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Old 11-22-2009, 10:44 PM
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Hey everyone. I guess I will make a formal intro here with my own thread if that's ok. Anyways im a 26 year old male alchoholic. Like someone else posted in another thread I lurked around also. Found this site a while back, seemed like a cool site with cool people to talk to and A LOT that could be related to. Like most things with me lately, I procrastinated, just like I looked in the yellow pages for AA meetings almost a year ago and never made a real attempt, just thinking 'someday'. After everytime I thought I hit my rockbottom, it just got worse everytime and after plenty more wake up calls, the denial/stubborness finally went away and I finally realized I better do at least SOMETHING about it. The 'regular', losing jobs, hurting relationships, DUI, having to pay thousands in fines, making a fool out of myself at parties and places and acting like a psycho because I refused to drink normally like everyone else, falling and hurting myself, passing out every single night almost, hallucinating, blacking out and not remembering things I said or did that people reminded me about, and most recently winding up in detox, not knowing what city I was even in, coughing up blood, and alchohol poisoning. There has been plenty of other problems from it also, but i would be sitting here all night probably. Got drunk for the first time, when i just turned 16, thought it was fun, kept that up, tolerance got higher, got worse and worse and its not hardly fun at all anymore, ore of a 'need to' than a 'want to' thing these days. Anyways I started going to a few AA classes and also thought this forum would be productive also. By this point I would go to treatment tommorow, if i still had my insurance or knew I could afford for it. Anyways im still an alchoholic, but I have slowed down a bit at least. Im just starting, the most I have made it is 2 days at the most, I need to be doing more work. I want to eventually someday quit altogether, and possibly help others out. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read my long story, made it as short as I could I guess. Hope I get comments, will respond to all. Take care everybody.
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Old 11-22-2009, 11:05 PM
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Hi LightAtTheEnd
Welcome to SR

I remember all that - the embarrassments, the falls, the emotional wreckage, the denial, the shrinking of my world, the 'I'll quit tomorrow'...

The good thing is I got out. I used to drink daily. I haven't now for the best part of 3 years.

The first step I think is to stop drinking...the second step is to not only find a support network (or two), but really work it, and make it work for you as well.

You're among friends here
Hope to see you around some more.

D
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Old 11-22-2009, 11:10 PM
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Dear Light...

I'm so very glad you came back to SR. You (will) find much support here, and yes,

people to relate to. Me, for one, and many, many more...

Most of us have stories similar to yours.

I'd like to make a suggestion. Check out your local Behavioral or Mental Health

office. The most likely offer services that include a drug and alcohol program

that is funded by the county where you live. You may be eligible for a medical

card that will cover inpatient or outpatient treatment, and counseling.

Don't hesitate if you feel this is what you need...only you know.

Treatment may be what you need, as you stated in your post...

AA is another option...I am am a member.

But please, wherever you get help, please do it soon.

We care about you here. And let us know what happens.

Prayers for you, Light.
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Old 11-22-2009, 11:44 PM
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LightAtTheEnd, Your selected username says almost as much about you as your post. I'm new in recovery. This is the end of day 17 for me. Tomorrow at day 18 will be the longest period of not having any drink in a long long time. Can't say as I really can see that Light yet, but I know it has to be there, just from the many success stories of others who post on this site. I am taking it day by day. What I can't do for the rest of my life, perhaps I can do for one more day. There is no better time to stop the cycle than now. I did a lot of the same things you describe...can be pretty scary and embarrassing, (altho I have to admit I always knew what city I was in -- I don't travel much :-)) You are still so young. You have so much life ahead of you that you can enjoy and be sober enough to realize you ARE enjoying it, and even remember the good times the day after. My daughter is just a little older than you. She has 2 alcoholic parents (I divorced her father many years ago) and she is very at risk of developing a problem just like her parents and she knows it. My real serious drinking (passing out etc) didn't start until this year really, but what a fast track it was.

The longer you continue to drink, the harder it will be to stop. There is a lot of help out there. Check the yellow pages in your local phone book, check the internet. AA is not the only recovery program out there. Start reading and trying things until you find something that "clicks" with you. The sooner the better, right? You don't have to go thru more days of awful withdrawal if you quit now. Please? I've droned on long enough. I care.
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Old 11-23-2009, 04:23 AM
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Sharing My Shame

I hope this conference is all right to post my story: I would like to get it off my chest.

Lord willing I had my last binge yesterday and the age of 33 will be a sober one. I have no idea how some people are able to have none, one, or two drinks and be fine. I do not understand why, in spite of all the damage it has caused in my life, I continue to seek a bottle. I also do not know why I cannot have only one or two drinks and be satisfied. I know I abuse alcohol, but am only starting to own up to being an alcoholic.

