.

In the months preceding that binge, I went to meetings fairly regularly.

I had immersed myself, to my detriment, in recovery.

Recovery, I have learned, is an addiction in its own right.
daredevil is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to daredevil For This Useful Post:
cotwo (07-09-2018), Hevyn (07-09-2018), Tatsy (07-09-2018), Trelkovsky (07-10-2018)
Old 07-09-2018, 07:18 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Babylon
Posts: 37
Originally Posted by DreamCatcher17 View Post
Step 12 in AA:
“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result
of these steps, we tried to carry this message to
alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all
our affairs.”

The old-timers are here to guide and help the newbies. I am sure it also helps them greatly to be of service and also it keeps them in recovery to not be complacent.
Yeah.. Step 12 is the entire reason why AA would not work for someone like me. I don't want to help others for life, not to sound selfish, it just not something i want to persue.
cotwo is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to cotwo For This Useful Post:
Hevyn (07-09-2018), Tatsy (07-09-2018), tomsteve (07-09-2018)
Old 07-09-2018, 07:19 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Learning to live again
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 41,139
Valuable discussion - thanks, Cotwo.

Speaking only for myself - I've found there have been several stages. In the beginning months I was absolutely terrified of relapse, since I had practically destroyed my life. I clung to every bit of advice, did everything that was suggested. As I grew more confident & began to trust myself a bit - I relaxed a little. Remaining vigilant is imperative - & we all have our own way of doing that. SR has been enough for me - and I'm 10+ years sober. I know others who feel a regular AA meeting is necessary. Drinking/not drinking was on my mind constantly in the beginning - but rarely does it cross my mind these days except for when I'm here.
Hevyn is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Hevyn For This Useful Post:
least (07-09-2018), Rar (07-09-2018), Tatsy (07-09-2018), topspin (07-09-2018), Trelkovsky (07-10-2018), WeaverBird (07-09-2018)
Old 07-09-2018, 07:22 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: eastern USA
Posts: 84,852
Blog Entries: 32
I'm over 8 yrs sober and I come here to offer support to newcomers. Also, it reminds me of what I escaped from and never want to go back to.
least is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to least For This Useful Post:
AnvilheadII (07-09-2018), Hevyn (07-09-2018), Rar (07-09-2018), Tatsy (07-09-2018), Trelkovsky (07-10-2018), Verdantia (07-09-2018), WeaverBird (07-09-2018)
Old 07-09-2018, 07:29 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Babylon
Posts: 37
Originally Posted by least View Post
I'm over 8 yrs sober and I come here to offer support to newcomers. Also, it reminds me of what I escaped from and never want to go back to.
I am thankful for the support and knowledge to help newcomers such as myself, but is this something you NEED to do for yourself to stay on track? or is it something you CHOOSE to make a hobby?
cotwo is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to cotwo For This Useful Post:
Hevyn (07-09-2018)
Old 07-09-2018, 07:29 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
DreamCatcher17's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,435
Originally Posted by cotwo View Post
Yeah.. Step 12 is the entire reason why AA would not work for someone like me. I don't want to help others for life, not to sound selfish, it just not something i want to persue.
It actually does sound very selfish, but totally your choice to not help people.
Hopefully, you'll continue to at least help yourself.
DreamCatcher17 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to DreamCatcher17 For This Useful Post:
Hevyn (07-09-2018), WeaverBird (07-09-2018)
Old 07-09-2018, 07:32 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Babylon
Posts: 37
Originally Posted by DreamCatcher17 View Post
It actually does sound very selfish, but totally your choice to not help people.
Hopefully, you'll continue to at least help yourself.
I would love to help people for as long as i choose too. Step 12 forces you into life long service. My goal would be to get recovery, do some service to help, then retire, and have nothing to do with anything alcohol related.
cotwo is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to cotwo For This Useful Post:
Tatsy (07-09-2018), tomsteve (07-09-2018)
Old 07-09-2018, 07:36 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Canine Welfare Advocate
 
doggonecarl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,567
Blog Entries: 22
Diabetes can be kept manageable by changes in diet, exercise, and lifestyle that become part of your daily life.

Same with heart disease.

So what's wrong with daily regimen that would keep your alcoholism in remission?
doggonecarl is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to doggonecarl For This Useful Post:
Deserto (07-09-2018), Trelkovsky (07-10-2018), Verdantia (07-09-2018), WeaverBird (07-09-2018)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:36 AM.