You might be scared and nervous to call for help - needing permission to put your son to bed is simply putting this off. As others have said, I hope you are putting him to bed right now and then will make the call you need to. Or call with him there - just make the call no matter how hard. You can't put it off thinking that if things get better tonight then you will be OK. And if you do feel better then you will not do it because you will feel you don't need to because you are OK. But it sounds like this has been going on for awhile so you need to do something and not wait until you are in crisis. Many of us are here online so let us know after you make the call.