Hi LightAtTheEnd
Welcome to SR
I remember all that - the embarrassments, the falls, the emotional wreckage, the denial, the shrinking of my world, the 'I'll quit tomorrow'...
The good thing is I got out. I used to drink daily. I haven't now for the best part of 3 years.
The first step I think is to stop drinking...the second step is to not only find a support network (or two), but really work it, and make it work for you as well.
You're among friends here
Hope to see you around some more.
D