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New and scared and unsure!!!

Old 05-15-2013, 03:01 PM
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New and scared and unsure!!!

I'm new to this site and I thank God I found it! I am now 45 hours without my DOC which is hydrocodone (Lortab)... I started taking them about 12 years ago when I had a cervical spine fusion..But the past two years have gotten out of hand and require more and more just to feel normal!! My husband has also been on this med for about 3 years after a life threatening illness that required multiple and extensive surgeries....He is actually in rehab at this moment! He got way out of hand and abused more than the Lortab...so it was great that he and I both always had meds! And of course had some hook ups....while rehab seems to be helping him, I feel I don't have that option...we have 2 kids...I am a Nurse and the only income we have at this time!! And NOBODY but him knows about this!!! And I don't even have him to talk to at this point!!! I am scared of the withdrawals!! Being a nurse, I KNOW how this can be!! Like I said, it's been 45 hours...and so far, I can honestly say not that bad!! I had been tapering for about a week...I'm having the tummy issues..but not too horrible...had a little trouble falling asleep last night but took Beandryl and that helped. I guess my question is, is this gonna hit me like a sledgehammer in a day or two?? I have read so many helpful posts on here already!! Thank you all!!,
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Old 05-15-2013, 03:09 PM
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Hi and welcome rdy2live

I have no experience with lortabs at all, but I know you'll find support here in quitting for good.

Glad it's been ok so far.

D
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Old 05-15-2013, 03:16 PM
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Welcome to a great place, Rdy. I hope it helps to know you're not alone in dealing with this.

I'm glad you've made the decision to kick those out of your life. I don't have experience with drugs, so can't address your specific problem. Just want to congratulate you for making this decision - I know others will be along who've been through this. It'll feel so good to be free of it.
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Old 05-15-2013, 04:41 PM
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Welcome Rdy! I am a drug addict, I would take any opiate it didnt matter if it were tabd or percs, as long as they done what I needed thats all that mattered. Ive relapsed so many times before, an 12 days ago I decided this is it! Im doing pretty good right now, I would think if it were gonna hit you like a sledge hammer it would have happened already, I was pretty sick for the first 4 days, and my sickness started on day 1. Maybe it was good that you tapered yourself off, I never could do that, as long as I had them I would take them. Just stick with it, dont give in! You have came to the right place, SR has helped me to day 12, without it & the caring people here Im sure I would have failed already, just keep reading & posting here, when I get a craving I come here immediately, it really does help reduce those nasty craving...Good Luck & stay strong
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Old 05-15-2013, 05:28 PM
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Back when I was on Lortab/Vidodin/Norcos the withdrawals would wake me up in the morning, so I started feeling it within about 6 hours. The first thing I had to do was pop a pill to be functional. I would say that if you've made it 45 hours with no terrible W/D's the fact that you tapered may have saved you from the worst of it.
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Old 05-15-2013, 05:50 PM
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I hope that you continue to get through this.
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Old 05-15-2013, 06:33 PM
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You've come to a great place for support.
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Old 05-15-2013, 06:47 PM
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Congrats on deciding to quit. I luckily stopped Percocet before becoming physically addicted and now I've thrown away my prescription bottle. I never became addicted is I downed 60 pills in 3days. My mother was an opiate addict and it finally killed her. This is serious. This is our lives. Right now, I feel good sober. There is some boredom, but I no longer want the "excitement" really stress of practicing an addiction. I wish Yyou the best.
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Old 05-16-2013, 11:30 AM
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Thanks for the support and encouragement!! Last night I had a KILLER headache, which I KNOW is part of this process!! And I would have much rather been at home lying around than at work...but being at work really saved me!! On the drive to work I could feel the restlessness kicking in..But once I got there and got busy I forgot about the restless and jittery feeling! And I was really nervous how my tummy was gonna act up on me! We were slammed last night so there was no way I could have stayed in the bathroom! I just thank GOD for Lomotil as it has really helped me! Of course, when things slowed down and I got still, my mind and body would start racing and I would have to get up and do something to divert my attention..I have had the hot flashes and my skin looks like I've got a sunburn..is that normal?? I know the hot and cold thing is but just not sure if anybody else gets like super red all over ( face, neck,chest, arms)...then comes the chill bumps...I've got the stuffy nose and sneezing but have been taking Zyrtec and Benadryl which seems to help me..I am home from work now and I have been up for about 27 hours so we will see how well sleep goes for me today!!
@Grungehead- I know what you mean! As soon as my eyes popped open in the mornings, my restlessness was already setting in! I was never waking in the middle of my sleep to have to take anything...I would get my normal 6-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep(which I am thankful for) I hope my tapering is gonna be what has helped me so far...I know I could have tapered a little better than i did...had a few bad days and set backs...but not gonna harp on them! I actually had days that I could take 2-3 pills in the morning and make it 8-9 hours before I just couldn't stand it any longer! The last 3-4 days of my tapering was a total "have to" situation!! Like I said before, Hubby is now in rehab so I got the pleasure of moving back in with my family...who know absolutely NOTHING about this!! So I had to figure a way not to be so sick and have to answer questions I really don't want to answer!

