Class of August 2021 Support Thread Part 8
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 1,121
Hi SS, I have been thinking about you a lot today.
I remember last year, when I was starting to compile some decent sobriety time, deciding that it was time to combat my loneliness and give online dating another chance. One of the wise folks on this thread warned me of the pitfalls and that it might be too early. Of course I didn’t listen. I told myself that I got this. What harm could come from a little chatting? And then I thought I hit the jackpot. Found a match with a lady that checked all the boxes. We exchanged conversation back and forth for about a week and then she suggested we meet up for dinner. I was ALL IN! Hadn’t dated after my divorce in 2014. Went and purchased new clothes and cologne. Got a haircut. All in. Date night was great. We talked freely. I hugged her goodnight. Driving home, I was on cloud nine, planning our next adventure. Until I get the “it was nice meeting you, but I didn’t really feel a connection” text a couple of days later and the wind was taken out of my sails. I didn’t admit it at the time, but that rejection affected me. It confirmed what I suspected all along. That I wasn’t good enough. It was a ridiculous way to think, as it was one date, and I just wasn’t what she was looking for. But that’s the way this alcoholic brain thought at the time, and I’m certain that it contributed in some way to my relapse.
I’m not suggesting at all that my experience was like yours. But I get it. 35, gorgeous, fascinating. Believe me, I get it. You were infatuated. You were in love. You lost yourself. I think that we alcoholics feel things more deeply than most folks and especially when it comes to love. My heart truly hurts for you. Just take care of yourself, one day at a time, my friend. Maybe go back and read some of your old posts, like the one that Free shared. You’ve got a soft landing place here on SR, and people that want you to succeed and thrive.
I remember last year, when I was starting to compile some decent sobriety time, deciding that it was time to combat my loneliness and give online dating another chance. One of the wise folks on this thread warned me of the pitfalls and that it might be too early. Of course I didn’t listen. I told myself that I got this. What harm could come from a little chatting? And then I thought I hit the jackpot. Found a match with a lady that checked all the boxes. We exchanged conversation back and forth for about a week and then she suggested we meet up for dinner. I was ALL IN! Hadn’t dated after my divorce in 2014. Went and purchased new clothes and cologne. Got a haircut. All in. Date night was great. We talked freely. I hugged her goodnight. Driving home, I was on cloud nine, planning our next adventure. Until I get the “it was nice meeting you, but I didn’t really feel a connection” text a couple of days later and the wind was taken out of my sails. I didn’t admit it at the time, but that rejection affected me. It confirmed what I suspected all along. That I wasn’t good enough. It was a ridiculous way to think, as it was one date, and I just wasn’t what she was looking for. But that’s the way this alcoholic brain thought at the time, and I’m certain that it contributed in some way to my relapse.
I’m not suggesting at all that my experience was like yours. But I get it. 35, gorgeous, fascinating. Believe me, I get it. You were infatuated. You were in love. You lost yourself. I think that we alcoholics feel things more deeply than most folks and especially when it comes to love. My heart truly hurts for you. Just take care of yourself, one day at a time, my friend. Maybe go back and read some of your old posts, like the one that Free shared. You’ve got a soft landing place here on SR, and people that want you to succeed and thrive.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
And if I could just dump it out and go to bed, I sure would.
You have it in you to be sober again - not for anyone else, but for yourself.
The fear of dealing with emotional pain kept me drinking for years.
And alcohol never helped with the pain anyway - I had to keep reapplying a beer to the wound..
It's a merry go round of misery that way SS....but you can get off any time you like.
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 1,121
Originally Posted by SouthernSober 
I feel like I got involved with a dangerous, wicked sociopath. And I should know better. But who does, really? Rhetorical question or not: who does know better? And what's the answer? Give up love? Trust? Hope?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,417
SS,
I know quitting gets physically more difficult each time we stop- but that can't be a reason to not pour it out. Alcohol will magnify any depression/grief and stagnate the process of grieving, which we all go through- and set you back considerably the longer you drink. It's clear you want to stop- you're here, you're asking for help. Do not drink tomorrow- make it day 1. I have no doubt that once you have a week or so sober, you will pick up your good habits and your mind will clear. Then you can process everything properly and move forward.
