Hmmmm....I've got some serious shoulder pain going on and I think it's time to go to the doctor. I've had problems with this shoulder before, so I'm sure it's just inflamed again. Problem is, I don't know when I'll be able to go!! Work every day, outpatient Mondays and Tuesdays, counseling on Wednesdays, this Thursday my daughter has her last girl scouts' meeting - life is so busy! How did I ever have time to drink every night?!?
We did an interesting worksheet last night in treatment. I probably wouldn't have found it interesting in the past, but I had a bit of a revelation while I was doing it this time around. The first side was about our avoidance coping methods and the flip-side was healthy coping skills. After writing down a situation and our feelings, we had to write about the unhealthy avoidance coping methods we use and the short-term and long-term consequences of those coping methods. Then we wrote the same situation and feelings on the other side, but came up with healthier coping skills and the short-term and long-term consequences of those skills. Ultimately, the long-term consequences of the healthy coping strategies were clearly better, leading to healthier relationships, communication, less isolation, and less chances of relapse. However, I realized that the short-term consequences of healthy coping strategies might be one of the reasons why I've continued to utilize my avoidance strategies. If I ask for help, if I open up, if I tell people what is really going on with a situation, in the short-term, people are going to be more likely to ask me how things are going. They are more likely to ask me if I'm doing what I said I was going to do. They are going to follow-up. If I reach out to others and stop isolating, I will have to follow through. That's scary for me! That means I actually have to commit to change! No wonder I have used isolation and avoidance - once the situation or event is behind me, I was able to just go back to the same old comfortable (bad) place and pretend like nothing happened. But it turns out that nothing changes if nothing changes. Here's to growth.
Day 15