Very scared feeling suicidal
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: ft. lauderdale florida
Posts: 275
Very scared feeling suicidal
I feel like I'm done. The only reason I haven't done it yet because I have a son. I can't have him grow up knowing his mom killed herself and his father is an alcoholic. I was also raised catholic and feel the suffering will be worse on the other side. I feel so despret to escape. I feel so tired. I feel so alone. I can't do this anymore. I feel done at a dead end. I am alone with a 15 month old baby. I love him so much, but I am so unhappy. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up, but I can't leave him. I feel like the days never end. they just keep going on and on and on and on. I can't tell anyone how I feel I don't want anyone taking my son from me and then thowing me away in institution until I get better. That will just make it worse; more painful. I don't know what to do. Please help with words of encouragement. ..if I can just get through tonight.
Striving to be a better Man!
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 266
I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. Do you have any family that you can be around while you are feeling this way? You really should go to your doctor and be honest with habits and feelings and they will help you. If nothing else hang out with us here on the boards or in the chatroom. It gets better, I promise!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
I am so sorry you are in this spot. This is a phone number you can call. They are trained professionals and its completely confidential. Please give them a call, I think you need to talk to someone.
1.800.784.2433.
1.800.784.2433.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,578
Please read the following information and get help:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Wow))) - please do call and reach out. Suicide has been said to be a "permanent solution to a temporary problem" or something like that.
I've been where you are, though not with the baby. I thought my life was meant to be nothing but miserable, just couldn't deal with the now XABF.
I can tell you that these feelings don't have to last. Reach out, ask for help and be willing to take it. Sometimes that's the hardest part. I know I didn't feel "worthy" of help, but some great people insisted
We care, and we're here for you, but you may need more than we can offer. Please call the number (((LaFemme))) posted and talk to someone. YOU deserve more, as does your baby.
Love, hugs and prayers,
Amy
I've been where you are, though not with the baby. I thought my life was meant to be nothing but miserable, just couldn't deal with the now XABF.
I can tell you that these feelings don't have to last. Reach out, ask for help and be willing to take it. Sometimes that's the hardest part. I know I didn't feel "worthy" of help, but some great people insisted
We care, and we're here for you, but you may need more than we can offer. Please call the number (((LaFemme))) posted and talk to someone. YOU deserve more, as does your baby.
Love, hugs and prayers,
Amy
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Please call a hotline for help. Talk to someone. They might be able to help you see options you haven't thought of.
Nobody is going to take your son away and "throw you into an institution." You do need treatment for your depresssion. Many, many people suffer with depression even when they don't have alcoholic husbands and a baby to care for. It isn't a disgrace, and it isn't hopeless. And it IS treatable.
When you are depressed, you can't see options that are actually there. It's part of what being depressed is--inability to think clearly or to take actions that will help.
If you can't call a friend or family member, please call the hotline. Someone who is trained to help can talk to you, and a voice can be very comforting at times like this.
Many hugs, sweetie, you are gonna be OK again.
Nobody is going to take your son away and "throw you into an institution." You do need treatment for your depresssion. Many, many people suffer with depression even when they don't have alcoholic husbands and a baby to care for. It isn't a disgrace, and it isn't hopeless. And it IS treatable.
When you are depressed, you can't see options that are actually there. It's part of what being depressed is--inability to think clearly or to take actions that will help.
If you can't call a friend or family member, please call the hotline. Someone who is trained to help can talk to you, and a voice can be very comforting at times like this.
Many hugs, sweetie, you are gonna be OK again.
Just another day...
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 274
Im so sorry your feeling like this. I too felt exactly what you are feeling...and I too couldnt stand the thought of leaving my child motherless. I got through it and you can too. You are not alone with how you feel. Please call the number that was given.
You are in my thoughts.
