Is anyone a bit tired of the preachy types?!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 630
There are lots of options out there. You don't have to use AA.
Try reading about AVRT, or SMART recovery, or even Allen Carr or Jason' Vales books.
Check out the various methods, take what you like from each, and make your own customized method!
There is tons of support on this forum, and lots of experience in every method.
Every method that works is a good method!
Try reading about AVRT, or SMART recovery, or even Allen Carr or Jason' Vales books.
Check out the various methods, take what you like from each, and make your own customized method!
There is tons of support on this forum, and lots of experience in every method.
Every method that works is a good method!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Hi Sturner. When I first started attending AA meetings I had the same issue. Who are these people and are they a cult?! Now I simply go and figure that they are sharing what works for them. I believe but I don't wear it on my sleeve and don't care to be preached at whether it's religion or not.
If you can go to the secular programs, that would be great. For me those aren't feasible because they are a good distance from me so AA meetings are what I have. I work with what's available.
If you can go to the secular programs, that would be great. For me those aren't feasible because they are a good distance from me so AA meetings are what I have. I work with what's available.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Probably my living room. Maybe my bedroom if I'm feeling lazy
Posts: 1,085
I definitely understand your aversion to "preachy" types. I think it's a twofold issue. The first is that AA has worked for a LOT of people. While members of AA are instructed that AA should be a program of attraction, not promotion, people get excited when they had lost everything to alcohol and had no hope left, and suddenly found themselves living normal lives without the need for substances. They want to share their positive experiences. AA has a lot of positive emotions for me. But I mostly keep that to myself in public forums, and instead, share my gratefulness at group level in meetings. I live my life by the steps, and if anyone wants help to get where I've gotten, I'm always glad to oblige. But I don't think it's the only way to get and stay sober. Those that do should be ignored.
The second issue is always a bit more concerning. I'm in AA and atheist. I'm not a member of organized religion, nor do I believe in any kind of supreme being. But it is always a bit frustrating when preconceived notions about the program get in the way. I've seen so many newcomers take a look at the steps, see the word, "god" a few times, and claim, without even giving it a fair shot, that the program is not for them. To me, recovery isn't time best situation to be close-minded and/or picky. No matter what recovery method one chooses, going in with a close-minded attitude is not beneficial. Stating upfront that one wants to stop drinking, but isn't willing to do this or that to get sober is not going to get them very far.
I went into AA completely open-minded, with no preconceived notions about anything. I just wanted to get sober and not die. I worked the steps. No one pushed me to believe in "their" god. My higher power is my own. No one has ever told me what it should be.
Could I have stayed sober using another program of recovery? Maybe. But I think that's more based on my own willingness to try anything and everything in order to put down the drink and shift my perspective to someone who just lives happily without alcohol. In my humble opinion, if you're going to discount or dismiss methods of recovery without approaching with an open mind and the willingness to put in the work, you might be setting yourself for a letdown.
The second issue is always a bit more concerning. I'm in AA and atheist. I'm not a member of organized religion, nor do I believe in any kind of supreme being. But it is always a bit frustrating when preconceived notions about the program get in the way. I've seen so many newcomers take a look at the steps, see the word, "god" a few times, and claim, without even giving it a fair shot, that the program is not for them. To me, recovery isn't time best situation to be close-minded and/or picky. No matter what recovery method one chooses, going in with a close-minded attitude is not beneficial. Stating upfront that one wants to stop drinking, but isn't willing to do this or that to get sober is not going to get them very far.
I went into AA completely open-minded, with no preconceived notions about anything. I just wanted to get sober and not die. I worked the steps. No one pushed me to believe in "their" god. My higher power is my own. No one has ever told me what it should be.
Could I have stayed sober using another program of recovery? Maybe. But I think that's more based on my own willingness to try anything and everything in order to put down the drink and shift my perspective to someone who just lives happily without alcohol. In my humble opinion, if you're going to discount or dismiss methods of recovery without approaching with an open mind and the willingness to put in the work, you might be setting yourself for a letdown.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
AA agrees that AA is not the only way. For me I didn't need AA to quit drinking I needed it to stay quit and recover.
