SouthernSober

Well, Day 4. Still feeling pretty rocky. Anhedonia, lack of appetite, anxiety, insomnia, etc. Did manage to piece together about 6 hours of sleep last night even if it were stretched out over 12+ hours. Forced myself to eat breakfast, still pounding fluids. Have to admit was hoping to feel better than this at this point, but I'm doing all I can do. Sure don't want a drink. Just concerned about some kind of anxiety or panic attack.

VikingGF

SS, You're doing great. It took me about a week for the really bad things to go away- then I felt poorly for quite a while, but I wasn't coming off 2 weeks, so hopefully just the acute stage is all you'll need to go through. Keep hydrating, eat well and just keep moving forward. It's good that you're sleeping better- that will get easier too, but you know all these things. Just putting words out there so you know you aren't alone in any way.

Congrats on day 4. Those early days are just the worst and the hardest. Once they are over- open highway.

Stay strong- you have this.

VikingGF

CP- I was going say pick me up on the way- I want to go to Coffee Pot Road, too! But I'm not on the way..

Lynn, those pics are lovely, thanks for sharing.

I had a huge smile on my face today as I oriented all my patients to the date- AUGUST 1st. Just gratitude all over the place.

Love you guys, soooo much. Big hugs AND smooches.

I have to upload pics of my Sunday Funday and my giant zucchini!! I have some work to do, then I'll get on it.

Free2bme888

Yes, it’s really coffee pot road. My hubby accelerated right when I was taking a drink of water, when I thought I was safe. The second time I let out a €£$#&%🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

He drives with two feet 🤨😫😳🤓😎

Free2bme888

Lisa, 🍆???🤪

SS, it’s such a good thing, these yucky feelings….make a diary, never forget. You KNOW they go away. You just had no idea when you thought a few weeks ago that alcohol would help you through this tough time, that it really would be this much hell.

For me, the first two weeks were godawful. Shame, shame, shame, and physical yuckiness too.

Big hugs around you, and a big glass of water. Read Alcohol Explained. It’s soooooo good. Really. Or audio book. It’s on Amazon at the touch of your fingertips.

James and Lisa, it’s a date for our five years, in 2026. Deal? Except we need to go in mid July. 🎊🪅🎉🪄

LoveHateWhine

Good Morning everyone. I FINALLY tested negative for Covid. Yay!!!!!! Only took a month.

Beautiful pictures, Free! I am going to try to dig out some of the pics from our Wisconsin trip now that I figured out how to upload.

SS - you're doing great. You will start to feel better soon.

Viking - can't wait to hear all about this zucchini.

CP - yeah, I agree seems like we have "known" each other a lot longer than one year.

Everyone have a wonderful day.

ClearPath64

Great to hear LHW! One less thing on your plate to stress about. I'm hoping for good news from your dermatologist soon. Please keep us posted. Looking forward to the Wisconsin pics when you get the chance. That wedding venue sounded over the top!

SouthernSober

Day 5. And in some ways, feels like it's only getting tougher. Did not sleep at all last night. And not sleeping has its own very nasty subvariant--the inability to shut one's mind off. Not only, but it stays on the same 2-3 horrible tracks. The day consists of killing time. The night consists of tossing, turning, ruminating.

"SS, it’s such a good thing, these yucky feelings….make a diary, never forget. You KNOW they go away. You just had no idea when you thought a few weeks ago that alcohol would help you through this tough time, that it really would be this much hell."

No, I did not. Not even with my history. And this time I'm doing it with a broken heart.

I'm not sure it's a matter of thinking "that alcohol would help." I just...snapped. It had all been just too much. Friday night I thought: I know how tempted I am...well, not tonight. I can drink tomorrow. And then tomorrow came another day that felt like an anvil falling. I was at the gym and finishing my workout. I had decided to drink. There was an AA meeting in 30 minutes right down the street. And I just snapped. Oh, that I could revisit that decision. But I just couldn't take it anymore. I hit the store for a 12-pack on the way home. And I was given one last reprieve: it had been so long since I'd bought alcohol I didn't know they were scanning IDs. So I had to go back to the car. Had I been in my right mind, I would have said, you know, that is a clear sign right there. And I would have turned around and gone to AA. Or just come home and posted here on SR.

So I now I pay for it. Like never before. And I'm really worried I feel this bad on Day 5.

ClearPath64

Good evening SS, I'm sorry to hear that things are still rough. The lack of sleep really compounds things. I hope that you are at least eating better now. If you don't mind me asking, was your 2 week bender solely beer, or were you mixing in the harder stuff too? Not that it really matters, but I was just trying to gauge my experience with yours. I certainly had a much more difficult time with the drying out period, experiencing night sweats for the first time. It's not something that I plan to experience again. Hang in there. The clouds are going to part soon.