You are in my thoughts.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: The Present
Posts: 425
Wow
No matter how you are feeling now, you must always hold uppermost in your mind that you are a very special person who one day will be a great mother to your son. Believe me, life has a habit of turning, and you will never stay in this dark place for long. Please believe that. In the meantime, as hard as it may be, pick up the phone and see a doctor. You have friends and support on this forum too, so keep coming here. You will find that many people like you (me included) turned to somebody for help in their biggest crisis. And that turned their lives around. Take care.
No matter how you are feeling now, you must always hold uppermost in your mind that you are a very special person who one day will be a great mother to your son. Believe me, life has a habit of turning, and you will never stay in this dark place for long. Please believe that. In the meantime, as hard as it may be, pick up the phone and see a doctor. You have friends and support on this forum too, so keep coming here. You will find that many people like you (me included) turned to somebody for help in their biggest crisis. And that turned their lives around. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
wow1323:
So happy you are making the telephone call! Please, please stick with it. Don't do it! Never do it! I (and I think I can say "we") understand the suffering you are going through but there is hope for you, happiness for you if you stick with it and get into recovery.
Ending one's life not only has the effects you mention (although I am not a Catholic I have serious religious fears about that). But, in addition to that, the impact on those who love you and who depend on you would be devastating. I know. Oh indeed, I know. My sister committed suicide in 1968. Her son did the same in 1971. I have never gotten over this. It has hovered like a cloud, like a ghost, over my whole life. Forty two years later I think about it every day, often every hour. And it devastated my mother, caused severe depression for her all the rest of her years. Twenty nine years of suffering for her.
So you owe it to yourself, to your loved ones and to God to live. And fight, and struggle, and hopefully to emerge, eventually, into the sunlight of recovery and of happiness.
Do keep in touch with all of us. We are here and we shall always be here to help in any way we can.
May the good Lord bless and keep you and make his face to shine upon you...
So happy you are making the telephone call! Please, please stick with it. Don't do it! Never do it! I (and I think I can say "we") understand the suffering you are going through but there is hope for you, happiness for you if you stick with it and get into recovery.
Ending one's life not only has the effects you mention (although I am not a Catholic I have serious religious fears about that). But, in addition to that, the impact on those who love you and who depend on you would be devastating. I know. Oh indeed, I know. My sister committed suicide in 1968. Her son did the same in 1971. I have never gotten over this. It has hovered like a cloud, like a ghost, over my whole life. Forty two years later I think about it every day, often every hour. And it devastated my mother, caused severe depression for her all the rest of her years. Twenty nine years of suffering for her.
So you owe it to yourself, to your loved ones and to God to live. And fight, and struggle, and hopefully to emerge, eventually, into the sunlight of recovery and of happiness.
Do keep in touch with all of us. We are here and we shall always be here to help in any way we can.
May the good Lord bless and keep you and make his face to shine upon you...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 207
Wow - Please let us know after you have made your calls for help. The best way we can help you right now is to make sure you reach out to a professional - whether it be a hotline or another source to get help. I noticed in a previous post that you had begun to see a therapist - not sure if you actually did but if so, that is another resource for you. Many confidential ways to reach out at a time like this for you. We all care very much.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Just wanted to say that you are not alone. I too have felt the way that you described too many times in my life. There are no words that can describe that "tired and alone" feeling as it can be so overwhelming.
The only reason I am alive today is very similar to why you are, my kids saved my life because I did not want to leave a legacy of suicide for them to deal with as they grow up. After my children were grown and no longer were dependent upon me I struggled even more with suicide.
Even after I quit drinking, I am an alcoholic, I still struggled with depression and suicide. I finally on the advice of several friends sought help with a mental health provider. It has been a struggle over the past 10 years but I am very grateful to those people that encouraged me to seek help.
It has taken many different medication attempts to find the combination that works best for me. There are people who only need medicine for a short period of time to get them past that initial hump of a seasonal or situational depression. You might be one of the fortunate ones. Unfortunately for me, I am someone who will require medication the rest of my life due to PTSD, chronic depression, chronic anxiety, and bipolar disorder (all were diagnosed in sobriety).
