CRRHCC

The main navigational tools in life are values and purpose. When your values trump your addiction, there is no addiction.

cotwo

Medical diagnosis are not comparable to mental alcoholism in my opinion. This is a screwing that we did to ourselves, and should not require constant medications to fix the problem, or keep it at bay. Simply never drinking again with no exceptions is enough for most cases to physically recover from this.

doggonecarl

Well then, seems you've answered you own question. Just don't drink and you'll be fine.

But you also wrote:

If you are struggling now, sober, how long will "just not drinking" be sustainable?

dwtbd

I'd say the ceremony is a very small and private graduation, and it happens in the place between your ears. I think the recovery ends you grant yourself graduate status when you know as an adult you can x,y or z all you want , but you Don't .

I'm not a web social media user, SR is worth while pursuit in helping real world people with real world problems .

I consider myself recovered and like to think I can help someone else 'graduate'.

I'm an AVRT -er, great threads here on SR in the Secular Recovery section on those ideas. I try and help by telling others to look at the ideas that resonated with me , how to recognition, separate from and dismiss their AV , in order to graduate themselves.

I think , given your OP, those ideas may well resonate with you too, check'em out.

andyh

you don't have to make that choice now. if you find you need help then SR & all the various support programs will still be here. if you don't need help, then don't use them.

I've been sober a year and a bit. I don't feel the *need* to come on here, but it's not a chore, it's mostly pretty friendly & it can be nice to encourage or help people who are struggling if I can, but it's not compulsory.

I suspect I'll probably drift away at some point, but it's not something I need to think about now.

cotwo

If will be sustainable for ever. I made the decision to never drink again, for any reason, with ZERO exceptions. Yes its not easy, but its not a choice any more, so the initial question was, does this Journey ever end? Not the drinking part, the thought of it. Even posting after having years of sobriety, is still being involved in addiction in some way. Seems there isn't away for addiction to completely go away.

ScottFromWI

I'm getting a sense you want to have your cake and eat it too Cotwo. By that I mean you want to dictate the outcome of your sobriety journey - which is certainly possible to an extent. But a big lesson I had to learn in sobriety was a little humility too.

I am about 5 and a half years sober myself, and I certainly don't spend nearly as much time on daily "sobriety work" as I used to. The bulk of the time I do spend on it is here on SR reading and helping others. In my regular daily life outside of SR, drinking really doesn't come into my mind much at all anymore. So you definitely can get to that point.

I think that it's foolhardy to assume that one can just be "cured" and never think about it again though. You only have to read the forums here to see those who do so and end up going right back to drinking. I fell victim to that myself after a stretch of about 6 months sober, thinking I was fine. I started having a few NA beers now and then, and then one day I decided it would be OK to just have one regular beer at a family reunion. Within a week I was back to drinking 8-12 beers a day or more.

So long story short, you need to find a balance. And it's entirely possible to do so - I would not trade my life now for anything.

LunaBlue

Two thoughts: My SMART recovery leader does not think you have to attend meetings for life. He thinks once you develop hobbies, work out the issues that caused the drinking in the first place, and heal yourself mentally and physically, that you can drop off in attending meetings. He says, “If you find something better to do than attend a meeting, please do it!” Don’t be tied down by meetings. Don’t skip exercise because of a meeting, don’t skip a family function or coffee date with a friend. Of course, he loves it when you stop in for a meeting once in awhile and share your success story with the newbies.

That being said, my second thought is that alcohol will *never* go away. It’s in our stores, restaurants, on tv, on billboards, at parties, weddings etc. Sure you don’t have to dwell on it every day for the rest of your life, but I guarantee you’ll see something every day regarding alcohol. I too wish alcohol would just disappear.

markinny

the best thing someone said to me at AA was it's all about balance. if you're doing it to the point you're getting a resentment then obviously that wouldn't be a good thing. sometimes it takes awhile to find that balance. there's some at AA that I know that live it 24/7 and others who who don't. they're the ones that have what I want. i'm doing much better today now that I found the balance that works for me.

Ladysadie

Cotwo - your topic of discussion is certainly thought provoking. I guess there is no "one size fits all" with regard to living life, making choices, and doing whatever floats your boat so-to-speak. When you commented that you earned your masters degree and finished with your schooling I could certainly relate to that goal. However, being a senior citizen now I find I am not done learning, find it a lifelong journey in challenging my mind and staying active (mentally and physically). I have a Native American friend who is in his 70s and an elder in his tribe, and he is constantly involved in his AA brotherhood, as that is the bonding and supportive community he wishes to navigate in. Some people are more inclined to "pay it forward" than others. If this is something you see no value in, by all means don't question your calling towards other things or interests. There is no wrong way to do one's life. Our journeys are personal for each one of us. Wishing you peace and success with your adventures in the world.

cotwo

I am not looking for this thread to get derailed into recovery methods. I might of been mistaken by the idea of my original question could be answered here. I guess i am seeking an answer to a question that just does not exist. It seems like the answer is that the journey never ends.