Dee74

There's a thing called alcoholic kindling.
I think every time we go back to drinking we feel worse and it takes us longer to feel better SouthernSober.

The last time I drank in 07, it took me a full month before I was reasonably confident I would not drop down dead in the street. It was tough going.

Things will get better tho SS - no one could stay in recovery if things didn't improve.

D

SouthernSober

Thanks, CP. Some tequila the first 2 days, then just light beer. Best guess, 12-15/day. One difference this time: I did not taper. Just cold turkey Day 1.

I have been forcing myself to eat, and I do eat healthy. Pounding Gatorade Zero all day and night for the electrolytes. Ice cream bar for the sugar. Full complement of vitamins.

SouthernSober

Thanks Dee--I'm familiar with kindling, but it's an inexact thing. Have to admit I'm pretty shocked I got this bad this quick after no alcohol at all for 11 months.

I know what you mean about tough going--just going to get the mail drove my anxiety through the roof.

Dee74

I'm not a scientist but I think there's something to the anecdotal evidence that suggest we pick up again, not where we left off, but where we would have been if we'd been drinking that whole time?

D

SouthernSober

Yes--I've read and heard that in various places.

VikingGF

This, right here. This is why I know the last time is my last time- so hang in there, SS, it will pass, but it does take more out of us the more we ride the hamster wheel of start/stop. 5 days is great- just keep going.

SouthernSober

Thanks Viking--Amen. I mean, when I was clutching the damp sheets at 0700 and my mind a torture chamber, that was my thought: I've had my last drink.

That's not bravado: it's the depths-of-soul, cry-out confession of a man in every version of pain. Maybe I'm right; maybe I'm wrong. But it was my most unbared thought and hope.

I so dreaded another session of binge-watch that I picked up that "1000-pound phone" and called an AA buddy, who picked up on the third ring and patiently, unflinchingly, talked to me for almost 90 minutes. My gratitude was immense. For so many reasons. Parenthetically, I told him about SR and how much it meant to me to have a 24/7 shelter with people from all over the world and all kinds of backgrounds.

Now past midnight. It was a very scary day, and I specifically remember a past Day 5 where I could not stand it anymore and went out for beer. I don't even want to think back, or look, how long an additional sentence that one cost me. This time it would be incalculable.

Yes I am frightened about the prospect of another writhing, sleepless, constant-rumination night. But I am doing all I can. Thanks, everybody--you were here all day for me when I needed it most. SS

LoveHateWhine

Sorry to hear you are still struggling, SS. But I agree with what the others have said. Hang in there. You will start to feel better soon.

Free2bme888

SS, I Hope you wake up today, a little more rested. Good for you to get through yesterday. You are DOING it🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

Yes, we are here. Sometimes, when I’m having a sleepless night, I get on SR and read. It might sound sick, but I read relapse stories, and I read success stories. Sometimes I go on a thread called the lighter side, where there are so many funnies posted, either jokes in writing or some cute memes or cartoons.

There is a blog, by a member called ‘bloss’. Very inspiring indeed

For me, SR, with all the souls coming together with a common bond, addiction, is my HP. That’s just me. All I know is without that support, I wouldn’t be here where I am today, taking care of myself on the daily.

Free2bme888

When I quit smoking, almost 35 years ago, I looked at people who didn’t smoke, and they were happy. I thought, “Wow, they are happy, and they are not thinking about NEEDING (lie) a cigarette to get them through the day/night/happy/sad time in their lives.” I looked at children. Happy for a lolly pop, or a ride on a swing. Bursting out in tears if their feelings were hurt, or they were corrected by someone.

I wanted it. I saw it with my own two eyes, and deep down, I knew I had that before I was addicted to nicotine.

So, that belief, that actual KNOWLEDGE, is at the forefront of every step I take in my recovery with alcohol addiction. For me, it is not a disease, although choices cause disease. If I don’t call it a disease, it means the choices have been mine. And they were, and they are.

The disease model helps addiction help get paid for, and it’s a BIG business. Big. But it helps some people, and for that, I’m thankful someone figured out that loophole in the alcohol related business. It is WAYYYYY bigger and more powerful than the tobacco business.

The silent news is that we CAN do this, with sometimes medical intervention, but the choice is still ours.

Its freedom of choice. I like it.

🤓❤️

VikingGF

Hope today was easier for you, SS- you popped into my thoughts this afternoon when I used the word "vehemently" and I thought, hey there is an SS word. You have a fantastic vocabulary. Random, I know. It was a random-type day.

Just checking in for now- back later. I have a garden whimpering with thirst. HOT.