Ayers

Good morning all . Day 28 . Thursday morning 07:00

JT ; I didn't post early this morning, because I was so engrossed in a book, checked to see if there were new posts, and decided I'll wait for you , to go first

It sounds to me as if you are in a good place. Considering your very tough day yesterday and all - you walked through the fire and emerged unscathed on the other side. Thank you for inspiring me every day to keep at it no matter what.

Suze: We miss you and your thoughts , and would love to hear from you. Doesn't have to be a long post, just check in and tell us you are okay, please?

Karen : I won't stop calling out to you - please let us know how you are? Have you been affected by the hurricane? I checked it's radius and saw that areas of Georgia is/was in it's path. whatever the reason for your silence, please come back , we miss you and need you back in the flock.

Love reading all our day to day stuff - keeps me so grounded:
Bekind: dinner with your dad, lovely - pity about the cheese platter - I LOVE cheese platters .

Red: congrats on your 28 days!! I have not had the itchy skin, how about trying dry brushing? Or a nice exfoliating scrub? Yes, my Gucci-bags have also just about disappeared, and overall my skin looks more hydrated. I really think it would be a great idea to pursue your Natural Studies further. Nothing to lose and lots to gain .
You sound well-prepared for the upcoming events and the 40th - you are armed and ready - use your weapons.

Bob , glad you are doing well on 35 days , good luck with your diet.

TimetoTry : Whoo-hoo !! Nearly 30 days . Fantabulous ! As far as gym goes; the people at our gym seem to think it is a fashion parade. All the newest gym-fashion-outfits, hair ... just right (you know the look: slightly tussled but still chic) , always lipstick and even eyeliner , tight butts Me ? Outfits dating back to the 1900's , no make-up and just-out-of-bed hair. But guess what - No one is looking at me - or at least that's what I tell myself . Stuff them !

Mike, I'm sure you can relate to the above ^^, being a personal trainer. I am so pleased that you seem to be doing well . Keep going, warrior.

Darkling: Maybe just a 10 minute walk around the block when you get home? Even though you are tired, it sometimes actually recharges your energy . Even short walks are better than none?

Barbs , you are going to do great at your son's "final" wedding You've got the outfit, you've got a job ( manning the photo booth) and you've got a plan . Remember, anything with a slice of lemon in it looks fabulous!

David: (our quiet one) . Never too outspoken, (like ... uhm.. me?), never too loud, with lots of exclamation marks and emoji's , (like ... uhm ... me?) , never really speaking unless you have something important to say, ( unlike ... uhm.. me?)....and quietly reaching 6 weeks!!!!! Well done!! Lots of luck with your second interview tomorrow - keep us posted - hope it goes really well .

Matrac ; I am so happy that you like the "new reflective you". And never mind the Performance review at work - I think you deserve a 100% review from yourself for the work you are doing on yourself !!!

Cat: Have you had any more news about when you can go for the MRI?

I’m just finishing Everything I never wanted to be: Dina Kucera : easy read , uplifting and very funny at times , stand up comedian and author. Loving the fact that it's quite up-beat - although very profound at same time. Think it's good to sometimes look at our situations with a bit of humour (even though it's no laughing matter)- just to step away, and see it from a different angle and not take life so very very seriously. Being able to once in a while laugh at yourself is a helpful healing experience , in my opinion.

Think someone recommended it a while ago , but cannot remember who it was, sorry ?

Thinking of all of you today , even those not mentioned by name .
ONWARDS.... MARCH, AUGUSTONIANS !!!!

Davidbrown402

Morning All,

JT the group has certainly got quieter, I hope everyone is OK. I’ve not been posting as much myself but have been reading others. I have been through a period of self reflection (which I am overly prone to) and haven’t felt like sharing much. You are right that we shouldn’t feel pressured to post but I also think that we are here for our own reasons but should recognise that we are an important part of each other’s sobriety. That is a responsibility that we should not take lightly. So come on everyone, share something no matter how small and lets eat this group back to where it was.
I have been spending time making peace with my past over the last few weeks. I have found myself remembering things that I would previously been embarrassed by but have found myself able to see the funny side. Rather than feel awful I have been able to smile and let them go. This, I think, is an important part of our healing. I wholeheartedly believe that the key to fulfilling life it to deal with the past. This enables us to love on and will ultimately make it much easier to remain sober. That is why I have found it so easy to do. My challenges are not drink related but because of other things going on in my life.
We must work on ourselves as much as we work on our to do lists.

