Class of September 2018 Part 4
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,224
Not sure how many days sober you are but it may be normal. If you feel it's more than just that, maybe check in with your doc. The weather has certainly taken some of my drive, so I get that.
I completely feel you Ben. I hope you find a path that's good for all.
My wife has the weekend off. I think she is frustrated because we no longer get invites for get togethers with our friends. I know it's because I'm not drinking. I proved I could still be just as fun even though I'm not drinking, but I think they were uncomfortable with it. (We all got together every weekend. My wife sees on Facebook that they still hang out without us. But it's still just the same ol same ol. Get together at someone's home, get drunk and tell the same stories over and over. I personally don't miss it and I certainly don't get upset about it. In fact, I'm doing more now than I ever did. Just not drinking. But I know it's bothering my wife. I also don't like feeling like I'm responsible for her entertainment. Does that make sense?
I've been working on installing custom wainscoting in my newly renovated kitchen and living room all day. so, because I didn't make plans to do something tonight, she's upset with me.
I guess I'm just ranting right now. Have a good night all.
I completely feel you Ben. I hope you find a path that's good for all.
My wife has the weekend off. I think she is frustrated because we no longer get invites for get togethers with our friends. I know it's because I'm not drinking. I proved I could still be just as fun even though I'm not drinking, but I think they were uncomfortable with it. (We all got together every weekend. My wife sees on Facebook that they still hang out without us. But it's still just the same ol same ol. Get together at someone's home, get drunk and tell the same stories over and over. I personally don't miss it and I certainly don't get upset about it. In fact, I'm doing more now than I ever did. Just not drinking. But I know it's bothering my wife. I also don't like feeling like I'm responsible for her entertainment. Does that make sense?
I've been working on installing custom wainscoting in my newly renovated kitchen and living room all day. so, because I didn't make plans to do something tonight, she's upset with me.
I guess I'm just ranting right now. Have a good night all.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,224
Bumboid, I meant ask you. Does your lady friend drink? Is this the same one you have been with for a couple months? How did she react to you drinking heavily over the holidays?
Curious is all. You don't need to respond if you do not want to. Have a nice weekend regardless.
Curious is all. You don't need to respond if you do not want to. Have a nice weekend regardless.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 617
I'm around day 32 or 33. I feel guilty or anxious not doing anything, but have to remember its a process.
I understand what you mean Final. Let go of any guilt to do with it. It will get better in time.
Is there a new activity you would like to try out together on Saturdays?
I understand what you mean Final. Let go of any guilt to do with it. It will get better in time.
Is there a new activity you would like to try out together on Saturdays?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
Hopeful, I'm sure you will regain your energy soon. I remember being so lethargic during the winter when I lived in snowy states. Maybe try to go to a place where you can be active indoors? Fitness center, bowling, roller skating, even walking around a shopping mall can feel inviting when it's freezing outside. Give yourself some more time and enjoy the rest!
Final, I had to get over the fact that I wouldn't have plans every weekend. I enjoy being alone, so watching movies, reading, cooking, and spending time on SR are perfectly acceptable ways for me to spend an evening. Does your wife understand and accept your lifestyle change, or do you think she is resentful?
Final, I had to get over the fact that I wouldn't have plans every weekend. I enjoy being alone, so watching movies, reading, cooking, and spending time on SR are perfectly acceptable ways for me to spend an evening. Does your wife understand and accept your lifestyle change, or do you think she is resentful?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,224
I'm quite content being alone as well. But, I'm the one that usually looks for new and fun things to do. I want yo finish this project this weekend so I didn't find something to do tonight. That's what I mean though about feeling like I'm responsible for her entertainment. If you can't come up with something to do, don't blame me because you're bored. Im perfectly content relaxing and getting a good nights rest on a Saturday.
I'm not sure that she's resentful of my lifestyle, but I'm pretty sure she would be happy if I started drinking with her again. That upsets me a bit. I know I can't count on her to keep me from relapsing.
I can only worry about me for now. Keep building up my resolve to stay sober.
Hopeful, I know @ 30 days or so, I would get some pretty good mood swings and especially started getting very angry at times. I would often just go to bed early to avoid tearing everyone's head off. Hang in there. Heard Punxsutawney Phil didn't see his shadow so there will be an early spring!
I'm not sure that she's resentful of my lifestyle, but I'm pretty sure she would be happy if I started drinking with her again. That upsets me a bit. I know I can't count on her to keep me from relapsing.
