ghal

Also, Withdrawal will usually peak around the 48 hour mark so you have some tough hours ahead if you drink like this alcoholic. But, even if you have never had DTs it could still happen and that might happen a day or two from now. I really think you would be wise to get something to take for the next 3-4 days. This is risky IMO. Regardless, I really believe you will drink again unless you accept the fact that you are powerless over alcohol and admit that your willpower can't keep you sober. It's easy stop drinking but damn hard to stay/live sober if you don't accept that you aren't as powerful as the drug but God is. Good luck!

ElChupacabra

35 hours. The shakes and anxiety have largely gone and physical strength is beginning to come back. Head is still a bit fuzzy though. I think once the dizziness goes and it clears I will be over the worst.

I stress to people her that although I went on a serious bender this week, I do not usually drink this much, nor have I been drinking every day for years on end. I started this detox the minute I got withdrawals so as much to become physically dependant.

My motivation for quitting drink is because it makes me very tired and unmotivated. Plus I like it too much and I know that if I go on having binges I will screw up my health.

ElChupacabra

I may be able to control it, but I like it too much and that's the problem. It's a bit like sex addiction. The physical dependancy isn't really there and only occurs of I go on a mega binge, after which I detox.

The problem I have is that sometimes after those binges I get withdrawals. I don't like them and it takes days out of my schedule, thus is affecting my productivity. That's why I want to stop.

You know, a lot of people here are very preachy. It's almost as if people want me to hit their type of rock bottom, say a bottle and half of vodka every day for 20 years, in order to truly be serious about knocking the drinking on the head.

jay77

I've found the opposite to be true. I recognize that many of the "people here" have been through this before. I never imagined I'd meet people with such similar experiences.

BTW, I recently read that the mortality rate for DT is 35% without treatment.

But I can't preach about anything. I went sober at home, had major anxiety, still suffering from insomnia, but nothing like DT. It's different for everyone tho.

I hope the best for you. Keep it up, do what works, and I hope you feel better soon.

Toronto68

"You know, a lot of people here are very preachy. It's almost as if people want me to hit their type of rock bottom, say a bottle and half of vodka every day for 20 years, in order to truly be serious about knocking the drinking on the head. "

Actually, El C, it's more like a lot of people are cognizant of their very real feelings about suffering from an addiction and recovering from it, and you don't understand anything but your detox agenda that you are journalling here.

I can't force you to appreciate the sensible voices of experience here anymore than I can force you to change the non-Mr-Spock style of thinking you possess, which believes repeated self-administered detox is the way to go. Like alcoholism is an ON/OFF switch, only a little gas to go with it

I actually don't now whether you are suffering from alcohol or are an internet troll.

wanttolive

ElChu, I have to agree with the preachiness on the boards laltely. It is pretty much why I stopped posting...Obviously you are intelligent enough that if you go into some major medical issue you know what to do..

I always find (and I hate to say that. I want to be done for good) my day 2 is the worst. By day three I feel crummy but the worst of the twitching and shakes are over with. And I was a 1 bottle of vodka a day girl for a long time...

Stick with it! You can do this!

ElChupacabra

Alcoholism is physically progressive, right? I've gone, in recent years, from hangovers to mild withdrawals. Had I been drinking, say, a bottle of spirits a day for a month or more than I would be looking to go to hospital or the doctor. But I'm just not that far gone, despite this week's bender. Therefore I will take my chances. I have both drink and emergency calls at hand if I feel too ill to suffer. I'm not an idiot. Three years ago when I spent a month on the vodka the withdrawals and physical exhaustion were astounding....and accordingly I sought both medical advice and tapered (at the doctor's suggestion). But this is much, much milder.

I have the desire to stop drinking. I plan to go to AA. What do I not understand? I choose to detox as the first step.

I very much appreciate the sensibilities here. It's just I know I am not that physically dependant one. My choice to stop drinking is a personal one as its now getting in the way of life's responsibilities.
Yes, I'm sure I would have been coming here on and off for 16 months if I were a troll.

I'm trying to get my life in order. In that respect I hope for some moral support. I don't expect borad members to dump that just because of the way choose to detox. I feel like some poeople on here are saying that do things the way they suggest, I am an idiot who shouldn't be respected or supported.

My biggest challenge isn't the detox. It staying off the sauce for good.

Dee74

Let's cool it with the troll talk, guys. Let's keep things supportive or I'll have to shut things down.

El C you've had a lot of good advice here - mostly offered in a spirit of concern...occasionally perhaps things have tipped over into frustration for some... but simply put, noone would post to you if they didn't care.

I wish you well, and I hope you decide to go on from here and move into recovery...
but if I understand anything from almost 3 years here, it's that that decision - like your detox one - must be yours to make.

D

ElChupacabra

Put it this way, getting myself to AA has been my biggest challenge because once I detox I convince myself that I am in good health and can drink normally. I then go back to drinking and manage it for ages. Then, all of a sudden, I go on a binge or two, usually to cover depression, get withdrawals, drink for a few days to keep them at bay and find myself back at this stage. My post history is reflective of that.

Its all about the mental side of it.

