noexcuse

Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there. My day was lovely aside from an upset stomach in the early part of the day. My parents came over for brunch and finished my backsplash in my kitchen for me, I had some good snuggles with my kids, my husband put up new blinds in the kids' rooms and hung a new door in our bedroom.... I'm coming together, the house is coming together, my relationships are coming together - everything is looking up! I did follow through and joined Weight Watchers and I went to my first meeting on Saturday morning. My mom is talking about maybe joining with me, too, so that would be a fun, healthy thing for us to do together.

I just can't believe how much more happy I am than I was two short weeks ago. With the things that are going on, it has certainly been emotional and definitely not without bumps, but I feel a lot better than I did.

Day 14

Hevyn

I'm so glad to hear that noexcuse. 14 days is wonderful.

noexcuse

Hmmmm....I've got some serious shoulder pain going on and I think it's time to go to the doctor. I've had problems with this shoulder before, so I'm sure it's just inflamed again. Problem is, I don't know when I'll be able to go!! Work every day, outpatient Mondays and Tuesdays, counseling on Wednesdays, this Thursday my daughter has her last girl scouts' meeting - life is so busy! How did I ever have time to drink every night?!?

We did an interesting worksheet last night in treatment. I probably wouldn't have found it interesting in the past, but I had a bit of a revelation while I was doing it this time around. The first side was about our avoidance coping methods and the flip-side was healthy coping skills. After writing down a situation and our feelings, we had to write about the unhealthy avoidance coping methods we use and the short-term and long-term consequences of those coping methods. Then we wrote the same situation and feelings on the other side, but came up with healthier coping skills and the short-term and long-term consequences of those skills. Ultimately, the long-term consequences of the healthy coping strategies were clearly better, leading to healthier relationships, communication, less isolation, and less chances of relapse. However, I realized that the short-term consequences of healthy coping strategies might be one of the reasons why I've continued to utilize my avoidance strategies. If I ask for help, if I open up, if I tell people what is really going on with a situation, in the short-term, people are going to be more likely to ask me how things are going. They are more likely to ask me if I'm doing what I said I was going to do. They are going to follow-up. If I reach out to others and stop isolating, I will have to follow through. That's scary for me! That means I actually have to commit to change! No wonder I have used isolation and avoidance - once the situation or event is behind me, I was able to just go back to the same old comfortable (bad) place and pretend like nothing happened. But it turns out that nothing changes if nothing changes. Here's to growth.

Day 15

Ruby2

Here's to growth, NE! Great observation from that exercise. Sounds like things are coming together.

Hope your shoulder is feeling better.

noexcuse

Feeling pretty good today (aside from my shoulder). I think the people from Children's Aid are coming to my house again today after work. She tentatively scheduled it for today last week, but I had thought she would confirm. I'll be home, so it's fine if they come or if they don't, but I hope if they do, I handle it better emotionally this week than I did last week. I'm not in the mood for another crying marathon. I just need to remember: they have only met me once. They haven't seen the improvements that I've been making or the efforts I have been going to to make sure that I am healthy for my kids. They see a lot, they are judging me based on my actions, and they have to be critical because they are looking out for my kids. The bottom line is I have nothing to worry about because I am not doing anything wrong; in fact, I am doing everything that I can to be a better person.

Day 16

ZaBoozer

Good luck NE, you will be fine. Rooting for you.

Ruby2

Good luck NE, I like your perspective. You have made such progress. It's nice to see. Have a good day.

Incontrol15

Excellent! It keeps getting better and better too. The changes may seem incremental at this point, and you may be getting tired of fighting every once in a while. Well....I did at that point anyway.

The changes ARE happening. You ARE getting better, and it keeps getting easier.



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noexcuse

I had my support group again last night, the one where my kids go to their group at the same time. I pulled their counselor aside as I was leaving last night, thanked her, and told her that she pretty much saved my life. Not because she didn't report me, but because she told me that she needed to figure out if she should. I have never felt a fear as intense as I felt that night. I will never, ever risk losing my kids again.

Day 17

Hevyn

So happy for you on Day 17.

