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Sobriety is boring me already

Old 12-29-2009, 04:31 PM
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Sobriety is boring me already

Hey everyone,

I have been sober for almost 3 months now, I was drinking 0.5-1 liter of rum or vodka for almost 6 years. I took antabuse for the first month, I haven't had a drop since the start of Oct this year.

I was told to stop by my girlfriend at the time, so I did. Being with her was a total nightmare, she cheated on me with several men, one of them was a close childhood friend. I have decided that 'a wife and three kids' thing just isn't for me, so I'm going to remain single if all goes to plan. I now want to travel the world, I want to travel as much as I can.

When I was drinking, I had fun fun almost every night no matter what I was doing. I could talk to everyone and anyone about anything. I would quite often take women home for the night, then never speak to most of them again, just as they wanted, I would never have the courage to do that now. I spent the best 4 months of my life travelling around South East Asia living on about $20 a day, with a cheap bottle of whisky always close by.

Now that I am sober, I am so bored, I spend my nights watching pointless TV shows and reading books. If I do try and socialise I feel so out of place, because I know very few people that don't drink at all. I always feel so 'boring'.

Money was never really an issue, I have a well paying job. I never really had hangovers because I always made sure I drank lots of water aswell. My drinking never really effected my work, for the most part I was always on time and I did a good job. Sure I had some memory loss but that was only if I REALLY went over the top, which wasn't that often.

So, may I ask you ex-alcoholics a question? How is your life better now that you are sober? (even though this has probably been asked here before)

If I detox for a few weeks every year, what is wrong with spending my evenings wrapped up in the warmth and happiness that alcohol gives me?

This may seem like a strange question to ask on this site but I really need a good reason to not pick up the bottle agian.

Thanks

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Old 12-29-2009, 04:44 PM
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Hi and Welcome,

In my opinion, no one can give you a really good reason to not start drinking again.

It sounds to me like you have lots of reasons to go back to drinking, so you would need to be the one to decide that you want to live a sober life. Recovery is not an easy road, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. There is no question that my life is far better than it was.
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Old 12-29-2009, 04:48 PM
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well, Im pretty sure my life sober was worse then my life drinking for the most part when I quit. I quit drinking to punish myself for bad behavior while intoxicated.

My life in recovery surpasses my wildest dreams in it awesomeness=) I can feel all of the things we were put on this earth to feel in technicolor, without numbing. I am stronger, facing problems rather than drinking at them. I have met sober friends who talk about far more interesting things than my drunk friends ever did, as far as I can remember (and even when they are just talking football, they make sense!).

I can't drink anymore because I do horrible things when drunk. I wouldnt want to sit around sober and miserable either. I explored SR for options, read a ton of recovery and spiritual books, and eventually joined a recovery community where I made friends I hang out with pretty much every day.
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Old 12-29-2009, 04:49 PM
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Hi Hansen
welcome to SR

For me just 'not drinking' was never enough. I believe I drank to fill a void - when I stopped drinking I had to start work on the underlying factors.

For me, that was finding a meaning in a sober life.

I have the kind of life I always dreamed of and I'm closer now than ever to being the man I want to be - I wouldn't swap this life for my old one ever.

I had to work for it, but it's been worth it.

I hope you decide to stick with it - alcoholism is a progressive disease - it never gets better.

D
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Old 12-29-2009, 05:10 PM
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i could tell you a thousand ways that my life is better. But then, I was miserable depending on alcohol every day.

Truly, it does not seem like you were miserable drinking, sounds like you are miserable being sober.
So you have a couple of choices....
You can sit and do a little work. Really look at all the ways that your life suffered as a result of your drinking. That is, have you lost relationships, jobs, money, homes, self respect, dignity, peace, happiness as a result of your drinking? (Sometimes I need to sit and play the tape all the way through because I can romanticize my drinking as I get farther away from my last drink. But alas, there was nothing romantic about the way I drank. ,) So if you find that you can not be happy with or without alcohol, you might be one of us. If so, you need to search for a new way of life and a new happiness. I found that in working the steps and the fellowship of AA. Many others find it in other programs.

Or...you can go back out and drink. But I can tell you that it will not get better. Drinking is progressive and potentially fatal. Be careful out there.

If you are okay to be completely dependent on a destructive substance in order to be happy and complete, then I guess I wish you luck.
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Old 12-29-2009, 05:21 PM
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Hi hansen. Glad to see you here. Was there a reason you quit - other than the gf asking you to?