At the risk of sounding like a broken record (this crowd at least gets that reference) it's so good to have you back so quickly. Don't let 2 weeks stretch into 3, please. Nothing is worth losing yourself over. Nothing.
I know quitting gets physically more difficult each time we stop- but that can't be a reason to not pour it out. Alcohol will magnify any depression/grief and stagnate the process of grieving, which we all go through- and set you back considerably the longer you drink. It's clear you want to stop- you're here, you're asking for help. Do not drink tomorrow- make it day 1. I have no doubt that once you have a week or so sober, you will pick up your good habits and your mind will clear. Then you can process everything properly and move forward.
At the risk of sounding like a broken record (this crowd at least gets that reference) it's so good to have you back so quickly. Don't let 2 weeks stretch into 3, please. Nothing is worth losing yourself over. Nothing.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: East Coast US
Posts: 1,823
Hello everyone. I thought I'd take a few minutes to check in and catch everyone up on what is going on here in my neck of the woods. In case anyone is wondering.
I am still testing positive for Covid, even though my symptoms have finally gone away completely. It's a mystery. Been almost 4 weeks now, but I understand this is a very typical situation, but it is unnerving just the same. I am told I am not contagious at all, but people don't want to be around me when I am honest in telling them I am still positive after nearly 4 weeks. I would probably be the same way. So still isolating but not by choice. Mr. LHW and I play golf when we can, and go out to dinner, but it's always just the two of us. Understandable. Actually quite nice, because our social lives are just too hectic anyway.
Second, I had my annual dermatology appointment earlier this week. I have a rather large 6 CM possible basal cell carcinoma on my nose...the entire right side of my nose to be exact. A biopsy was taken and I will have the results in 10-14 days. 4 days have already passed. If this thing is indeed a basal cell, I will need to have surgery to remove it. This is called "Mohs Surgery". Depending on how far they would have to "dig" to get all of it, I could have a seriously big hole/scar on my nose which then would require plastic surgery. Wear your sunscreen! I always do but this is probably from when I was a teenager and wore #2 or #8 sunscreen or nothing at all!
We are not jumping to conclusions by any means, but I am already checking out plastic surgeons at the University of Pennsylvania who do this type of surgery. I would rather have a plastic surgeon/dermatologist do the surgery than my regular local dermatologist and then have to be referred to a plastic surgeon. He does not appear to have a problem with this approach. So now we are just waiting for biopsy results.
This is further complicated by my upcoming cataract surgery at the end of August. My vision has deteriorated rapidly in the past couple weeks...most likely meaning that a cataract has formed on the left eye as well as the right. Will find out more on that in mid August. I can't see a thing without my glasses and even then it's hard to see beyong 7-12 feet.
All this said...if I do have the skin cancer, a decision will have to be made as to which to tackle first ...the skin cancer or the cataracts, or if they can both be tackled together with a few weeks of each other. The potential skin cancer location on the nose is very, very close to my eye. Both surgeries have the potential for complications, as do any surgeries.
Free - was thinking of you and the cancer surgery on your hand. Wondering if you experienced same type of thing. Was it basal cell????!!!
Needless to say, all of this has been quite stressful on me. I did have a glass of wine the afternoon I found out about the potential skin cancer on the nose and the significant nose reconstruction that might be necessary. Mr. LHW and I went to lunch at our favorite restaurant and I ordered the wine because I wanted to. Not beating myself up over that one. It was a "one and done" and that was that. Amazed I can do that. Anyway.....
I do sign in here and read every few days, but frankly, haven't had the energy to respond. I feel bad about that. Everyone is so good about responding invidivually to all the posts and I am just a slug. Oh well. Know I am thinking about you all every day and you do help me stay sober, albeit the "one and done" glass of last week.
LHW
I am still testing positive for Covid, even though my symptoms have finally gone away completely. It's a mystery. Been almost 4 weeks now, but I understand this is a very typical situation, but it is unnerving just the same. I am told I am not contagious at all, but people don't want to be around me when I am honest in telling them I am still positive after nearly 4 weeks. I would probably be the same way. So still isolating but not by choice. Mr. LHW and I play golf when we can, and go out to dinner, but it's always just the two of us. Understandable. Actually quite nice, because our social lives are just too hectic anyway.
