Bekindalways

Ugh Dee. Unrelenting pain. Ugh. Your sobriety is certainly hard won. Thanks for choosing the life of a non drinker.

I had depression afternoon. Not fun. I did think about how drinking was a short term solution over a year ago and now it isn't. I wasn't tempted but in some ways I want to keep the reasons I drank and the reasons I quit front and center so I don't grow complacent . . . .not sure if that makes sense.

I have some reasons for feeling down. I spend lots of time with my Dad in his independent living complex so every month someone we know and usually cared about dies. A couple of friends passed away yesterday. They weren't close friends but people we had known a long time.

Also my niece is separating from her husband. Divorce is rare in my family and I struggle with my own judgements about it; intellectually I know it can be absolutely necessary but emotionally it feels like a death. I don't really like the way I react and I feel so badly for my niece.

On a more positive note, I got in about 30 min of yoga, had some good talks with my sister and laughed with my dad. Life is good but sure has its challenges.

May all be well with you Augustonians!

Dee74

the unrelenting pain is periodic - my nerves tend to misfire - I'm not in constant agony or anything thank goodness!

I'm sorry your're feeling down tho - I hope the week gets better for you bekind

D

Ayers

Tuesday morning

This. Dee, is so true ...

Barbs

Good morning

Bee, sorry to hear about the loss of your friends and about your niece. Glad you had some good times too with your sister and dad.

Thanks Dee. I spent last night reading through the new September class thread. A good reminder of just how far I have come. I am feeling a renewed focus this morning. It was also good to see some old friends there

I skipped the gym this morning. I just felt I needed to slow down a bit and regroup. I've been cuddling with Lucy, drinking my coffee and watching Harley hunt down every scent she comes across, lol.

My husband's shop looks great with all the new machines. Looks like a real machine shop now, not just a hobby shop. I think I will need to add a cozy area so the pups and I can visit.

Hi Ayers. Any sprints planned for today, lol.

One more cup of coffee and it's off to work for me. I hope you all have a wonderful day.

Bekindalways

Barbs, that is actually a really good idea. I would think the class of Sept is fresh off of living a way none of us want to live.

I'm okay today. Had my normal afternoon slump. Sigh . . . . I'm wondering if giving up coffee would help with this . . . .ugh . . . . I don't even want to think about it.

Red and Kitty, where the heck are you . . . .wouldn't mind hearing from Dave and Matrac too.

Ayers

wednesday morning


Barbs, I think cuddling with Lucy sounds much more up my alley than hitting the gym. And no, defo no sprints planned. Only if I'm being chased by a tiger.

My daughter and her boyfriend and his grandparents are returning today from their trip to the Kruger National Park. She was very happy to report that they spotted all of the Big 5 .

Was my son's b'day yesterday, he is now 20 - lovely day, baked him his favourite Brownies and a Vanilla cake. Out for supper last night.

Hubster left early this morning for his annual thing at the University - same city my daughter lives in - to adjudicate the architectural final year student's work , and is coming back Saturday. So I have full ownership of the TV remote control - oh happy days

This is such a boring post - like "thanks for sharing, but you are telling us this - why?" Sorry, I'm in a cruising mode, not much to contribute other than my daily thingies.

I also wonder and think about Bonnie very often. Really wonder how she is doing.

Red and Kitty , how are you two girls ? Hopefully doing well and just busy ?

Well, I'm off to the salon in a while - taking my bib in case I drool at the basin - that lady's hands are magical !!!!

Lots of love and hugs XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Barbs

Good morning

Bee, I had periods of time that I gave up coffee and I have to say I felt much better. But, I love my coffee...I love my tea too. Maybe try cutting back slowly and see how you feel.

Ayers, Lucy is such a great cuddler. But once I start it is so hard to break away that I accomplish very little else. May I ask, what are the Big 5?

I am off to do some work for my husbands business. Lots of new accounts to establish and procedures to put in place.

Hi Dee, and all our mias and everyone else how may be lurking

Have a great day everyone.

Bekindalways

Happy Wed afternoon all.

Ayers I'm happy to read a cruising post specially after your husbands accident. Life can be so rough sometimes that I like to hear about run-of-the-mill days.