Have a great sober day!

JustTony

Erudite words and sentiments David.

Thanks for posting Ayres as I was getting worried.

Where is our other early morning UK poster Ben?

Off to work for me.

JT

Davidbrown402

Hi Ayers,

It looks like we were posting at the same time. I think you have me sussed. Yes I am am the quiet one. Most likely to sit back in a group and take it all in. I think that makes me good at what I do. Your last paragraph sums up my last few weeks nicely. It is important for us to look back at our past and see it in the light that shines from now. Seeing the funny side is a good way of giving ourselves a break even though it may not have seemed funny at the time. I’ve been doing a lot of that and it is a great feeling to see the humour in serious moments. If only the world could take itself less seriously.

Ayers

Kit: What's up ? Are you having a good time with your friend ? You okay ?

SuzesSobriety

Goodness, does this class have such a hold on me that it can summon me from sleep? It is 3:30 in the morning here! Just kidding.

I have read and caught up, but my brain is a bit muddled so I can't respond. I will say I read and had to flip forward to see how your day went, Tony and am so happy you hadn't set yourself up for that post work reward. Well done.

So I wish I could say that 58 days in that was easy peasy. It wasn't. When I said I had tried to post a few times, the first time was on the airplane at 11 in the morning. I have not really had any cravings in recent memory. As I have mentioned work and work stress/success and travel (because both) are big triggers. I also am lucky enough to not have undergone a lot of the day-to-day challenges some of you have as for the most part I can steer clear of alcohol (I mean, social situations with drinking and others....literally steering my car clear of alcohol was quite the accomplishment in the beginning).

So anyhow, I had all the right thinking and was looking forward to saying some inspirational thing. Then it was pavlov's dog and I get on the airplane and the habit/routine of what the trip would look like kicked in. When I wanted to post on the airplane it was because I felt heart palpitations as if impending doom was going to happen. Not a panic attack of anything, but not good. So darn modern technology (kidding) my online forum of torch bearers across the world didn't let me post as I sat in a seat in the sky. Life is hard.

Got to the hotel and dropped people off while I went to park the car. Read my cheat sheet, read posts, got psyched up and was good. So apparently they decided while I was gone to go to a microbrewery and were ready to walk across the street. UGH. I was miserable and cranky. Not what I imagined and certainly not Tony's "let's hike a tall hill" vision I wanted. Just my huffy self.

Are you inspired by my grace and elegance under fire? Well, I was quite the fun one. As the evening went on I thought the smell of everything was making me sick and I would never enjoy anything again.

So let's rewind for a sec. Right before my inability to connect with all of you in the air, the last thing my husband texted me before wheels up was, "Sick. Really sick. Can't make it to work or soccer or dentist today." Being the amazing wife I am, I said, "Feel better!" and then went on to think about not drinking.

The next morning I work up feeling hungover and had to remind myself I didn't drink. Tried to post and got angry it didn't post (it just kept hanging and I got fed up...hotel wifi). The big dinner, as I finally did post, was that night. I bet you know where this is going. I kept moving out meetings since I just wasn't feeling great. Texting with the guest of honor. And then I got sick. Really, really sick. All I kept thinking was, I need to be better because everyone will think I am hungover! Strange how when I was drinking I always rallied and when I /didn't/ drink I am worried about the bad impression I will make actually being sick. I really, really kept thinking (in my sick brain) that I had snuck out and drank. It took me longer than it should have to remember my husband.

Well, I finally give in and tell my dear colleague I am sick. He says, OH THANK GOD. He was violently ill too (he is not a big drinker...he may have had one). Both of us stayed in our rooms all day, canceled our meetings. As we got closer to the dinner that he was the guest of honor, I thought maybe I can drive him and drop him off but there is no way I can be in a private room with food. He called me to say there was no way he could do it. Dinner was canceled.