I do understand what you mean. I spent a few months feeling a little bored too, but in my case I was just so glad to be alive. I was dangerously close to losing my life due to 24/7 drinking. It sounds like you were nowhere near that stage & you can still rationalize why it might be ok to start up again. Would you ever reach that dangerous point that I did though? As TTOSBT mentioned, alcoholism is a progressive disease. At some point you'll become tolerant of those amounts you're drinking and will need more to achieve the same effect. (I remember getting high off 2 beers in the beginning.)

If you decide to pick up again, it's possible your drinking could reach the point mine did down the line. It sounds as if you were dependent on it to feel good about your life. I think you should try to sort out what is lacking. For me, I did stupid, unpredictable & dangerous things when I drank & I can never go back there again.
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Old 12-29-2009, 05:27 PM
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I have always had a hard time grasping why I shouldnt drink. I am only 25, I have been charged with felonies, DUI, crashed my motorcycle while in the Army drunk got nerve damage in my shoulder because of it. Spend many of days in jail. I was extreamly lucky and in almost all cases I had the charges dropped. I dont have the problem of HAVING to have it everyday or I would withdrawl. I ddidnt even go through withdrawl when I stop months at a time.

What does keep me from drinking or helps me chose not to, somtimes I give in. But I ALWAYS get into trouble or a fight because of alcohol, and once I start I usually cannot stop.
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Old 12-29-2009, 05:30 PM
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So, may I ask you ex-alcoholics a question? How is your life better now that you are sober? (even though this has probably been asked here before)
My worst day sober is better than my best day drinking. In over 20 years of drinking, I achieved nothing with my life. I have nothing to show for it. It's like groundhog day over and over. I didn't further my career or my education, didn't get married or have children. Being sober has been an opportuity for me to start becoming the person I want to be.

The first 3-4 months of sobriety was pretty boring. I thought I'd never have fun again and I'd be bored for the rest of my life. I'm pleased to say that that's no longer the case. I'm TOO busy and have a lot of new sober friends. I'm working on getting as fit as I can at the age of 40, planning a change of career and some overseas trips.
There's no reason you can't socialise and travel as a sober person.

I get that alcohol helps you to feel confident in meeting women and socialising, but with some recovery, you'll find that you'll be able to establish genuine rapport with people, rather than shallow, alcohol fuelled passing connections. The former will enrich your life and the latter will leave you still feeling alone and isolated, like you are now. Where are the genuine friends? The friends who are there whether you are drinking or not? If a friendship depends on both of you drinking to keep it alive, it's not a real friendship

If I detox for a few weeks every year, what is wrong with spending my evenings wrapped up in the warmth and happiness that alcohol gives me?
The warmth and happiness is an illusion. It's an artifical effect of alchol. It's not a warmth and happiness that comes up out of your soul and spreads through your life and touches those around you. Recovery can give you that kind of happiness. A reliance on alcohol for warmth and happiness is a slippery slope. If you are truly alcoholic, your drinking will get worse. It's a progressive and fatal disease. If you keep chasing the buzz alcohol gives you, you'll never know real happiness. What alcohol gives you is an illusion as it gradually takes away your self-esteem, your self-respect, maybe even your job, your home etc. It's hard to see what effect alcohol is having on you when you are in the grips of the disease. I was homeless at one stage becasue of my drinking but I had no idea the drinking was the problem. I just didn't see it.
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Old 12-29-2009, 05:56 PM
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how is my life better now that i'm sober?

well..................
i haven't been arrested in 6 1/2 years, matter of fact, i haven't ben unemployed for in 6 1/2 years either? hmmmmm, coincidence?

i have many friends today, although, i think i had many friends when i was drinking also, but it's hard to tell because NONE of them call anymore? the friends i have in sobriety call daily.

i can socialize today, without the aid of a magical elixir, and when i do socialize, i remember with whom i did, and i have no regrets for the most part, about what i might say or do.

i can talk to anyone about anything today, or better yet, i can listen to others, when i was drinking it was me me me me, and of course me! LOL

i can actually meet and talk to women today, and not have to take them home, unless of course they need a ride, and actually want to talk to them again, and see them.

i don't have to worry about detoxing, or having people ask me to stop drinking.

but those are just the things you pointed out, that was an easy answer.

in all honesty, today i have a purpose in life. i never had that when i was drinking. i know it might sound silly to some, but i have a god in my life today, without all the religious rules and regulations attached. i have people that i care for in my life, nd they care for me. things i never had when drinking, when i drank people only cared about what i had, not me.

the best thing is............

i actually look forward to time alone today, just quiet time for me. no tv, no computer, no books, no radio, nothing. just me and my thoughts. i'm never bored, my life is too full today.

thanks for asking the questing and having me take time out to remember these things!
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Old 12-29-2009, 06:19 PM
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I'd be bored too if I was doing what you are
or maybe I should say....what you are not....