It just pisses me off that i have spent 25 years drunk, and now i need to persue the never ending journey, of constant recovery/addiction talk.

I guess i am being unrealistic in my thought process along the lines of my motorcycle addiction. I was heavily addicted to everything motorcycle related, reading and studying bikes every single day. One day i sold my bike and quit. I have never been to another motorcycle forum ever again, or thought about riding. I was assuming that alcoholism would be the same way. Addiction is addiction.

markinny

you're overthinking it.

dwtbd

Who says it can't be just like the bike thing ?
I think it's just like it.

cotwo

I mean you climb a mountain with a group. You get to the top of the mountain, sure your gonna want to help the group get to the top too. So you stand at the peak motivating people to push on. Will you stand at the top throwing ropes for the rest of your life? or would you eventually want to get off the mountain, and say the goal is accomplished, and move on to the next greatest thing to do.

This is what my brain has been circulating with at 5 months sober. Its crazy.

nez

Breathing is second nature to me. I almost never actively think about it but it happens anyway. It doesn't require constant vigilance on my part nor does it dominate my thought processes. I gladly participate in it though.

Recovery (and or not drinking) is second nature to me. I almost never actively think about it but it happens anyway. It doesn't require constant vigilance on my part nor does it dominate my thought processes. I gladly participate in it though.

biminiblue

Well if you are still struggling with it, just examine that part. If you've been spending too much time with it in your own opinion, nothing can stop you from putting down all the ruminating about it. It's your life, your journey, your inner landscape.

I quit smoking one day 25 years ago. I don't ever feel a need to pick up a cigarette, I wasn't involved in any formal quit smoking recovery. Cigarettes and alcohol are very different though. Motorcycles and alcohol - also very different.

I think you can put as much or as little into this as you want or need. In the end it is a one-time irrevocable decision and if you struggle with any part of that, then there are many people who do choose to stay engaged with those other people who are still struggling. We're all different and it's a fluid process.

andyh

if that works for you, then do that. if you can quit drinking & go about your life, then more power to you, but many people need a bit more help.

by asking on SR, you're asking people who mostly weren't able to just quit & be done with it, so the responses you get are probably going to reflect that.

even AA describes recovery as "a bridge to normal living".

ScottFromWI

A lot of things in life **** me off. Paying bills, doing things at work that other people should have done, my kids not doing their homework or cleaning their rooms, the list goes on and on. But that doesn't mean I stop doing them to satisfy my ego. I keep doing them because I know it's the necessary and right thing to do.

Sobriety is no different. And you don't have to be involved in "constant recovery/addiction" talk. If you'd re-read the responses you are getting you'd find that most are telling you that things will improve and you won't need to be as engrossed in it as time goes on.

I get it - you don't like it. But think of the alternatives - go back and read some of your previous posts. Is doing some occasional work helping others really worse than your life when you were drinking?

dcg

You're way overthinking this. In Russel Brand's book, he said it took him five years and two days to work step 4. More specifically, five years putting it off and two days to do it. He stayed sober for five years based on the first three steps until he was ready to work step 4.

I mean, it's entirely possible by the time you reach step 12 you may change your position on things. If not, then stay sober and don't do step 12. It's not like your options when you reach step 12 are to either do the step or start drinking again.

That's my 2c as a person who is not in AA.

Fusion

Hi Cotwo, I climbed to the top of the mountain peak after more than twenty years of drinking, daily, the last five of which I drank all day; so a pretty strong addiction. After trying meetings, I joined SR and found a permanent abstinence based recovery method, which suited me, because after losing so many years to addiction, I had no wish to swop it for another.

Once at the mountain peak, when I stopped drinking forever 8/9 September 2016, I threw ropes down to other newbies who were struggling, mostly in Secular Connections, sometimes the Newcomers and Alcoholism forums. I found it increasingly difficult though, because I wasn’t counting days and attending meetings, and was met with resistance and negativity that one couldn’t ‘just stop drinking’ and that one required life-long Recovery and meetings.

But my experience proved otherwise, on the drinking front: it’s over. That’s not to say I’ve solved life’s problems and as I try to achieve life goals I’ve set myself (after years of stagnating and wallowing) I read self-help books and conduct research into how the brain works and how to optimise it for equanimity and the peace that engenders; and consequently I’m thriving, post-addiction.

To summarise after waffling, my stopping drinking forever was an event, or end of journey. Improving my life, post-addiction morass, is a wonderful new journey. Why am I still here? Not to stop drinking, but I hold out hope, as I read, that one day, I’ll find someone like I used to be, for whom my solution to quitting drinking, summarily, for ever, might work. But my reading time is limited as I rebuild my life and I don’t post as frequently as I used to. Plus I cut down on posting, after achieving my mountain summit, because I often felt as though I was shouting into the wind.