checkin in!
ooooo got brave yesterday and posted on a local forum, from which i know quite a few people...basically filling people in with whats been going on with me regarding alcoholism etc. the forum is a prominent NZ dance music forum, so was a big deal for me. i know quite a few people from it and have hidden my boozy ways well from them...some not so well, as tends to happen wen on a decent bender.
up to this point the only people that know i now identify as an alcoholic are close friends, family & SR. so im now publically identifying as an alcoholic...eeeeek!
im aware some people wish to retain their anonymity. but my reasons for spilling the beans are good ones i think
1: i wish the many people ive prob acted the fool in front of to know that i am sorry & that i am trying hard to change.
2: potentially help other victims of NZ's heavy drinking culture especially in the dance/electronic scene. by talking about it?
anywayz heres my post if you interested, i didnt start the thread someone else bought up the subject of alcoholism & i didnt like the way the thread was unfolding so added my 2 cents. on a side note, the response i got from people was AWESOME! alot of peeps are surprised & being really supportive. i finally feel im getting some of my life back...
heres the post
I dunno about all the predisposition/genetic/disease issues surrounding alcoholism. but i wanna add my 2cents to what i think is a sensitive, important issue.
Those who know me well enough, will probably know by now that i identify myself as an alcoholic, and those who have seen me out and about at gigs on the town/music festivals/house parties, have probably been wondering why im not acting so crazy anymore. The 'what is John gonna do next' factor has been removed. My friends also know that for some reason, i cannot touch alcohol without a profound change in my personality happening. What started of as a barrel of fun in my 20's very slowly & subtly developed into something out of my control. im talking drinking for days and days on end with full day blackouts, loss of employment, financial ****, loss of motivation/spirit, relationships being destroyed, health problems, waking up in hospital, almost losing my life about 4 times...you get the idea
after many years of being really unhappy, but managing to hide it relatively well from the general populace. i was still trying to control things with moderation, only drinking beer etc. but this was to no avail. The slow steady decline was still happening and all the nasty stuff was getting nastier...id had enough and sought help from the people closest to me.
Track forward to now, I havnt drunk in 3 months and am only just getting my **** back on track. I am am under no illusion that i will have to be so so carefull for a long time to come. but i am infinitly happier already and have made some really good progress to start enjoying my life again.
I love the NZ dnb/dance music scene and have met some AWESOME TALENTED LOVELY people through absorbing myself in it. To all the peeps that ive met and have thought i was somewhat detached & aloof...i apologise...i wasnt just alooof, i was seriously ****** up....by something so simple as Ethanol.
Im almost at the point where i can handle going out to gigs and be around other drinkers and cant wait to get back to enjoying one of the things i love the most in life....music & people
I want people to know what alcohol has done to me & if anyone ever wants to yack, hang out...hit me up! just get in touch.
if you see me drinking....kick my ******* ass! and please don't ever buy me a drink.
hope to see some of yas out in about...i think i can still have fun!!