Red78

hey guys! I'm lurking around still, end of day 5 for me so I'm still in this fight.
I've not been in this thread too as I felt I needed to stay closer to more newcomers. I had a bit of a meltdown and some realizations about myself(hoping they stick). I'm starting to realize what recovery is, more than just abstaining from drinking or filling in time, this is thanks to Dee for pointing some things out. So currently I'm working towards my wellness plan.

Sounds like you guys are all doing well.

I would love to see the big 5!

Anyway I am in bed and gonna go to sleep. take care xo

Bekindalways

Thanks for checking in Red. As I remember Darkling left us to find newcomers. We would hate to lose you but absolutely absolutely do whatever it is that helps you stay sober and recover!!!

Also thanks to all of you for being sympathetic of my downer afternoons. I keep wiggling forward to help myself feel better then. Taking vitamin D has stopped me from taking 3 hour afternoon naps although being unconscious was kind of nice for then; it put me out of my misery.

Ayers

Sunday morning

Red, good to hear from you.
This is such a giant step forward for anyone of us in recovery and I think a very important tool in successfully staying sober.

Bee, glad the vit D is working. Sorry I mistakenly hammered on vit B in previous post. I hope your afternoon slumps will get less and less and hopefully disappear altogether.

We are having lunch with my SIL today - hear all about their recent trip to Bulgaria and .... she's getting a Labrador Retriever puppy today ....... her lovely dog passed away a couple of months ago and her kids got her this new pup - can't wait to meet him.

Alice, my friend, how are you doing? Been thinking of you a lot. Did you feel my good vibes I sent you ?

Kitty. No news from you ? Are you doing okay ?

Hope you all enjoy your Sunday , whatever you have planned
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bekindalways

Morning all,

No worries Ayers. I like the hammering on about B12 as this is the one, I just started taking. I've been taking vitamin D and calcium for awhile and the Vitamin D really helped. I actually tested super low which is weird as I live somewhere sunny and Im glow in the dark white.

Bekindalways

Hey where the heck are you all? I hope you are all involved in something fun and away from computers!

I'm taking my dad to a funeral today and need to do some organizing with the house as well as pick up some meds.

Off to look for my phone, calculate the cost of a month long rental and read yet another page of the dratted legal document.

Barbs

Hi everyone.

What legal document have you been ready Bee?! Seems to be awfully long...I feel your pain, I read/right them for work, lol. I hope you're afternoon slumps pick-up soon.

Aye re s, puppies!!! I don't think I'll ever get my fill. I hope your day was lovely

Red, thanks for checking in. Congrats on 5, 6 or 7 days is it now! To sound like you are making progress on this journey.

I have also been mulling over a statement Dee made, you can choose to live the life you want or you can choose to drink, but you can't have both. I've known this for a while but lately I've had to remind myself often.

Bekindalways

It is a document for setting up an LLC. It is only 60 pages and most of it seems to be stuff that will never apply to our situation but I still think I should read it. I'm only getting about a page done every other day. Sometimes that is just the best I can do.

This is indeed something to think about:

"I have also been mulling over a statement Dee made, you can choose to live the life you want or you can choose to drink, but you can't have both. I've known this for a while but lately I've had to remind myself often.

I can feel the part of me that thinks the typical, "not me. Never me.". Some people don't have to choose between drinking and a good life. I'm some one who needs to make this choice.

Dee74

I didn't think I was one of those people who had to make that choice either - but my life has been amazing since I did

D

Ayers

Wednesday morning

Hi , all. That statement of Dee's is worth becoming a motto.

Sunday was so good - that puppy was just darling - I took a whole hamper for him and for her daughter's visiting Labradoodle . See, I'm a good aunt . Actually just currying favour to be top of the list in case she needs a puppy-sitter

Really got stuck into gardening these last few days , from early morning till last light of day. This is so good for me - physically and mentally. Gardening is my Prozac.

Hub had last appointment with doctors and his sling is off !! Jayyy!!

Sunday lunch at SIL's house was once again one of those instances where I marvelled at how totally ok I was with not drinking and not even having a fleeting moment of sad nostalgia , missing the drink.
In fact , I felt relieved not to have to drink wine, and was even more glad when we got home and my hub said he felt horrible after the whole day guzzling wine. I remembered so well how that felt.

