Hello, My name is Shakota
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 43
Hello, My name is Shakota
Hi everyone, my name is Shakota. I am 32, a wife and mother. This site was suggested to me by another person who believed that I could find some support here for my unique situation.
I suffer from degenerative disk disease, bulging disks and arthritis that effects every disk in my neck and a couple in my lower my back. I have suffered from chronic pain for 5 years. I have gone through physical therapy, chiropractors, anything to keep from taking narcotic pain medication. 2 years ago I had to admit defeat when after taking a company trip and flying to San Antonio, the next after returning home, I woke up and my neck had locked up and I couldn't move my toes with out screaming in pain because even that little movement effected the nerves in my neck. My pain management doctor started me out on Hydrocodone 7.5 alone with Soma. At first I just enjoyed being out of pain, then I enjoyed the bonus of the euphoria that came with the effects of the medications. Eventually I started over taking my medication. I told my boyfriend who is now my husband about my worries, and he tried to help me. After about 6 months I realized I was getting into trouble with it, so I terminated my pain management. I was off of it for about a year, I lived off of ibuprofen, taking 800mg 3 to 4 times a day, but it never really helped. After a year the pain just kept getting worse, and I knew that the DDD was progressing. After I got married I changed doctors and we redid the MRIs and it was confirmed that the DDD had gotten worse and that I was not a candidate for surgery, and I was told that I was lucky that when I was going to a chiropractor that more damaged hadn't been done or that I wasn't paralyzed because if I had been popped in the wrong place it could have really done more harm. So I was sent to a new pain management doctor who put me on Oxycodone 10/325 that I am supposed to take 4 times a day.
Here is my problem, I don't take 4 a day, it is more like 10 a day. I finally told my husband of my problem, and he immediately was supportive and jumped into action to help me. He has locked my meds in the safe and he has the only key. Each day he gives me my 4 pills. Here is my problem and this is what I need help with. I am trying to regain control of the situation, of my usage. I know that it is out of control. Before, I was waiting until my husband got in the shower and I would take his keys and get more meds out of the safe and hide them around the house. I finally broke down and told him that too. I am stuck on these meds, there is no alternative for me. I have spoken to specialist and I have done physical therapy I have tried to go without the meds, it just doesn't work. If I could go without them, I would do it and go into a recovery program, but its not that simple. I really really want to regain control of the situation and I really think that I can. I am trying to learn how to take just 1 at a time, but its hard when my body is used to taking 2 at a time. I have never been so bad that I have bought off the street, or jumped from doctor to doctor or anything like that. I just know that I am losing control and I need to learn how to regain control. I am really hoping to find some help with this, I know it isn't easy since I am stuck on the medication. Anyways, that is my story, and this is who I am. So hello, and its nice to meet everyone.:c009:
I suffer from degenerative disk disease, bulging disks and arthritis that effects every disk in my neck and a couple in my lower my back. I have suffered from chronic pain for 5 years. I have gone through physical therapy, chiropractors, anything to keep from taking narcotic pain medication. 2 years ago I had to admit defeat when after taking a company trip and flying to San Antonio, the next after returning home, I woke up and my neck had locked up and I couldn't move my toes with out screaming in pain because even that little movement effected the nerves in my neck. My pain management doctor started me out on Hydrocodone 7.5 alone with Soma. At first I just enjoyed being out of pain, then I enjoyed the bonus of the euphoria that came with the effects of the medications. Eventually I started over taking my medication. I told my boyfriend who is now my husband about my worries, and he tried to help me. After about 6 months I realized I was getting into trouble with it, so I terminated my pain management. I was off of it for about a year, I lived off of ibuprofen, taking 800mg 3 to 4 times a day, but it never really helped. After a year the pain just kept getting worse, and I knew that the DDD was progressing. After I got married I changed doctors and we redid the MRIs and it was confirmed that the DDD had gotten worse and that I was not a candidate for surgery, and I was told that I was lucky that when I was going to a chiropractor that more damaged hadn't been done or that I wasn't paralyzed because if I had been popped in the wrong place it could have really done more harm. So I was sent to a new pain management doctor who put me on Oxycodone 10/325 that I am supposed to take 4 times a day.