So I am finally home, but after sleeping almost all day yesterday, meetings today and then late flight in, my sleep is all messed up. I will think more on this once I get some sleep, but in the "where am I" at almost 60 days and what can I learn:

1. I really need to think about making it official that I don't drink. I think a lot of that was me getting sick, but the microbrewery I didn't see coming. There just aren't a lot of options there and it is more social versus places where everyone does their own thing. Or that is me just not having enough social time. Regardless, if I had just owned it up front I would have been fine. Just some announcement of I just am not drinking anymore or something would have saved me the song and dance. Plus it closes more doors if I have to explain why something changed. There is something there I need to think about because as Maltrac said long ago, time just increases the amount this will happen. I need to close the conversation before it stops just to protect myself.

2. Some routines really are ingrained. This was different than the trip to Maine early on. This is more like those really early days where it was instinct to drink. Separating out the "ooh, I bet I might like a drink when blah but I will visualize a club soda" from the "I have trained myself to do this in this very specific environment like a dog to a bell and need to seriously take a sledgehammer to that routine for my very essence" is different. Next time (which is not soon) I will change every. single. thing. I need to change to make it easier and leave less to chance.

3. Being sick in a hotel room is soooooo not fun.

4. Being sick on an airplane would have been worse, but I felt well enough to get home.

5. And hey, my meetings went great! And I wasn't worried about my eyes being red or my cheeks being pink. Or did I drink more than others? Or anything other than being there. I was way more even keeled (aside from getting over being sick) and peaceful. Less of that hyper ON hyper OFF I was speaking of before.

6. And when I was on the airport, airplane and home I was tired and didn't even think of I deserve a reward. Didn't even think of a drink. Yeah, yeah...I know, I was getting over being disgustingly ill, but my real life feels like a sober life now. This feels normal. Posting to you before I went to bed was my goal (my husband wanted to talk....so forgive me). Couldn't sleep at 3:30 and finally gave in to post.

My new normal feels good and I am going to fight like hell to keep it.

Promise I will catch up later. Looks like some great thoughts going on.

I don't know what I would do without you guys. I don't know who else could appreciate or understand this stuff and having you all in my head is becoming stronger than the AV. It is a chorus of people who are louder than that tired old voice.

Now I am going to try to go back to bed. Happy to be home.

SuzesSobriety

PS: Thank you everyone who was cheering me on and wishing me well and following up on me. I talk about how great you are, but knowing people care one way or the other just feels different. I still can't get over how this group can be so life changing.

Red78

Great to hear from you Suze, so glad you were just sick and not drinking, not happy you were sick but better that than relapse..

SuzesSobriety

Aw, thanks Red. That really means a lot. I am pretty excited too!

I got back out of bed (I am going to be a mess tomorrow) because I feel the need to say that I do feel bad I got my colleague sick and we didn't do the dinner. I was just a bit self absorbed above =]

Time-wise maybe it got quiet...hard to tell when you are reading it not in real time. But overall I am struck by how while we are all in different places, there is real reflection going on.

What strikes me being away a bit is the tone is more fear/prevention/plans on avoiding relapse. Not a lot of "I really miss drinking." Not saying everyone is sure everyday this is forever, but I don't know...maybe just my head being blurry still.

But curious if that true/fair?

Okay, now bed. I haven't even responded yet to all the posts. Ah, later.

Ayers

Just soooh glad you're back safe and sound.
Sleep well and we'll all chat later

zoeydog

Good morning Augustonians! I've had a busy few days, which is good for sobriety. Sitting around doing nothing is a terrible trigger for me, but being distracted with work, volunteering at a food program, making sure dogs get enough exercise (and me!) keeps me running too fast to hear the cravings. Another trigger I've notice is eating at restaurants. Seeing other people enjoying wine or a drink almost makes me wander over and slurp from their glass! Strong trigger I didn't know I had …

The best things about being sober for me is sleeping well. Before, I was up and down all night, fretting and worrying. Now I almost always sleep longer and better. I'm sharper at work, I don't forget things like names or facts, and I've got so much more energy. And like many of you have said, I look better physically -- that was unexpected, I didn't realize my droopy eyelid would disappear and my skin would look so much better! I'm nicer to my husband, and connect with friends at a deeper level.