I often have to take a moment and think about this. How I never ever thought I would be able to go even one day without my wine. I am just so, so grateful - so very grateful that those binding chains have been cut.My life is much fuller now, filled with good stuff, and I will never stop being thankful for that.

Barbs

Good morning.

Ayers, so glad you enjoyed lunch with SIL. And no desire to drink, awesome! I remember when a luncheon like that would be the only thing I did for the day because I would come home and continue to drink til bed/passed out. So glad that we don't live like that anymore

Glad your H has recovered nicely too.

Aw, corporate docs Bee. They can be so tedious but good for you for paying attention to the details. Are you noticing any difference from the B vitamins, added protein and less coffee yet?

I am back on track with my meds and vitamins and have been feeling a lot better. Now that my life has gotten a bit busier, I need to create a new routine so I keep on top of my health.

So happy to be sober!!!

Bekindalways

I actually think I am noticing a difference from this change. I haven't noticed the really miserable dragging afternoons. I'm getting more done as I used to spend morning hours on the couch drinking coffee. Now I stop drinking coffee after a few cups and so don't want to stay on the couch anymore.

I dreamed I drank last night. Someone handed me a sweet drink like a smoothy and I belated realized it had alcohol in it. In the dream, I stopped drinking immediately and thought, I knew if I wound up drinking, it would be to please someone. I also thought, that I would have to come here and tell you all.

So more finance work and a two hour drive into the mountains. I was going to go last night but I made some mistakes driving and realized I was too tired to drive safely so I stayed another night.

Aliceiw

Good Morning everyone. Seems things are positive and looking up all around with you all. That's good.

I'm still struggling with my depression, but I've decided to look into some things that might make me feel better. A lot of my depression comes because of the past trauma of having been in a 27 year abusive relationship with my ex husband. The abuse was mental and emotional to start, financial throughout the course of the relationship (I wasn't allowed to have my own bank account despite working full time the whole time, all financial records and transactions were kept from me. If I needed money, I had to ask my ex for it and he, only sometimes, reluctantly gave it to me. The abuse progressed as the marriage came to an end and became physical as well. I was often covered with bruises. The worst thing he did to me was shove me down to the floor so hard that I fell on my elbow and dislocated it. Rather than call an ambulance, he had me hold my disattached arm on my lap as he drove me to the hospital. It was insane trying to get it back in, but I was lucky in that nothing was broken, The doctors told me that about 95 percent of people who dislocate their elbows break their forearms as well.

I'm realising that even though I've attempted to make a clean break from him, the trauma of the past affects me and drags me down in a lot of ways. So I've contacted a therapist. Hopefully I'll be able to get counseling to teach me how to leave the past behind.

I'm also going to look into whether I can bring criminal charges against him with regard to the stealing of my inheritance. I'm not sure that's possible at this point, but I guess it's better to try than not to and wonder whether I could have done something. The whole situation really galls me. I can't seem to find a job, I'm running out of money, and he's traveling in Italy with the woman he was cheating on me with. It hurts so much to have been treated this way.

So...hopefully something positive will come out of taking these steps. I don't have my hopes up, though. I'm afraid that because our divorce was finalized more than one year ago, the window of opportunity to contest anything has closed.

Ugh. Enjoy your good days this week.

Barbs

Good afternoon everyone.

That's great news Bee. So glad that you have found something to lift you out of that afternoon slump Have a safe drive into the mountains.

Alice, so glad you checked in. What a horrible relationship you were in. So glad that you finally got out. A therapist is a great idea. I hope they can help you heal. As far as the divorce, you may not be able to contest the agreement now, but you might be able to file a modification. Worth a try anyway, good luck.

Well, my morning got away from me as I got caught up in purging old documents from my home office, ugh. I off to run some errand and then enjoy a walk with the pups

Bekindalways

Alice that sounds horrendous. I hope you can find some healing and peace as well as some justice.

Barbs, I find purging stuff to be cathartic.

Well, I had a nice busy morning. I gathered up more things to take to the thrift store as well as sorted some more papers of my parents. I wound up having to buy new tires before I headed for the mountains which wasn't completely unexpected. It does make the van drive better and should handle better on snow.

