I am sorry if I offended you, that was not my intention at all. I found what you said very supportive and helpful. I am just very leery of anything having to do with NA now. I am sorry I had a bad experience too. I had really hoped they could help me, but I am one of those people that once I am hurt by someone or something, I don't go back. I learned that after years of abuse from my ex-husband, its just who I am. Also, I have said before, I CAN'T tell my doctor about being an "addict" because he will immediately stop treating me and there aren't any other pain management doctors in my area. That would leave me in horrific pain and having to go to the ER on a regular basis for pain medication which would eventually get me flagged as a drug seeker, which I am not. Where I live regular doctors don't handle long term pain medication, so that is why pain management doctors are the only way to go. Plus here in Oklahoma doctors are not very quick to jump into the pain management business because of all the hoops they have to jump through to do it because of all the laws that have been put into place since Oklahoma is one of the top states for prescription drug abuse. Also, I am not really sure the word "addict" is the correct word to describe me or my situation. I'm not sure I am at that stage yet...but I am very close to it. I don't jump from doctor to doctor. I don't visit multiple ERs, or buy my pills from the street. When I run out early I don't go crazy, sure I miss the pills, but I don't freak out. I don't even really go through withdrawals, I experience a little bit of depression maybe, and a slight upset stomach, other than that I don't have any problems. As I said before, the most I have ever taken in a day are 10 pills. I have read where other "addicts" took 25-30 pills in a day...I would be dead if I did that. My issue is about getting my self back in control and stop taking two at a time and go back to taking 1 at a time and controlling myself and being satisfied with only taking my prescribed 4 pills daily. which given that now that my husband has my pills locked up in a safe and he has the only key and I was honest with him about me sneaking around and getting his keys and getting more out of the safe...he keeps his keys on him at all times. I don't have a choice in the matter any more. So now, I just have to train my brain to understand that I only get 4 and I have to deal with that.
I also have to learn to deal with the shame and guilt I have been feeling about my problem. I think that I was lucky and I have been able to catch this early enough before it turned into a more serious problem. I don't know if I am a full blown "addict" or if I am just afraid to use that word to describe myself and I am in denial....I just don't know....what is the definition of an addict? Or is my situational due to the fact that I am on pain management and of course you can read anything on pain management and it says that anyone that is on a program like that will eventually end up "dependent" on the medication.
Again, I am sorry if I offended you, that was not my intention. I respect the fact that you are in NA and it has done great things for you and has helped you with your problems, that is wonderful. I guess it just isn't for me, and because of my bad experience I am shying away from it. But I am glad that it is there and that it has helped so many people.