I understand I did not get to this point overnight, but still question exactly how I wound up here. I assume I am medicating since it relaxes me and makes me “fun,” and it got to the point of craving it. I have made so many excuses in getting to this point. Look at all the drinking on television and in movies: just about everyone has a nightcap! Everyone gets drunk now and then. I only drink on days off.

The many limits I placed on myself to try to control it were not working, either. Three drink minimums became triples. Not bringing bottles home was always short-lived. Stopping drinking by a certain hour does not work if the amount of drinks are excessive. Having a drink with food at a restaurant only made me think that I would be able to control my drinking at home.

Over the past few years my drinking boundaries have been decreasing. I have called in "sick" and come to work still smelling like and tasting alcohol. My husband drove me to volunteer activities or work because I was too worried about getting pulled over because I still felt affected by a binge.

My drinking is commonly accompanied by black outs, staying up until the bottle is gone (alcohol actually keeps me awake versus making me sleepy), shameful things that I only find out while hung over, and deeply hurting my husband. I am a completely different person on alcohol (not uptight like I am sober), but after enough, I turn vicious.

I am so tired of it and terrified that it will continue to cause even more damage if I do not stop now. It has affected my work, my availability, my finances, and my relationships. I am always repentant and shameful after a binge, but time passes and I go right back.

I am on my second marriage (yes, the first one was affected by my drinking yet I continued), and do not want to lose another husband. He has seen me throw away bottles and say “no more” too many times only to watch it happen all over again.

I am very scared and angry, but hopeful.
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Old 11-23-2009, 04:34 AM
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Hi to you too gndrdo14

I spent a lot of time trying to understand my addiction and even more time trying to bargain with it....coming here helped me see the most important thing any of us can do is act.

Read around - there are many approaches...the sooner we start the sooner we can begin to get better.

You'll find a lot of support, and hope, here.

Welcome
D
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Old 11-23-2009, 04:55 AM
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Hello, Light. (You too gndrdo.) Your story is my story - but I managed to drag it out for decades longer. Be glad you've had the sense to see what needs to be done. I didn't, and you can imagine the wreckage I've left behind. Here is where the nightmare can end for you. It's wonderful you've found us.

I wasted many years trying to control my drinking. The idea of giving it up forever was something I couldn't face. As I look back now, I don't have a clue why I needed to get numb and stop participating in my life. When it became obvious I had to quit, guilt & remorse kept me from getting well for many years. I came to SR & thought I'd have a quick look and be on my way. Something hit home, I saw myself in so many of the posts. I was no longer alone! I found hope and love here, and everyone understood me. This is where I got well, and am continuing to heal. I hope you'll both stay and learn and grow. Welcome to the family.
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Old 11-23-2009, 05:14 AM
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Hi All, I'm really glad to have found this site, reading some of your stories is like a lot going on in my life!

I am 28 tomorrow and on Saturday found myself in a 24 hour detox place because I had yet again hit rock bottom, I was being so sick but thinking alcohol would help I was trying to keep it down but my body was rejecting it, my Mother phoned the Doctor in the end and she referred me to the clinic for 24 hours where I was sobered up before starting me on Diazepam to help with the withdrawals. I found it so hard and I couldn't sleep even with the Diazepam, I really hope this has given me the wake up call I needed.

I have done home detox MANY times and never stuck to it telling myself I would just be able to have a drink one night a week but always went back to it the next day. After seeing some of the other people in the clinic who were further gone than me I was shocked, one man had lost the use of his legs and was in a wheel chair for life and I just thought what the hell am I doing to myself!

Although I am going to need more support to keep off the Alcohol, I really hope the memory of the detox centre stays fresh in my mind. I still have a couple of days of Diazepam left to take but I'm feeling better already.

Good to be on this site and good luck to all.

Becky xxxx
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Old 11-23-2009, 05:21 AM
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Hi bex! Welcome to our family. I did the same thing - tried to use willpower to control my drinking. It never worked once. Terrible things happened because I refused to see what I needed to do. Be glad you are facing this and taking action! I'm so glad you're getting the help you need.
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Old 11-23-2009, 05:30 AM
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Welcome to SR LightAtTheEnd

And Gndrdo and Bex, too,

There is a lot to be found here for those aiming to sober up. I can appreciate plenty in all y'all stories, been there myself...

Take care now,
TB
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Old 11-23-2009, 05:50 AM
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I want to eventually someday quit altogether
Wecome to all of you. When is someday? Today, tomorrow, next week, next year or never? I felt like that for too long until the people on SR persuaded me one normal Thursday in September that someday was today and I am so thankful they did.
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Old 11-23-2009, 06:33 AM
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Welcome to LightAtTheEnd, Gndrdo, and Bex.

You know the best day to quit? Today!!!!!