Here is my problem, I don't take 4 a day, it is more like 10 a day. I finally told my husband of my problem, and he immediately was supportive and jumped into action to help me. He has locked my meds in the safe and he has the only key. Each day he gives me my 4 pills. Here is my problem and this is what I need help with. I am trying to regain control of the situation, of my usage. I know that it is out of control. Before, I was waiting until my husband got in the shower and I would take his keys and get more meds out of the safe and hide them around the house. I finally broke down and told him that too. I am stuck on these meds, there is no alternative for me. I have spoken to specialist and I have done physical therapy I have tried to go without the meds, it just doesn't work. If I could go without them, I would do it and go into a recovery program, but its not that simple. I really really want to regain control of the situation and I really think that I can. I am trying to learn how to take just 1 at a time, but its hard when my body is used to taking 2 at a time. I have never been so bad that I have bought off the street, or jumped from doctor to doctor or anything like that. I just know that I am losing control and I need to learn how to regain control. I am really hoping to find some help with this, I know it isn't easy since I am stuck on the medication. Anyways, that is my story, and this is who I am. So hello, and its nice to meet everyone.:c009:
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Jacksonville, Florida
Posts: 4,057
I am so glad you joined. Have you thought of going to 12-step meetings or finding some sort of face-to-face support? We have some really great people here and you will find support and encouragement here but there is nothing like face-to-face support where you will meet people who have the tools to help you with your problem. Browse around the site, there are many different forums and tons of information. Let us know how we can help you, I hope to hear more from you soon.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 43
Yes I have
Hi, and thank you. Yes I actually went to a local NA meeting for new comers and I was actually humiliated in front of the entire room. I had called in advanced and spoke to someone about my situation and how I am pretty much stuck in the cycle because I am unable to get off the medication because there is NOT an alternative for me. They said I would be welcomed. So they humiliated me in front of everyone by asking me not to return because I was "unwilling" to get clean. I explained several times that it was about unwillingness it was about the inability to do so. I am a very shy person, I HATE confrontation and will avoid it all costs. Part of what caused my injuries is I was abused by my ex husband, so I don't do well with confrontation. So when they did that to me, I was crushed. Anyways they said I wasn't welcomed at the meeting because it was for sober people, not people who are on pain management and are unwilling to get off the narcotics. If I could get off of them, I would. I would go into recovery, that isn't the issue...the issue is, I can't...not because I of the "addiction" but because without the medication I literally can't move, the pain is too intense and overwhelming. Also, another thing we keep running into is I am allergic to so many medications and I am sensitive to so many that its hard to find medications that I can take. So I think my doctor kind of gave up and is just keeping me on the Percocet. So, now its up to me to control myself and only take 1 at a time and make those 4 pills a day last. So far today, I am doing great. Usually in the morning I pop 2 right off, I only took 1, and then at lunch time I only took 1. So I think Im doing ok so far, even though its hard.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Jacksonville, Florida
Posts: 4,057
I am so sorry for the experience you had at NA. I don't think it is right for people to exclude you because you HAVE to take pain medication. I don't go to NA but for someone to play doctor just doesn't seem right. I am both an alcoholic and an addict and I attend AA. I too tried NA but never embraced the program. In AA, I immediately felt welcomed and for the first time had a glimmer of hope. I applaud you for seeking help in taking your medications as prescribed and the honesty that you have with your husband. I am glad he is being supportive as well. Hopefully others will chime in and have more information for you. Just know that you are not alone and I will support you in your effort to seek help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 43
Thank you
Yukonm, Thank you so much for your offer of support, it is nice to know I am not alone. Being alone, feeling alone sometimes is so destructive. My husband is my fairy tale love. I could not have asked for a better man, I don't know how I got so lucky but I am so very grateful that he is in my life. My son and my husband are the reason why I want to get this under control. The fear of taking too much and not waking up is sometimes overwhelming. I would never want to do that to my family. The thought of my husband waking up one morning and me dead next to him, or my son coming home from school and finding me dead from OD makes my heart hurt.
Since yesterday is when I got my new cycle of medications, my husband and I came up with a "reward" plan to help keep me motivated. I know it seems and sounds childish....
So, I am supposed to take my pills 4 times a day...if I am honest I really only need to take them 3 times a day unless a spinal headache kicks in, then I need 4 if not more. Anyways, my husband said that everyday when he comes home that if I have only taken 3 of pills (unless I absolutely needed the 4th one) he will give me a neck and back massage for 20 minutes. This also helps with the pain.
