TiredCarpenter

I’m about 4 hours into day four. Starting to feel that I could survive it.
What a horrible, hellish, terrible thing we put ourselves through with this disease.

Stay well folks.

Karen: we must’ve cross posted. I’m glad it turned out this way for me today. I do need you folks today. Reading your posts reminds me that I belong.
Also, not being ‘into it’ might just be telling you to rest. I know, a person doesn’t feel great not doing much. I struggle with that too.

Maria, the haircut will make you feel great, I hope. I find that when I clean up, shave, get my hair trimmed, I feel better, more confident, more well presented.

WL, stick with the ice cream plan. Seems to have worked.
You sound optimistic, even though you’ve been reflecting on some ‘times’. Sounds like healing to me.

How are you, dig?

Stay well everyone!

venuscat

Karen love, maybe have a break for the rest of the day and just do pleasant stuff like organising a nice meal and a movie to watch.
Being at home all of the time is a bit like that....you can feel guilty for not being busy busy busy....but we don't have to do that.
We can stop. s xx ❤️

Coz

everyone!
Lots of posts to read this morning - I love it! It always makes me think about my journey in the sober amphicar and how I can continue to improve my plan.

It always helps me to respond, albeit in my way of thinking which is still a bit vague in the 'perfect recovery' space, so please don't take any offence at my thoughts or suggestions - it is just me talking aloud and articulating my learnings from your experiences.

More posts to come after I make some coffee....

Coz

For Suze

Thank you for your thoughts on being comfortable being me. I am comfortable when on my own most of the time (but have moments of not liking myself when I get into self-analysis mode). I am also OK with passing conversations of short duration and was OK at work when discussing a given subject and problem solving. But, I do struggle with conversations in a social setting. I don't think it matters if others are drinking or not drinking, it is just my lack of interest in menial jabber and inability to be able to small talk. Maybe I am just too academically anal to really fit in the real world - the borderline aspergers in me. Or maybe I am just a bit too far on the introvert side of personality traits. I'll probably never like dealing with that social chatter in my sober life, but I do need to learn how to feel less anxious and uncomfortable when in that situation. Some of it is changing my thinking and behaviour to be able to be just me and not try to impress or be liked by everyone. That is really trying to achieve the impossible.

And in closing, how is your ankle?

venuscat

Wow Coz. ❤️

I hear you and I understand.

Menial jabber....I have zero tolerance. I do not engage in it ever I am afraid.
Why can't social conversation also be intellectual?
It is in my house. Granted there are only two of us, but oy if you could hear some of the breakfast conversation.

I don't do social chatter at all....part of the way I was raised. Even this morning when I caught up with my sister we never do that.
Important stuff exchanged and we are done. Catch you later.

My ankle was really good yesterday and not so good today. I am betting on tomorrow being an excellent ankle day. xx s ❤️

PS....Why is it called 'small talk'. For a good reason. It is about putting words out there when no one has anything valuable to say. So do we need it? And do we have to be skilled at it? NO. No way. )

Dee74

post to some other newcomers or read some of your old posts - you'll find reasons itsmaria
You can do this!
D

Coz

TC
Selfish me thinks it is absolutely great that you are here for another day before your bush retreat get-a-way!

Many congrats on surviving those first three horrible days . Hoping you never have to do that again and you will stay buckled up in the sober amphicar for many years. You know the drill, fix your plan for dealing with the 'need to drink' triggers. Maybe this last time was a known trigger/emotion, or maybe it was a new one, or maybe it was just a stronger 'need' that overcame you. I so get that even the best plan is hard to call on when the brain just wants the easy way out of that immediate feeling. It's probably why many of us post after picking up rather than before - despite knowing that before is better.

And I am sure we were kidding ourselves that co-workers didn't realise that we were drunks. I think you are right in saying that they were too kind or too uncomfortable to say anything. In my case, this worked for a good while until I stepped over the line too far and management stepped in to call out my behaviour. I thought that no one could smell the vodka I consumed before and during work (carefully chosen drink to avoid aroma) and I was a good functioning alco most of the time. Now that I don't drink, I can smell alcohol easily, including vodka.

Cheers for now, look after yourself!

Coz

Maria

Full credit to you for working through a plan to get over the grumps . I reckon all of us hate it when we are in a foul mood and escapism is really tempting. But, drinking will either make it immediately worse, or only offer a temporary relief full of later regret and angst.

