Dear Light...
I'm so very glad you came back to SR. You (will) find much support here, and yes,
people to relate to. Me, for one, and many, many more...
Most of us have stories similar to yours.
I'd like to make a suggestion. Check out your local Behavioral or Mental Health
office. The most likely offer services that include a drug and alcohol program
that is funded by the county where you live. You may be eligible for a medical
card that will cover inpatient or outpatient treatment, and counseling.
Don't hesitate if you feel this is what you need...only you know.
Treatment may be what you need, as you stated in your post...
AA is another option...I am am a member.
But please, wherever you get help, please do it soon.
We care about you here. And let us know what happens.
Prayers for you, Light.