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Old 02-06-2010, 11:44 AM
  # 361 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by thirtybubba View Post
Ooo. I was in a controversy.

Still sober... 10 days I reckon. It's going alright. Had kinda a craving type day today... too many bars where I was, and restaurants with bars... and I'm with friends for a change... there was a concert to go to. I had to go stand in the rain and wait for a bus to take me to a meeting.

It'll be better tomorrow I'm sure. Just kinda feeling lost, really. But it's a temporary thing I'm sure. "What have I done" type of stuff... did I give up having a social life forever? AA social life is cursory hand shaking, small talk... at meetings.

Take care y'all....
TB
yeah i hear ya about the AA social life TB, i dont really do the small talk and biscuits thing either...BUT im not going to make friends, i go to stay sober and its working so im not gonna rock that boat.

what everyone is telling me is that after a few months or so of sobriety your life slowy starts to gain back purpose and clarity. im at 69 days now and feeling really good.

had an interesting experience at that bob marley gig yesterday. i bumped into an old freind, who in a nut shell said she was SO happy i was sober and that i was just the loveliest guy when i wasnt drinking and encouraged me genuinely to keep this up. the words really helped cos i was feeling a little boring.

i feel things are opening up me just a little teeeeny bit, im aware my sobriety is in its infancy, but i just cant wait for the day that i dont think of alcohol in any way for a whole day.

i know these are just words you are reading, but you obviously joined a site like sober recovery for a dam good reason & if you are considering drinking...dont

its not that the grass is greener on the other side (they might not even have green grass it might be blue grass) its that you poured weed killer over all your own grass and killed it & you cant think straight from the stink of the chemicals....lol
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Old 02-09-2010, 01:25 PM
  # 362 (permalink)  
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Oh hi. 47 days.
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Old 02-09-2010, 02:16 PM
  # 363 (permalink)  
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still kicking it since dec 21 or so, but been having really bad cravings and my mind telling me "oh i can handle it, its just 1 six pack" recently. very very frustrating and scary. really dont want to give in to my stupid mind
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Old 02-09-2010, 02:21 PM
  # 364 (permalink)  
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I know what you mean about your mind lying to you. Mine's been wanting me to drink away the awful anxiety lately, but I can't as I know drinking will just make the anxiety much worse.
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Old 02-09-2010, 02:51 PM
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Had some really bad using thoughts after a bad fight with my GF yesterday. Skipped my Antabuse last night, but took it this morning when I thought better of it.
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Old 02-11-2010, 06:19 AM
  # 366 (permalink)  
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How are my december peeps doing today? Day 46 here for me. Life is good. I went to the UNC-Duke basketball game last night, which we(UNC) sadly lost, but i had such a blast. Toward the end of my work day i was feeling very anxious as these games are typically heavy drinking/using times for me. But i walked through that stuff and had more fun clean at the game than i ever did wasted. And i felt fine this morning and actually remember the game!
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Old 02-11-2010, 06:23 AM
  # 367 (permalink)  
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65 days today. Hanging in there. Dealing with bad anxiety lately. Glad I'm sober cause drinking would make the anxiety worse... and it's bad enough as it is.

Eating chicken soup, surfing the net, trying to relax. Might even go back to bed for a while. Below freezing here so a good day to snuggle with the dogs and stay inside.

HOpe all the December members are doing well.
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Old 02-11-2010, 06:31 AM
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congrats on day 65 least.
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Old 02-11-2010, 10:35 AM
  # 369 (permalink)  
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apparently its around now that alot of people slip up and relapse. returning to their unhappy intoxicated/hungover/withdrawing/anxious ways.

so perhaps this is a warning to stay extra strong for awhile to really lock that sobriety in. its pretty obvious this is what we all want, but it has to be fought for daily from the vibe of people posts lately.

there is a cool thread on SR titled 'what i dont miss about drinking' perhaps read this if you feeling cravings...it helped me.

Im dong well, my studies have started for the year & ive been to every class so far. Im clear headed in class, engaged with the other students (even had lunch in the common room yesterday) am enjoying the learning. im studying accupuncture & traditional chinese healing/medicne. Ive descovered there are aa classed over lunchtime really close to my campus so this is great...i can whip of for an hour and get 'charged up' when i feel i need it.

but if im really honest with myself...im finding this hard, i feel 'bored' and like im 'missing out' by being sober 24/7 i know this is just my disease rearing its ugly head...especially seeing as my drinking made me antisocial, withdrawen, broke, unhealthy & a general pain to be around.

hangin around town i get triggers all the time...and it always makes me a little unhappy.......but overall, im gratefull to be sober & have insight into my disease.

im just a baby at this 2 1/2 months sobers....i got long ways to go!

