saoutchik

Some truly great posts on this thread, such a wealth of insight and experience, I am honoured to be on this thread with you guys.

I have been up since the early hours and am now just outside the town of Shrewsbury. Beautiful morning so far.

STDragon

Morning all. Saoutchik, do you hail from the north of London area? Ever been down to Great Chart? I was born there. Tho my family left for Canada when I was 2 years old so I don't have much claim 'cept the British blood in my veins.

STDragon

I'm suppose to be flying to Toronto this afternoon for a one day business trip. They took a really good winter storm pounding on Monday, high winds today, gusting to 70kmh. Not good for landings.

redfalcon

Def not the first nor the last Asa. I only made a few months my first proper go, and then went into a spiral for almost 2 more years!!!!!! The thing is, like you, I think that's what I needed. I am not recommending anyone else do this - ha ha. The reason I share it, is at the end of that time I was utterly defeated and in no doubt at all that I had a problem. The emptiness and futility of the life I was leading was in neon lights before my eyes. My drinking very quickly got to a worse spot than where it was at at the end of my drinking.

I like to think that that was my last drink, one day at a time. Any time I have a flash thought about drinking, I play it forward to where 1 drink will lead me and know that drinking is no longer an option for me. It is something I ruined, and cannot be trusted to do. And I am cool with that. In fact, I am just starting to truly enjoy my life in sobriety. I am getting allot more out of this than simply not drinking!!

Gilmer

Asa and Redfalcon,

I gave up drinking altogether on my own about ten years ago. I lasted about two months--then wound up drinking more heavily for years.

Then I found the support of SR and I found not only useful sobriety strategies ("tools"), but different points of view that offered different (and better) motivation.

I relapsed once--but I was soon disgusted and stopped after 10 days. SR was my regular diet.

Six months later I dealt poorly with stress and anger and drank again--but this time I thought better of it after one day and I haven't bothered to drink since (three years).

The point is that support makes a real difference to getting and maintaining sobriety. Listening carefully to my support system and learning from their experience was critical to my success.

biminiblue

I'm done with rain. Done, I tell you.

Yeah, I'm resorting to talking about the weather because cabin fever. I live on a river and there are flood warnings (not on my river, but it is flying by and at high levels.)

Eagle baby has disappeared, I can't believe how many people are upset . . .I mean, this was the goal all along. I guess people just go looking for stuff to get mad about.

Oh, yeah. That used to be me with my type-type-type staccato online lashings. Being a drinker brought out all my worst negative thoughts, "How can I get even? Don't they know I'm right? I'll show him/her. What an idiot." Ugh. I see a lot of that type vitriol being spewed right now on the eagle forum, and apparently they don't have the kind and intelligent moderators that this site does.

Since I quit drinking I've actively searched for ways to stay calm and centered and I keep stumbling across the adage, "There is only love or fear." The first time I read/heard that, I thought, "Huh?" but now I see it is true.

saoutchik

I am indeed from north east London STDragon, I have not been to Great Chart, it is near the Eurotunnel Terminal at Ashford in Kent i believe, a nice part of the world.

biminiblue that is bizarre about the eaglet, what were they expecting.

I hope Solarion reads this, among other places I visited Portmeirion today aka "The Village" in cult TV series The Prisoner. I have a long drive home but will post a couple of pics either tonight or on the new thread.

Gilmer

I hear you, Bim.

For many people, it seems that their whole identity is founded in the ability to sit on a throne and criticize.

It's sad: it's as if that's the only way they know that they're making a ripple in the universe.

I criticize: therefore I am!

BrendaChenowyth

Speaking of escaping reality.. lately I can go a few days at a time without drinking, but then when given the opportunity to drink, I just don't care, frankly.. I'm back in this place where I drink when I feel like it and don't drink when I don't feel like it..

I know that making the decision to quit is never again going to feel as good as it did last August. I am never going to have the same amount of personal growth available to me in such a short amount of time, because I got some sober time, and I tackled so many of the issues that I'd been carrying around for a life time. It was really painful, and really fulfilling work that I now don't have to do again. It's been done. It was so much fun finding the person I was underneath all the crap and garbage.. and I've lost her again, but I don't know where to look now..