Hang in there and try to believe that there is hope that things will get better. Always remember that it is better to chase a dream (hope) than to let go and miss all the music life has to offer. I know for me that has paid off and my children are better for my hanging onto hope.
Please keep us posted and share how things are progressing. Please feel free to post in and read out mental health forums as well. Take care. I look forward to hearing from you.
The only reason I am alive today is very similar to why you are, my kids saved my life because I did not want to leave a legacy of suicide for them to deal with as they grow up. After my children were grown and no longer were dependent upon me I struggled even more with suicide.
Even after I quit drinking, I am an alcoholic, I still struggled with depression and suicide. I finally on the advice of several friends sought help with a mental health provider. It has been a struggle over the past 10 years but I am very grateful to those people that encouraged me to seek help.
It has taken many different medication attempts to find the combination that works best for me. There are people who only need medicine for a short period of time to get them past that initial hump of a seasonal or situational depression. You might be one of the fortunate ones. Unfortunately for me, I am someone who will require medication the rest of my life due to PTSD, chronic depression, chronic anxiety, and bipolar disorder (all were diagnosed in sobriety).
Hang in there and try to believe that there is hope that things will get better. Always remember that it is better to chase a dream (hope) than to let go and miss all the music life has to offer. I know for me that has paid off and my children are better for my hanging onto hope.
Please keep us posted and share how things are progressing. Please feel free to post in and read out mental health forums as well. Take care. I look forward to hearing from you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: ft. lauderdale florida
Posts: 275
I keep trying to dial. I can't. I need someone here to give me permission to put my son to bed an hour earlier; at 6pm. instead of 7pm and then I can call. I can't with him next to me. I don't want him to see me cry.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Wow))) - put your son to bed and make the call. It's okay to do this. Your well-being affects the both of you, and an extra hour of sleep will, for him, will be just fine. Just make the call, sweetie, and keep us posted, okay?
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Put him to bed now as it is better for him to go to bed an hour early and you get help than for him to stay up till his regular bedtime and you suffer longer because of it. He needs a mom who can be there for him to help him as he grows. You can be that mother all it takes is reaching your hand out and making that initial call. It does get easier after that as you will be amazed at the support you find.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 207
You might be scared and nervous to call for help - needing permission to put your son to bed is simply putting this off. As others have said, I hope you are putting him to bed right now and then will make the call you need to. Or call with him there - just make the call no matter how hard. You can't put it off thinking that if things get better tonight then you will be OK. And if you do feel better then you will not do it because you will feel you don't need to because you are OK. But it sounds like this has been going on for awhile so you need to do something and not wait until you are in crisis. Many of us are here online so let us know after you make the call.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Wow -
You mentioned you are Catholic... so am I. As we both know, God is always there to talk to. He's always available to listen. And He's always there to provide strength, encouragement and to guide us when we feel lost. Now would be a great time to give Him a call in your head. He already knows what's wrong so you don't have to retell it....you just need to try and clear your mind to listen to His directions. Feel free to tell Him you're scared, don't really know what to do and don't want to do the one thing you can think of.. He'll understand........and He'll let you know what He wants you to do. And if you don't think you have the power to do what He tells you.....just ask Him for some help and He'll be glad to.
You mentioned you are Catholic... so am I. As we both know, God is always there to talk to. He's always available to listen. And He's always there to provide strength, encouragement and to guide us when we feel lost. Now would be a great time to give Him a call in your head. He already knows what's wrong so you don't have to retell it....you just need to try and clear your mind to listen to His directions. Feel free to tell Him you're scared, don't really know what to do and don't want to do the one thing you can think of.. He'll understand........and He'll let you know what He wants you to do. And if you don't think you have the power to do what He tells you.....just ask Him for some help and He'll be glad to.
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