all the best ya'll
nd
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Old 02-12-2010, 07:15 AM
  # 370 (permalink)  
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omg... was just clearing out my closet to put some clothes away and found a bottle of wine I'd forgotten about!!! I dumped it down the sink. That's scary cause I'd completely forgotten I put it there. Just glad I had the sense to pour it out. Actually, I noticed that the smell really turned me off. I guess I'm getting better cause I used to like the smell of wine... Not anymore!! (yuck)
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Old 02-12-2010, 09:03 AM
  # 371 (permalink)  
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Hey all. Day 56... feeling good. Could do without the several additional inches of snow we're supposed to get this weekend though, even the snowman we made last week is now swallowed in a snow drift. (!)
Good job least! : )
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Old 02-12-2010, 10:28 AM
  # 372 (permalink)  
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You're getting several more inches this weekend? I'm in NE Ohio and only flurries are forecast for the weekend. Stay warm and dry!
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Old 02-15-2010, 08:03 AM
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69 days today... and our forecast is for more snow in the next day or so!
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Old 02-15-2010, 11:08 AM
  # 374 (permalink)  
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congrats to everyone on their clean time! Day 50 for me.
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Old 02-15-2010, 12:59 PM
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way t'go you guys

D
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Old 02-15-2010, 11:54 PM
  # 376 (permalink)  
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!

checkin in!

ooooo got brave yesterday and posted on a local forum, from which i know quite a few people...basically filling people in with whats been going on with me regarding alcoholism etc. the forum is a prominent NZ dance music forum, so was a big deal for me. i know quite a few people from it and have hidden my boozy ways well from them...some not so well, as tends to happen wen on a decent bender.

up to this point the only people that know i now identify as an alcoholic are close friends, family & SR. so im now publically identifying as an alcoholic...eeeeek!

im aware some people wish to retain their anonymity. but my reasons for spilling the beans are good ones i think

1: i wish the many people ive prob acted the fool in front of to know that i am sorry & that i am trying hard to change.

2: potentially help other victims of NZ's heavy drinking culture especially in the dance/electronic scene. by talking about it?

anywayz heres my post if you interested, i didnt start the thread someone else bought up the subject of alcoholism & i didnt like the way the thread was unfolding so added my 2 cents. on a side note, the response i got from people was AWESOME! alot of peeps are surprised & being really supportive. i finally feel im getting some of my life back...

heres the post
I dunno about all the predisposition/genetic/disease issues surrounding alcoholism. but i wanna add my 2cents to what i think is a sensitive, important issue.

Those who know me well enough, will probably know by now that i identify myself as an alcoholic, and those who have seen me out and about at gigs on the town/music festivals/house parties, have probably been wondering why im not acting so crazy anymore. The 'what is John gonna do next' factor has been removed. My friends also know that for some reason, i cannot touch alcohol without a profound change in my personality happening. What started of as a barrel of fun in my 20's very slowly & subtly developed into something out of my control. im talking drinking for days and days on end with full day blackouts, loss of employment, financial ****, loss of motivation/spirit, relationships being destroyed, health problems, waking up in hospital, almost losing my life about 4 times...you get the idea

after many years of being really unhappy, but managing to hide it relatively well from the general populace. i was still trying to control things with moderation, only drinking beer etc. but this was to no avail. The slow steady decline was still happening and all the nasty stuff was getting nastier...id had enough and sought help from the people closest to me.

Track forward to now, I havnt drunk in 3 months and am only just getting my **** back on track. I am am under no illusion that i will have to be so so carefull for a long time to come. but i am infinitly happier already and have made some really good progress to start enjoying my life again.

I love the NZ dnb/dance music scene and have met some AWESOME TALENTED LOVELY people through absorbing myself in it. To all the peeps that ive met and have thought i was somewhat detached & aloof...i apologise...i wasnt just alooof, i was seriously ****** up....by something so simple as Ethanol.

Im almost at the point where i can handle going out to gigs and be around other drinkers and cant wait to get back to enjoying one of the things i love the most in life....music & people

I want people to know what alcohol has done to me & if anyone ever wants to yack, hang out...hit me up! just get in touch.

if you see me drinking....kick my ******* ass! and please don't ever buy me a drink.

hope to see some of yas out in about...i think i can still have fun!!
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Old 02-17-2010, 05:46 AM
  # 377 (permalink)  
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71 days today and going strong.
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Old 02-17-2010, 01:45 PM
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60 days today and not drinking today!
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Old 02-18-2010, 12:54 AM
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nice one guys!


who feels like things are getting easier? or harder?
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Old 02-18-2010, 10:58 AM
  # 380 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by noubledegative View Post
nice one guys!


who feels like things are getting easier? or harder?
I do! Things are indeed getting easier. And harder. Depends on the day, hell it really depends on the moment. Drinking and drugging aren't really the issue so much now in that i honestly don't have the desire to use, but i'm still one screwed up cat. Learning how to navigate all the stuff life throws at me is the trip today. And doing so without reverting to insane behaviors without using. I recently engaged in one of my stress aversion insane behaviors at work while not using, and lemme tell you, it was worse than doing it while high by a longshot. But life is truly good today. I'm grateful to be engaged in the process for what seems like the first time ever.
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