@SickNSooootired-12 days is great!!! I am looking forward to 12 days!!! I was excited to get to 12 hours!!! LOL...I know all too well about wanting them as long as you have them!! It was torture to make those last few pills last me over the time frame I had given myself! To me, the psychological part of this is killing me worse than the physical!! If you don't mind me asking, which is worse for you and how did(do) you handle it??! i'm new to this, but i am proud of you!!!!
I really have gotten a lot of helpful advice from here so far and I feel like I have been thrown a life preserver while I was just drifting out in the ocean!
Lately I have been getting a little depressed because my Hubby is in his rehab program and getting so much help and support and counseling (and doing GREAT by the way) Don't get me wrong, I am so proud of him and I support him 100%..and we made this decision to do this together...I just feel stuck because nobody knows my issues...and I know that is all my fault because I am such a private person!! And then i feel guilty because when I go to visit him he tells me how worried he is about me and my progress...He says he can tell I'm doing much better and that he is proud of me! I guess I just feel like I have no support system!!! Or I DIDN'T until I came here!! And of course we don't say too much to each other over the phone each day because their calls are monitored...I can't wait to see him this next visit to tell him my progress!! I just hope I'm having a good day! He tells me every day that I am strong and that i WILL SURVIVE!! and I KNOW HE KNOWS first hand! So that does help and boost me up some!!
Thank you all for the warm reception and encouraging words and I am sure I will be here ALOT during this process!! Hubby comes home in less than a month and I am def gonna encourage him to come here too!!
I just keep telling myself "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger!!!"
Best of luck everybody!!!!
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Old 05-16-2013, 12:23 PM
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Welcome Rdy! I don't know much about pills but I am new here too and the people here are so wonderful and friendly. I already feel comfortable here. There is a lot of great support here and I wish you luck with your recovery. Stay strong!
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Old 05-16-2013, 12:29 PM
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Hey Rdy, it sounds like your doing great! My face & chest were also red, actually still is, really dont understand that part :/ But as far as which was the hardest, ALL of it lol, once I got over the physical sickness it became all physiological, of course that was there from the beginning too, it seemed I had a one track mind, PILLS, PILLS, PILLS! Thats all I could think about, but for the past 3 days it hasnt been so bad, of course I still think about them, that demon isnt ready to leave me alone yet, but when I do I come here, and it does help just to read & post. If it hadnt been for me stumbling upon SR Im pretty sure I would still be using, but I see Im not as alone as I think I am and that helps tremendously too, Im like you, my family has no idea, or maybe they do somewhere in their minds but havent let me know, I have 2 people who know what Ive been going through, one is my room mate who has been on me for a long time about the pills wanting me to stop, the other is my supplier! So I can relate to everything your saying here, but we can do this! I envy you for being able to go to work, there was no way I could have went to work during that time ughhh, so thats great that your staying active! Just keep posting / reading here on SR, & stay strong! You CAN beat this!
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Old 05-16-2013, 01:35 PM
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Isn't it amazing how LOUD those little voices in your head can be!?!?!
SNST- I feel like you do...I feel like if I had not stumbled onto this site I really would be, at this very moment, trying to figure out a way to get my meds!!
I will honestly tell you that this decision has been a long thought out process...I had that one "friend" ( yeah, right!!) that I know I could call at any time and would always come through with something...Well, 2 weeks ago today, I stopped that relationship "cold turkey"!! I mean, this person was calling and texting before I ever opened my eyes every single morning!!! So, that morning I never responded to any text or call...and believe me, there were MANY!! And they got real ugly at one point...But I stopped reading them, just deleted them...Blocked and deleted the number!! And I don't know anybody's numbers anymore..LOL...i just rely on the name I can pull up on my contact list....So I started that part of the life change then..That felt like a huge weight lifted off my back!!! When I told my Hubby about it that week at his rehab visitation, I don't think I have seen him that happy in years!! That made me feel great! I just hate that I can't share all of these experiences with him all the time...the good, the bad, the horrible, the funny, the sad, the big, and the
small!! That's been the hardest for me! It's always just been the two of us for 25 years! Truly my best friend! Maybe we needed to go through this apart to appreciate it and succeed at it! And don't get me wrong, I have not deluded myself into thinking that this will be an easy fix or that I won't relapse and have to start this whole horrific process over again! I'm just so tired of this whole life we get sucked into!
Lord knows the ONLY reason I have been able to go to work is the fact that i dread having to ask my Mom for money MORE than I dread these dang symptoms..LOL!! You all just don't have a clue!!!LOL!!!! She's a scary woman! Honestly, I LOVE my parents!! But having to live with them again at 40 would actually drive most people TO drugs rather than AWAY from them!! HEY, I think I just found my motivation!!! LOL....Having my life back and my money back to get our home back!! I'm sorry guys, I tend to ramble...maybe it's just all the restlessness lately...
I get such encouragement from reading about everybody's experiences!!
WE can all beat this together!!!!
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Old 05-16-2013, 02:05 PM
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Talking welcome to our new world

