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I have it.....

Old 02-19-2010, 03:51 AM
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Worn out by booze
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I have it.....

....I have the true desire now. Enough is enough. I drank four bottles of wine yesterday to ward off withdrawals.

I've already started drinking today (its 11am here). I was off the booze several days this week, but I drank so much on Weds that I have been having super withdrawals since.

I am not able to work today as I need to drink half of what I drank yesterday and, god willing, go tomorrow without the sauce.

Three years ago when I got stuck on a bottle and a half of vodka a day all I wanted was to return to normality.

Well, life is different now, booze has still screwed me up still over the years, even though it was much reduced until now. With all the stress I have in my life at the moment I can feel myself going down the same road as three years ago, but not out of choice, rather because of the withdrawals.

This far. No further. Don't give a rat's arse if I never drink again once I get this godforsaken poison out of me. I've done too many withdrawals now. This has to be the last.

I want my life back.
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Old 02-19-2010, 04:38 AM
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I am not able to work today as I need to drink half of what I drank yesterday and, god willing, go tomorrow without the sauce.
Again - I recommend a Dr, El C. As someone who did it for years - self-medicating is madness.

Don't leave it in God's hands tomorrow - find help today.

D
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Old 02-19-2010, 05:04 AM
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PLEASE see a doctor now! They can help make your withdrawals safe and a bit easier. Please take care of yourself now. Don't wait, see a doctor today.
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Old 02-19-2010, 05:35 AM
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Originally Posted by ElChupacabra View Post
....I have the true desire now. Enough is enough. I drank four bottles of wine yesterday to ward off withdrawals.

I've already started drinking today (its 11am here). I was off the booze several days this week, but I drank so much on Weds that I have been having super withdrawals since.

I am not able to work today as I need to drink half of what I drank yesterday and, god willing, go tomorrow without the sauce.

Three years ago when I got stuck on a bottle and a half of vodka a day all I wanted was to return to normality.

Well, life is different now, booze has still screwed me up still over the years, even though it was much reduced until now. With all the stress I have in my life at the moment I can feel myself going down the same road as three years ago, but not out of choice, rather because of the withdrawals.

This far. No further. Don't give a rat's arse if I never drink again once I get this godforsaken poison out of me. I've done too many withdrawals now. This has to be the last.

I want my life back.
You Can Do it Man!
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Old 02-19-2010, 05:37 AM
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I cannot go to the doctor. I have to taper. If I go to the doctor then family find out what I have been up to and that causes real probs.
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Old 02-19-2010, 05:44 AM
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If you are planning to attempt detox on your own, your parents finding out is the least of your worries.
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Old 02-19-2010, 05:45 AM
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Originally Posted by ElChupacabra View Post
I cannot go to the doctor. I have to taper. If I go to the doctor then family find out what I have been up to and that causes real probs.
i tapered off Myself.. it Worked a Few Times.. the Last Time I Had To Go To The Hospital or i Could Have Died. it Gets Worse With Time!
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Old 02-19-2010, 05:47 AM
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Good luck to you.
Make this your time and don't go back again.
Nothing good can come from that.
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Old 02-19-2010, 05:59 AM
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Originally Posted by 24hrsAday View Post
i tapered off Myself.. it Worked a Few Times.. the Last Time I Had To Go To The Hospital or i Could Have Died. it Gets Worse With Time!
That's why this has to end now.
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Old 02-19-2010, 06:06 AM
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I once vowed that if i drunk again i would kill myself, i like the original post of enough is enough but not going to the docs because of family finding out is not so encouraging for you IMO...willing to go to any lengths and all that?!
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Old 02-19-2010, 07:06 AM
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Again, you can't save your a$$ and your face at the same time! Good luck.
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Old 02-19-2010, 07:20 AM
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Unless you are willing to do WHATEVER is necessary to live a sober life, you really don't have it. Sorry, but that's the bottom line. If you are letting ANYTHING stand in the way of serious recovery, you haven't yet reached your bottom.
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Old 02-19-2010, 07:21 AM
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I really hope you'll take the suggestion of seeking medical help. Your intake is very high and trying to do this on your own is dangerous.

At least maybe make a couple of phone calls to a hotline?????? Tell them honestly where you're at and get their advice????

