Class of December 09
dopeless hope fiend
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Here. Now.
Posts: 1,021
Originally Posted by Stealthealer 
Well, today is day #39 for me, and in three hours, I can consider myself IN day 40.
I am trying not to be pragmatic about the drinking. I suspect that, alot like unbroken, I could have "averaged down" my weekly consumption, and as long as the trend line was downhill, I could consider it a victory. But for me I don't think that would work...undoubtedly I would find some excuse to bump up a notch here and there....leading me back to where I was.
However, I am not sure I'm a believer in all-or-none either. Never is too endless a word (as is always).
SO here I am thinking about all of you one-day-at-a-time-ers and how much sense that makes. Problem is, I know too much about physiology and my body- my liver is likely back to normal, my brain is functioning fine, and I have an otherwise healthy lifestyle. There is realtive order in my life. I could go on a 3 day bender now, then quit again for another 40 days, and I'd be back to baseline normalcy once again....
Am I fooling myself or just over-thinking, boiling things down to the most simple common denominator?
I am trying not to be pragmatic about the drinking. I suspect that, alot like unbroken, I could have "averaged down" my weekly consumption, and as long as the trend line was downhill, I could consider it a victory. But for me I don't think that would work...undoubtedly I would find some excuse to bump up a notch here and there....leading me back to where I was.
However, I am not sure I'm a believer in all-or-none either. Never is too endless a word (as is always).
SO here I am thinking about all of you one-day-at-a-time-ers and how much sense that makes. Problem is, I know too much about physiology and my body- my liver is likely back to normal, my brain is functioning fine, and I have an otherwise healthy lifestyle. There is realtive order in my life. I could go on a 3 day bender now, then quit again for another 40 days, and I'd be back to baseline normalcy once again....
Am I fooling myself or just over-thinking, boiling things down to the most simple common denominator?
I will ask this though. Is baseline normalcy all you want out of life? Does a three day bender followed by 40 days of abstinence-rinse, wash, repeat- sound like normal behavior to you? Sorry if i sound like a hardass. I'm not meaning to, just speaking from hardearned experience. I've had thoughts like your above post a million times, and acted on it only to cause more suffering for myself. I wish you the best on your journey.
On my path.
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Home
Posts: 330
Hi everyone,
I have been reading this thread but not very good at posting here. I was an early member in the December 2009 class and have realized that I have reached the 50 day mark.
It goes so quickly.
Please explore this wonderful place, find out where you best fit and keep on visiting.
55438
I have been reading this thread but not very good at posting here. I was an early member in the December 2009 class and have realized that I have reached the 50 day mark.
It goes so quickly.
Please explore this wonderful place, find out where you best fit and keep on visiting.
55438
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 32
Originally Posted by augustwest
I will ask this though. Is baseline normalcy all you want out of life? Does a three day bender followed by 40 days of abstinence-rinse, wash, repeat- sound like normal behavior to you? Sorry if i sound like a hardass. I'm not meaning to, just speaking from hardearned experience. I've had thoughts like your above post a million times, and acted on it only to cause more suffering for myself. I wish you the best on your journey.
Previous normal behavior to me (and currently for most of my friends & associates) would be to never to have engaged the "rinse & wash" phases in the first place- only the bender/sober up/slow marinate phases. It is only in a half-hearted attempt to hit the sobriety reset button did this thought even occur to me.
I hear what you're saying, August, but the baseline normalcy of my life (and trust me on this) wasn't bad at all. Perhaps I have not had the misfortune of "hitting bottom" as so many here so effectively spell out. Perhaps I am yet to experience the despondency and major loss that serves as the catalyst for permanent abstinence. Maybe a DUI or being an idiot at my kid's birthday party is exactly what I need to take this more seriously.
Normalcy certainly beats the living s**t out of instablilty. And I know what isn't normal behavior for me- thinking of alcoholism and sobriety every day, which is something I wasn't doing when I was drinking.
In the end, the seed of wisdom with sprout within me, and I'll do my damned best to cultivate it.
Cheers.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 206,579
I'm not recommending this, but the option is always there to try out the drinking again and see what happens.
I think most of us here have done enough drinking to know what happens, really...we know well enough...we just keep testing it to see if it's changed LOL.
