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Am Falling Again I got finally the holiday and am hiking... I lasted 3 day and starting mixing Mixing pills and drunk supposely free alcohol beer but I think it had slcohol. . Am disdy .am begging for ajoint know.. I am loosing the grip again... And sending mesalles to my sphiquiatrik to send me prescripton...so I can print it an get hold of more do am $##//^#$^&&&/ Yet sgain . I do not know what to do with myself... am sick I can not touch anythig I go for it... My friend just gave a chat ...... bla is not the way... bka... but my head suddenly takes over Am startkng to thing I have no solution .. I hate the way I am I do not change.. . Many too year touching all sorts... so I am going to finish off what I started tonight and tomortpw I eill b so upset.... rond and round agayn Mary go roung and put coins already to got in it! Am sick in the head...I want to cry. But am in a bed and breakfast with people arround. |
I got to the point where I was better off going to the hospital than drinking more. At what point do you think you will stop? |
Am in a village... am about to smoke.. mixed my pills. And goint yo moke pot... I got one already ... am disgracefull. Am sick in the head.. I hate myself. I hatd how dtupid I am... am sivk setiously I know it znd still do it :(. |
Aiko, I hope you make the decision to stop. Mixing alcohol and pills is obviously dangerous, so please go to a hospital and get help. |
Have someone take you to the hospital please Aiko. One of these days you won't have a chance to do so anymore. |
I'm sorry to read this Aiko. Beating yourself up does no good, especially if you're simply carrying on drinking taking pills and smoking. I really hope you decide to make a real change in your life. Whatever the void is you're trying to fill, drugs and booze will never do it. D |
I too suffered from severe cravings for all forms of escapism when I'd suffered 3 deaths in one year. It took me forever to escape the grasp of cannabis. What worked for me was I started vaping thus omitting the need for a lighter which led to an excuse not to smoke and ultimately led to an excuse not to go out to the smoking shelter which ultimately led to staying away from all sorts of corruption.. |
Time to stop now Aiko...it doesn't have to be a train wreck...you can stop now..you can do this!! Tell your addictive voice to get lost that you are running your life. Your addictive voice doesn't care about you...it only wants drugs and alcohol and there will never be enough alcohol or drugs to satisfy it.. The real you deserves a good life...don't get railroaded, tell your AV you are back in control. ♥ |
Aiko, maybe this is the further proof you needed that there's nothing in it for you anymore. It doesn't sound like you're enjoying yourself or relaxing. Please stop as soon as you possibly can, and let yourself get free. |
Aiko, go to the hospital. Please! |
You can do this Aiko!! SR wants you to be safe and beat this!! :grouphug: |
Aiko, your current situation sounds very dangerous. The mixing of meds and alcohol is dangerous in itself; hiking while impaired or hung-over sounds equally as dangerous. Is there someone with you who can take you to a doctor or hospital? |
my phone is not working now. I got a computer... My friend tried an asolt in the castle tonight. but I do not want to................... we ruin our friendship. Is one of my best friends... I am not well and he knows... I got by e-mail a prescription of my pshiquiatric. now i can print it in a quemist... but they are sedtives... and I know what I am going ot do... and this two have pot on them... I told him not to bring any I have no control... I feel a mess in the head. My chest hurts since the car crash and I do not want to go docors. I still got another 6-7 days hiking. And I was happy the first 3 days and am F$%$%&$/%&%/%%&% IT!!!!! :headbange I know what is going to happen as soon as I arrive to the next village or this one if the quemist is opend I get a box I am going to start slowly untill I am unconcience... I know it. I know it............ and maybe still some from the ruck suck to smoke. I was doing so well, I knew as soon as I have a holiday I F%&/%/% it I was safe working non-stop but I could not cope anymore. I can not hide. My shrink surely will try to phone me today and is going to be PIsssssssssss..............dkfoierouqoropopieqow What do I do with you???? Lock me up???'''''''''''''''''''''''''' again.................... NO and this one is not going to stop untill puts his flag on me... Got a problem... and we are going to argue... he wants to get a hotel room tonight and I am going to go to another bed and breakfast, you watch the argument.... He is goingt to take my pills away I will bite his arm off. but he can smoke and drink all the way. that is ok with him. NO NO NO NO NO NO nothing is going to happen. I just want to get stoned as soonas I arrive to the villige and get in my sleeping bag like a ball. I am F"·"$$$"&·/&($) again. I want to cry I can not continue like this the falls are worse each time. I can not last a week before I am completely gone in the head... You only understand me... is just the AV takes over and that is it. no scape a masive effort and weeks of craziness. Why is all so difficult I am trying to keep a straight line. I know what I become and still do it.... :( I really really got a problem it took me so long to understand it and know that I know I continue falling... I got up to the 11th to get back on my feat and am back to Marbella. My car is crash, my job is stress stress stress, and smile to the family all is GREAT!!!! I got to go. we have to leave soon :grouphug: |
Aiko, it's time to quit. Quit the hike, quit the abusive friends, GO HOME. Those people are bad for you. Leave them. GO HOME. Go back to your doctors. Go back to your life. Take your vacation at home. GO HOME. |
Aiko have you considered rehab wishing you the best in recovery Aiko Drug Rehab Center | Madrid Spain | Narconon Los Molinos Get Immediate Entry To Any Spanish Drug & Alcohol Rehab Serenity House Spain - Alcohol & Drug Rehabilitation Centre in Spain - Treatment for Alcohol, Cocaine, Gambling, Sex And Other Addictions - Best Alcohol and Drug Treatment Centre |
Todady my docs would not sent me the presctiption..... They gather out I am abusing.. So got to a city to ER and got sedatives...so am half gone now. Have to stop.... have to be clear the head...but the situation woth my friend is driving me crazy...am mess in the head seriously..... but I am not going back to rehab I got to go back to work 11th...ggtfguyghhui...will stop yes or am F$#$^^#$^^$/^^$ Sorry am a disapointment to all of you.. |
Originally Posted by Aiko
(Post 5628628)
Todady my docs would not sent me the presctiption..... They gather out I am abusing.. So got to a city to ER and got sedatives...so am half gone now. Have to stop.... have to be clear the head...but the situation woth my friend is driving me crazy...am mess in the head seriously..... but I am not going back to rehab I got to go back to work 11th...ggtfguyghhui...will stop yes or am F$#$^^#$^^$/^^$ Sorry am a disapointment to all of you.. |
I agree, Aiko - we're not disappointed. We're just very worried and afraid of what could happen if you continue abusing yourself. You're not safe when you're out of control like this. Please get help from someone you can trust. We care about you. |
You are not disappointing us, Aiko. We care about you very much. As others have said, we are very, very afraid for you. |
U need to cut ur holiday short, go home & get some help, u poornthing, u sound all over the place, we're here for u!!!!!💕 |
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