I tried doing what you did and suffered a major seizure that I didn't recall having other then when I became conscious again I had slammed my head into the glass mirrored doors of my closet (and shattered them), chewed the hell out of my mouth and cut my arm up pretty badly.
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Old 02-19-2010, 07:38 AM
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Originally Posted by suki44883 View Post
Unless you are willing to do WHATEVER is necessary to live a sober life, you really don't have it. Sorry, but that's the bottom line. If you are letting ANYTHING stand in the way of serious recovery, you haven't yet reached your bottom.
No disrespect, but I think that's a huge load of crap. I'm not a shelf stacker in a supermarket. I am a very experienced lawyer with much responsibility and a great sense of duty to my family and friends. It's rubbish to say that someone shouldn't care about these things in order to "see the light". I want off the drink very much, but I also want to limit the damage to my life at the same time. Its tough, but I refuse to entertain the notion that the two are mutually exclusive. I put myself in this position. It's my duty to come out of it in the best way possible. That's what fighting is all about. Not just detoxing, but fighting for the continuation of your life.
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Old 02-19-2010, 07:41 AM
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I wish you much luck.
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Old 02-19-2010, 07:42 AM
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[QUOTE=vegibean;2520757]I really hope you'll take the suggestion of seeking medical help. Your intake is very high and trying to do this on your own is dangerous.[/quote} If I feel ill enough I'll take a drink until I can get to the hospital. My intake has only been this high for the past couple days. It's not something I have been doing for years.

At least maybe make a couple of phone calls to a hotline?????? Tell them honestly where you're at and get their advice????
Yup. Will do this.
I tried doing what you did and suffered a major seizure that I didn't recall having other then when I became conscious again I had slammed my head into the glass mirrored doors of my closet (and shattered them), chewed the hell out of my mouth and cut my arm up pretty badly.
How, much had you been drinking and how long?

So far today I have tapered and I am experienceing minor withdrawals because of the reduction.....but I'm trying to tolerate it.
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Old 02-19-2010, 07:56 AM
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Maybe you can go to a different doctor? I just changed to a different GP the other day, for a matter of convenience, and they didn't care as long as I was still living in a postcode that was in their area.

I am pretty sure you are allowed to register anywhere near where you live.
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Old 02-19-2010, 08:12 AM
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Originally Posted by ElChupacabra View Post
No disrespect, but I think that's a huge load of crap. I'm not a shelf stacker in a supermarket. I am a very experienced lawyer with much responsibility and a great sense of duty to my family and friends. It's rubbish to say that someone shouldn't care about these things in order to "see the light". I want off the drink very much, but I also want to limit the damage to my life at the same time. Its tough, but I refuse to entertain the notion that the two are mutually exclusive. I put myself in this position. It's my duty to come out of it in the best way possible. That's what fighting is all about. Not just detoxing, but fighting for the continuation of your life.
No offense, but the load of crap here is thinking that your intelligence and status has anything to do with this. Addiction does not discriminate. It doesn't care if you live on Park Ave. or a park bench, enrolled in Yale or sitting in jail. In my hard earned experience, intelligence and "fighting" it did nothing to solve my problem. I had to surrender, to quit fighting it, in order to recover.

Just last night in a meeting i listened to a person who's been clean&sober for over 20 years share that he's seen plenty of people who were "too smart" for recovery but that he's never encountered someone "too dumb". I agree with this and struggled for a long time, thinking that i was smarter, that someone of my my intelligence and experience could surely just will myself into freedom. That i could think my way into a new way of life. It didn't work that way and i suffered greatly for years.

I do not mean harm or insult with these comments. I'm sharing from a place of personal experience. There are many paths to freedom from addiction. I hope you find one that works for you. Regardless of whether it's a 12 step program, smart recovery, or anything else, i've never seen someone succeed long term who dind't make their recovery priority #1, at all costs. It's often been said that anything you put before your recovery will surely be the first things you lose.

I don't think anyone is saying that you shouldn't care about job, family, and friends, as you seem to indicate. I know i'm not saying that. But i am saying that recovery must be #1 for me, in order to fully give to and experience these other things.

You might be surprised how much your co-workers, family, and friends know already. For me, i was the last one to admit my problem. Everyone in my life said "About time!" when i got into recovery. And i thought i was keeping things secret from them. Yeah right.

Again, all the best in your journey. I'm pulling for you. Stay safe.
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Old 02-19-2010, 08:23 AM
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El, that's what scares me for you, it sounds like your intake is really close to where I was which is a lot!!

Believe me, I was right there with you too. I drank just to maintain what I had to do everyday, my responsibilities. I wasn't getting drunk, it wasn't fun, you know what I mean? I literally was drinking to keep from feeling sick and when I went the two days without.......OMG, it was no good.

Also, one other story you shared about having to pull over to buy some wine. I had to do almost the same rather I had to actually call a friend from my cell phone to come get me in her car because the withdrawals were so bad I couldn't even drive.

I'm glad you're going to make some phone calls. I'm totally rooting for you!!!
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Old 02-19-2010, 08:31 AM
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I hope this will be your time to finally quit drinking.



Success requires work and action EC
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