Cauliflower

Out of the mouth of babes! Kids tell it like it is. I know my drinking was effecting my kids, so hopefully now that I stopped, I can be a better mother as well. The cycle of abuse ends now, and hopefully our kids don't have to go through what we did, and in my case, what my mother had to go through too with her drinking. Just think, quitting drinking now not only effects you, but your family for generations to come!

Keep going NoExcuse!

dwtbd

If you really want it, you Can have it. But, noexcuses, it is going to suck for a short time, comparatively. It's universal payback for the years of abuse, right? Shake ,rattle and roll with the punches and on the third day , don't. Don't fall for the AV's lies, stay being a nondrinker . There is help and support out there to get the ball rolling, roll that ball, you Can do it. Rooting for ya.

noexcuse

One thing that I have to remind myself is to stay in the present. When I start projecting and thinking about forever, I'm setting myself up for a relapse.

Anyone can not drink for a day, right? So that's where my head needs to be.

saoutchik

Hi Noexcuse, you sound like a great person so I expect your children instinctively aware of that too as well as the alcoholic stuff.

I'm willing you to succeed, reckon you can do it too

dwtbd

We can remember the past and we can plan for the future, but we live in the present(only). The good news is all we have do is not drink now( the present), and it's doable , just no drinking now. you got this, just Need to be a 'present' nondrinker. Forever takes care of itself, we can only experience it by each now(which if I haven't pointed out are very doable)

Dee74

Welcome back noexcuse

I think no matter how old your kids are they'll really cherish the memories of a sober parent

D

Ruby2

NE, it's fantastic that you are signed up to do outpatient. I enjoyed treatment. I am adding a caveat. I said I am sober after my first serious attempt. Ten years ago I did outpatient and got pregnant right afterwards. It was a good experience and you will get out of it what you put in. It was a very Collegial atmosphere. People got very chummy very quickly. Numbers were exchanged. People got on a "we're all in this together, I got your back" high. Many of those people relapsed shortly after leaving. So be as friendly and supportive as you want, but this is for you. When I did inpatient treatment I was wary of all that and it seemed to work better.

Good luck. It's such a step towards healing.

noexcuse

Well, I'm shaky and sweating and shivering, but I'm sober and that's a better place for me. Laundry is going, kids are eating, we took the dog for a walk, and I even got the garage cleaned up with the help of my kids. I'm grateful for all of the encouragement and support I've already found here and I plan on reaching out a lot. I have two of the smartest, most caring, talented, wonderful kids, and I'm not too shabby myself....when I'm sober. I deserve these two people, and they deserve me....when I'm sober. I'm all in, whatever it takes.

Ruby2

NE, have something with sugar in it and get some rest. Go to the ER if it gets bad. Ice cream is a good choice. Hang in there.

FrankLapidas

How ya doin' today, noexcuse?

noexcuse

Made it through the night. I can't minimize this, I need to be fully accountable to myself so that I can remind myself in the future what I've had to go through and that I don't want to do it again.

My withdrawals weren't horrible through the night, but sleep was hard to come by. I had a horrible nightmare that perfectly summed up all of my deepest fears and woke up drenched in sweat and shivering. I dreamt that I got completely trashed and slept all day while the kids were left to fend for themselves. The kids trashed the house while I slept, building forts, painting on walls, breaking things, flooding our downstairs... More than I could ever clean up. There was bugs and garbage everywhere. I wasn't drinking the following day, but the drinking from the previous day was obvious. Just then, I got a surprise visit from two people from Children Services. I thought that's it, the kids are gone. No way they could look at this house and think I was a fit mom. But they seemed OK - I was going to get away with it again! One more girl showed up from Children Services and I thought, only one more person to fool and I'm home free. But the last girl picked up a slip of paper that had been on the counter. It was a receipt from the day before showing that I had bought more booze. They started making phone calls immediately to find placement for my kids.

The fear and the hiding and the lies are killing me just as much as drinking. I am so ready to be done with all of this anxiety. At least the queasiness is almost gone - I'm hoping to be able to choke down something to eat today.

Thank you, SR. I'm glad I can reach out to you right now in the early stages of this until I can get more help. Day 2.

Incontrol15

Excellent. Reading your posts reminds me of my how I felt emotionally and physically. There are some real awesome days ahead of you.

Thank you for sharing. <3

ESD907

U aren't alone.

dwtbd

Eat whatever you can, and then a big bowl of ice cream tonight Seriously , ice cream helps.
In a few weeks change your screenname to Cat in the Hat , coz the bad stuff was a dream, you Are going to present (because you want to and Can do it) in the end of the story the Cat had it all in hand, the kids were fine.
Rootin for you

PurpleKnight

Welcome back Noexcuse!!

Hevyn

Noexcuse I'm glad you made it through. I wish I'd kept a diary of all that I felt during the first few days of withdrawal. I kept telling myself I'd always remember, but it tends to dim with time. Hoping you get some decent sleep tonight.

Dee74

Given some thought to a plan yet noexcuse?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
D

noexcuse

I stated reading through some of that link earlier today, Dee. I think it's going to be a great resource. So far, my plan is outpatient starting next week, I'm going to try a Celebrate Recovery group, I'm going to post here daily, I'm busting out a mindful meditations DVD that I just purchased, and I'm hitting an AA breakfast on Sunday. Right now, that's about as far into the future as I can think, although I did also get the number for a crises line that I can call 24 hours a day, and for a change, I'm not afraid to use it. ANYTHING to not drink, even if some people wouldn't call that a crises. It would be for me.

I go to another support group on Wednesdays, and I bring my kids to their own group at the same time. They talked about me drinking this week during group and the counselor pulled me aside after the regular groups to talk to me about it, because she needed to determine if it warranted being reported. My dream could have literally come to fruition. I was hysterical. I couldn't talk to my kids, I felt like I was dying. She's not calling, thank God. But that was enough, if I didn't feel emphatically about it before. My worst nightmare was staring me in the face, all because of my actions.

Ruby2

Your description of your house after the kids trashed it sounds scarily like my house, from the forts and painting on the walls and stuff strewn everywhere. And I've got 17 months. They just get into stuff if I'm not up when they're up. I'm sorry you didn't sleep well. I hope you have an easier night. Sleep makes all the difference in my outlook.

Keep telling yourself it was just a dream. You're processing things that have probably long been on your mind but deadened with alcohol until now. It will get better. Everything seemed more intense to me early on because I was finally feeling things instead of stuffing the feelings down. Take time to process them. And be kind to yourself.

Cauliflower

OMG Noexcuse, I am so sorry you had to go through that fear today. But thankfully nothing happened, thank god you where not drinking, and thank god your home safe and sound with your kids!! It sounds like you have a great plan in place and your well on your way to recovery. Be strong.