Second, I had my annual dermatology appointment earlier this week. I have a rather large 6 CM possible basal cell carcinoma on my nose...the entire right side of my nose to be exact. A biopsy was taken and I will have the results in 10-14 days. 4 days have already passed. If this thing is indeed a basal cell, I will need to have surgery to remove it. This is called "Mohs Surgery". Depending on how far they would have to "dig" to get all of it, I could have a seriously big hole/scar on my nose which then would require plastic surgery. Wear your sunscreen! I always do but this is probably from when I was a teenager and wore #2 or #8 sunscreen or nothing at all!
We are not jumping to conclusions by any means, but I am already checking out plastic surgeons at the University of Pennsylvania who do this type of surgery. I would rather have a plastic surgeon/dermatologist do the surgery than my regular local dermatologist and then have to be referred to a plastic surgeon. He does not appear to have a problem with this approach. So now we are just waiting for biopsy results.
This is further complicated by my upcoming cataract surgery at the end of August. My vision has deteriorated rapidly in the past couple weeks...most likely meaning that a cataract has formed on the left eye as well as the right. Will find out more on that in mid August. I can't see a thing without my glasses and even then it's hard to see beyong 7-12 feet.
All this said...if I do have the skin cancer, a decision will have to be made as to which to tackle first ...the skin cancer or the cataracts, or if they can both be tackled together with a few weeks of each other. The potential skin cancer location on the nose is very, very close to my eye. Both surgeries have the potential for complications, as do any surgeries.
Free - was thinking of you and the cancer surgery on your hand. Wondering if you experienced same type of thing. Was it basal cell????!!!
Needless to say, all of this has been quite stressful on me. I did have a glass of wine the afternoon I found out about the potential skin cancer on the nose and the significant nose reconstruction that might be necessary. Mr. LHW and I went to lunch at our favorite restaurant and I ordered the wine because I wanted to. Not beating myself up over that one. It was a "one and done" and that was that. Amazed I can do that. Anyway.....
I do sign in here and read every few days, but frankly, haven't had the energy to respond. I feel bad about that. Everyone is so good about responding invidivually to all the posts and I am just a slug. Oh well. Know I am thinking about you all every day and you do help me stay sober, albeit the "one and done" glass of last week.
LHW
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,335
Hi LHW,
Yes, it was basal cell on my hand AND my tricep. Right side.
It’s a bummer. Basal cell happens on the hand only 1% of the time. We’ve got special skin there, so usually doesn’t get basal, but then if hand gets cancer it’s squamous. She took three tries. Looks better but still have nerve pain. I’ll take a pic tomorrow and post that and my tricep scar. Tricep was wide excision for a small lesion.
So, you should have someone who does Mohs AND can do the pathology right there. Dermatopathologists I believe. And yes, as a surgical nurse, the plastics Dr will take a forehead flap and it seems impossible, but the outcomes are GREAT.
Your outcome is gonna be GREAT.😍🥰
Drinking will only make you more anxious, and I’m sure a knee jerk response to something scary and unknown is to numb it.
We are here. Please post often.
Yes, it was basal cell on my hand AND my tricep. Right side.
It’s a bummer. Basal cell happens on the hand only 1% of the time. We’ve got special skin there, so usually doesn’t get basal, but then if hand gets cancer it’s squamous. She took three tries. Looks better but still have nerve pain. I’ll take a pic tomorrow and post that and my tricep scar. Tricep was wide excision for a small lesion.
So, you should have someone who does Mohs AND can do the pathology right there. Dermatopathologists I believe. And yes, as a surgical nurse, the plastics Dr will take a forehead flap and it seems impossible, but the outcomes are GREAT.
Your outcome is gonna be GREAT.😍🥰
Drinking will only make you more anxious, and I’m sure a knee jerk response to something scary and unknown is to numb it.