I was struck by JT listing all the good things about sobriety, then adding 'why do we drink?' I ask myself that all the time. How can I name 15 great things about NOT drinking, but still slip and drink? Alcoholism is a terrible, strong, ferocious thing that sneaks up, smiling, and grabs me.

I'm on Day 24, and feeling committed. I love reading all your posts. I found the latest round, where people talked about the benefits of sobriety they are experiencing, really inspiring. Have a good and sober Thursday, everyone! See you tonight.

bobdrop

Good morning all. Day 36 here. Welcome back from your trip Suze. Sounds like you grew a lot in your sobriety. Good for you.

Alright, I am ready to talk a little about Atkins. Before I do though, I had my first pain free night, last night in I don't know how long, and it had nothing to do with Atkins. On Monday, I had bloodwork done and for the first time in years got back on gout medication. No more joint pain! Yea! What a relief. Especially for my age.

Sorry JT, but I deduced that I had no choice other than to do Atkins. Yes, the weight loss is good, but that is sideline stuff. When I stopped drinking in the December class, I very much substituted food for booze, and it was not healthy food. I had become addicted, yes addicted to all the sugars and carbs and it took the infection and diabetes diagnosis to make me realize that I had to do something about it. Interesting note, it truly was a swap because I weighed the same 9 months later. Anyway, the choice was to continue on with that addiction and take stronger and stronger diabetes meds or correct the addiction and actually eat better. In my first diabetes appointment, they gave me things to read about how many carbs I should be eating and which ones to eat. That is all fine and the ultimate goal that I will end up doing, but I had an addiction to break and Atkins was the way to do it.

Wow, did I realize it was an addiction. The first day, I felt terrible. Had cravings through the roof, way worse than I ever had with booze. BTW-I've heard that cutting sugars and carbs help with alcohol cravings. The second day, I still felt just wiped out. Once again, plenty of evidence by how I was feeling that this was something that needed doing. After all, I was not putting poison in my body, I was eliminating things that went in my mouth. Yesterday, still felt pretty wiped out, but the cravings had started to subside. This morning, I think the cravings are behind me. We'll see how the energy goes, but it is starting out much better today.

On the diabetes side, when I had the infection, my sugar was at 245. After the infection, it was 200. I saw the doctor and he put me on low dose, extended release metformin and my number went to 170. Starting the 2nd day of Atkins, my number has been 122-136. Numbers that my doctor will be happy with. I should also say that my wife was going to try Atkins with me, but Atkins is not for everyone. Mrs. Bob is also type 2 diabetic and had to stop after 2nd day because her sugar level got dangerously low. Maybe because her diabetic meds are different from mine.

I had tried Atkins a couple of times in the past, but was not committed to the long term. Just wanted to lose weight. Now, I'm beating back an addiction and will be working my way back up to what my current doctor wants as far as carb intake.

Sorry for the long post, but I felt like it needed a full explanation.

JustTony

Suze - so pleased you got through it although being so sick sounds awful when away from home.

Bob - thanks for the detail. All makes sense. I’m so pleased you’re pain free.

Zoe - good to see you going do strong and that the group helps you.

For me I’m having a pretty bad day. The AV is strong and I’m feeling very low. This happens with me periodically - it comes from nowhere - and I just need to try and get through it.

JT

Ayers

I'm sad that you're feeling down Tony. As you say , it happens from time to time - to ALL of us.

Did you have your leg workout this morning?

Have you started reading those books next to your bed?

I think I hear your pooch calling you - think it wants another walkies?

When last did you visit that Yoga - place , are they still open now ?

Please stay strong - it will pass within a few minutes or so ( I know sometimes it is more hours / the whole day) . You've come SO SO far, don't loose grip now - you can do this , you know you can and you know you want to .

Sort that AV out pronto !!!!

Thinking of you , our wise man !!!

JustTony

Hi Ayres,

Yes the workout on legs is all completed. I have no idea how I did it as I was so down in the dumps and not in the mood.