Something I did last night was look up all kinds of inspirational and hope quotes. I wrote them down on index card and decorated them. This served as a double purpose, it kept me occupied so I didn't think of my medications. I am putting these cards up around the house where I can see them, that way whenever I think about taking too much, I will see those cards and think twice. I also cut up slips of paper with small quotes and also my son and husband's names and put them in the bottle that my husband uses to put my daily ration of pills in. Now, whenever I go to get my pill out of the bottle, I see my goals and the reminder to myself that I am only going to take one for my son and husband. Then, my husband said that if at the end of the the month and I was good and stayed on track with my medication that he will give me extra money to go play bingo with my best friend.
So I know it all sounds childish, I am 32 and my husband is giving me money and treats and rewards for being a good girl, but I think he is wonderful and sweet to even think of doing something like that. If it was my ex husband he would have just ignored it or beat the addiction out of me.
Since yesterday is when I got my new cycle of medications, my husband and I came up with a "reward" plan to help keep me motivated. I know it seems and sounds childish....
So, I am supposed to take my pills 4 times a day...if I am honest I really only need to take them 3 times a day unless a spinal headache kicks in, then I need 4 if not more. Anyways, my husband said that everyday when he comes home that if I have only taken 3 of pills (unless I absolutely needed the 4th one) he will give me a neck and back massage for 20 minutes. This also helps with the pain.
Something I did last night was look up all kinds of inspirational and hope quotes. I wrote them down on index card and decorated them. This served as a double purpose, it kept me occupied so I didn't think of my medications. I am putting these cards up around the house where I can see them, that way whenever I think about taking too much, I will see those cards and think twice. I also cut up slips of paper with small quotes and also my son and husband's names and put them in the bottle that my husband uses to put my daily ration of pills in. Now, whenever I go to get my pill out of the bottle, I see my goals and the reminder to myself that I am only going to take one for my son and husband. Then, my husband said that if at the end of the the month and I was good and stayed on track with my medication that he will give me extra money to go play bingo with my best friend.
So I know it all sounds childish, I am 32 and my husband is giving me money and treats and rewards for being a good girl, but I think he is wonderful and sweet to even think of doing something like that. If it was my ex husband he would have just ignored it or beat the addiction out of me.
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
Shakota, I am so sorry you are in such pain and please just stay away from NA you feel bad enough as it is. Shakota do your best to take your medication as prescribed, it's obvious you need it for pain. God bless and rootin for ya. 
as a sober contributor
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: California
Posts: 1,312
I kind relate to your pain.....
Hi Shakota,
I just wanted to reach out to you and let you know that you are not alone. In 1994 I got injured at work and after an MRI, was told I had the back of a 65 yr old..... I was 26 at the time. I was diagnosed with DDD that has now progressed from my lower back all the way up to my neck. Bulging Discs, Pinched Nerves, Arthritis, Numbness and Pain dominate my life.
Although I have not resorted to pharmaceuticals, I self medicated with Alcohol and Pot since then and only decided to get clean and sober last year. I am so sorry that you are in this situation and really hope that you can find some relief from the pain you are experiencing.
I was lucky enough to find an amazing Osteopath who has been helping me more than I thought was possible. I would suggest that you look into finding one in your area. Osteopaths use very light, fingertip manipulation techniques... almost like 'healing hands' where they touch you very softly and induce a huge energy release from your tight muscles. It is an amazing process that is hard to explain but all I know is IT WORKS!
I am glad that you have found SR. There is always someone here to lend you an ear and offer support.
I hope you are feeling better tonight.
I just wanted to reach out to you and let you know that you are not alone. In 1994 I got injured at work and after an MRI, was told I had the back of a 65 yr old..... I was 26 at the time. I was diagnosed with DDD that has now progressed from my lower back all the way up to my neck. Bulging Discs, Pinched Nerves, Arthritis, Numbness and Pain dominate my life.
Although I have not resorted to pharmaceuticals, I self medicated with Alcohol and Pot since then and only decided to get clean and sober last year. I am so sorry that you are in this situation and really hope that you can find some relief from the pain you are experiencing.
I was lucky enough to find an amazing Osteopath who has been helping me more than I thought was possible. I would suggest that you look into finding one in your area. Osteopaths use very light, fingertip manipulation techniques... almost like 'healing hands' where they touch you very softly and induce a huge energy release from your tight muscles. It is an amazing process that is hard to explain but all I know is IT WORKS!