I have some problems with AA but you can not argue that a program of recovery which manages to get a lot of alcoholics to all be moving more or less in the same direction at the same time is nothing short of miraculous
I have some problems with AA but you can not argue that a program of recovery which manages to get a lot of alcoholics to all be moving more or less in the same direction at the same time is nothing short of miraculous
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
welcome,
I didn't read the responses....
My higher power is ME. Yes, me, myself and I. Imagine how the walls started shaking when I said that at an aa meeting.
There are some good ideas in the book of aa. As they say, take what you need and leave the rest. That's what they say at least.
If you want to go to meetings, you don't have to announce what you believe in or not. You can just take it all in and find comfort being in a group of similar individuals.
I always cracked up when I recall George Burns testifying in a movie, "... so help me ME."
I didn't read the responses....
My higher power is ME. Yes, me, myself and I. Imagine how the walls started shaking when I said that at an aa meeting.
There are some good ideas in the book of aa. As they say, take what you need and leave the rest. That's what they say at least.
If you want to go to meetings, you don't have to announce what you believe in or not. You can just take it all in and find comfort being in a group of similar individuals.
I always cracked up when I recall George Burns testifying in a movie, "... so help me ME."
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
That's why I don't go to AA. Meditation and Buddhism have helped me in my recovery immensely. Refuge Recovery and Shambhala Heart of Recovery are non-12-step programs who welcome anyone struggling with any addiction. I'm not sure of your gender, but the Women for Sobriety program is amazing too. They're all about working from the inside out and finding compassion and beauty in yourself and others.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
Ok, now what? There are millions of us that can't stomach what AA is serving but we all quit and stay quit the same way--by not drinking. I use SR and gravity. Exercise has proved to be good for me but it took some faith to get on the treadmill and fight the good fight w/gravity. Seriously though, plenty of support here and elsewhere for us common-sense folk. Welcome and stick around. I for one would like to see how yer doing from time to time.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 346
Hey Sturner!
Personally I think it's a good idea to always do more than you think you need to in order to stay sober. When I was first getting sober if you told me I had to ride a unicycle to stay sober I would have tried it.
That said, I don't believe you need the steps to stay sober. Plenty of other programs and methods are out there. I really didn't like AA mainly because I couldn't figure out what it was through the contradictory things being said to me and I was told I had to do it or die. It wasn't until I realized that I didn't need AA that I was able to appreciate it as a support group that is full of people who are honestly just trying to stay sober and help others do the same.
You are going to run into preachy and obnoxious types everywhere in the recovery world. You can ignore or listen to them, say thank you or argue.
If I ever thought for a minute that I needed the steps in order to stay sober I would run to the closest AA meeting and be the first to speak.
It worries me that you are writing off programs due to the people you meet in them(AA preachy, SMART obnoxious). What they think and say shouldn't affect your sobriety any more than different views should affect your politics.
I had to listen to everyone and figure out what would work for me. I really hope you find something that works for you and in the mean time, please don't drink and keep posting.
Edit: The SMART workbook is $10 and worth going through. They also say that the BB is the program of AA but I have to admit I have only skimmed it.
Personally I think it's a good idea to always do more than you think you need to in order to stay sober. When I was first getting sober if you told me I had to ride a unicycle to stay sober I would have tried it.
That said, I don't believe you need the steps to stay sober. Plenty of other programs and methods are out there. I really didn't like AA mainly because I couldn't figure out what it was through the contradictory things being said to me and I was told I had to do it or die. It wasn't until I realized that I didn't need AA that I was able to appreciate it as a support group that is full of people who are honestly just trying to stay sober and help others do the same.
You are going to run into preachy and obnoxious types everywhere in the recovery world. You can ignore or listen to them, say thank you or argue.
If I ever thought for a minute that I needed the steps in order to stay sober I would run to the closest AA meeting and be the first to speak.
