Wow - Please let us know after you have made your calls for help. The best way we can help you right now is to make sure you reach out to a professional - whether it be a hotline or another source to get help. I noticed in a previous post that you had begun to see a therapist - not sure if you actually did but if so, that is another resource for you. Many confidential ways to reach out at a time like this for you. We all care very much.