Alcoholism is a progressive disease, it gets worse with every drink, it never gets better and it never levels off, it always gets worse as long as an alcoholic continues to drink. This is fact, not one old mans opinion, do some research on alcoholism you will find the above fact to be very true.

Here is a quote from the book Alcoholics Anonymous which simply backs up from experience what the medical community has found to be true:

We alcoholics are men and women who have lost
the ability to control our drinking. We know that no
real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at
times that we were regaining control, but such intervals--
usually brief--were inevitably followed by still
less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible
demoralization. We are convinced to a man
that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive
illness. Over any considerable period we get
worse, never better.
My pride kept me from getting the help I needed to quit drinking for many years, I doubt if I drew a sober breath the last 5 years I drank.

I had this insane idea that my will power alone would one day over come the insanity of my drinking, perhaps it could have when I was young and had not been drinking that long, but I crossed a line that I could not see, a line that is refered to as alcoholism.

After 40 years of drinking and finding myself alone facing this madness of my drinking, ready to lose all in just a matter of time I surrendered to the fact that I had no idea how to get sober at that time and I sure had no idea how to stay sober because for many years I would be able to stop for a while and then convince myself that this time will be different and I would start drinking again..... every time I started again it just kept getting worse and worse.

Any how I surrundered to the fact that I needed HELP!!!

I saw a doctor, he put me into medical detox.

In medical detox they told us "If you want a chance at long term sobriety that we needed to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor.

In AA the folks in AA & my sponsor suggested strongly that if I wanted a real chance at long term sobriety to take the steps.

Well I took the steps, I still go to meetings 2-3 times a week, thanks to the fellowship of AA & the program of AA which led me to a Power greater then myself of my choosing, I have been sober over 3 years and have not obsessed for a drink in about 3 years.

Is AA the only way? Absolutely not, it is the one that worked for me and millions of others, but there are other programs, some folks use multiple programs.... what ever it takes, just be williing to do what ever it takes!

You are not alone, there is a solution, I found one!
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Old 11-23-2009, 11:07 AM
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Welcome gndrd14 & bex220. Hope you find the great support I have found here.

Bex: Suggestion. Start a journal if you don't already have one and record how this last withdrawal felt, as well as the drinking that led up to it. Read it again and again subsequently, especially when a craving hits you. It might help.

Hope you folks, you too LightAE, stick around.
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Old 11-24-2009, 09:59 PM
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Hey everybody. Sorry it has been a day or so. Thanks to all the replies and people who shared their stories. Read them all thoroughly, and deffinately get something from all of them. One thing I really like about the forum is nobody tells you anything cliche or judges you or tells you things you have heard over and over. Instead try to help, and I think that is because you are talking to people who understand and have/had the same problems. Thanks for the advice on finding more than just one network, in patient or outpatient, behavioral health institute and the medical card idea. I will look into it. Ironically I actually just got an email (not through the forum), I just read, from someone whos daughter, went to some facility not far from here and it was funded somehow without insurance. I got a few ideas and people to talk to, to find out a few more things, but yeah I will look into it all. "Wecome to all of you. When is someday? Today, tomorrow, next week, next year or never?" Saphie I catch myself saying that all the time and think about it. Just think I have a lot of work to do. Denial has went away and I have slowed down a lot, but i get tempted, and find any EXCUSE to drink, also being in between jobs, afraid of boredom, habit, angry, anxious, can't sit still then find myself going to the liqour store. If im not sleeping or finding myself being productive during the day, then I mess it all up by wanting a drink then over drinking as usual. That's why I feel I need to do more and go to some sort of treatment or something, and help myself even more instead of it going on. "LightAtTheEnd, Your selected username says almost as much about you as your post." Asta1. Kinda funny story actually besides procrastinating and thinking someday I will do this, that was the second drawback. I wanted to pick a screen name that sounded positive but sounded relative to where im at now, I eventually settled on LightAtTheEnd, because LightAtTheEndOfTheTunnel was to long. "(altho I have to admit I always knew what city I was in -- I don't travel much :-))" Asta1. I live in Texas, was in Oklahoma City for a few days, in bricktown, long story short I was stressing things started drinking rediculously, woke up in detox a few hours later, not knowing where I was at. I have only drank for 10 years, I would say addicted since the last 5 or 6, and yes it is a progressive disease, it does get worse, wish I would have never started really. Always something to say but guess I will stop here for now. Thanks again to everyone and I will gradually try to shorten my post, and space out my paragraphs or something, still kinda new at this. Take care everybody.
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Old 11-24-2009, 10:08 PM
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Welcome Bex

D
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Old 11-25-2009, 05:51 AM
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There's always a reason to drink when you are drinking. Always always always and if there isn't we will make one up. You have started questioning your reasons, which is good. Keep it going - one day (your someday), hopefully soon, you will realize there is no reason only a state of mind. Good Luck.
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