Time to put that clear mind to work with positive actions.
Some cities have sober travle clubs....All have extra classes
in subjects you might find interesting....Go volunteer with a
group that does positive things for others....

I also found an AA groups of mostly singles ...we did all sorts
of interesting things together ...not only meetings.

Unstick yourself.....Welcome to SR....
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Old 12-29-2009, 06:25 PM
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Old 12-31-2009, 11:37 PM
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Thanks guys, I still havn't had a drink, it was tempting through X-mas and New Years but I ended up at home with relatives watching movies and drinking lemonade

I stopped because I thought it was starting to effect my health. To be honest when I got the script for antabuse I was intending to just detox for a few months. My face was the colour of a beetroot and I was starting to shake and get 'itchy' towards the end of the working day.

You all made me think, in my drinking days I just brushed off all the stupid things I did and tried to move on. I guess I was always thinking of myself and myself only. Another thing is I have always had relationships with women who drink, everyone of them have not been faithful, I seemed to attract cheaters, and I guess that led to drinking to numb the pain.

I did many stupid things that I can hardly remember, I spent a few nights in the freezing cold drunk tanks right across western Canada (what officer, you can't be drunk in public?). I woke up naked upside down in my car in a (luckily) dried up creek bed at 7.30 one morning after a party with an open bottle of wine next to me, I could not remember a thing about the previous 6-7 hours. I tried alot of hard drugs, luckily I don't have access to them anymore. The list goes on.

Thinking back, it would be such a stupid thing to do if I started drinking again. I must have been in a strange head space when I wrote that message... Anyone got any suggestions where to find normal, sober people? I am a 24 yr old male in a fairly large city, I guess I am a typical guy, into most things.
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Old 01-01-2010, 12:43 AM
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Well

That was a great post Hansen. Thanks for stirring up 3-month memories. I remember at 1 year sober I thought I really knew what sobriety was. Then at 2 years I looked at how sober I "wasn't" (emotionally/spiritualy) at 1 year.
Etc. Etc.. So I would give it at least a year or two. In AA the saying is "If you don't like what you get here we'll gladly refund your misery"..

I don't know the meaning of the word "ex-alcoholic". It's an internal spiritual condition that never really "goes away". Yes we can recover from the hopeless state of mind and body however.

Having said that I don't know if I would be sober today without the continued support of the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. For me alcohol is so powerful I have to have a sufficient substitute. Staying sober on my own sucks.

Your not the only one who has considered countless ways to control and get away with it:
"If I detox for a few weeks every year, what is wrong with spending my evenings wrapped up in the warmth and happiness that alcohol gives me?"

Haha, we're so much alike...

That kind of thinking is what our book refers to as "The great obsession of every alcoholic." For me the 12-steps removed this insanity. It was the only way I found. Now you may or may not be a real alcoholic. But I can tell you most normal drinkers don't look for ways to control something that's not out of control. I can't drink 2 or 3. Or for 2 or 3 months, and quit for 2 or 3 weeks. If I had any control whatsoever over my drinking I would still be doing it today.

I'm so glad to have read your 2nd post. Congratulation on Lemonade. See the insanity of it all?
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Old 01-01-2010, 05:00 AM
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hello and welcome to sr,im with stereosteve on this.alcohol was my "solution" to life.without it i was irritable,discontent and unhappy,so take away my solution and i need something mega to replace it! for me my new solution to life comes in the form of the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.i hid behind the bottle for years,yeh i got alot of guys too! but it was all fake.i found out that sex wasnt even just that with these guys but a deep seated insecurity and all along i was just self seeking....wow.i now live an honest,happy life.i see the world with a new pair of eyes as i like to put it,i have a new solution and it is wonderful! have you thought about giving AA a try? they have young peoples groups.go along,see if you identify,,whatever you deicde to do i wish you well.
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Old 01-01-2010, 05:12 AM
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If you don't think you have a problem with alcohol, try some "controlled" drinking and see what happens. Only you can decide whether alcohol is a problem for you.

Re: boredom in recovery. I don't know about you, but my drinking days became pretty boring, the same old thing night after night. I am having much more fun now that I am sober. I have friends in recovery, a family, a job, hobbies, community service, lots of things that keep me involved in life.
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Old 01-01-2010, 06:49 AM
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My drinking days were pretty boring.
Drink, pass out, wake up feeling like trash.
Thrilling stuff I tell ya!
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Old 01-01-2010, 07:10 AM
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Granted, it can seem at times like it is pretty boring. Staying away from that first drink at all costs can seem pretty tedious at times, particularly around the festive period when it's all too easy to perceive that everyone is out having a great time partying whils't you ain't.