We are here. Please post often.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,417
HI, LHW- Sorry for what you are dealing with. It does sound scary initially, but with time and as the situation rolls out, reality is not usually as bad as our minds imagined. Despite any trials or struggle, alcohol is not ever the answer, and even though you wanted to drink and it was "one and done" the possibility of that continuing is highly unlikely. My experience was a very rapid return to uncontrolled intake after 2-3 days of having any control- and to be honest, if I had control, there would have been no drinking at all. It's hard work to stay sober when our brains tell us that we can feel better with "just one" but you have seen the other side and you know sober is better. You can deal with whatever you are handed without the lies and false security. As for your COVID status- it's good that you are now symptom free- that's the important part. We drop ALL precautions in a medical facility after 10 days even if patients are returning a positive result- do you feel the need to tell others you are still positive? Our residents return to the daily activities and visitors- we don't alert anyone that they are still positive. Just something to think about.
Stay strong going forward and come here as often as you can- reading is just as good as posting if you don't have the energy- but I enjoy posting and hearing from my friends, it really does help. I'll be thinking of you and hope to see you here.
Lisa.
Stay strong going forward and come here as often as you can- reading is just as good as posting if you don't have the energy- but I enjoy posting and hearing from my friends, it really does help. I'll be thinking of you and hope to see you here.
Lisa.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,417
Hi, Bodhi, Free and CP- Hope everyone is doing well!
Weekend plans anyone?
I'm actually going to see a friend perform in my town tonight- that's exciting. It's at a brewery so I can take my pup- she loves a night out. Looking forward to it myself- they have a food truck and I'll bring my own beverage just in case they aren't used to sober people showing up....
Have a great Saturday!
Weekend plans anyone?
I'm actually going to see a friend perform in my town tonight- that's exciting. It's at a brewery so I can take my pup- she loves a night out. Looking forward to it myself- they have a food truck and I'll bring my own beverage just in case they aren't used to sober people showing up....
Have a great Saturday!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 1,121
Good morning LHW. Wow, you are going through A LOT! I honestly don't know how I would react if I was juggling COVID, cataract surgery, and now the unknowns regarding your biopsy results. Throwing out a lifeline would certainly be at the top of the list because no one should have to face that type of stress alone. I'm glad that your husband is there to support you and hold your hand as you face each challenge. I was indeed wondering how you were doing and am glad that you posted.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: East Coast US
Posts: 1,823
Hi everyone, thanks for the well wishes.
I am definitely a bit of a Nervous Nellie when it comes to medical procedures. I always think the worst...Mr. LHW said that to me last night. I must have been raised that way because I can recall reading a 4th grade report card saying that "she gets overly upset at a tiny bruise or a cut needing a band aid." LOL!!! My Mother saved all of our elementary school report cards and gave them to us a few years ago. So yeah, that would be me. Will have to ask my Mother about that and what might have happened to cause these types of reactions. My eye doctor told me I am "fanatical" about my eyes and my response was "isn't everyone?" This was in response to me telling him that I was not happy about him "having to cut my eyeball". Again, LOL.
Viking - our close friends are borderline hysterical when it comes to Covid. She has had it, he has not. The day we tested positive, we of course told them because we had been around them the night before. They went and got tested within one hour...even though if we did pass it to them, they likely wouldn't have shown any symptoms for a few days. They continued to test every single day for 7 days. And not the home test...the PCR. They have refused to be around us and know that I have been getting tested once a week, so they always ask. I don't want to lie to them so have told the truth, but I have told them and sent them articles that show after 10 days I am not contagious and could likely keep testing positive for weeks. I respect their decision to keep away even if I feel it is an overreaction.
Thanks again everyone, I will try to stick close here since I know that "one and done" could have unleashed the monster.
LHW
I am definitely a bit of a Nervous Nellie when it comes to medical procedures. I always think the worst...Mr. LHW said that to me last night. I must have been raised that way because I can recall reading a 4th grade report card saying that "she gets overly upset at a tiny bruise or a cut needing a band aid." LOL!!! My Mother saved all of our elementary school report cards and gave them to us a few years ago. So yeah, that would be me. Will have to ask my Mother about that and what might have happened to cause these types of reactions. My eye doctor told me I am "fanatical" about my eyes and my response was "isn't everyone?" This was in response to me telling him that I was not happy about him "having to cut my eyeball". Again, LOL.