Did something happen to put you in a foul mood, or is it just one of those hormonal moments of being grumpy, or is it just adjusting to the new meds? I know when I am grumpy or angry with life, I find it hard to turn it around without resorting to my list and forcing myself to use my pre-thought out ideas. For grumpiness, my list includes:

• go outside and take deep breaths of fresh air
• find three beautiful things to admire (for me it is a flowering plant, a bird singing, the formations in the sky or a butterfly foraging)
• treat myself with either retail therapy (generally online for me) or something yummy to eat (ice cream and chocolate are my go to's)
• watch a TV show or movie that I know will make me laugh or at least smile
• tell someone why I am grumpy (although many times there is no reason - just is)

A hair cut is a great idea. I had my first trim in 2020 last week. Nothing special, hubby didn't notice, but I felt better having been out of the house and doing something for me.

Keep posting, don't drink (it really wont fix anything) and try and smile ! Maybe another one of your silly-long bike rides?

And my emoticon effort at inducing a smile:

Coz

Karen

It must be so nice having a close family. I'm a bit with WL in that I like my own space, but I also really miss not having my kids at home.

I also so understand the lethargy you are feeling. I struggle to start doing things every day and often only get started in the late afternoon out of guilt. For me, I was always so busy with parenting, working full time, keeping house, travel and the like that I never had relax time. Quitting work has given me lots of time and a chance to catch up on all the lazy moments I haven't ever had before. As they say, ask a busy person and the job will get done. When not busy, I think it can be a trap to not get the job done - so I do force myself to do three things each day - sometimes they are only really small things.

My list today is:

• Make a Pardalote Palace sign (I really loved that idea of yours) - and for TC, unfortunately artificial boxes wont work for pardalotes - they typically only work for tree-hollow nesting species)
• Make a trellis for the tomatoes (started this yesterday but didn't get far - too lazy!)
• Clean the fridge (boring, but a good chance to do it before restocking)

So, I guess I now need to make a start on my list so that I do get it finished before bed time.

What ever you decide - just know that your mind and body knows best, so if you want to zone-out, run with it, or if you want to not be lazy, set yourself some achievable targets for the day.

Did you ever hear back about the contact tracing opportunity?

Take care and enjoy!

Coz

Thanks again Suze - I can so relate to your words.

But, and unfortunately, there seems to be a need to be able to converse with others from time to time. And it's hard if they are 'strangers' (which is most times for me being fairly new to this town).

Using my weekend example, we had an invited guest and a need to have some level of dialogue. Usual thing is to talk on topics with a shared interest - in this case hubby's work. Unfortunately this included lots of chat about drinking as that is how most of the workers spend their out of work time (and sometimes in work time), and construction techniques and machinery. All a bit dull for me as not in my shared interest zone. So choice is to sit in silence, or try to participate in some way. Eventually the work talk is getting dull for the lads to and there becomes this eerie silence.

I find this uncomfortable, but limited shared interests and am very conscious of not over using the words 'I' or 'my' in conversations (one of the dislikes I have in talking with my mother). So what to talk about? As a 'lists' person (if you haven't yet gathered, I have a list for just about everything!), my go to's are to ask:

• Where they have travelled to see if it can spark mutual interest and interesting conversation
• How did they get into the work they are in or interest that they have (mostly to hand over the talking to them and relieve me of having to)
• Their family for the same reason as above
• And if all else fails, the weather.

I need to expand my list so I have a better set of conversation starters so that it doesn't turn into mindless jabber.

Ideas from all appreciated!

Fallow

I loathe small talk.

I am a major introvert and love to be alone. Otherwise I love deep conversations and I have some with friends that have been ongoing for many years.

When in this situation I normally look for an escape or use my wife as a shield. She loves small talk.

TiredCarpenter

Pardalote nesting boxes.
Though challenging, Birders feel they have a design that works. A tube for an entrance helps them avoid predation.
Ravens are an issue.

https://nestboxes.com.au/2010/06/24/the-pardalote-box/

Just repeating something I discovered on ‘the google’. I often refer to “the google” with my students. Many of them know I’m joking, maybe some actually believe in out of touch like that. Cracks me up. I don’t care at all if they think I’m a bit weird, as long as they’re having fun and learning.