I can only worry about me for now. Keep building up my resolve to stay sober.
Hopeful, I know @ 30 days or so, I would get some pretty good mood swings and especially started getting very angry at times. I would often just go to bed early to avoid tearing everyone's head off. Hang in there. Heard Punxsutawney Phil didn't see his shadow so there will be an early spring!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
Morning all.
I drank again yesterday. I dont really want to talk about that but I am asking Dee or any of the other LTS (long term sobers) where I go from here.
I love being sober. I am sober for weeks at a time, its great, I dont find it that hard. But I keep drinking. As I've said a lot of times, it is no real surprise on one hand, thats what I've done since I was 16 and I am clearly very addicted.
What is the next step? If I cannot do this (I CAN, but I am not) where do I go? I am not beating myself up, I feel ok, and I am being really practical. I'm being positive about this, what I need to do next.
Dee - you must have seen this before. What have people done when they keep doing what I do? I am NOT giving up on sobriety, I am completely committed to it, but I need to be realistic, I need a better way forward.
I dont think I need rehab, I can give up short term without too bad withdrawals. My AV says I can just drink ad hoc (but I know that is nonsense, it will drag me back down). AA? Counselling? I don't know anymore, its ok to say I need to want to be sober more than wanting to drink but what if that isn't enough?
I drank again yesterday. I dont really want to talk about that but I am asking Dee or any of the other LTS (long term sobers) where I go from here.
I love being sober. I am sober for weeks at a time, its great, I dont find it that hard. But I keep drinking. As I've said a lot of times, it is no real surprise on one hand, thats what I've done since I was 16 and I am clearly very addicted.
What is the next step? If I cannot do this (I CAN, but I am not) where do I go? I am not beating myself up, I feel ok, and I am being really practical. I'm being positive about this, what I need to do next.
Dee - you must have seen this before. What have people done when they keep doing what I do? I am NOT giving up on sobriety, I am completely committed to it, but I need to be realistic, I need a better way forward.
I dont think I need rehab, I can give up short term without too bad withdrawals. My AV says I can just drink ad hoc (but I know that is nonsense, it will drag me back down). AA? Counselling? I don't know anymore, its ok to say I need to want to be sober more than wanting to drink but what if that isn't enough?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
What led you to drink Ben? Social pressure, environment, stress, lack of food, just because?
I kept doing this too....the thoughts of drinking (ever) were pretty much non-existent at around 3 months.
For those first 3 months, I did not go to any places that served booze....and I avoided anyone who drank.
I kept doing this too....the thoughts of drinking (ever) were pretty much non-existent at around 3 months.
For those first 3 months, I did not go to any places that served booze....and I avoided anyone who drank.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,224
" I don't know anymore, its ok to say I need to want to be sober more than wanting to drink but what if that isn't enough?"
This really is it Ben. It really is this simple. Not easy to break, but it is just this.
At the moment of lifting the drink to our mouths, we choose to drink more than we choose not to. Nothing more, nothing less.
If what you are doing isn't enough, then maybe some professional counseling would help. Something to break that addictive choice.
There have been times for me (not necessarily drinking) where things get so twisted and confusing that the only thing to do is scrap the whole thing and start over. Reboot. Delete and restore. Blank canvas. Reshuffle the deck. Wipe the slate clean. You know what I mean.
Trying to force something to work that just never seems to work is futile.
Good luck. Thanks for sharing too.
This really is it Ben. It really is this simple. Not easy to break, but it is just this.
At the moment of lifting the drink to our mouths, we choose to drink more than we choose not to. Nothing more, nothing less.
If what you are doing isn't enough, then maybe some professional counseling would help. Something to break that addictive choice.
There have been times for me (not necessarily drinking) where things get so twisted and confusing that the only thing to do is scrap the whole thing and start over. Reboot. Delete and restore. Blank canvas. Reshuffle the deck. Wipe the slate clean. You know what I mean.
Trying to force something to work that just never seems to work is futile.
Good luck. Thanks for sharing too.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,471
Hi Ben
I can really only speak from my experience.
When I decided I was done drinking, I committed to doing everything possible to not drink - for me, that meant coming here a lot, and if not posting for myself, I'd post to others.
I knew what to do to stay sober but for a long time, I was pretty crap at taking my own advice.
I also worked pretty hard to change my life because I was canny enough to realise my old life was geared to drinking ...unless I swapped that out for a life geared to sobriety I was always in danger of falling back to the default and drinking.
