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Single mom...and new here..Kinda long, need HELP!!!

Old 03-02-2010, 10:20 PM
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Single mom...and new here..Kinda long, need HELP!!!

Yeah I been drinking lots, nothing I couldnt handle in the past. I divorced 5 years ago, but I have had some really awesome parents and other family help support me, and get me through hard times. Yeah I started drinking lots about 3 years ago. I didnt have any friends in this new area I moved to, untill I met a few other really good people!! but we all lived in different city's so we had a spot where we would all hook up after work!! Of course in a bar in the closest city to all of us!!!I finally have a few friends after living here for a few years. Yes Im going out as much as I can!!! Im starting to get pulled out of this depression, and single mom guilt that I have had for a few years!!! Then a DUI hit So Im a single working mom, with no social life all over again.. To those that dont understand...Imagine being home alone with Just your kids all the time!!! No wife or signifigant other around at all to help...It gets lonley...really lonely... I finally get the DUI out of the way!!! I start going to bars again!!! what the hell am I doing!?!? that DUI was the worst Expierence i have ever been through!!! I need a friend...a companion, thats not my son or my parents!!! Im not drinking like I was before, but im still drinking and driving none the less...Im accomplishing my goals!!! but still drinking too much...I have all my debt paid off, I bought a brand new car, And now Im talking myself out of the guilt I feel...Im a single mom right!! I need my time out, I should not feel guilty, what I am doing is perfectly normal...Well it is in my situation. I work in a casino, I hang out with casino employees and players....Our lives revolve around drinking and gambling. Well I finally talked myself out of feeling guilty every time I went out. Everything is cool, I do get a driver to take me home when I get too wasted. But still no difference between buzzed driving and drunk driving right?? Im still a single mom, the dad is no where to be found...dead beat dad...But I accomplished another great goal for single moms everywhere!!! I bought a house!!! So I got myself out of 30k worth of debt...Bought a new car at a 14% intrest rate to work on building my credit score back up, then bought a house!!! I still think my life is great right now!!! What kind of single mom do you know who does all that!?!? not many of us!!! I celbrate with drinks!!! LOTS of drinks!!! I blacked out that night, but I was told I had lots of fun!!! Everything is great anyway!!! But now both my parents lost there jobs within two weeks of each other, and had to move out of state...My best friend, and favorite babysitter moved out of state!!! But Im still drinking Like I used too...Just now my son comes with me!!! I brought him to a beach party the other day...Was great fun!!! And my 6 year old son made almost $10 running into the cabin and bringing people beer!!! And I didnt drink lots that night, but I still was drinking and DROVE my son home!!! I find myself drinking everynight now, weather with friends or by myself...and my son is now in the middle of it...


Im a single mom here now, all by myself. My family lives out of state, and the only people I know in this area are alcoholics themselfs!!! Good people mind you...none would hurt a fly, but all drink...and LOTS!!! I cant afford to take the time off work for any kind of rehab...I need to work, to pay my morgage and support my son...But my drinking has gone too far. Im afraid of the lonliness again...Its already killing me, that I have no one to share the accomplishment of being a home owner with!!! why Im drinking more then normal, I just need some kind of support, and maybe some advice, on where I can meet new people to help support me with quitting drinking. My friends now will encorage me to not drink, while they all take shots...they wont poor me one!!! but heck, its hard... what can I do!?!?
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Old 03-02-2010, 10:52 PM
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I just need some kind of support, and maybe some advice, on where I can meet new people to help support me with quitting drinking.
right here at SR! Welcome! You have come to the right place-there are others who have been where you are one way or another and have a lot of support to give to you.

Please check out Alcoholism - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Another part of our forums-Feel free to check out all of our forums-and at the top of each forum there are stickys you may want to read as they are filled with a wealth of information!

Congrats your new home, new car and soon a new you! Glad that you found us!
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Old 03-02-2010, 11:01 PM
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Hi Melodiez

Welcome to SR.
Have you thought of AA? That's the most accessible group of sober people I know.

