divorce
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Japan
Posts: 71
divorce
Hi Everyone,
I am not sure if I am posting this question in the right category? My parents split up when I was 18, in my last year of high school. My oldest brother was in his last year of university and soon to leave the nest for good, my 2nd oldest brother was in 2nd or 3rd year university, and my younger sister and brother were in grades 9 and 11 respectively. I have asked my younger and second older brother 3what their memories are of that period and neither seem to recall much. I on the other hand found it very very stressful and painful since it threw my last year of high school into a tailspin. I heard a podcast the other day which featured kids whose parents divorced, now as adults, talking about how divorce affected them. I usually read or assume divorce is more traumatic on young kids, but for me at 18, it really messed me up, and has continued to mess me up into adult life-trust issue, relationship, neediness, dependency etc. I don't buy what my sibling claim since my oldest brother divorced and remarried his first wife, my second brother divorced after 6 months, and my younger sibling have never been married and they are both in the 40's. I am married(7 years) with two kids, and I sometime believe I have transcended or escaped my past, but other times I don't...
Patk
I am not sure if I am posting this question in the right category? My parents split up when I was 18, in my last year of high school. My oldest brother was in his last year of university and soon to leave the nest for good, my 2nd oldest brother was in 2nd or 3rd year university, and my younger sister and brother were in grades 9 and 11 respectively. I have asked my younger and second older brother 3what their memories are of that period and neither seem to recall much. I on the other hand found it very very stressful and painful since it threw my last year of high school into a tailspin. I heard a podcast the other day which featured kids whose parents divorced, now as adults, talking about how divorce affected them. I usually read or assume divorce is more traumatic on young kids, but for me at 18, it really messed me up, and has continued to mess me up into adult life-trust issue, relationship, neediness, dependency etc. I don't buy what my sibling claim since my oldest brother divorced and remarried his first wife, my second brother divorced after 6 months, and my younger sibling have never been married and they are both in the 40's. I am married(7 years) with two kids, and I sometime believe I have transcended or escaped my past, but other times I don't...
Patk
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,415
Hi Patk
All lot of us have issues with our past, or various aspects of it. I'd wager a large percentage of us started drinking, at some level, to medicate ourselves emotionally.
It's not a good way to live life to be held hostage by things that happened 20, 30, 40..even 50 years ago.
I really believe there has to be a time where we make our best effort to draw a line under the past, and move on.
If, for whatever reason, we can't do that ourselves - we should seek out appropriate professional help.
D
All lot of us have issues with our past, or various aspects of it. I'd wager a large percentage of us started drinking, at some level, to medicate ourselves emotionally.
It's not a good way to live life to be held hostage by things that happened 20, 30, 40..even 50 years ago.
I really believe there has to be a time where we make our best effort to draw a line under the past, and move on.
If, for whatever reason, we can't do that ourselves - we should seek out appropriate professional help.
D
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
Learning how to cope with life in an unhealthy way is often (I believe) what leads to dependency on drugs/alcohol/xyz. A lot of us 'round here have some difficult past experiences, and have had to learn NEW ways to live. I grew up in foster care, so the family of origin/divorce stuff is lost on me, but I can imagine that a lot of different things can cause problems later on for a lot of us. The important thing that I've learned is to move forward.. our past can become a crutch that disables us for a long time if we don't move on.
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