Eventually if we're lucky, we accept finally that it's not going to change, and start moving forward
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 83
Yayyy Least! Stay strong!
55438, congratulation on 50 days!
I agree. It's not normal to think about sobriety every day. At the same time, I think it wasn't normal to have for me to have more than 1-2 drinks each day. I don't think benders are normal even though society encourages us to let loose that way. I haven't found normal yet but I'm starting to like the place that I'm in right now. Most of the time when I think of sobriety, it gives me a peaceful feeling. Right around 5pm, thinking of sobriety makes me cranky. This only happens for a couple of hours at the most. Then, I'm back to feeling peaceful. This is opposite of how I used to be which is cranky most of the time and happy for a couple of hours.
55438, congratulation on 50 days!
Originally Posted by Stealthealer
And I know what isn't normal behavior for me- thinking of alcoholism and sobriety every day, which is something I wasn't doing when I was drinking.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: north carolina
Posts: 51
have not been able to get my computer to work for long periods of time....but hopefully this time around my post will go through............ending day 32 here and feeling great............have had a few days recently of wanting to just have a beer..........just A beer.....why have i not done so?......because A beer is not what will happen.........it will be A 12 pack that day.......and maybe a few days later.........and so on..... until all the hard work i have put forth to change my life for the better would down the drain......at this point i am happy to say i am not willing to give up on this great new clear headed feeling i have......congrats to all who have overcome temptations or gotten right back on track when those temptations became to strong.........i know that i have somewhere to turn if i hit one of those weak moments....and it is great people on here who help me to keep moving forward.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Ohio
Posts: 133
Big congrats to all of us on this sometimes rocky but amazingly beautiful road! Especially to you 30 for picking yourself back up and staying positive.
I am around day 45?? Just finished hanging a solo exhibition, and (literally two minutes ago) sent my resume and portfolio off to my DREAM job. Fingers crossed!
I spent some time several years ago working in a collaborative arts studio for adults with disabilities- most amazing, rewarding and fun job ever. It was impossible not to smile, laugh, sing... day in and day out! A position very similar just opened, but with much better benefits etc.!
I would never have even considered this if I were still killing my brain and my psyche on a daily basis... truly feeling the excitement and confidence of the new me! Regardless of whether I get it or not, it just feels so flippin great to be hopeful, and to embrace the possibilities!
Thank you all for your ongoing support, I couldn't do it without this place and all of you.
I am around day 45?? Just finished hanging a solo exhibition, and (literally two minutes ago) sent my resume and portfolio off to my DREAM job. Fingers crossed!
I spent some time several years ago working in a collaborative arts studio for adults with disabilities- most amazing, rewarding and fun job ever. It was impossible not to smile, laugh, sing... day in and day out! A position very similar just opened, but with much better benefits etc.!
I would never have even considered this if I were still killing my brain and my psyche on a daily basis... truly feeling the excitement and confidence of the new me! Regardless of whether I get it or not, it just feels so flippin great to be hopeful, and to embrace the possibilities!
Thank you all for your ongoing support, I couldn't do it without this place and all of you.
20/12/09
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 199
I too am sober today, 42 days and counting (well sometimes) and about to head to a meeting...I missed one in the middle of the week and wow, can I feel it!
Bumpy road all the way here, and its not all about the drinking. I have days where the emotional stuff gets to the front of the line and other days where all I can think about is having a drink but that part has only been in the last week and a half...probably because I think I have a hold on it all now...
I am going to call my almost sponsor today and set up a meeting so I can get moving on working on the steps and that kind of thing.
I am in no rush but dont want to fall over either....
Keep up the good work everyone!
Rach
Bumpy road all the way here, and its not all about the drinking. I have days where the emotional stuff gets to the front of the line and other days where all I can think about is having a drink but that part has only been in the last week and a half...probably because I think I have a hold on it all now...
I am going to call my almost sponsor today and set up a meeting so I can get moving on working on the steps and that kind of thing.
I am in no rush but dont want to fall over either....
Keep up the good work everyone!
Rach
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,418
august
In May of 1999 I decided that after 7 years sober..maybe I wasn't like others i'de seen in AA, maybe I could have 3 beers a game durning the stanley cup finals....