Viking - our close friends are borderline hysterical when it comes to Covid. She has had it, he has not. The day we tested positive, we of course told them because we had been around them the night before. They went and got tested within one hour...even though if we did pass it to them, they likely wouldn't have shown any symptoms for a few days. They continued to test every single day for 7 days. And not the home test...the PCR. They have refused to be around us and know that I have been getting tested once a week, so they always ask. I don't want to lie to them so have told the truth, but I have told them and sent them articles that show after 10 days I am not contagious and could likely keep testing positive for weeks. I respect their decision to keep away even if I feel it is an overreaction.
Thanks again everyone, I will try to stick close here since I know that "one and done" could have unleashed the monster.
LHW
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,335
Great attitude, LHW. I sent you a PM.😬🤓❤️
Lisa, that’s a great plan about tonight, BYOD 🥤
James, you are doing GREAT.
SS, come back when you are ready. Don’t drown yourself in the bottle. Your enemies can swim longer than you can stay afloat.
Bodhi, wishing you a wonderful weekend.
Golf today with eldest, first coffee, breakfast and laundry.
Lisa, that’s a great plan about tonight, BYOD 🥤
James, you are doing GREAT.
SS, come back when you are ready. Don’t drown yourself in the bottle. Your enemies can swim longer than you can stay afloat.
Bodhi, wishing you a wonderful weekend.
Golf today with eldest, first coffee, breakfast and laundry.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2021
Location: Litchfield, SC
Posts: 585
Well, folks, Day 2. Yesterday was horrible--but obviously not anywhere near as horrible as more drinking. I barely slept at all last night, but that's to be expected and again, there are a lot worse things than not sleeping. Not eating much, either, but that too is addressable.
The last time I went back out, I had a couple of months sober, then went back out and stayed out for 20 months. This time, I had 11 months sober and went back out for ~2 weeks. Just about none of it was fun, and by the third day I was pouring out my coffee and switching to beer. The rest was pure hell.
That kind of story may sound familiar. You make progress, but should you go back out, the punishment begins sooner and sooner and the comedown gets more and more brutal. I don't know about y'all, but few things scare me as much as being alone in the dark, wondering how bad it will get. "Delirium is a disease of the night"--I think that's from the famous The Lost Weekend (which I think is the scariest and most salient work on alcoholism ever). And the day just feels like killing time, at best.
That's about all I can manage for now--but again, thanks from the bottom of my heart for the outpouring of support. best, SS
The last time I went back out, I had a couple of months sober, then went back out and stayed out for 20 months. This time, I had 11 months sober and went back out for ~2 weeks. Just about none of it was fun, and by the third day I was pouring out my coffee and switching to beer. The rest was pure hell.
That kind of story may sound familiar. You make progress, but should you go back out, the punishment begins sooner and sooner and the comedown gets more and more brutal. I don't know about y'all, but few things scare me as much as being alone in the dark, wondering how bad it will get. "Delirium is a disease of the night"--I think that's from the famous The Lost Weekend (which I think is the scariest and most salient work on alcoholism ever). And the day just feels like killing time, at best.
That's about all I can manage for now--but again, thanks from the bottom of my heart for the outpouring of support. best, SS
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: East Coast US
Posts: 1,823
SS I am glad to hear you made it through Day 1 and are on to Day 2. I know all too well how bad that cycle gets. Each time you come back, the physical withdrawals are worse, at least it was for me. Thankfully it's been a long while, but I recall one time that I felt like my brain was actually shaking and vibrating. Thought it must be the seizures you read about. I called the doctor and he asked me a bunch of questions but determined it was not the DT's and coached me through the next couple of days. I recall him saying that I needed to "hydrate, hydrate, hydrate". So please make sure you are drinking plenty of fluids. I actually used the powdered "Liquid IV" in my water when we played golf in the extreme heat a few weeks ago and I liked drinking it way better than Gatorade, even the no sugar Gatorade. I did think it made a difference in keeping my hydrated. I think most drug stores have it, as well as places like Target and Walmart.
Hang in there and let us know how you are getting on.
LHW
Hang in there and let us know how you are getting on.
LHW
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