I went to my doc today. I see her about depression and told her about my slumping depressed afternoons. She figured out some years ago that I was low on vitamin D and I have been better since taking supplements. This time she suggested spreading the coffee out through the day instead of having it all at one sitting in the morning. Also she suggested more protein and vitamin B12 so I will be giving that a try.

Right now I'm at a coffee shop with my nephew and his Jewish Grandmother. We are having a kind of multigenerational study session. Nephew is studying precalculus, I'm working on finances and I'm not sure what the Jewish grandmother is doing.

Now to dive into a legal paper that I'm crawling through one page at a time.

Dee74

I've never found an y of the contributions here boring

D

Ayers

Thursday morning

Barbs the Big 5 are : Lion, Leopard, Elephant, Rhino and African buffalo.

Bee, I'm glad you went to the doctor. I hope the vitamins help. Must say I am a firm believer in vit B , for one. Hope your afternoon slumps ease up.

Thanks Dee, for saying that.

Kitty ,? Don't like this radio silence at all. Are you okay?

Have a good day , friends XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Barbs

Good morning

Bee, I love how involved you are with your nephews. They are such lucky kids to have you. I'm glad you checked in with your doctor. My mom has been telling me to take vitamin B for a few years now but I have yet to try it. Maybe now is a good time. I hope it helps you.

Ayers, the Big 5, wow, very cool. My son will often see grizzly and brown bears while he is hiking. I have not had the pleasure (or misfortune) to come across any wild animals on my adventures

Well, yesterday was the most challenging day yet for me to stay sober. I don't know why now is so difficult, ugh!!!

It was pretty scary trying to talk myself out of buying a bottle of whiskey. I wasn't even thinking about 1 drink. I was all out thinking to get drunk and never stop. Thinking sobriety was not for me and who was I trying to fool thinking I could stay sober. Reading posts in the newcomers thread has helped a lot.

I'm feeling a bit more grounded this morning. So todays plan is to keep busy. I'm working til 3pm, going food shopping, and binge watch "Mom" (one of my favorite shows).

Bekindalways

Ayers, I love finding out little things that are typical of an area although I'm wondering why Giraffes are not on the list. Every area seems to have it's culture intertwined with the environment in some way. Where I live climbing "fourteeners" is a big thing. Colorado has more mountains over 14,000 feet than any other state surprisingly even more than Alaska. Anyone else have something that is a goal to do in your corner of the world?

Barbs, that is really weird that you are getting such cravings and pretty scary. I want to think that after a year it would get easier and for some it certainly seems to. Ugh. Please keep fighting the good fight. We have your back to the best of our abilities.

I did back down on coffee this morning which was kind of tough. Also bought myself a bit of B12 and am trying to get after eating protein. I'm a bit cranky right now but I don't seem too bad. We will see how it goes with time . . . .and like it or not you all will get to hear about it.

Well off to download a bank statement, read over the email from the lawyer and hard boil some eggs . . . apparently I should be getting 62 grams of protein a day. I'm not too sure what this looks like but I'm just tryin g to hork down protein every chance I get . . . . hmm . . . .I may need a plan and yet another grocery trip.

Barbs

Bee, I don't think I'm the norm, lol...I think my struggles are a combination of things. My husband's business expansion, missing my daughter like crazy, forgetting to take my meds for the last week (or maybe two), along with the fact the last time I was sober this long, I drank. But I am feeling a bit stronger today, so I'm happy about that

I had to work late so food shopping will have to wait until tomorrow.

Bee I look forward to hearing all about the changes you're making. Let me know if they help. I could use some tips

Ayers

Friday morning

I can relate to unexpected cravings/urges/silly ideas creeping up on you. Mind boggling that they have come to the front to bug us now, after a year . I didn't struggle with this after passing the 3 month mark - and now all of a sudden. So Barbs, you are not alone. Let's be strong together .

Bee, thanks for the info on those mountains - interesting. Don't know why the giraffe isn't on the list. Have you ever seen one in real life? They are one of my favorite animals - so, so gracious and elegant. And their eyelashes --- must be more than an inch long. I had the pleasure once - staying at a lodge - a mommy and her calf grazing just outside - and they came to the window every morning to take a peek inside .