Being afraid is difficult, but not only because of situation. Being afraid is a feeling. Having feelings is new to me and many of us. I've leared at meetings that not being afraid, in many cases was because I was drinking. There are times when we should be afraid. When sober I am afraid of crossing against traffic. Many times when drunk I don't know how I walked hame in black outs. Strange, but sometimes being afraid id a delayed feeling for what I've done. Feelings are normal, but because they are new to me.I am afraid because, sober I care about me and what happens around. Feeling afraid, was always someting others felt for me. I heard it many times Don, I'm afraid for you. They were taking my responsiblty for me. In our sober life we 're responsible. So, welcome to our new world , friend. Donz2
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Old 05-16-2013, 02:22 PM
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Jenn, getting a job & getting my own place is my motivation too! Im 51 and Ive lived with my mother a few times, that was a horror story in itself lol, so I can probably relate to that too. I just decided I want a life, a normal life. I was sick more than I felt good toward the end of using anyway, so what was the point? I figured I might as well be sick for a couple of weeks rather than be sick for 3 or 4 days a week for the rest of my life. I didnt have a prescription for the meds so of course I had to spend money I didnt have for them and as we know they arent cheap! If I could get 20 a day I would do 20 a day an worry about how I will get more for tomorrow, tomorrow....The chase was exhausting me. Its funny how talking to someone who understands what your going through seems to make it a little better. Right now Im having a little anxiety so I think I better get myself busy doing something. Oh 1 more thing, I deleted every contact from my phone that I could call for what I needed, only thing is the main one is branded in my brain lol, I also see her & talk to her every day, but she dont try to push anything on me nor does she do anything in front of me, not sure I could handle that right now....
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Old 05-16-2013, 02:28 PM
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Sorry I called you Jenn Rdy! Ive been chatting with Jenn for awhile, yep I think I need A BREAK
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Old 05-16-2013, 02:42 PM
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That's IT!!! it's so exhausting!!!! And you literally have to get to that breaking point!!! I never understood the term " hitting rock bottom" .....NEVER thought that would describe ME!!! Boy have I eaten my words!!! I am NO DIFFERENT THAN ANYBODY ELSE!!! And for the first time in a really long time, that makes me feel wonderful!! Somebody else "GETS" me...other than the hubby!!! I know exactly where you are coming from...take what you have today and worry about tomorrow in the morning!! One main difference was me and hubby both did have scripts for our meds...but of course that never lasted the whole month...
I'm glad you got rid of all your contacts...well except the one...but, hey! We are only human!! Don't beat yourself up over it!! Trust me, if I wanted my persons number back, all I would have to do is pull phone records!! Or go to her house! She has no car and is always home!! I was actually always her ride!! She was using me as a Taxi service!! My gas!! My miles!! And then it was, "can you buy me some beer?" "Can you loan me money?" "Can you pay for this?" BOY was I stupid!! But that is the nature of this beast! I NEEDED her so she knew she could use me!!! NO MORE!! I'm glad the one person that you are still around doesn't try to push you into anything!! That shows some willpower on your part too!!! Proud of you!!! Small steps..that is what is working for me at this point...I'm having to look at day by day and sometimes hour by hour!!!