I used to like to party too - a lot. Or I thought I did - actually I just liked drinking.

But drinking was leading me into trouble - accidents, embarrassments, job losses, relationship break ups...in the end it was killing me...I had to choose between the party lifestyle and drinking, and doing the best for myself.

I've never regretted that decision. I'm not the man I used to be - I have changed - but to me thats no bad thing.

I have to ask whether you think you're doing the best for yourself, and do you really think you're doing the best for your son - bringing him with you while you get drunk, letting him get beers for people, then driving him home?

This scares me a lot for your son Melodiez. There are millions of ppl in your situation - most of them don't get trashed or take their 6 yr old to parties.

Isn't that the sign of a problem?

Please think about what you're doing. If you want to make some changes, and you want support with those changes, you're in the right place.

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Old 03-02-2010, 11:30 PM
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thats why Im here!! I did not get trashed, but it was enough of a memory that my son does not need...Most of my problem is when hes in bed already...But that party did it for me...Im on a tight schedual being a single mom, I dont really have time for aa meetings. I work 10am-6pm 5 days a week. days I work, I have to hurry and get my son and rush home to cook dinner and get him to bed. I dont get home untill 7pm, and after I cook, its about 7:30 wich leaves little time to get ready for bed. my days off are monday and tuesday, and being a new home owner there is always something to be done around the house...I normally take a few shots to get enthuised enough to start the projects. My son is at school when Im doing this, so most the drinking is while he is away or sleeping...But to need to drink to help enthuse me to plant a garden!?!? Yeah Im budgeting, but part of my budgeting would go way easier if I didnt calculate beer or rum!!! Im lazy when I dont drink!! drinking helps me get up and accomplish stuff!!! How do you overcome that!?!?
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Old 03-02-2010, 11:46 PM
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I know...all excuses... Its just really depressing being a single mom, and all by yourself...its a bad excuse, but thats why im here I was here once before after i got my dui like 3 years ago...it helped a lot untill i had that outside social life again...
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Old 03-03-2010, 12:19 AM
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I'm not a single mom, but I'm a disabled man who spends a lot of time at home, depending on my physical condition.

For a lot of years I drank to 'deal with the boredom' or deal with a whole other range of things - the list just grew bigger and bigger....boredom, sadness, anger, happiness, fear...afternoon drinks became wake up drinks in the morning...eventually I just drank with everything.

Alcoholism really is progressive - some periods I drank less? But I always ended up drinking more overall.

I eventually had to deal with my drinking, and I'm glad I did.

I'm still pretty much housebound but I live a full life - I like myself, and I don't need alcohol for anything.

I needed to change my life - however difficult, however inconvenient, I needed to make real definite changes.

The people here helped me do that and they supported me.

I hope we can help you too.
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Old 03-03-2010, 01:40 AM
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:ghug3..a single mum,needs lots of love..

you've got it here...take care...Oz..
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Old 03-03-2010, 05:03 AM
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I was a single mother too..(my daughter is now 29)..I did the same things you did, house, car, worked hard to get where i am with an excellent job...

You have the best reason in the world to stop drinking and get yourself together....your son depends on you and is helpless without you. Please think twice before you get behind the wheel with him in the car...the results could be devestating.

Welcome to SR....I am newly sober (16 days) without this site I wouldn't have been able to do this...this is a wonderful site for guidance and support...many of the others postings mirror my own thoughts.
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Old 03-03-2010, 05:32 AM
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Welcome to SR melodiez, this is an awesome online support group, but from what you are sharing is that not only do you have a drinking problem, but you are lonesome & bored!

Do you want to get and stay sober?

Would you like to have SOBER freinds?

Would you like to have SOBER freinds that are single moms as well?

Would you like to have all of the above as a support group to help you get & stay sober?

Why not call your local AA hotline?

