saoutchik

Are you OK Bix?

BixBees505

I'm not ok but I don't have to drink. Just rough times going on here. Feels unreal. I don't know if I'm doing right, being right, thinking right.

It's life. It's my turn. Grateful I can be present. In all my doubtful glory.

saoutchik

I'm sure you are doing right BixBees, don't try to please everybody else at the expense of yourself.

Dee74

Like I say Bix all we need to do is get though each day sober...it doesn't always have to be graceful

I understand the stress of pressures of your situation - it's one with a lot of fear.

If you've got things you want to talk about, this is a good safe place to do that

D

biminiblue

Bix, if this is about your dad, I don't think it's easy no matter how it goes. There are no right decisions and there is no user guide. There is only love.

I've lost all my older family members and it was confusing and difficult every time they got ill. I never knew for sure what the right thing was. Still don't.

Tetra

I am sorry to keep harping on about my problems as I know that there are many of you who have things a lot harder than I do.
As usual I have my candle lighting for all of us tonight.
I must say that since my dad and I did the clean up, I have only seen one bug. However I said something similar last night and then...
My dad showed me photos on line of them crawling out of plug holes and everything. At least it is not as bad as that... yet.
I am in a better space than I was this time last year for example. I have a job and I can find another place hopefully.
The thing is that if the sheet even touches my leg I automatically think it's a bug!
Anyway blessings to you all.

LadyBlue0527

No apologies needed for posting about situations here and feeling bad, that's part of what this is all about. My thoughts are with everyone who's having it tough right now.

LadyBlue0527

I had to think this one through before I posted. I'll hear friends talking about going to have a few drinks and am realistic. That's not me, I can't do that. No such thing as a few drinks. I go right to the last disaster in my head and remind myself there are people out there who can drink normally. That's good for them, again, not me. I respect their right to be able to do that.

Then, I see something like this and I have to be honest, it irritates me. My cousin's son is in a theater group in Atlanta. Check out their latest venture:

I actually had to read the above twice because I wasn't believing my eyes the first time through.

There were questions about someone drinking that much and then handling a sword to which the reply was:

My skin is crawling. I even tried to think "Ok, you might have found this funny back when you were drinking". My head is having a hard time comprehending someone drinking enough to make themselves sloshed for the entertainment of a paying audience.

Does anyone else see anything wrong with this or is it just me due to my issues with alcohol?

Gilmer

I don't see the humor or entertainment in it--just seems awkward to me. I'd be looking at my watch if I were there!

Doug39

That is odd. But like you said - someone who is a drinker wouldn't think this was abnormal at all.

BrendaChenowyth

Apparently, getting drunk is the most hilarious thing ever.

Me, my stomach hurts reflexively when I drink about alcohol.

BixBees505

God bless you, Bim. You hit nail on head. Thank you.

Dee74

I see nothing redeeming in it LB, let alone amusing.
I wouldn't pay to see it, and if it as in my town, they'd get a letter.
I don't know thats true Doug.

I'm not against alcohol because I can't drink it. I'm not a prude or an alcohol zealot.

Alcohol can be used responsibly and I know that and accept it because I've seen it in other people.

There's nothing responsible about this idea tho.

I think you'll see some controversy and not just from alcoholics - which is probably what the organizers want anyway.

D.

Venecia

Hey Bix,

It's all right to be "not ok." Dealing with our aging parents and their medical declines is so hard. There's no way I could count Mom's hospitalizations, plus a few for Dad. Both are now gone.

We don't get to turn back the clock to when our parents were younger and healthier. Or ourselves. It's painful and frustrating and replete with uncertainty.

None of that is OK.

What matters is how we deal with "not ok." Yes, be present. It's something that will give you comfort in a later time. But remember self-care is essential. So is time away from the bedside.

And, of course, now more than ever is the time to hold on to sobriety tightly.

STDragon

Thanks for the excellent post LadyBlue. I need to be mindful of what's going on inside me. I fell off the pink cloud last week and hit the ground rather hard. I just need to dust myself off and pay attention to what I really need to keep myself sober and happy.

PhoenixJ

For me the wealth of experiences shared in the above posts rings true to me. Especially 'be present'. Dealing with the past means being able to be in a place- NOW, that is safe and where one can deal with the past without living in it. Dealing and learning from the past, while living very much in the present (with mindful informed choices) and planning for the future.

Asa

I know I'm not the first or the last but feeling good actually led me to it. Figured, oh maybe it won't be so bad this time, after all it's been a few weeks. Yeah, that was the dumb part of my brain talking. It's just as bad.

Maybe it's an experience I needed to have. I'm a binger, but whatever point the kindling has reached is beyond my ability to put up with without delving further down the rabbit hole of constant alcohol abuse. And I REFUSE to go there.

BixBees505

You people are my rock. And you also rock.

Sincere appreciation to you all. It matters a lot to me, and to those who love and depend on me, how I deal with things right now. I don't have a clue what I'm doing, to be sure, but whatever I do is done sober. "No user manual" as Bim said above. I might add, there is no net.

BixBees505

Hey yeah, Tetra! Send your landlord a packet of LIVE ones, with a little corner opened or torn, so he knows it is possible they have already escaped into his quarters. Write on the envelope..."here are 50 new friends for your research project" and then only put 4 or 5 in there.

So childish! What fun!!

BixBees505

This is first time in a few days that I find the distraction and jokes here a welcome relief. Self care is pretty nil at the moment. I'm either with dad or with mom, or picking up scripts and groceries and sundries, or talking about one or both of them with doctors....and the doctors are s#|+ for hopeful viewpoint. They are done, nothing more to do, they have NO skin in this end game where every pain free moment together is GOLD.