White knuckling - staying sober through sheer force of will - worked for me but only for so long...it is exhausting and when I got exhausted I gave in.
I needed that regular support and I needed to be willing to open myself up if and when I neded help.
Obviously there's a part of you that feels drinking is still a viable option.
It may not make its prescence known every day but it's there.
You're able to justify drinking and then, when it's done, not think about it too much.
I'm all for folks not beating themselves up - but I think you need to examine why you're still drinking, even if it is every so often nowadays.
Your plans are excellent in the sense of filling your days with stuff to do - but I wonder how much you've thought about specifically fighting the desire to drink?
What rationalisations are you using? how do you challenge those rationalisations?
what stops you from asking for help before you drink?
what stops you from fully committing to not drinking...ever? Is it fear, pride, anger at being different?
what tools do you have right now to fighting desire the drink and stay sober?
are you using them to their full extent?
Tough questions, but those are the kinds of things I'd be asking myself right now.
D
I can really only speak from my experience.
When I decided I was done drinking, I committed to doing everything possible to not drink - for me, that meant coming here a lot, and if not posting for myself, I'd post to others.
I knew what to do to stay sober but for a long time, I was pretty crap at taking my own advice.
I also worked pretty hard to change my life because I was canny enough to realise my old life was geared to drinking ...unless I swapped that out for a life geared to sobriety I was always in danger of falling back to the default and drinking.
White knuckling - staying sober through sheer force of will - worked for me but only for so long...it is exhausting and when I got exhausted I gave in.
I needed that regular support and I needed to be willing to open myself up if and when I neded help.
Obviously there's a part of you that feels drinking is still a viable option.
It may not make its prescence known every day but it's there.
You're able to justify drinking and then, when it's done, not think about it too much.
I'm all for folks not beating themselves up - but I think you need to examine why you're still drinking, even if it is every so often nowadays.
Your plans are excellent in the sense of filling your days with stuff to do - but I wonder how much you've thought about specifically fighting the desire to drink?
What rationalisations are you using? how do you challenge those rationalisations?
what stops you from asking for help before you drink?
what stops you from fully committing to not drinking...ever? Is it fear, pride, anger at being different?
what tools do you have right now to fighting desire the drink and stay sober?
are you using them to their full extent?
Tough questions, but those are the kinds of things I'd be asking myself right now.
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
I go again.
Weekend of major bender I don’t know when one day ends and another begins. Haven’t eaten, normal ****.
God knows how my kids and wife are. She’s asleep downstairs. They haven’t seen me upright for 48 hours.
Ill keep popping in as well as joining Feb group. I can’t do anything else now than keep trying. I feel pretty ‘on the edge’ but I’ll let that swing to sobriety and sanity rather than suicide.
Dee I know exactly what I need to do. Thanks for your words. It’s a matter of courage now, I’m not sure I have it but I don’t have any choice. I go again
Weekend of major bender I don’t know when one day ends and another begins. Haven’t eaten, normal ****.
God knows how my kids and wife are. She’s asleep downstairs. They haven’t seen me upright for 48 hours.
Ill keep popping in as well as joining Feb group. I can’t do anything else now than keep trying. I feel pretty ‘on the edge’ but I’ll let that swing to sobriety and sanity rather than suicide.
Dee I know exactly what I need to do. Thanks for your words. It’s a matter of courage now, I’m not sure I have it but I don’t have any choice. I go again
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
Happy Monday everyone!
It's a new day, a new week, and a new opportunity to be the best version of yourself! I used to post the amount of days I've been sober, then I went to how I would stay sober, but now sober feels so normal to me that I need a different way to encourage myself and others
How will I put my best foot forward today and be the best version of myself? (I hope you join me on this gang)
Top 3 for today:
I will eat good food to nourish my body
I will accomplish a task around the house
I will get out there and be kind to someone in need
What will you do today to elevate yourself in life and in your recovery?
Have a blessed day!!
It's a new day, a new week, and a new opportunity to be the best version of yourself! I used to post the amount of days I've been sober, then I went to how I would stay sober, but now sober feels so normal to me that I need a different way to encourage myself and others
How will I put my best foot forward today and be the best version of myself? (I hope you join me on this gang)
Top 3 for today:
I will eat good food to nourish my body
I will accomplish a task around the house
I will get out there and be kind to someone in need
What will you do today to elevate yourself in life and in your recovery?