Anyway, 9:40 p.m. here, goodnight all.

.

Fallow

Wow I never heard of Pardalotes so I got a chance to look them up. Beautiful birds. I have quite a few birds that visit at my house. They like the pond I have. Theres red tail hawks, robins, doves, all kinds of finches, hummingbirds, woodpeckers and magpies that I see all the time. They are fun to watch and the working from home has let me see them so much more. Theres a positive from the pandemic!

Coz

Thanks for the link TC. Interesting concept as once upon a time I experimented with lots of nest box designs and found them only useful for some species of birds, mammals and reptiles.

And Fallow - your bird life sounds lovely!

Here is what I have come up with instead of moving the birds on, or building an artificial nest:


I hope they stay and give me some grand-birdies!

Thanks to Karen for this idea.

Dee74

thats awesome Coz

D

Fallow

That's beautiful Coz! I gotta say I love all your pictures. Ever since I was a kid Australia has been the place on earth I most wanted to visit. Haven't made it yet but still hopefully have time 🙂

I have some owls here too which I see every once in awhile. I like to view all the birds with binoculars. It's a good way for me to pass the time between working on all my projects!

On that note, my time is up this week my family is leaving for 10 days. I feel confident and mentally prepared to stay sober. But I will be glued to SR and eating as much ice cream as I can handle!

Going to bed now though. See everyone tomorrow.

TiredCarpenter

Beautiful sign Coz. Karen had a great idea there for sure.

Was nice learning about the pardalote. They sure are nice.
I like wren here and had a nice visit from a pine grosbeak (male) in winter while ice fishing.

Before you disclosed the creature captured in photos I was going to ask if you had a yowie problem. Maybe yetti.

I like finches too Fallow. My wife thinks magpie are beautiful. Maybe she’s right.

Have a good week everyone. See you again Thurs or Fri.

Coz

Thanks guys!

It was a fun distraction whipping up a little sign. Really helped me 'finish' that job to be a bit more able to get started on the next project properly.

TC and Fallow - you have now opened up lots of bird talk from me! It is not often that people are interested in wildlife tales and photos - wildlife watching and studies have been my life. Bino's are permanently on the deck unless I'm taking them out to another bird watching location. Finches are gorgeous and I am quite friendly with our local magpies. The join me when i am in the garden waiting for me to dig up a tasty morsel (and I do pick the grubs out of the soil and give them to the magpies. It is interesting that it is a male and two young ones that hang around me.

TC - again safe and sober travels. I'll save the yetti story for your return!

Goodnight Fallow - sleep well!

Sober369

Coz, I love the pardolote palace! The sign is beautiful, you're quite an artist. I can't wait until they have babies, what a wonderful thing to have in your yard!
We had a power outage last night, nearly two hours. By the time it came back I was ready for bed.
Thanks all of you for the support regarding my loss of energy lately. I am taking it all to heart and will not let it get me down too much. I know most of it relates back to my health which is not spectacular right now. I have stopped eating meat, stopped drinking and am learning not to stress over the past or future. I've started taking anti-depressants and that has improved some.
Now I have to quit smoking. I am reading alan carr's easy way to quit smoking and I have a three month supply of chantex that I have for some reason been afraid to take.
TC, I hope you have a wonderful, peaceful time. We would all love a picture! See you Thursday or Friday.
Maria, how are you? Feeling better I hope?
I'm not a fan of small talk, either. I think it's partly the introvert in me. I can tolerate people for meaningful moments, but if it's meaningless chatter it feels like such a waste of time. I'm learning a bit from my grandson on this. He wants to talk about his imaginary things all of the time. I mean, ALL of the time. So, I have to try hard to pay attention, and I'm doing it for him because he doesn't have a child his age to tell all this to because of the pandemic. I purposefully stay 'present' and hear him and it's not always easy. I think I could do the same for a person who wanted to make small talk. Just be the ear they need, and respond a little so they know you're paying attention. I have to try to learn to value the person and allow the small talk because I value the person. Don't know if that makes sense, but it's my story and I'm sticking to it!

venuscat

Plants Coz.....and landscaping....you can entertain guests by showing them the fantastic work you have done on your house, and now you can talk about paralotes as well.

I guess it is easy for me as everyone I meet wants to ask me about being an Aussie and why I am here and such, and then they talk to me about my flowers.