I am glad that you have found SR. There is always someone here to lend you an ear and offer support.
I hope you are feeling better tonight.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Originally Posted by neferkamichael 
Shakota, I am so sorry you are in such pain and please just stay away from NA you feel bad enough as it is. Shakota do your best to take your medication as prescribed, it's obvious you need it for pain. God bless and rootin for ya.
At some point in all of our lives we will all need to take something or have a surgical procedure of some sort whether it be dental work or major surgery.
I go to NA and I haven't fully read this info I am posting but I think the important thing with any addict is are they taking meds as directed and are they exaggerating the pain in order to use. NA has one requirement a desire to not use.
I recently almost lost my finger in a hedgeclipper.
It could have been the perfect opportunity to get pain meds. Who would have questioned it right? The truth was it never hurt, not once. I never felt pain from the time I cut it got stitches to the time it healed. So I knew in my heart that I would be a total liar if I said I needed them.
The question all addicts need to ask themselves is am I taking this because I have a good reason or am I taking this because I have pain right this minute.
In your situation it sounds like you are in some serious pain. Personally if I ever am in a situation as yours I would have to make sure that my sponsor knew I was taking meds and like you have someone dole them out to me. Because I am an addict and I will abuse them if I have them. I don't know if I could have them around with them not playing on my mind so I really do feel for you.
It's just a matter of being rigourously honest with yourself and at least one other person who has close contact with you. Being accountable.
It sounds like you want to be accountable and that is good. No doubt it will be a hard road for you but if you are completely honest all the time even with your thoughts and letting your husband know before you act out I think you will be ok.
It is really none of NA's or anyone elses business what you do. But if you are abusing them then that is really a matter you have to take up with yourself. If you care enough about yourself to do so.
I wish you strength on your journey and will say a little prayer for you tonight.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 43
Thank you deeker. I have learned that this whole thing is about straight up brutal honesty. And that is hard, very hard. It is hard to show yourself in that way, to show your vulnerable side. To open yourself up and say "here I am, this is me" lucky for me, my husband takes his wedding vows very seriously and loves me with all of his heart and is going to hold my hand through all of this and also remind me to hold my head up and not be ashamed. This is who I am, another part of me, it isn't the best part of me, but it is a part of me that in the end will make me stronger and a better person. I am not going to let anyone make me feel bad about this. It isn't my fault, I didn't ask for it. It happened because I was badly hurt, first when I was only a child and abused, then in a car wreck and then my ex husband, all of that resulted in damaging my neck and back. That is what causes my severe and chronic pain, I survived the abuse and now I have to live on pain killers, which I unfortunately got addicted to, but anyone and everyone knows that there is a chance of that happening when you are on pain management. So, instead of being ashamed of it, I am just going to use it as another tool to make me stronger. I know that I can get this back under control and if I take it day by day, I can learn to be ok with 4 pills a day 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 43
Hope, that is an amazing idea! I will have to look and see if I can find anything in my area. You would think since I live close to a big a city there would be a lot more options available but there isn't. There are only 3 pain management doctors in the area I have already seen one who gave me way too many meds and I terminated that after 6 months, then the other one is a freaking quack! and then there is the one I see now who is wonderful. But I will see if we have an Osteopath here, that is a really great idea.
It's so cute, my little boy he is actually really smart, one of those kids who has a really high IQ....which I have no idea how that happened, I will be the first to say that he didn't get it from me...but his father is also like a genius, but has no common sense and likes to beat women...anyways so my son tells me that what he wants to do when he grows up is become a scientist because he wants to design and invent a way to replace disks, since as of right now there is not a disk replacement surgery, he wants to invent a way to replace the disks in the spine so that I can I have the surgery and get better. When he told me this I cried so hard...my beautiful and wonderful 12 year old son wants to grow up and change the world, but he also wants to grow up and save his mother from the pain she is in, and all of the other people out there who suffer from the same things that I do. I know this is bragging but I don't care, I have an amazing kid, he is so smart and wonderful, and bright. He is my life...and the main reason why I am getting my medication under control. I want to be here to watch him grow up and see what he is going to be, because I know who he turns out to be, it will be some thing really amazing.