Barbs, I have never seen a grizzly in real life. we don't have them here in SA.

Bee, take those vit's - and you will see a change after a week or so. An added benefit is that you will see a change in your hair and nails too . Mine grow at the speed of light and my nails are really strong if I take my B vit's.

Still finding such joy from my garden. Reaping the rewards from my hard work from many many moons ago - now I find such pleasure in sharing plants - My son's college has had some extensions done and his class is starting a little garden and pond - the final year students' going away gift - and I've got loads to give .

I was looking at the nearly full moon last night and I felt so connected to you all - knowing that although we are separated by many miles, we all have the same moon keeping watch over us.

Hope we all have a great day today, full of resolve, inspirations and good Karma.

Missing our classmates who are not checking in. Hope all is well ?
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Aliceiw

Ugh. Logging in kind of reluctantly today. I was hoping to log in with the news that I'd gotten the job I applied for, but I can't, cause I didn't get it. It was a long, gruelling process and it came down to two people. They called all references, etc, and at the end, the other person got it. Needless to say, I am so depressed. I spent the day in bed yesterday planning my suicide. I have a good backup plan should I ever need it.

Today, though, I am up and out of bed. I signed up for a week of sub jobs next week at an elementary school, so I'll have something to do to keep my mind busy. I'm also signing up to take the tests I need to become certified in Texas. Maybe aiming for teaching jobs is my best bet.

I'm sorry you're struggling with depression Bee. I can relate so well. I hope upping your vitamin D helps. Maybe I'll try that too. I'm still ramping up on Latuda and hoping it will have some effect. It's hard to tell if I feel the difference with my recent setback.

I wish fall would come. It's still above 100 here and will be all week. The stores, though, are selling pumpkin spice pecan ice cream, so at least there's that.

Have a happy weekend, y'all.

Dee74

I'm sorry that you didn't get the job but it worries me you're so low Alice.

Losing a job you wanted sucks but it's not a reason to start thinking about ending your life.

If you need help, please ask for it from doctors, friends, family, or us here.



D

Ayers

Aww, sorry about the job, Alice.

But you are much more than just a job. Maybe you are being pushed back into education for a good reason .

I can understand that you are disappointed , but don't be too hard on yourself or think that it is the end of the world. I hope your mention of planning was just a joke ? Please talk to someone if you really are feeling that way.

Also, the changes made in your meds recently can play havoc with your mental and emotional state. Please talk to your doctor about it.

I am sending you lots of hugs and love.

Bekindalways

I'm joining in with everyone Alice in cheering you on and hoping you get help if you really need it. I have often wanted it all to end; yep, depression sucks.

Your post read like one of my favorite books, How to Survive the Loss of a Love. It encourages you to stay in bed and wallow in misery on one page and then on the next tells you to get up, get out and do anything that is semi active. This sounds like exactly what you did.

Barbs, I hope your meds get sorted. It is nice to have at least something semi concrete that you can do.

Speaking of doing something concrete: I'm on day 2 of less coffee, more protein and B12. I won't look for improvement for awhile but hope to see something get better.

I keep poking at finances and taxes and hoping that I will get enough success that it will be less painful to go whole hog on getting things done. So far this isn't happening . . .sigh.

So off for 10 min of yoga, 10 min of taxes and email accountant.

Keep the faith all; put on the lipstick; pick up that cardboard sword and go at it whatever "it " is right now. And yep that big ol' moon is overlooking us all!

Barbs

So sorry you are sad Alice. I understand the disappointment too. Please take good care of yourself and consider talking with your doctor. The right job will come along.

Bee, I'm eager to hear of any improvement from the B12 and increased protein. I do have to say that I admire how you keep yourself moving to the next task I need to practice that.

I have had a tough time getting myself moving today. I went to the gym at 6am this morning. Came home and had my coffee and before I new it, it was 11am, ugh!

I managed to make a delivery for my husband's business and then I finally went food shopping. But, I have been dragging all afternoon

I did some clean-up in the kitchen and now I would really like to go to bed. But... I am sober and not too many thoughts of drinking, so I'm happy about that

Hi Ayers and Dee

Love to all

Dee74

I hope things look up for you too bekind

D