It worries me that you are writing off programs due to the people you meet in them(AA preachy, SMART obnoxious). What they think and say shouldn't affect your sobriety any more than different views should affect your politics.
I had to listen to everyone and figure out what would work for me. I really hope you find something that works for you and in the mean time, please don't drink and keep posting.
Edit: The SMART workbook is $10 and worth going through. They also say that the BB is the program of AA but I have to admit I have only skimmed it.
Last edited by Axiom; 04-16-2015 at 06:38 AM. Reason: Books
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by sturner75 
I have a degree in English literature and religious studies. Am agnostic after years of learned information. But I cannot get on with the 12 steps. Each to their own and I KNOW they work for many as the statistics show. But In my life there is no Higher Being per se, so I can't live by the Fellowship's teachings. Will just have to carry on with group work which is free through the government in the UK. Your input would be gratefully received.
You have your way = great!
Object for all is to stay sober and enjoy life!
Preachy types can be believers or non-belivetes into experience
Glad your here!
Court jester
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: South Florida
Posts: 508
Originally Posted by LBrain
welcome,
I didn't read the responses....
My higher power is ME. Yes, me, myself and I. Imagine how the walls started shaking when I said that at an aa meeting.
There are some good ideas in the book of aa. As they say, take what you need and leave the rest. That's what they say at least.
If you want to go to meetings, you don't have to announce what you believe in or not. You can just take it all in and find comfort being in a group of similar individuals.
I always cracked up when I recall George Burns testifying in a movie, "... so help me ME."
I didn't read the responses....
My higher power is ME. Yes, me, myself and I. Imagine how the walls started shaking when I said that at an aa meeting.
There are some good ideas in the book of aa. As they say, take what you need and leave the rest. That's what they say at least.
If you want to go to meetings, you don't have to announce what you believe in or not. You can just take it all in and find comfort being in a group of similar individuals.
I always cracked up when I recall George Burns testifying in a movie, "... so help me ME."
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 14
DrunkTX it may be very different wherever you are but I am merely sharing an experience just outside London, UK. I have pointed out many times in the thread that I totally respect the fellowship and all it stands for. I have not criticised anyone it works for. I am just saying there are a few people I've come across who like to preach about religion....when I probably know more about what they're talking about than they do! Not conjecture....fact. All the best...ok the 'preachy types' heading could be deemed as rude so am sorry for that...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 14
I find this rude. I am respectful of the Fellowship but have experiences of religion being shoved down my throat. As I said, am a degree level student in both Christian Bible studies and Buddhism. I was expressing an opinion, not contradicting myself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
I find it interesting sturner that out of all the responses....many of whom gave wonderful advice......that you choose only ONE to reply to? Whether you meant to sound annoyed and combative when you posted it read like that to me. As if you had come back from attending a meeting and needed to let off steam. Maybe it was the 'Preachy types' heading? But I feel like this community did very well to ignore your attitude and post supportively and with genuine respect. And I'm talking about regardless of recovery method they aspire to.
Perhaps, instead of 'calling out' someone who took the time to respond to you....you should show your appreciation for ALL who took the time to post and gave you awesome advice?
SR...and especially newcomers has always been a very very supportive group. Not a place to blow off steam or get into a battle because you feel feisty today.
Perhaps, instead of 'calling out' someone who took the time to respond to you....you should show your appreciation for ALL who took the time to post and gave you awesome advice?
SR...and especially newcomers has always been a very very supportive group. Not a place to blow off steam or get into a battle because you feel feisty today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 14
Oh my goodness are you kidding me?! I have thanked the responses I got earlier and have been out since. Of COURSE I am massively grateful to those who have responded, (erm, hello, I said thank you to Jane who recommended a book for example). This is exactly what I'm annoyed about....I've helped 16 people in recovery by way of counselling, babysitting, hospital visits, St Christopher's Hospice visits...and you are giving ME grief?!