It's so cute, my little boy he is actually really smart, one of those kids who has a really high IQ....which I have no idea how that happened, I will be the first to say that he didn't get it from me...but his father is also like a genius, but has no common sense and likes to beat women...anyways so my son tells me that what he wants to do when he grows up is become a scientist because he wants to design and invent a way to replace disks, since as of right now there is not a disk replacement surgery, he wants to invent a way to replace the disks in the spine so that I can I have the surgery and get better. When he told me this I cried so hard...my beautiful and wonderful 12 year old son wants to grow up and change the world, but he also wants to grow up and save his mother from the pain she is in, and all of the other people out there who suffer from the same things that I do. I know this is bragging but I don't care, I have an amazing kid, he is so smart and wonderful, and bright. He is my life...and the main reason why I am getting my medication under control. I want to be here to watch him grow up and see what he is going to be, because I know who he turns out to be, it will be some thing really amazing.
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
Originally Posted by deeker
Narcotics Anonymous In Times Of Illness in Recovery This is a link to some information put out by NA about medications in recovery.
At some point in all of our lives we will all need to take something or have a surgical procedure of some sort whether it be dental work or major surgery.
I go to NA and I haven't fully read this info I am posting but I think the important thing with any addict is are they taking meds as directed and are they exaggerating the pain in order to use. NA has one requirement a desire to not use.
I recently almost lost my finger in a hedgeclipper.
It could have been the perfect opportunity to get pain meds. Who would have questioned it right? The truth was it never hurt, not once. I never felt pain from the time I cut it got stitches to the time it healed. So I knew in my heart that I would be a total liar if I said I needed them.
The question all addicts need to ask themselves is am I taking this because I have a good reason or am I taking this because I have pain right this minute.
In your situation it sounds like you are in some serious pain. Personally if I ever am in a situation as yours I would have to make sure that my sponsor knew I was taking meds and like you have someone dole them out to me. Because I am an addict and I will abuse them if I have them. I don't know if I could have them around with them not playing on my mind so I really do feel for you.
It's just a matter of being rigourously honest with yourself and at least one other person who has close contact with you. Being accountable.
It sounds like you want to be accountable and that is good. No doubt it will be a hard road for you but if you are completely honest all the time even with your thoughts and letting your husband know before you act out I think you will be ok.
It is really none of NA's or anyone elses business what you do. But if you are abusing them then that is really a matter you have to take up with yourself. If you care enough about yourself to do so.
I wish you strength on your journey and will say a little prayer for you tonight.
At some point in all of our lives we will all need to take something or have a surgical procedure of some sort whether it be dental work or major surgery.
I go to NA and I haven't fully read this info I am posting but I think the important thing with any addict is are they taking meds as directed and are they exaggerating the pain in order to use. NA has one requirement a desire to not use.
I recently almost lost my finger in a hedgeclipper.
It could have been the perfect opportunity to get pain meds. Who would have questioned it right? The truth was it never hurt, not once. I never felt pain from the time I cut it got stitches to the time it healed. So I knew in my heart that I would be a total liar if I said I needed them.
The question all addicts need to ask themselves is am I taking this because I have a good reason or am I taking this because I have pain right this minute.
In your situation it sounds like you are in some serious pain. Personally if I ever am in a situation as yours I would have to make sure that my sponsor knew I was taking meds and like you have someone dole them out to me. Because I am an addict and I will abuse them if I have them. I don't know if I could have them around with them not playing on my mind so I really do feel for you.
It's just a matter of being rigourously honest with yourself and at least one other person who has close contact with you. Being accountable.
It sounds like you want to be accountable and that is good. No doubt it will be a hard road for you but if you are completely honest all the time even with your thoughts and letting your husband know before you act out I think you will be ok.
It is really none of NA's or anyone elses business what you do. But if you are abusing them then that is really a matter you have to take up with yourself. If you care enough about yourself to do so.
I wish you strength on your journey and will say a little prayer for you tonight.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 43
Thank you Neferk for that, I think you are right. Even though deeker had some good points, I do have to follow my doctor's orders or risk losing my pain management. Where I live we don't have very many pain management doctors so I can't afford to lose mine. He is actually very good and very strict, so if there was even a hint of the word dependency or addiction he would terminate my treatment immediately and I can't have that happen because that would leave me having to go to the ER for treatment any time my neck get so bad that I can't move it. Eventually after so many trips to the ER, I would be flagged as a drug seeker and that is NOT what I am. Obviously NA is not an option for me, so that is why I am here. I think with support from everyone here, which by the responses I am getting from all of you and the amazing support I have here at home from my husband, I will regain control of the situation.
