Thanks, Viking. Didn't realize it'd been a few days.
I am having one of those bad days in which nothing particularly bad happens--but it's just a bad day. Down. Uninspired. Just took out my contact lenses, put on my lounge shorts and fave-these-days Kennebunkport sweatshirt.
Duchess' passing hit me hard today and I'm mourning other things as well. I'll just say relationship things. There are huge, empty spaces in the life I had most of the year. I am here with my music and Bandit and Tigger, thankfully, but there are still huge, empty spaces.
And all sorts of unanswered questions. Why and how, mostly. I may never find out.
This is what I think of as "intermediate sobriety"--when you've put in enough time not drinking is now the default setting, the constant obsession has been lifted, you know the drill, you know the tools...so what's next is what to do when all of you feels like a cold, rainy, dreary day that won't stop.
Gonna post these familiar Bruce Hornsby lyrics, which seem to say it better than I could:
SWAN SONG
This is no fond farewell
You can be sure I could wish it was no farewell at all
It's been a good long run
Oh to be sure I don't regret much, not much at all
And I'm gonna love the night away
Gonna do what I want to any old day
And all at once I know the clouds are gonna clear for me
And I will do alright
Well in truth, I might
I may be stumbling round on some cold night
And I will miss the times when we were so right
Although it seems so long ago, so long
This is my swan song, I'm gone, gone
This is no sorrowful day
You can be sure I've got no axe to grind at all
It's circumstance or burn out
You can be sure I've been grinding, till I'm grinding to a halt
Sometimes it's the right thing to cut the chord
You've been holding on hard but your hands get sore
Sometimes it's worth it but sometimes you wonder what for
And I will do alright
Well in truth, I might
I may be stumbling round on some dim dim light
And I will miss the times when we were so right
Although it seems so long ago, so long
This is my swan song, I'm gone, gone
And I will do alright
Well in truth, I might
I may be stumbling round in some cold night
And I will do alright
Well in truth, I might
And I may be stumbling round in some cold night
And I will miss the times when it was so right
Although it seems so long ago, so long, hey hey
This is my swan song, I'm gone, gone
This is my swan song, gone, I'm gone
Oh, I'm gone
Yeah, I'm gone
Well I've been long, gone, gone
Long gone
Yeah yeah
Well, hope to be back here tomorrow morning with my coffee and a better frame of mind.