Yukonm, Thank you so much for your offer of support, it is nice to know I am not alone. Being alone, feeling alone sometimes is so destructive. My husband is my fairy tale love. I could not have asked for a better man, I don't know how I got so lucky but I am so very grateful that he is in my life. My son and my husband are the reason why I want to get this under control. The fear of taking too much and not waking up is sometimes overwhelming. I would never want to do that to my family. The thought of my husband waking up one morning and me dead next to him, or my son coming home from school and finding me dead from OD makes my heart hurt.
Since yesterday is when I got my new cycle of medications, my husband and I came up with a "reward" plan to help keep me motivated. I know it seems and sounds childish....
So, I am supposed to take my pills 4 times a day...if I am honest I really only need to take them 3 times a day unless a spinal headache kicks in, then I need 4 if not more. Anyways, my husband said that everyday when he comes home that if I have only taken 3 of pills (unless I absolutely needed the 4th one) he will give me a neck and back massage for 20 minutes. This also helps with the pain.
Something I did last night was look up all kinds of inspirational and hope quotes. I wrote them down on index card and decorated them. This served as a double purpose, it kept me occupied so I didn't think of my medications. I am putting these cards up around the house where I can see them, that way whenever I think about taking too much, I will see those cards and think twice. I also cut up slips of paper with small quotes and also my son and husband's names and put them in the bottle that my husband uses to put my daily ration of pills in. Now, whenever I go to get my pill out of the bottle, I see my goals and the reminder to myself that I am only going to take one for my son and husband. Then, my husband said that if at the end of the the month and I was good and stayed on track with my medication that he will give me extra money to go play bingo with my best friend.
So I know it all sounds childish, I am 32 and my husband is giving me money and treats and rewards for being a good girl, but I think he is wonderful and sweet to even think of doing something like that. If it was my ex husband he would have just ignored it or beat the addiction out of me.