Have a blessed day!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
[QUOTE=Dee74;7115287
Your plans are excellent in the sense of filling your days with stuff to do - but I wonder how much you've thought about specifically fighting the desire to drink?
What rationalisations are you using? how do you challenge those rationalisations?
what stops you from asking for help before you drink?
what stops you from fully committing to not drinking...ever? Is it fear, pride, anger at being different?
what tools do you have right now to fighting desire the drink and stay sober?
are you using them to their full extent?
D[/QUOTE]
Hi Dee and everyone. My daily plans are very good, and through eating well I am avoiding getting cravings or any appearance from the AV. Its what Jason Vale advocates and its actually very effective for me. However (the big however) when cravings/desire to drink does come I am not dealing with it effectively. Obviously....
As for what keeps me drinking? - habit, fear...I don't know anything else since I've been an adult. Anger, yes, fear of failure. Fear of being different.
As for tools to fight urge to drink, thats what I need to work on. Again - obviously! I think I am going to post more, on different threads, and use that to fight the urges.
Your plans are excellent in the sense of filling your days with stuff to do - but I wonder how much you've thought about specifically fighting the desire to drink?
What rationalisations are you using? how do you challenge those rationalisations?
what stops you from asking for help before you drink?
what stops you from fully committing to not drinking...ever? Is it fear, pride, anger at being different?
what tools do you have right now to fighting desire the drink and stay sober?
are you using them to their full extent?
D[/QUOTE]
Hi Dee and everyone. My daily plans are very good, and through eating well I am avoiding getting cravings or any appearance from the AV. Its what Jason Vale advocates and its actually very effective for me. However (the big however) when cravings/desire to drink does come I am not dealing with it effectively. Obviously....
As for what keeps me drinking? - habit, fear...I don't know anything else since I've been an adult. Anger, yes, fear of failure. Fear of being different.
As for tools to fight urge to drink, thats what I need to work on. Again - obviously! I think I am going to post more, on different threads, and use that to fight the urges.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,224
Hello all. Been a manic 36 hrs. Ran out of heating oil yesterday morning. Was up early in a very cold house so my routine was disrupted. NFL super bowl last night and got home late. Woke this morning not feeling well, had no calls so stayed in bed. Finished up my weekend project and making dinner and finally got a chance to check in.
Bumboid, thanks for sharing with us. Sounds like you're in a very good place mentally and emotionally. Your comments to Ben were spot on to what I was thinking. Having some sober time built up and then drinking briefly, allows us to look at alcohol differently. Unlike when we are in the throes of addiction and can't stop. Asking ourselves after that drinking episode what alcohol is to us and is there a place for it in our lives. Can it ever be just a relaxing beverage like it is for normies? Or, do we see it as something that will always be a destructive force that we cannot control?
Dee's comments are brilliantly stated as usual and can be a great point of reference.
I have been having some random urges lately and I wonder if what I'm doing is enough? Already saw that a break from the routine caused me to forget why i choose to not drink. Plenty to think about.
Good news is, there has been a break in the weather. Sunny and 60'F today. Tomorrow will be nice too. The bike will be out tomorrow.
Goodnight all.
Bumboid, thanks for sharing with us. Sounds like you're in a very good place mentally and emotionally. Your comments to Ben were spot on to what I was thinking. Having some sober time built up and then drinking briefly, allows us to look at alcohol differently. Unlike when we are in the throes of addiction and can't stop. Asking ourselves after that drinking episode what alcohol is to us and is there a place for it in our lives. Can it ever be just a relaxing beverage like it is for normies? Or, do we see it as something that will always be a destructive force that we cannot control?
Dee's comments are brilliantly stated as usual and can be a great point of reference.
I have been having some random urges lately and I wonder if what I'm doing is enough? Already saw that a break from the routine caused me to forget why i choose to not drink. Plenty to think about.
Good news is, there has been a break in the weather. Sunny and 60'F today. Tomorrow will be nice too. The bike will be out tomorrow.
Goodnight all.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
Di22y talks on the first page about going insane. I am feeling that right now. It is a kind of insanity. I've said this before but I think I have descended in to madness.
Scott WI just simply states he had to take drinking off the table. I am doing that today. I dont know about just speaking it in to effect, like I am some sort of God who can say it and it is.
There was one chap on here who posted recently, he'd been to hospital with one of his kids and on the way back had sworn never to drink again...that was five years ago or so and he hadn't touched a drop.