Dee74

I spent 20 years like that El C - exactly like that - and in my case I lost a career, and I lost people and things I cared about, because basically I wanted to drink...I was determined to drink but without the negative consequences.

If I had listened, if I had set aside my pride, if I had admitted and faced my fear of being sober, my life would probably have been this good 10 years earlier, and I may not have lost as much as I did, or destroyed my body so comprehensively.

D

Toronto68

Dee, I think your responses are better than mine; and that I'm not equipped to handle the situation properly, so I shouldn't be approaching it.

Sorry, everybody.

ElChupacabra

This is what I am thinking. Even if I go on a weekend binge with mates, I find that the hangover, even without withdrawals, stays with me for days on end. That never used to be the case so I was successful at whatever I did. But now it's clearly getting in the way of things. That's why I want to stop. The difficulty of stopping at this stage is that you try and convince yourself that you're not quite there yet. When I need to get into my skull is that "there" will creep up on me and the wrong time and have lasting consquences.

37 hours and counting......!

littlefish

That is great news! Welcome to AA. I hope you find that the experience is a positive one. I didn't understand alcoholism, I thought I knew, but I knew very little about the disease before I came to AA.
Many people are disappointed or baffled with their first AA meeting. I hope that if you are not comfortable with the first group you try, that you will give another one a try.

Every group is somewhat different and that is because each group is autonomous and can run the meeting as they wish, as long as it follows the traditions.

Some meetings can also not be all that inspiring. Sometimes people aren't really in the mood to share, sometimes the reading is not all that relevent to how you might be feeling that day. Maybe you will end up with a preachy person in the group, it happens. At AA meetings you will have a fair representation of the general population: so, yes, you will meet all kinds of folks at an AA meeting and some will annoy you.
But others will make you laugh, cry, and you will almost always have something to think about after leaving a meeting.

ElChupacabra

I'm planning on going to one near my office, which is in the middle of the legal and financial heart of London. Its not near any homes, so I'm hoping that there will be plenty of city workers like myself there.

Dee74

Not just at this stage - I was drinking all day everyday, punctuated by 'time off' and the sicknesses you describe...and I still wasn't an alcoholic to my mind.

Alcoholism is incredibly powerful in its delusion - it takes strengths like our intelligence and determination and uses them against our well being..and we barely notice.

You're streets ahead of where I was in self awareness, El C. It's a good thing to be. I hope you follow through and ultimately act on it

D

SCRedhead

ElC, I am hoping you are feeling better and I wish you the best. I have been drinking or drugging since I was 7. My older brother said, "Hey, try this." And that's how I started at age seven. As I type that I realize how utterly insane it sounds. I am now 45 years old! Long story short, I really did not understand alcoholism or detoxing at all. In March of 2009, I decided this had to stop. I could not live with the bottle and I could not live without it. I was lying in my bed, shaking, puking, sweating, hallucinating, too weak to get up, too sick to eat, too upset to sleep, it was absolute hell to me! I really wish I had gone to detox. Surely to goodness, it would have been easier! On Day 3 my mother called and told me she read that I could die from this and maybe she should get me to a doctor. I declined, too proud. I also think in my mind I felt I deserved all the pain and suffering. I was not letting anyone help me because it wasn't their fault I got this way. I have to laugh at myself now because it all seems so stupid! Just insane! If I can keep from picking up a drink or drug on 3/22/10 I will have an entire year of sobriety. That being said, I know (beyond a shadow of a doubt) that I COULD NOT have done any of this for this length of time without being open-minded, painfully honest, and extremely willing. I got to the point of saying "You know what? Nothing I have tried has worked. I do not know what to do or how to do it. All I know is I must get sober. Maybe I should listen to these "AA people", maybe I should try what they suggest, maybe they are right and I am wrong, maybe I can learn to live totally sober and still be happy, maybe my daughter will one day be proud of her mother again maybe she will be happy for me, maybe........just maybe.........." I thank God for those maybes! They were a very tiny speck of hope--all that I had left and they, AA, the steps, this site, my family, my friends, and many other things combined truly did save my life! I was so willing to do anything to quit drinking that I probably would have stripped naked and cut cartwheels down Main Street until being arrested if someone had said "Do this and you won't drink again." I totally surrendered - I gave up!

Whatever you do, just be safe and know that you are not alone! Please post more soon so we will know you are OK.

By the way, my life is awesome now, I would need pages and pages to tell you how much better it is--and it's only been 11 months! I look forward to seeing what tomorrow will bring!

SCRedhead

Wow, that's funny.......can you tell I talk a little too much? Somewhere in the beginning of that last post I actually typed long story short.
Oh my, I do entertain myself with my silliness!
Sorry guys!:rotfxko

catch-22

El, you have just described my pattern...

vegibean

Hey ElC, how are you doing today? Hope you're feeling better.

ElChupacabra

It's 42 hours since I last had a drink. I have definately improved. I have a touch of mild anxiety, still a little weak and wobbly. Head is still a little fuzzy. A tiny bit of nausea. Otherwise not too bad.

Hopefully a good night's sleep will sort me out. I think the worst of it is past.