ZaBoozer

Way to go NE, you're doing good girl.

noexcuse

The weather is getting nicer, and, as my husband put it, it seems like everyone is throwing their favorite summer brews into their grocery carts to enjoy on the weekends. When I wasn't just chugging straight from the vodka bottle, I always had my favorite seasonal 'sipping' drinks, you know, those drinks that were meant to be enjoyed with the weather rather than slammed. (Ha, who am I kidding - I would drink the enjoyable drink in front of others, run into the house and take a swig off the vodka bottle, then join the group again.) I think those sipping drinks are a trigger because I drank them for the taste and not just the alcohol content. But regardless of the cart-fulls (my perception) of summer shandy, margaritas, wine coolers, mojitos and various other summer libations, mine remained full of other summer indulgences like meat for the grill, watermelon and salads, popsicles and ice cream cones, sunscreen and citronella candles, books and sidewalk chalk. I have not be tempted other than a fleeting thought, and I spent the weekend enjoying the outdoors with the kids. I took them to a nature center that I frequented as a kid, along with the *best* ice cream parlor in the greater Chicagoland area, IMO. I visited relatives, got a tomato plant, pulled some weeds, worked on my patio.... It was a glorious weekend. And I remember every bit of it.

Day 21

Ruby2

Good for you NE! What is the "best" ice cream parlor? People have strong opinions around here

You sound really positive. I've noticed more lately the summer seasonal drinking and it has a certain draw. I picked my daughter up from a birthday party yesterday. A 7 year olds party and it was warm and the kids were on the slip and slide while the adults were clustered around, drinking beer. And I thought " that would be nice ". So I still have to be vigilant.

Or my grocery store announcing " great news! They have authority to sell alcohol at 8 a.m. on Sunday!!! ". The old me would have been doing my weekly shopping at 8:00 a.m. and going home to drink and pass out for the day.

Don't miss that. Keep going! Maybe you can edit the frowny face from your thread? You sound great.

noexcuse

Thanks, Ruby!! I've been meaning to play around here so that I can take off the frowny face and replace it with a more hopefule one, .

Yep, I know it's controversial, but I think the best ice cream in the suburbs is the Plush Horse in Palos Park. Forty-nine regular ice cream flavors?!? Plus no sugar added, yogurt, gelato, and sorbet????? It was worth the trip after some hiking, that's for sure!

Ruby2

I've never been to the Plush Horse but I have family that live out that way. I'll mention it when planning a day out there. I've driven by it. Maybe I'll suggest hiking and ice cream. Pretty out there.

Maybe a mod can help you edit the frowny face.

Dee74

Congrats on 3 weeks noexcuse

D

noexcuse

I have officially reached my longest stretch of not drinking today since I started drinking alcoholically (aside from my pregnancies). I have also found myself thinking about drinking more often the last couple of days, maybe because this is my longest stretch. I need to stay focused on my 'todays' instead of my 'tomorrows' because I am recognizing that the thoughts intensify when I think of not drinking in terms of forever instead of just for today. Urge surfing has been helpful and I am becoming more aware of my AV, which is good, but I need to stay focused because I don't want the thoughts to creep in when I'm in a weak spot. That being said, my most vulnerable time this week will probably be Saturday if my husband has to work and I'm home with the kids. So my plan is to drive out to a fabulous greenhouse and find some plants for my patio that even I can't kill, bring them home, and play in the dirt with the kids. That sounds far better than drinking, passing out, and spending the weekend on my a$$.

Day 22

CaseyW

Congrats on 22 days! Now you can officially say every day when you wake up that it's a record-breaking day!

noexcuse

I've spent the last two days moving offices. I have to admit, I was really feeling some intense cravings last night after packing up my office. Maybe it's some kind of Pavlov's dogs' effect, since every time I have moved or helped someone move, the day ends with a case or two of beer and some pizza. Fortunately, I had outpatient last night so my focus was on sobriety and I recongnized the craving for what it was, a craving and nothing more. Certainly not something that I had to act on. I did stop on the way home for something sweet, however. My sugar cravings are way up and as long as I'm not getting out of control, I'm OK with acting on those. And let me tell you, that Payday bar was DELICIOUS. Well worth the calories.

I finished moving today and I don't have the cravings I had yesterday. I'm glad to see some progress on that front, because many times in the past, I get a craving and it turns into a multiple-day craving and me white-knuckling it until I finally cave. Knowing that I have no intention of turning back this time is probably the key.

Day 23

Delilah1

Hi NoExcuse,

I came back yesterday as well. Some of the same struggles as you, I have three kids, and I need to be fully present for them. I thought I could have a glass of wine at night to relax/deal with a stressful day. However, that led to several glasses of wine and made for a very long workday followed by a very busy night with kids.

I have been very anxious lately, I went to see the doctor yesterday, and now have a short and long term plan.

This is only day two for me, so we can do this together.