I've done 20 min of yoga and am snuggled up with a volunteer emotional support dog (some friend's pup) so now I'm going to dive in for 20 minutes of finances. The support hound is way appreciated. Wish me luck

Ayers

Friday morning

If you don't hear from me as often as usual , don't worry , I tend to get lost in my garden/ing - so much to do . Such dirty hands. No more manicured nails I only have nice nails in winter.

Alice, I think seeing a therapist is a very very good idea. I don't think people realize how such abuse can affect you - even years after - if you don't work through it. It has had a mental impact on you - far reaching - and you need to get all of that out of your system. What an a-hole of a man to treat you that way. No one deserves that !! That might be adding to your depression as well , so I think it can only be good for you to see someone about it. (((())))

Hi Barbs xxxx

Bee, good luck with all the paperwork. Enjoy the mountains. And the pup !!!

Kitty, you have totally disappeared and in the past that has never been a good sign. I am worried about you . Please get back here and let's talk about what is going on ?? Here to help and offer support and encouragement.

Red, same goes for you. How are you doing?

Back again soon - will be thinking of all of you while gardening

Lots of love and hugs to you all. That's you - and you and you and yes, you !!! XXXXXXXXXXX:ws_ flower

Aliceiw

Good morning all.

I feel like I've been so negative lately. Today I'll tell you about something kind of positive I've been doing. It seems positive to me anyway. I've gone on a fruit and vegetable fast and detox. It's making me feel a little clearer, I think. I've just been eating fresh fruit all morning, and then at night maybe a little salad. And I've been drinking a detox brew and lots of water. It kind of feels good to me to have something dietary that requires discipline. Can it be that not drinking has become too easy, and I need something else to do to put my mind on?

And now, I have to apologize. Please indulge me, because I need to share the story of the adventure I had with my neighbor yesterday. I'm not sure this is positive a positive story.... I'm not sure WHAT it is, but for what it's worth...

So, I think I mentioned the other day that we had a couple of neighbors come over and introduce themselves. The woman told me she was hoping to meet some people in the neighborhood and she seemed lonely, so I thought it would be nice to ask her to go out for a walk in the evening. I did that a couple of days ago, and at that time, she invited me to go with her (yesterday) to a seniors group that meets at our local library. I said ok even though I'm not yet a senior. I figured she was maybe shy to go and needed a wing-woman to be able to feel comfortable. The meeting was to happen at 1:00 p.m.

So, yesterday, at 7:30 am, my doorbell starts ringing. I'm not even out of bed yet, but I go downstairs and look out, and it's her. Bra-less, makeup-less, sleepy, I nonetheless open the door and she comes in. She sits on the floor, so I ask her if she'd like a cup of coffee and she says yes. I ask her to please sit on the couch, but instead, she follows me to the kitchen and kind of hovers there as I make coffee. She says that sometimes she "just doesn't like being alone." Because my pups get antsy and a bit aggressive when a new person comes in the house, I'd put them outside before letting her in. She wanders over to the back door to look at the dogs, and I bring her her coffee and set it on a table beside her as I go to make myself a cup. I bring my cup into the living room and sit down in a chair, and she comes with me, but sits on the floor again. I tell her to please sit on the couch, but she ignores me. I ask her if she'd like me to bring her her coffee, which she's left on the table in the other room, and she seems surprised -- like she's just remembered that I made coffee for her. I give her her coffee, and attempt to make conversation. I mention that I'm looking forward to going to the seniors group that afternoon, but she seems clueless about that! I remind her about how she invited me the day before, and she asks me (again) if I want to go. At some point, I ask her if she has any children. She starts to tell me about them, but then trails off mid sentence and says...."what was I talking about?"

Things go on like that until she finally decides to go home. She comes back at 12:30 to go to the seniors group. She asks me to drive, and I say ok -- as long as she can tell me how to get there. (She'd told me the other day that she knew how.) When we get in the car, she pulls out two small pieces of paper that she seems to have written directions on. She tells me where to make turns, etc....until I realise she has no idea where we are, at which point I plug directions into my phone and finally get us to the place.