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Old 05-16-2013, 02:43 PM
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It's ok!! I'm still awake going on 32 hours!! I would probably answer to just about anything at this point!! LOL!!!
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Old 05-16-2013, 03:31 PM
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Rdy, You are awesome! Our stories are so similar in many ways. It does feel good to hear from others who know what you are talking about. I'm glad you came here! I wish I knew exactly what to say to you. I was where you are now, exactly 2 months ago. If you have any questions, throw them out there. Someone will answer. This is a great place for support. I will help in any way I can. Put an end to the exhaustion. I'm so glad your husband is cleaning up, too, there will not be the temptation around the house anyway. I am alone in my struggle, my husband is very supportive, but he doesn't know how I feel or really how to help. If you have any specific questions, you can pm me.
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Old 05-16-2013, 04:39 PM
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Seems like a lot of us have similar stories, until I came here I really thought I was the only one, nobody knew how I felt. Its sad but it does help us so much knowing that we are not alone! Im sad because i know now that there are so many others going through this horrible addicting, its not just me. And to think of everything we have lost because we would rather have drugs. I hit rock bottom an still kept digging deeper, but Ive made up my mind Im tired of digging! Rdy, I know its hard to sleep almost impossible, and it sure makes the days long, but you will sleep soon, Im sleeping about 6 hours a night and I do good with that. I hope you will sleep tonight, you kind of start feeling disoriented after going without sleep for that long, but before you know it you will wake up an say WOW I slept! And thats when you know its uphill from there
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Old 05-16-2013, 05:12 PM
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Hello joygirl!!! Thanks for your post!!! I've gotten so much support and positive feedback in my short time here!! I'm so glad I found this "family"! I am new to this whole forum/chat room thing so if I ask a lot of crazy questions just overlook me..LOL...still learning how to navigate this site! I would love to pm you and ask some questions and stuff since you say we have similar stories...gotta figure out how to do that!
I actually just got off the phone with my hubby...He is doing great and he sounded even better when i told him I was actually doing ok and had found some new friends on here!! I'm glad your hubby is supportive of you! I know it has to be hard when your partner doesn't know what you are feeling and what you are going through! I know there is alot of support here, and I am new, but I am here for you too!!! I even told my hubby tonight that when he comes home, I suggest he join! He has tons of support and counseling there but I worry what is gonna happen when he comes home! I tell you what REALLY made me feel GREAT today!!! Today was payday and I actually have every penny of my check still in the bank!!! That hasn't happened in a very long time!!! Small steps and small victories!!!!
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