wpainterw

Aiko:
I don't understand why, in your condition, you thought it necessary to go to an all day conference at the University with a friend who has concerns about troubled teens. It's so obvious even to me thousands of miles away, and to others at your office that you are behaving very oddly, some of them thinking it's marijuana, some thinking it's too much coffee, and all of them wondering why you are acting this way. You are going through an outpatient detox from benzos and you are having a hard time. I doubt that anyone would disagree with that. And the dog- getting mixed up with the gear shift when you drive!
You need to be in a less stressful situation to make this work. I don't really understand the choice of a dog instead of a cat. There's a lot I don't understand but, like others, I care about you and I wish you well.

Bill

trachemys

Aiko, Kity seems to be good for you. I think you are succeeding. We are all a little crazy at times. A little crazy does not mean we need to do drugs. It just means a little crazy.

Dee74

I hope you have a good sober weekend Aiko

D

Soberwolf

Hi Sleepie x

Aiko

God I am doing it!!!
Is being really hard!!!
I am controlled with he pills daily and I am making a lot of effort,
I can go shopping!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! am behaving!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today I was counting the minutes till 4:00 now I got to wait till 8:00
and tomorrow at 9:00 collected for running... and then I get my pills for the day. we have deals each day... I trust him if he trusts me!!!
Give and Take!!!
If I see I am going to still or do something I tell him!
So he will not let me near the stock!

Regarding the dog: I got a belt for the dog for the back seat.
I am adapting...
The point is I have to work less hours, get up early and not drugged and to come home and have a responsibility and walk!
If it does not work then I will give it back, now is sleeping.

There has been too many changes too quickly!
But I started to feel am changing!!!!
I have taken so much for so so long my head needs time and is starting already to clear!
Please give me support, I know I do not do ordinary things,
but this is how I am.... everybody is different!!!

But started to have some hope!
That never felt it before!!!

Today I met this heroin addict,
my doc kept on telling me do not go near him...
He was a no way am stopping!!!!
So the family was collecting him from the centre.

So what do???? I do I go and start talk with him and his uncle in a patio... and indirectly giving him lectures with white glove. But his eyessss god... who knows maybe he remembers something.
He said to me he was aggressive... sooo so am I!!!

Go out with him to buy cigarettes.. and he buys only three loose fags as he was keeping the little money he had for the dose for when he escapes again... Is a pity he has a baby and he his head is just thinking NEXT DOSE!!!

What can I say I am counting minutes...

And yesterday I took a friend to the lecture all day because it was a present from me to her, with all my heart.
I took her so she could learn something to help her out, her son has Empreror´s syndrome. Two very important lecturers on the matter in Spain.

Two weeks ago I asked her to help me out :
She took me to the clinic the first day as I could not drive...
I never forget real friends.... and If I see I can help her out I do!!!
Does not matter how I am!
If I can help others.
Yesterday all day she took care of my pills on time
And we had a row in the car on the way back...
as I drive fast and she went mad mad mad!!!
At the end I was so tired I gave her the keys and would stop moaning!!!

Today I did sport on the beach again...
and I had a great time

Slowly but surely! fingers crossed x
Have a great weekend

wpainterw

Hi Aiko: Your last message gives me a lot of hope and cheers me up. Thank you so much! But watch out about the "fast" driving (I'm a big bore the way I keep talking about that but it's a very real risk when you are still detoxing). And be careful about the heroin guy. It's wonderful to try to help others and that's what life is really all about but to help others we have to take care of ourselves. The guy's a heroin addict and needs money. Risky for you right now to try to help him. Why not let some person who is farther into recovery help him.
Your head is starting to clear you say. This indicates that the upward climb is getting a little less steep. If you stick with it this will continue. Think of this as the best investment you've ever made. Getting back your real self. Getting a shot at the happiness you deserve. You can do this! You have my entire support and I'm sure the support of everyone on this website. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

Bill.

Everydaysabonus

Aiko I'm encouraged by the in eased coherence and positivity in your posts. Have a good weekend and try to see the good in small things, it's hard when you are suffering but it helps. Have a good weekend.

Soberwolf

sorry for calling you Sleepie Aiko my mind was on a pm at the time

thomas11

Take care of that dog Aiko. Sounds like you are doing better.

Aiko

Love you lots!!!!
Am on my mob.
I can not put Hearts!!!!

I will load a picture of k
Kitysoon

XO
Aiko

Soberwolf

Wishing you success in recovery you can do this Aiko we believe in you be as awesome as possible

Never stop trying Aiko xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

trachemys

You're doing it Aiko!

Hawkeye13

Glad to see you turning things around Aiko

wpainterw

Great Progess Aiko! Do keep it up! Now that you've got yourself on an upward path, make sure not to take anything for granted. It takes quite awhile for your physiology and neurology to change back to something more normal. Your AV sits there meanwhile trying to induce a slip or relapse.
You wrote, "Am on my mob. I can not put Hearts!!!!" Am puzzled at the "mob" reference. I thought Marlon Brando (The Godfather) was in Sicily, not Spain. As to "Hearts", is this a bridge bid, "putting" Hearts? I was never good at bridge, or golf, either. If there is anything that will drive a fellow to drink, it's golf. Is this why the Scots have a yen for Scotch whiskey!
Laugh a bit and take care of that dog (we call them "dawgs" down South in the U.S.)

Bill.

SoberLeigh

Aiko, there is so much progress and positivity reflected in your post - it brings me joy that your head is clearing and that you are finding joy in exercising. So much goodness awaits you in sobriety.

Stay the course my dear friend.

I'll write more when I am feeling better. I've been quite ill.

thomas11

Aiko? you hanging in there? How is the dog?

wpainterw

Yes, how is the dog? And how are you?

Bill.

SoberLeigh

Hope to hear from you soon, Aiko.

trachemys

Took me a minute. She's on her phone and can't do emojis.

wpainterw

I don't know what an "emojis" is! Whatever it is I can't do emojis either. There really is a limit to what I can do. Looking forward to some irises and lilies up here. It will settle me down. Thank God I don't have a craving to drink any more. It just doesn't occur to me. Honestly it's the greatest gift I ever received or gave myself. Something saying to me "It's going to be all right!"

W.