The response and care from all of you has been heart warming and amazing, and I can't thank all of you enough
I really think I have the right place for support and information. Today has been a great day, I stuck to my goal for the day and I mean obviously since my husband has the key to the safe and he only gave me 4 of my pills that is all I could take, so that is what I took...and even though right now I am really wanting to take more, I keep telling myself that I can do this. The bad thing is, I am actually really hurting, and No, its not because I want more pain medication, it is because I have a spinal headache because I was late taking my headache medication this morning and also because I have been so tense with stress about all of this my neck muscles are tight. But I am going to relax and just breathe through the pain. Sometimes meditation helps me to relax and then my neck doesn't hurt as much.
Anyways, I don't think NA is the place for me, and after the way I was treated I would be afraid to go. I don't usually return to a place that was abusive to me. So, I will just have to get by with help from everyone on here and the support I have at home, and my own determination and will power. But I am really starting to believe that I can do this.
The response and care from all of you has been heart warming and amazing, and I can't thank all of you enough
I really think I have the right place for support and information. Today has been a great day, I stuck to my goal for the day and I mean obviously since my husband has the key to the safe and he only gave me 4 of my pills that is all I could take, so that is what I took...and even though right now I am really wanting to take more, I keep telling myself that I can do this. The bad thing is, I am actually really hurting, and No, its not because I want more pain medication, it is because I have a spinal headache because I was late taking my headache medication this morning and also because I have been so tense with stress about all of this my neck muscles are tight. But I am going to relax and just breathe through the pain. Sometimes meditation helps me to relax and then my neck doesn't hurt as much. Anyways, I don't think NA is the place for me, and after the way I was treated I would be afraid to go. I don't usually return to a place that was abusive to me. So, I will just have to get by with help from everyone on here and the support I have at home, and my own determination and will power. But I am really starting to believe that I can do this.
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
Shakota, regrettably, AA, NA, isn't a cure for everything that can go wrong with a person. My nephew had a back operation last year and is in more pain than before. Just do your best to stay out of pain and not become addicted. Pain is something very hard to live with. Also Shakota what you experienced in that NA meeting isn't the norm, but it does happen. Rootin for ya.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
If you would have read some of the literature you would have seen that it clearly states to consult a professional. That the responsibility lies solely on the individual.The purpose of my posting the NA link was to assure you that the people in NA who made you feel uncomfortable were wrong. To stand in judgement of you.
Narcotics Anonymous as a whole has no opinion on outside issues, including health issues.
This pamphlet does not tell you in any way how you should handle your medical issues except to say it is important to inform your doctor if you are an addict. Which is common sense . God Bless you!
One person does not represent NA as a whole. Sorry you had a bad experience.
Narcotics Anonymous as a whole has no opinion on outside issues, including health issues.
This pamphlet does not tell you in any way how you should handle your medical issues except to say it is important to inform your doctor if you are an addict. Which is common sense . God Bless you!
One person does not represent NA as a whole. Sorry you had a bad experience.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 43
I am sorry if I offended you, that was not my intention at all. I found what you said very supportive and helpful. I am just very leery of anything having to do with NA now. I am sorry I had a bad experience too. I had really hoped they could help me, but I am one of those people that once I am hurt by someone or something, I don't go back. I learned that after years of abuse from my ex-husband, its just who I am. Also, I have said before, I CAN'T tell my doctor about being an "addict" because he will immediately stop treating me and there aren't any other pain management doctors in my area. That would leave me in horrific pain and having to go to the ER on a regular basis for pain medication which would eventually get me flagged as a drug seeker, which I am not. Where I live regular doctors don't handle long term pain medication, so that is why pain management doctors are the only way to go. Plus here in Oklahoma doctors are not very quick to jump into the pain management business because of all the hoops they have to jump through to do it because of all the laws that have been put into place since Oklahoma is one of the top states for prescription drug abuse. Also, I am not really sure the word "addict" is the correct word to describe me or my situation. I'm not sure I am at that stage yet...but I am very close to it. I don't jump from doctor to doctor. I don't visit multiple ERs, or buy my pills from the street. When I run out early I don't go crazy, sure I miss the pills, but I don't freak out. I don't even really go through withdrawals, I experience a little bit of depression maybe, and a slight upset stomach, other than that I don't have any problems. As I said before, the most I have ever taken in a day are 10 pills. I have read where other "addicts" took 25-30 pills in a day...I would be dead if I did that. My issue is about getting my self back in control and stop taking two at a time and go back to taking 1 at a time and controlling myself and being satisfied with only taking my prescribed 4 pills daily. which given that now that my husband has my pills locked up in a safe and he has the only key and I was honest with him about me sneaking around and getting his keys and getting more out of the safe...he keeps his keys on him at all times. I don't have a choice in the matter any more. So now, I just have to train my brain to understand that I only get 4 and I have to deal with that.