I went through the same thing myself but I stuck with sobriety as I ain't never going back to where I was when i was drinking and drugging. I feel great today, positive and that my future is in my hands to be crafted by myself and my actions. This time last year I was unemployed, had no job, terribly hungover and my face feeling like it was gonna drop off from all the cocaine and pills abuse of the past 18 months or so.

I really don't miss any of that at all and not being able to see a light at the end of the tunnel seemed incredibly boring and pointless, like the only light was the next binge. Horrible vicious circle. I had an appointment at the job centre on Jan 4th last year and just thinking about it makes me anxious. I was in a total, utter mess and I had already been saying I was quitting drinking for nigh on a good 12 months only to make 3 weeks max.

I really do think that a recovery 'plan' is required to maintain sobriety as although I have had my tough times in my mind over the last few weeks, when i actually think about it, although they have been fairly mundane with nothing outrages happening, the last 6 months of my sobriety have been some of the best of my life in many ways as it's been a journey of personal discovery and optimism that I really can change my life for the better. Thats not to say it's been easy, I had to consciously make the decision to stay away from that first drink on a daily basis and just suck it up at times and get through it. I even resorted to a bit of makeshift praying to the universe at my hardest points, whether it worked or not I don't know and don't really care tbh, I am sober and thats where my hope is coming from.

It's easy for memories of my drinking/using days to become distorted as I only can fantatsise about the plateua's and peaks of my binges but the aftermath was total and utter chaos and despair for myself and everyone around me.

I am glad to be out of that now but there will be times of boredom I think but you've just gotta steam through them inorder to stay sober IMO.
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Old 01-01-2010, 07:14 AM
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Hi hansen,
I remember very well feeling as you do when I first got sober--everything was b-o-r-i-n-g. But, moreso, it was me that was boring.

There are a gazillion new things for you to do and try without the fear of waking up out of a blackout possibly finding yourself in jail for killing someone while driving around drunk.

Takes time for the head to clear and quiet down all those alcohol receptors. You're the only one who can make your life what you want it to be.
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Old 01-01-2010, 07:19 AM
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Happy New Year Hansen: My quit date was Oct 17th, so I'm in the same timezone as you so to speak. I hear you on the boring part. My reality is that the drinking was getting pretty boring too.

I'm 47, realized that drinking was the only thing in the day that I looked forward to - i.e. I was drinking out of boredem I believe. Weekends I'd start with wine at noon, eat a big meal at 2:00, and nap - I'd lost the ability to enjoy things, reading, etc., generally felt depressed. Like you, I've a good career, money, and am a fabulous employee. No outward signs to anyone.

I'm starting to see finally who I am; I have less self-loathing, less depression - way less anxiety in business meetings, face flushing etc. - I feel more in control of life and can finally find other things to focus on and enjoy. Granted, I've been living in a pretty secluded way; never much of a socializer anyway, just a "stay home alcoholic"! True, if I were to be around people making merry with drinking, it'd be damned tough and I'd find it boring. I keep trying to tell myself that I've had enough alcohol for 50 people for a lifetime (at least!), and that its okay to enter a new phase of "being".

Hope you stick it out. Everyday I fight the demon to have a drink. Am hoping that 2010 is all around better news for me that 2009 was.

New Year hug to you,
Claire
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Old 01-01-2010, 08:32 AM
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Hi Hansen - My drinking wasn't fun. To be quite honest with you drinking was so much more boring then sober living. I mean come 4 or 5 pm I would start with my first glass and it wouldn't end until I went to bed or passed out. I watched tv and isolated in my bedroom. I wasn't one to go out of the house because then I would have to drive and I wasn't into that. I was trying to fill a void at the time and didn't realize it wasn't something I could fill with alcohol.

I stopped drinking and started to grow up and discover myself. I actually liked myself which was revelation #1. Why would I slowly kill someone I liked? I wouldn't and I wouldn't want to watch someone else slowly kill themselves either and that is what my husband and son were doing. They were watching their wife and mom slowly killing herself with alcohol and that was revelation #2.

When the fog cleared and I was actually able to evaluate my life, oh, the things I discovered were heartbreaking, but changeable and being changeable was where I was focusing. I am a human being that was born to accomplish something in life. I am working on revelation #3 and that is finding where my passion lies and how I can use it to benefit others. I am tired of taking up space in this world.

Hope you find your answers in 2010. God bless.
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