When we go in, the seniors welcome us warmly and a few of them invite us to play a dice game they're involved in. We wind up sitting across from each other at the table. I'm talking to a gentleman who's explaining to me how to play the game, and I'm playing it, but every time I look up , she's giving me this LOOK. Finally, she very pointedly asks me if I'd like to go with her to get a cup of coffee (they have coffee on a table at the back of the room.) I go with her, and instead of making coffee, she tells me she wants to leave. I suggest that maybe we should wait until the end of the game to be polite, but she won't have it. She seems very nervous and she says she doesn't like being there because all of the people are so old. (Ok. I'm 53, and she's got at least 10 years on me, I'd say. I don't see any difference between her age and the relative age of the group members; in fact, many of them seem younger than she.) So, we leave. I make apologies to the people we were playing with, and they're very nice about it. They tell us to please come back, and they even tell us they're planning a cruise and tell us we're welcome to come along. We just have to leave our email addresses with the group leader. So, I get a piece of paper and write my address on it, but she refuses to write hers!

I take her back home, and in order to negate the possibility that she's gonna come back to my house, I tell her I have some errands to run and just drop her off in front of her house and go around the block before returning to my house.

(Later in the day, I got a message from the leader of the senior group with details about the cruise outing, and I'm thinking of actually going. I am lonely sometimes when my H is away working, and could use a few friends. Do you think it's weird for me to go on a day-cruise with a seniors group? Ugh. I think my life right now is just so weird that nothing could make it weirder.)

So, I'm thinking that maybe this new neighbor has dementia or alzheimers and that her husband was out trying to introduce her to people in the neighborhood because he works and he's probably afraid for her when she's alone. Do you think I'm right about that? I just wonder what I may be in store for having made the attempt to befriend her? I guess I'll just try to look out for her if I can. ??? I'm really confuzzled about the whole thing.

Ayers, I'm glad you're enjoying gardening. You're inspiring me. I think I'm going to go get some large pots from our local garden store and see if I can grow some tomatoes. I might have to wait until spring to plant them, but I think I'd enjoy that.

Bee, hope you have an enjoyable trip. Hope the weather is lovely.

Kitty, yeah. Where are you girl??


Ugh. Thanks for letting me vent about my crazy expereince. Hope I haven't bored you all to tears.

Bekindalways

No worries about venting Alice. Also in your story I see you making a positive attempt to connect with your neighbor and do something in the community. I would have done exactly the same along with all your . . . . er . . . .It's 730?? . . . .er . . . Why don't you want to sit on the couch? . . . . Uh . . . you want to leave now??
It does sound like this lady has something going on.

Ayers, I love hearing about spring in your half of the planet as our leaves start to turn. I'm at some 10,000 feet and this morning felt the first crispy air of autumn. I do love fall but dread winter and all the snow.

My day is going okay. I've spent 1 hour and 20 minutes on taxes and finances so far. Also did dishes, walked the dog, and did 10 min of yoga.

I woke up early this morning and had an unpleasant revelation about my sister-in-law's mother and my relationship with each other. I realize through my own people pleasing, I have made what constitutes a bad promise to her. Ugh. It has me doing some self reflection that doesn't put me in the best of light as I can see how I hurt people who are vulnerable. I suppose it is somewhat minor but something I want to work on.

I'm being a bit vague here as it takes a bit of explaining. Will try to explain later.

I continue to feel better in the afternoons; I'm not sure which change is responsible or all of them: B12, less coffee, and more protein are contributing.

So off for another 10 min of yoga, look up syncing banktivity and call my sister.

Barbs, I hope you are happy busy and surfing any cravings you are having.

Barbs

Ayers, enjoy the gardening. I hope you post some pictures too

Alice, what an odd situation. I think you really handled it very well. I'm not sure I would have gone out with her if she showed up at my house at 7:30 am. But sounds like some good might come from it too, some new friends.

Bee, what a productive day you have had. I started mine with great ambition and fizzled out quickly. My back is bothering me today, my whole body really. Maybe sore from the gym. Anyway, I did very little, drank coffee and ate twizzlers, ugh...

Well, tomorrow is another day...

Love and hugs to all

Thinking

Dee74

Like the others I think you handled it really well Alice. I guess time will tell what her deal is?

Have a great weekend everyone
D

Bekindalways

Hi All, I'm back at the airbnb rental: running laundry, dealing with trash and restocking. It is a nice time of year. The trees are just starting to turn.

Now for some yoga, call Ned, and unload more from the van.