If other people can do it I can. I'm off to Docs now, terrible withdrawals and bit my tongue very badly in my sleep which makes me worry I fitted? Feel like I've been kicked repeatedly in the stomach too
Thanks for your patience here guys and your grace and firmness. The wonderful thing about SR is when, at the very bleakest this seems entirely impossible, I am surrounded by people who have done it, or are doing it, and that is everything right now
Scott WI just simply states he had to take drinking off the table. I am doing that today. I dont know about just speaking it in to effect, like I am some sort of God who can say it and it is.
There was one chap on here who posted recently, he'd been to hospital with one of his kids and on the way back had sworn never to drink again...that was five years ago or so and he hadn't touched a drop.
If other people can do it I can. I'm off to Docs now, terrible withdrawals and bit my tongue very badly in my sleep which makes me worry I fitted? Feel like I've been kicked repeatedly in the stomach too
Thanks for your patience here guys and your grace and firmness. The wonderful thing about SR is when, at the very bleakest this seems entirely impossible, I am surrounded by people who have done it, or are doing it, and that is everything right now
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,224
Glad you are going to see the doc ben.
Knowing others have been able to maintain long term sobriety is motivation that it can be achieved for us too.
I read your post in newcomers offering help. Great idea and your post really helped others. Good for you.
Knowing others have been able to maintain long term sobriety is motivation that it can be achieved for us too.
I read your post in newcomers offering help. Great idea and your post really helped others. Good for you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
My thoughts and prayers are with you Ben. We are here for you every step of the way
Today I will strive to be the best version of myself!
Goals for today:
Do the best I can at work, give it my all, and accept that it is enough.
Work on becoming a better listener, it's not all about me.
Slow down and smell the flowers, life is too short to rush it.
Have a wonderful day!
Today I will strive to be the best version of myself!
Goals for today:
Do the best I can at work, give it my all, and accept that it is enough.
Work on becoming a better listener, it's not all about me.
Slow down and smell the flowers, life is too short to rush it.
Have a wonderful day!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
Saw the doctor. I know this is deadly serious but I can’t help seeing the funny side of the exchange with him (and he prescribed me a bit of diazepam which is helping a little).
I know they are General Practitioners but his surprise at what I drank and my insistence moderation was not really within my gift...
I think I managed to convince him I needed 100% sobriety as my only option, and to be fair he offered I could ring him if I felt at crisis point. He didn’t need to do that so kudos to him
I know they are General Practitioners but his surprise at what I drank and my insistence moderation was not really within my gift...
I think I managed to convince him I needed 100% sobriety as my only option, and to be fair he offered I could ring him if I felt at crisis point. He didn’t need to do that so kudos to him
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,224
Glad to hear ben.
Work is very slow and I find myself not wanting to do the extra things I could be doing to create some work. Hope it's just a phase, but it's a "ho-hum" glum feeling I have. Not sure if it has to do with my desire to change things up or just a general lethargy.
Heading out for a bike ride now. Hopefully it makes me feel better.
Work is very slow and I find myself not wanting to do the extra things I could be doing to create some work. Hope it's just a phase, but it's a "ho-hum" glum feeling I have. Not sure if it has to do with my desire to change things up or just a general lethargy.
Heading out for a bike ride now. Hopefully it makes me feel better.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
Hi Bumboid - yes its ok. Prescribed for two and a half days only, he told me about their addictive quality and I said something like... "FFS!". 6 today, 4 tomorrow, 2 the next then course done.
I think they have "worked" in that I have not been beside myself as I was this morning.
But alongside my own self-destruction I have had catastrophic news from work today (I have been off but I foolishly checked emails). Its the"all you have worked for going up in smoke" kind of news. I am not self pitying, just sharing.
I saw a thread on the Newcomers page about what people are thankful for being an alcoholic for. Me...nothing. But I think things are coming to a head around a lot of things, work possibly being one of them.
Thanks guys for being so willing to support me, I really appreciate it
I think they have "worked" in that I have not been beside myself as I was this morning.
But alongside my own self-destruction I have had catastrophic news from work today (I have been off but I foolishly checked emails). Its the"all you have worked for going up in smoke" kind of news. I am not self pitying, just sharing.
I saw a thread on the Newcomers page about what people are thankful for being an alcoholic for. Me...nothing. But I think things are coming to a head around a lot of things, work possibly being one of them.
Thanks guys for being so willing to support me, I really appreciate it
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