I'm rambling and not making much sense. I need to study, I have a test tomorrow that supposedly historically is the hardest one of this semester, but we'll see. I'd have to REALLY tank it to take my average down to where it's unsalvagable.. but anything is possible with me. I did dream last night I failed it.

I also dreamed my mother caught me pouring a glass of wine and was just like "Put my wine back" with mild annoyance in her voice.. unless you know about some of the blow outs we've had, you don't understand how weird this dream was..

biminiblue

...BC, this is your addiction talking - all of this.

You absolutely have more growing to do - it is never finished. I'm much older than you and have seen much more and I'm still learning. It's never "done."

I hope you'll put it down again. This, "Now I know why," stuff? That makes no sense. You drink because you're addicted to the buzz, the numbing, the quieting of your thoughts etc. The trick is not needing that, not needing to shut up your brain. That's what I had to figure out. I hope you will reach out for IRL help before you go back to where you were before August.

biminiblue

The eagle has landed. It's on a tree about a hundred yards from the nest, and just a few feet lower. Just a matter of being hungry enough and needing some safety and rest from its big overnight adventure.

It's flying well.

Come home, get fed.

saoutchik

bibiniblue makes a very good point Brenda. I think you are doing better than you give yourself credit for.

I'm glad the eagle was fine, i thought it likely.

Gilmer, sadly you are right. Some people are only validated by pointing their finger at someone else.

I hope your trip to Toronto geos well SoberT.

I am back from Portmeirion, amazing day, amazing place.

BrendaChenowyth

You think I'm doing better than I give myself credit for. His post doesn't describe the same thing.

saoutchik

Her post. I should clarify I meant about your job and studying Brenda, not biminiblue's post and definitely not the drinking.

Tetra

I can't relax in this bed now. I spoke to my dad on the phone and he says I'm being ridiculous because (a) to be fair since we did the clean up I've seen a reduction in the bugs and (b) he reminded me that I have been complaining of bites for months now. That I went to the GP and various chemists and they told me I had scabies, and I was quite happy to sleep here until last week when I showed the photos to a few people and they said it was bedbugs.

Anyway I wanted to go to Dublin for a few days but now I'm in two minds about going. Should I go to Dublin for a break and get away from this situation for a couple of days or I could go to my parents for my week off and save my money for a deposit on a new place? I can't decide.

Work was funny today. I was wearing a striped top and another girl came on wearing a jacket with the exact same stripes so the one doctor who I usually try to avoid (he is a bit of a loud mouth but good natured at times) loudly pointed this out to everyone who came in. He said "did you two not text each other this morning?" And everyone was laughing. Sometimes all you can do is laugh along

Actually I was there last week when he got an emergency call from the ED. A patient had arrived by ambulance who had been gorged by a bull. Unfortunately the patient passed away. And I think I have problems. It is a hard world out there.

BrendaChenowyth

Things get confusing in chat threads when quoting isn't happening

I want to study but.. I don't know what, of the material that is on the test, my weak areas are that I need to study. I don't know what is going to be asked that I do not already know. This entire semester is all review for me since I was in another nursing program and had to drop out and start afresh.. But nursing exams are really weird because no matter how much you know, it's all about thinking critically. Each question is a mini scenario you've never encountered before, with four different ways the nurse might respond. In most cases, you can eliminate two and the two that are left are very close, but one is a little more correct, or one takes a slightly higher priority. In a lot of cases, the nurse employs all four interventions and in a real life situation would not think about which one is most important, you just do all of it.

Tetra

And this Friday is St. Patrick's Day. I will definitely be leaving town for that. The last time I made the mistake of being in town on St. Patrick's day it was crazy.

petals

Odd... my goodmorning post doesn't seem to be here....
Anyway I must now wish you all goodnight.
Saou .... such a lovely place to visit. Are you on holiday?
Hugs xx

STDragon

Here I am in Toronto, I'm with my boss who doesn't drink. So we check in, drop our stuff off in our rooms and head down for supper, It's already past 8:30 by now. and who do we run into? A bunch of guys we work with back in Winnipeg! (here on a different project than us.) And they were loaded. I got offered a drink several times but there wasn't even an inkling of desire. (Yay me). But boy could you ever smell the booze coming off them. I guess it's like cigarettes, you don't smell it when your smoking. A bit of a shock running into these guys.

BrendaChenowyth

I facebook friend requested the woman whose husband I've been in love with since November 2015.