Escaping reality Weekender 10 - 12th March
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, weekenders.
I successfully escaped reality during this weekend watching Spartacus tv series. Considering the amount of wine they consumed, I wonder if Romans ever asked each other "Marcus Lucretius, I think I have a problem".
I finally ordered a flush toilet and a bathtub today. It is to be delivered by the end of the week. So I hope I will move to my apartment within a month. I've also bought a sleeping bag.
Speaking of Spartacus, I think the next few months of my life will be called something like "Stoic era" because I will be able to afford just a bare minimum - no bed, no table, no kitchen - just a roof over head.
See you all)
I successfully escaped reality during this weekend watching Spartacus tv series. Considering the amount of wine they consumed, I wonder if Romans ever asked each other "Marcus Lucretius, I think I have a problem".
I finally ordered a flush toilet and a bathtub today. It is to be delivered by the end of the week. So I hope I will move to my apartment within a month. I've also bought a sleeping bag.
Speaking of Spartacus, I think the next few months of my life will be called something like "Stoic era" because I will be able to afford just a bare minimum - no bed, no table, no kitchen - just a roof over head.
See you all)
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
I really wanted to go to the gym and then I got there and I wanted to leave the entire time. I had to force myself to walk for 40 minutes. All I could think about was chicken fajitas, so I'm gonna cook some now. And eventually I will get to my homework and hopefully get it done by 9 and hit the rack early.
saoutchik
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,206
It is really good to see you back on Weekenders MidnightBlue, I hope month by month you will be able to add things to your new apartment starting with a mattress as sleep is important. You are doing amazingly well at building a new life.
Well done on going to the gym Brenda, I am sure the effort will help you get a better night's sleep.
Well done on going to the gym Brenda, I am sure the effort will help you get a better night's sleep.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,010
My mother and I had a blazing row yesterday. She said something to me which I found incredibly offensive - she is well able to dig the knife in good and sharp when it suits - and I snapped and called her 'a vicious old hag'. As soon as I said it I regretted it. Then she told me not to bother coming home at weekends as I add nothing to the family.
There was a time in my life when I would have cried at the above but now I don't. She asked me to apologise but I said "why should I? I am not sorry". But I was kind of because my dad gets stress when we are fighting and I cannot add to his problems.
As usual when my mom attacks me like that there is usually some other reason but I have to bear the brunt of it as always. Something to do with the funeral of a distant relative this week.
She hates going to these things. All I her family are the exact same. She told me herself at one time that until she met my dad and had dinner with his family she didn't know that families could sit down and have a nice meal together and not be shouting and fighting all the time.
We did make up of sorts before I left and my dad said "of course you are welcome home anytime".
I surprised myself at the red hot rage I felt bubbling over inside me. I don't get angry really. Sometimes people say "you are quite easy going". The other time was with all the trouble over my Grandmothers will, my aunt threw us out of the house and I told her she could "go 'F' herself". There's a lot more to the story than that but I won't go into it again as some of you guys have hears it all before.
Anyway I got back to mine. After inspecting the base of the bed there were a few dead bedbugs on the seams. They don't seem to have gone through the mattress, it seems to be the base only. I re-made it with all these sheets I bought and I slept reasonably well. No new bites yet anyway.
I'm tired and fed up. My life is full of people who are just very hard work. My mother drives me insane.
There was a time in my life when I would have cried at the above but now I don't. She asked me to apologise but I said "why should I? I am not sorry". But I was kind of because my dad gets stress when we are fighting and I cannot add to his problems.
As usual when my mom attacks me like that there is usually some other reason but I have to bear the brunt of it as always. Something to do with the funeral of a distant relative this week.
She hates going to these things. All I her family are the exact same. She told me herself at one time that until she met my dad and had dinner with his family she didn't know that families could sit down and have a nice meal together and not be shouting and fighting all the time.
We did make up of sorts before I left and my dad said "of course you are welcome home anytime".
I surprised myself at the red hot rage I felt bubbling over inside me. I don't get angry really. Sometimes people say "you are quite easy going". The other time was with all the trouble over my Grandmothers will, my aunt threw us out of the house and I told her she could "go 'F' herself". There's a lot more to the story than that but I won't go into it again as some of you guys have hears it all before.
Anyway I got back to mine. After inspecting the base of the bed there were a few dead bedbugs on the seams. They don't seem to have gone through the mattress, it seems to be the base only. I re-made it with all these sheets I bought and I slept reasonably well. No new bites yet anyway.
