SouthernSober

My God, I don't know how to start. Just shattered. Had almost a year and then the relationship caved in and I've been drinking for 2 weeks. It's a long story so I just want to post and get help. I never should have left. Help. Please.

VikingGF

Hi, SS- Pour it out. Nothing is worth drinking over and you know this.
We missed you very much- welcome back
It WILL be ok- just stop drinking. You can do this- you're a rock star. Sorry you drank, but so grateful you came back

Lisa

VikingGF

Many of us have realized that leaving SR is big mistake- but making mistakes makes us stronger when we are able to learn from them. I'm sorry that things went awry for you, but sideways is a pretty common direction for most of us- and learning to deal with the worst without a drink is something that we all aim for. Just that you are here so quickly speaks volumes- use all that great stuff you learned in almost a whole year sober to get your head back on straight- forgive yourself for the slip and on we go- we are all here for you.

venuscat

We are here, dear SS. We care about you, and we understand. Please lean on us. I am sending you huge hugs. xxxxxxx ❤️

ClearPath64

SS, I'm so sorry to hear about your relationship and the pain that you are going through. Maybe you shouldn't have left, but you came back. I left too, back in October, when I picked back up. But I came back and now have 40+ days under my belt. And a new perspective on the work that this requires. You are that same guy that helped to anchor this class just a few months ago. We will all benefit from you being here with us again, and sharing the lessons you have learned. You know the first step. We're here to support you SS.

Dee74

hi SouthernSober
I'm really sorry you're hurting but I'm glad you made it back.

You have a long streak of recovery to draw from - it may feel like it but you're not starting again at Square One - use your knowledge and experience - you can do this.

It all starts with a Day One

D

SouthernSober

Omigosh I cried my eyes out. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

I did not think I could hurt like this after everything I've been through (9/11, Iraq, etc.). So much happened, but I'm a ~50 year old guy who did not want children. And then I met someone that made me want children more than anything in the world. We had names picked out. I wrote them on the beach. I conducted myself as a married man and went through every medical procedure possible (I'll skip the details). She is 35, gorgeous and fascinating. How could I be so foolish? For 4 months, we talked 3-4 hours a day. As intimately as it gets. Details are painful beyond description. And for a while, it was the happiest time of my life.

BTW, if I'm not making sense, I apologize. I haven't slept in weeks and have barely eaten. Same thing for any TMI.

There's so much more but right now, please, all the feedback I can get.

venuscat

You are making sense, dear SS. s Please eat. Just something little. And know we are here with you, and we are going to help you through this. s

And I don't think you are foolish at all....not one bit.

Dee74

I agree not foolish - but try and stop beating yourself up...drinking is definitely not helping any of this.

D

Free2bme888

Oh, SS🤓❤️🤓❤️🤓❤️

SO HAPPY YOU ARE HERE!!!!

🎉🪅🎊🪄🎁

Free2bme888

Let’s focus on THAT, okay?

you are here, we are your supportive peeps.

So, you’ve got shame and guilt and anger, and your old lizard brain tricked you with promise that drink would “make it better”. And, we know it doesn’t.

How cool is it that you are back so quickly? That your soul cried to be saved, AND YOU HEARD IT.

Within two weeks! 🪅🪄🎊🎉🤓❤️

I was out for two years, and I’m trying to let that go.

We love you, and LOVE that you are back.

Thank you for the gift that is you.

Free2bme888

Free2bme888

SS, our hearts feel for you…..

Gratitude helps tremendously.

Can you list Five (5) things you are grateful for, RIGHT NOW?

ClearPath64

You make perfect sense SS. Those relationship wounds are going to take time to heal. No way around it. The drinking is just going to keep you stuck in misery. Maybe you can ease your way back into an exercise routine so you start feeling a little more like yourself. Ease being the operative word here. Don't beat yourself up SS. I'm so happy that you reached out to us for help. Honored to be here for you.

VikingGF

SS-
That is SO much in such a short time- yes, CP is right- that will take time to recover from- but you can only get through it sober. And you will- your focus and drive got you through so much already- it's time to focus on yourself and get back on it- there is no question that you can and you will. We are ALL here for you, we will listen, we will help when we can and we will sure stay sober with you. Everything is easier with friends. Like Free said, we love you and are so glad to have you back.

Free2bme888

SS, you said this on the vernal equinox this year:

So after kicking the AV and getting to the gym...I weighed in with a 4-pound loss. Go figure. Point being tho...I did not drink, and things changed. And there you go. We problem drinkers drink, or consider it, because we want to change how we feel...all the while knowing any (and only) actual changes following drinking will be negative ones. You don't know how long that will last, either--maybe forever. For me, last time, it was 20 months.

Looking back, I spent 16 years defining myself as nothing but an alcoholic--whether I was drinking or not. And I drank and lived AA just as hard as I drank and lived anything else. It was a terrible, self-flagellating, self-defeating cycle.

So today's another gorgeous day. I didn't just get through those downer days--I used them. And I'm not going to drink today, either. Why? Because I have too much to lose. Because I've worked too hard. Because it's...just...not...worth...it.


Cheers (with your cherry seltzer, nice cuppa, my diet ginger beer)--SS

This is you. The REAL you.

Please respond when you are ready.

Bodhi02

Hey SS, I’m so glad that you are back although I’m sorry you drank and are going through a painful time. It will pass in time and alcohol will only keep you stuck in it. Going back to drinking is tough to overcome, but in my eyes you’ve already done the hardest thing which is come back here and sharing what you’re going through.

Someone said this to me once when I went back to drinking but wanted to stop again. They said it’s like a salt shaker you knock over - only a little salt falls out your don’t lose all the salt that’s in there. So all those recovery skills you built up they don’t go away. They’re still all there.

Keep posting and letting us know how you’re doing. We’ve all been in similar situations and we all want to help!

venuscat

I love that analogy, Bodhi! ❤️

SouthernSober

The outpouring of support puts tears in my eyes. Thank all y'all.

Others may have different experience--I sure hope so--but fighting the withdrawal and depression is the massive problem now. With my history, it all feels like DTs. I'm nursing a warm, unwanted beer right now. Believe me, I wish I weren't, and the topic of posting under the influence has been a topic here and on WQD for 15+ years. For anyone I offend--I apologize. And if I could just dump it out and go to bed, I sure would. Right now I'm hanging on by fingernails and being here is all I got.

I feel like I got involved with a dangerous, wicked sociopath. And I should know better. But who does, really? Rhetorical question or not: who does know better? And what's the answer? Give up love? Trust? Hope?

Not sure I can do a gratitude list right now. But I'm grateful to be here and grateful for everyone here.

There's more but I'm gonna try to eat something, then come back.

venuscat

I think that eating something is the answer to more questions than you asked. Our brains and bodies just cannot function without fuel. And as simplistic as that may sound, I would leave the harder questions for later.

Alcohol exacerbates depression, dear SS. Perhaps you might consider seeing a doctor—someone who can help you deal with all of this. ❤️