I also have to learn to deal with the shame and guilt I have been feeling about my problem. I think that I was lucky and I have been able to catch this early enough before it turned into a more serious problem. I don't know if I am a full blown "addict" or if I am just afraid to use that word to describe myself and I am in denial....I just don't know....what is the definition of an addict? Or is my situational due to the fact that I am on pain management and of course you can read anything on pain management and it says that anyone that is on a program like that will eventually end up "dependent" on the medication.
Again, I am sorry if I offended you, that was not my intention. I respect the fact that you are in NA and it has done great things for you and has helped you with your problems, that is wonderful. I guess it just isn't for me, and because of my bad experience I am shying away from it. But I am glad that it is there and that it has helped so many people.
I also have to learn to deal with the shame and guilt I have been feeling about my problem. I think that I was lucky and I have been able to catch this early enough before it turned into a more serious problem. I don't know if I am a full blown "addict" or if I am just afraid to use that word to describe myself and I am in denial....I just don't know....what is the definition of an addict? Or is my situational due to the fact that I am on pain management and of course you can read anything on pain management and it says that anyone that is on a program like that will eventually end up "dependent" on the medication.
Again, I am sorry if I offended you, that was not my intention. I respect the fact that you are in NA and it has done great things for you and has helped you with your problems, that is wonderful. I guess it just isn't for me, and because of my bad experience I am shying away from it. But I am glad that it is there and that it has helped so many people.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Hello Shakota, and welcome to SR, it's good to have you with us.
I have no relevant experience to share, I just wanted to say from reading these posts, you have nothing to apologise for, the other 2 posters disagreed with each other that's all. Don't worry x
Your position does sound a difficult one. In the UK we have pain management clinics. Do you have anything similar? I understand not wanting to share your addiction problems with your docs for fear of them withdrawing meds completely, but it's a dangerous path. There may be other drugs available that you or your current doc are unaware of, less addictive maybe, that only a specialist in pain management will know about. I'm glad the osteopath is helping.
Thankyou for posting, and I hope someone with more relevant experience will be along shortly x
I have no relevant experience to share, I just wanted to say from reading these posts, you have nothing to apologise for, the other 2 posters disagreed with each other that's all. Don't worry x
Your position does sound a difficult one. In the UK we have pain management clinics. Do you have anything similar? I understand not wanting to share your addiction problems with your docs for fear of them withdrawing meds completely, but it's a dangerous path. There may be other drugs available that you or your current doc are unaware of, less addictive maybe, that only a specialist in pain management will know about. I'm glad the osteopath is helping.
Thankyou for posting, and I hope someone with more relevant experience will be along shortly x
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Hi Shakota. I empathize with your situation. I have chronic pain issues, too, and got heavily addicted to my pain meds. You are wise to seek help now before it could get worse. You're willingness to try alternatives and be honest will help you tremendously.
I was wondering if you've tried any other methods of treating your pain, like with acupuncture. It could be an adjunct to your current treatment and help you with needing less pain medicine. I also wonder if your doctor tried you on any time release pain medications that are available as a patch. Those are much harder to misuse as you apply them once every few days and your husband could keep them locked up for you. Just a thought.
Have you considered any counseling to help with the addiction and pain? That might be able to help you sort out your choices and the extra support can be a real lifesaver. Take care.
I was wondering if you've tried any other methods of treating your pain, like with acupuncture. It could be an adjunct to your current treatment and help you with needing less pain medicine. I also wonder if your doctor tried you on any time release pain medications that are available as a patch. Those are much harder to misuse as you apply them once every few days and your husband could keep them locked up for you. Just a thought.
Have you considered any counseling to help with the addiction and pain? That might be able to help you sort out your choices and the extra support can be a real lifesaver. Take care.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