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
I think I have a handle on your relationship with preachy types. How is your relationship with alcohol? Still drinking? Recently quit? Sober for an extended period? What do you hope to achieve by your involvement at the SR forums?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 611
So you dont like aa, good for you, do what ever suits you best and good luck to you with it. I am also someone who doesnt overly connect with aa but after impatient detox im giving 90 in 90 a go as my plan hasnt worked. Preachy people are preachy people, you get them in aa and you meet them in the street and at non religeous group therapy, just all preaching different messages.
Last edited by MarathonMan; 04-16-2015 at 11:40 AM. Reason: after re reading sounded a bit harsh
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,328
Originally Posted by MarathonMan
So you dont like aa, good for you, do what ever suits you best and good luck to you with it. I am also someone who doesnt overly connect with aa but after impatient detox im giving 90 in 90 a go as my plan hasnt worked. Preachy people are preachy people, you get them in aa and you meet them in the street and at non religeous group therapy, just all preaching different messages.
Interestingly, preachy people don't bother me as much as I get further along in my sobriety. Indeed, now I even find myself sometimes listening to those preachy folks and realizing perhaps they weren't preaching before, but rather telling me something I didn't want to hear, especially when I was drinking. I find that there is value in a lot of what people have to say, even if the value is in helping me affirm my own beliefs.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
alright already... geeeze... I skimmed through the thread...
I chuckled at Dee for giving a warning out of the gate. Like telling coaches of a basketball game you are going to call a tight game.
One of the most important things I learned from aa was humility. And keep in mind, I don't do aa. But I definitely learned a few things from there. Humility - I am not the smartest person in the room regardless of how much I think I know or how much time I spent getting edumecated.
I hope you are able to laugh at yourself sturgeon, because it was something I had to learn how to do. I have worked with some of the smartest people. I personally know more than a dozen people who are above genius level and have all the paperwork they need to prove it. I also have worked with some of the dumbest people imaginable. And some of them were the same people who were also the smartest.
AA is made up of people from all walks of life. There are doctors and regular PHD types (and lawyers) as well as folks who didn't get past the 6th grade - double naught spy types. One thing that cannot be taught is common sense. Another is wisdom.
The main premise of aa is that in order to get better yourself, you have to help another person. This alone breeds preachiness. aa'ers cannot wait to "carry the message". And this is when attraction v promotion becomes a little blurry.
The exuberance of some cannot be contained. And yes, it does come across as preachy. But telling someone that 'I have a degree in yadda-yadda and know more about what you are talking about than you do' comes across as a bit preachy too. EH?
Lighten up a little. We are all here for the same reason. And part of that is that we didn't know how to do it by ourselves. True.
Anyway, this reminded me of something I always got a kick out of and I will share it now.
Enjoy the weekend everyone.
I chuckled at Dee for giving a warning out of the gate. Like telling coaches of a basketball game you are going to call a tight game.
One of the most important things I learned from aa was humility. And keep in mind, I don't do aa. But I definitely learned a few things from there. Humility - I am not the smartest person in the room regardless of how much I think I know or how much time I spent getting edumecated.
I hope you are able to laugh at yourself sturgeon, because it was something I had to learn how to do. I have worked with some of the smartest people. I personally know more than a dozen people who are above genius level and have all the paperwork they need to prove it. I also have worked with some of the dumbest people imaginable. And some of them were the same people who were also the smartest.
AA is made up of people from all walks of life. There are doctors and regular PHD types (and lawyers) as well as folks who didn't get past the 6th grade - double naught spy types. One thing that cannot be taught is common sense. Another is wisdom.
The main premise of aa is that in order to get better yourself, you have to help another person. This alone breeds preachiness. aa'ers cannot wait to "carry the message". And this is when attraction v promotion becomes a little blurry.
The exuberance of some cannot be contained. And yes, it does come across as preachy. But telling someone that 'I have a degree in yadda-yadda and know more about what you are talking about than you do' comes across as a bit preachy too. EH?
Lighten up a little. We are all here for the same reason. And part of that is that we didn't know how to do it by ourselves. True.
Anyway, this reminded me of something I always got a kick out of and I will share it now.
Enjoy the weekend everyone.
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