That lead back to my old level of drinking within a month....and an 8 year drunk that I could not figure out how to stop....drunk 24/7 .
I got sober for 2 years next...and decided that I was going to drink 1 bottle, 1 day over some emotional crap that had been building for a year....That lead to 6 months of drinking. I went to treatment 3 times the last 6 months, always picking up again when I left....as soon as i was home and away from the eyes of others...it was on again....
I've been sober and unsupervised since December 31, 2009...so I guess this is my thread class
Just sharing with you how my "decisions" to drink always turned out...
today...I am happy, and feel like my life has done a 180 on me ...it's great..
In May of 1999 I decided that after 7 years sober..maybe I wasn't like others i'de seen in AA, maybe I could have 3 beers a game durning the stanley cup finals....
That lead back to my old level of drinking within a month....and an 8 year drunk that I could not figure out how to stop....drunk 24/7 .
I got sober for 2 years next...and decided that I was going to drink 1 bottle, 1 day over some emotional crap that had been building for a year....That lead to 6 months of drinking. I went to treatment 3 times the last 6 months, always picking up again when I left....as soon as i was home and away from the eyes of others...it was on again....
I've been sober and unsupervised since December 31, 2009...so I guess this is my thread class
Just sharing with you how my "decisions" to drink always turned out...
today...I am happy, and feel like my life has done a 180 on me ...it's great..
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Somewhere west of the Mississippi
Posts: 224
Hello everyone,
Dropping by to say that I got 30 days on Friday. It's not going too badly this time, so far. I am still wanting to drink but each day seems to get a little easier.
Hope everyone else is doing well and I'm glad to see so many hanging in!
Dropping by to say that I got 30 days on Friday. It's not going too badly this time, so far. I am still wanting to drink but each day seems to get a little easier.
Hope everyone else is doing well and I'm glad to see so many hanging in!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 151
Originally Posted by thirtybubba
hi nanda. congrats nd... can't never tell if it's tomorrow yet over there, but i reckon by the time you see this...
i'm still sober y'all. take care.
i'm still sober y'all. take care.
my fulltime course starts tommorrow, my 2 month mostly home hiatus is over & I will be headin into the city daily on the weekdays...i sure this will bring new challenges, butI think im ready to take them in my stride.
Im really looking forward to the increased human contact being at my course & around the city will bring...i can try my new sober wings on. getting the brain working as well will be nice.
wish me luck!
and hope every else is ok
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Somewhere west of the Mississippi
Posts: 224
Me too, Least. And life is getting a bit less stressful, now that I'm not drunk half the time. I'm actually making plans and following through with them, and getting out in the evenings is no longer the huge undertaking it used to be. It's like chains are lifted off of me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Ohio
Posts: 133
hey, how is everyone?
managed through a weekend full of triggers, probably the hardest i've had to work against the urge to slip up thus far. had an opening friday night, first one sober- actually had several intelligent conversations with strangers about my work! (and remembered every word the next day!) it's so great waking up day after day without regrets and/or worries about what i've said or done the night before!!!
haven't heard anything yet about my recent job application, keep your fingers crossed please.
xoxo
managed through a weekend full of triggers, probably the hardest i've had to work against the urge to slip up thus far. had an opening friday night, first one sober- actually had several intelligent conversations with strangers about my work! (and remembered every word the next day!) it's so great waking up day after day without regrets and/or worries about what i've said or done the night before!!!
haven't heard anything yet about my recent job application, keep your fingers crossed please.
xoxo
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 83
Way to go, everyone!
Good luck with the job, blackbirdsing! Congratulations on your first sober opening.
I'm coming up on 60 days soon. I'm surprised at how fast the time has gone by. I'm a little bummed that I didn't use the time more wisely. I wish I would have exercised daily. Imagine how I'd feel by now. Still, there is so much to be grateful for...sleep, clarity, connection, freedom...
Good luck with the job, blackbirdsing! Congratulations on your first sober opening.
I'm coming up on 60 days soon. I'm surprised at how fast the time has gone by. I'm a little bummed that I didn't use the time more wisely. I wish I would have exercised daily. Imagine how I'd feel by now. Still, there is so much to be grateful for...sleep, clarity, connection, freedom...
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