Explain the situation you are in, ask about ladies only meetings, the vast majority of them allow mothers to bring their kids.

I can also tell you that I have seen kids at every meeting I go to at one time or another, there is one meeting I go to that one couple brings thier child to every time they come. Their daughter has become the daughter of every person going to that meeting! She is far more then welcome.

AA works because it is one alcoholic helping another alcohic stay sober, the vast majority of folks in AA would much rather see a parent bring thier child to meetings then to stay at home lonely and thinking about drinking.

Call the AA hotline, ask to speak to a lady, preferably a single mom, if one is not there they will have one call you. How do I know that? I have our areas hotline one day a week.

If you go to AA what do you & your child have to lose? Possibly mom losing her drinking problem!

If you go to AA what do you & your child have to gain? Well your child could gain a sober mother to ride with & you could gain a whole new way of life full of sober friends & a solution to your drinking problem.
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Old 03-03-2010, 05:44 AM
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The single parent balance is a juggling act, I agree. When I was in your situation, I carved out time on my day off to shop, prep the food for the week, and utilized my crock pot a lot. I would wake 1/2 hour early to get the household chores completed, one each day as suggested by "flylady". It really worked for me. Find time to sit just for 5 minutes (in the bathroom at work??) and take that time for you. Partying with your kids isn't the coolest idea in the world, eventually they will find it socially acceptable and start having parties in your house, neglecting their own obligations...you know the drill.
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Old 03-03-2010, 06:52 AM
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Hi and Welcome,

I agree that the partying with your kids is something that is bound to lead to trouble.

I hope you can find some peace in your life with your situation.
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Old 03-03-2010, 10:35 AM
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I would go to AA or get some help. Millions of people have been helped the path is right there. If you don't believe in God you atleast have to believe that your brain is more powerful than you can imagine, and call on that part to not drink. Thanks for sharing your story. Hope the kids have a good day!
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Old 03-03-2010, 09:58 PM
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Originally Posted by Insulated View Post
The single parent balance is a juggling act, I agree. When I was in your situation, I carved out time on my day off to shop, prep the food for the week, and utilized my crock pot a lot. I would wake 1/2 hour early to get the household chores completed, one each day as suggested by "flylady". It really worked for me. Find time to sit just for 5 minutes (in the bathroom at work??) and take that time for you. Partying with your kids isn't the coolest idea in the world, eventually they will find it socially acceptable and start having parties in your house, neglecting their own obligations...you know the drill.

hahahaha!!! I normally spend an entire day cooking also!!! I only once a month though, I buy the family pack hamburger, and cook it all up at once!!! Freeze what i dont use into individual baggies, so when i gotta cook dinner on a work night, the longest part is done!!! or cook a roast, and shread that all up mostly meats because they take the longest to cook >< but that way, no meal I cook takes longer then 30 minutes


Thanx for all the support!!! Day 1 so far. This wont be hard, come my weekends when i like to get out and be social, that will be the harder part. oh dang, and my rockband time >< oh well
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:31 AM
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So you are single? I am going to have to have some pics and a phone number to really help

j/k
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:35 AM
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Doing stuff without alcohol is hard at first, but the faster you put yourself in those situations and throw yourself into awkwardness and get through it the faster you learn how to have fun. Like playing rockband.... first night awkward, next night less awkward, then it starts to be enjoyable. Then dance or be silly like you did before you drank. I had fun when I was young and I didn't drink you can do it again.
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Old 03-04-2010, 10:28 AM
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melodiez, You're in the right place! welcome, you know something that was pointed out to me in early recovery, when I felt I "didn't have time for meetings"? I had all the time in the world to go buy booze, drink it, go to parties, drink more, go home, drink more, get very little done on my house because well, I was drinking, drink more, recover from drinking and repeat all over again, Oh yeah! I had plenty of time and motivation when it came to drinking, if you can channel only part of that into getting to some meetings your life will improve, that's the next step IMHO
'peace, K
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