I'm tired and fed up. My life is full of people who are just very hard work. My mother drives me insane.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
That never happens to me. That's my greatest gift in life, my ability to hold back from saying mean regrettable things. My mother doesn't have the same gift, unfortunately.
Maybe it comes from growing up bullied, I detest name calling, and even in my own mind I don't assign terms like that to people. It's I don't like her, she doesn't like me, stuff like that. So I'd never be able to blurt those things out loud, because they just aren't in my vocabulary. Even if someone is a heinous bitch, and I've met a few.
Maybe it comes from growing up bullied, I detest name calling, and even in my own mind I don't assign terms like that to people. It's I don't like her, she doesn't like me, stuff like that. So I'd never be able to blurt those things out loud, because they just aren't in my vocabulary. Even if someone is a heinous bitch, and I've met a few.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
My oldest brother's wife just left him.. he has major mental health issues, to where at 35 years old, he can't function in society, not without someone taking care of him.. and I knew weeks before my mother did, my mom just found out today.. I was worried that there would be a possibility of him coming to live with us. Turns out there isn't.
He won't reach out to me for help, and as much as he's hurt me, as much as he's played a role in my becoming the dysfunctional adult that I am, if he asked me to help him, I would. I will pray every day that he doesn't!
I wonder if all families are as discombobulated as ours is.. I'm sure they probably are.
My mother also mentioned that our neighbor, who used to work in the office at the home care agency I used to work for, asked about me and wanted to know why I'd left that agency.. So I ended up, again, spouting my BS version of the story to my mother and when she left to go out and I came upstairs, I cried over it yet again, because I'm just so frustrated that my drinking and emotional problems hurt people and ruined relationships and that I continue to lie to protect myself..
He won't reach out to me for help, and as much as he's hurt me, as much as he's played a role in my becoming the dysfunctional adult that I am, if he asked me to help him, I would. I will pray every day that he doesn't!
I wonder if all families are as discombobulated as ours is.. I'm sure they probably are.
My mother also mentioned that our neighbor, who used to work in the office at the home care agency I used to work for, asked about me and wanted to know why I'd left that agency.. So I ended up, again, spouting my BS version of the story to my mother and when she left to go out and I came upstairs, I cried over it yet again, because I'm just so frustrated that my drinking and emotional problems hurt people and ruined relationships and that I continue to lie to protect myself..
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
One thing mom and I agree on is that we're not unique in that regard.
I also noticed, kind of for the first time solidly, that my mother has respect for me.
Wow. Only took 32 years for mutual respect to settle in. lol
I also noticed, kind of for the first time solidly, that my mother has respect for me.
Wow. Only took 32 years for mutual respect to settle in. lol
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
Aaaaaand my dear brother is in the process of being 302'd currently. Speaking of "escaping reality"!
I'm not getting my homework done any quicker this way.. but I will say I'm glad I'm not drinking tonight.. I want to be on the sane side of this family, lmao..
I'm not getting my homework done any quicker this way.. but I will say I'm glad I'm not drinking tonight.. I want to be on the sane side of this family, lmao..
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by PhoenixJ 
bb- I do not think any time spent at SR is a waste or too much. Truth b/t- I have been thinking why I just do not feel the love at AA, as here. This is real time- it is real people. AA meetings are sometimes just that- a formal meeting, with little interaction. Good for the stop drinking bit. Here, for me is better for learning and growing.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by PhoenixJ
I leave it on all day, then do stuff as well- domestics, art, garden (actually pots)- recovery work, journal, writing, cooking good stuff, reading. Like having the radio on- just good to have it there. I also keep a running to do list and a progressive journal- not just daily. Helps?
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Tetra, I admire your composure. I'd probably have snapped and called her a vicious old hag years ago. It's a crying shame you have to put up with her in order to see your father.
I have heard that bedbugs are tremendously hard to get rid of--you might need professional fumigation. I'm sorry your landlord is such a cheap schmuck. Maybe you can show him the live bedbug and insist he call an exterminator in.
I have heard that bedbugs are tremendously hard to get rid of--you might need professional fumigation. I'm sorry your landlord is such a cheap schmuck. Maybe you can show him the live bedbug and insist he call an exterminator in.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by BixBees505
Been meeting with docs, caregivers, etc today. Now visiting my Dad.
It is all pretty unknown and disheartening.
It is all pretty unknown and disheartening.
I'm out for the night. Take care, all.
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