Books being read.

Doggie walked.

Yoga place closed.

Think I might have a quick sleep now I'm back at home.

Thanks for your support.

JT

mns1

Morning everyone.

Suze glad you are back and great job soldiering through that trip!

JT sorry you’re having a rough day I hope it gets a little better. And awesome work powering through legs despite feeling down. Leg day is bad enough as it is!

I’ll weigh in on the whole self-consciousness at the gym thing. Timetotry hit the nail on the head. The vast majority of people at the gym are way too self-absorbed to care about what anyone else is doing, let alone what kind of shape other people are in. The reality is: most people at most gyms aren’t what you would see on a magazine cover (even though some of them act like it). And I’ve found that the fittest individuals at the gym are often the most likely to give praise to an overweight person who displays the effort and, more importantly, the courage to go to the gym and try to improve themselves.

So I say if you are feeling a little self-conscious about going to a gym, show yourself a little love and support. Gyms are intimidating for sure. There’s young women in tight leggings and sports bras and muscle-bound men in tank tops banging weights around unneccessarily loudly. But those people are so obsessed with themselves that they aren’t paying attention to you. Trust me.

So give yourself a pat on the back for making the decision to try and improve your health and fitness, and for having he guts to face your doubts and fears around going to the gym. And if it helps, try and find a gym buddy so you can encourage and push each other and take each other’s minds off everyone else!

Ayers

JT,I often feel that way after a huge stressful day has passed. Maybe your body is recovering from all those stress- hormones and adrenaline from yesterday.

Have an early night and snuggle in with a good book and a cuppa ?

DarklingSong

First, JT......stay with us. This will pass. I know you know that but just a reminder to focus on the transient nature of those thoughts. And thank you for your kindness about the gym......I think I will start with the walking as despite MNS and Timetotry very convincing reassurance I still just don't have the confidence to go. Thanks Ayers too, you are right....some little bit of exercise would be a start! I am going to begin tomorrow.

Suze, that sounds like a very testing trip. So glad you made it through. It sounds like you are using everything as an opportunity to learn and fortify your recovery. Frankly, I am in awe.

Red, I go through bouts of itching every time I quit. It can be infuriating. If it stops me sleeping I sometimes take an anti histamine but I am wary as I don't want to put any more pressure on my long suffering liver.

David, glad to see you posting. I am pretty reserved myself generally and find it difficult to find my place in a large group.

Bob, delighted to hear you are rid of the pain. Well done on the Atkins....I don't think I would last two minutes!

ODAATCAT, thinking of you, hope you get those tests over with soon. Hope to hear from you soon.

Alice, Karen, Kit? Hope you can check in soon.

Jewel72

Hello class,

JT, I'm sorry you're feeling low. Thank you for sharing and posting that here. I know I will need to post here on those types of days. I know you know this but I'm reminding you that drinking will only make you go down lower to an even darker place. Tell the AV to take a hike and remind yourself, drinking is not an option. I hope you had a nice nap.

Suze, I am so relieved to see you post! What a trip...UGH. Feel better soon.

Bob, I wish you much success on your new way of eating. It sounds like you know what's best for your health, and you're doing great. That Atkins is not easy in the beginning, but once you get over the initial withdrawal, it's pretty remarkable how good you can feel.

I've been continuing to question and ponder why we drink/why I drank. There really is no reasonable answer and that is the nature of addiction...it doesn't make logical sense. For me, while I'm quitting, there is always a little piece of me which feels like I'm missing out on something. In times past, I gave in, drank the wine, and felt miserable. Not once did I ever say, "Oh, I am so happy to be drinking again. This is what I've missed out on...this is the answer!!"

For those who feel low or are struggling today, please remember the gift you have in sobriety. We are not missing out. We are the fortunate ones who now think, feel, reason, and live through a sober lens. And we do this from glorious sun up to sun down. We will feel sad, depressed, blue, pissed off, or ornery, and that's ok. That is real life. We will also feel elated, peaceful, loving, and compassionate but probably not so much if we're drinking.

Today was a pretty special day. I told a friend about my drinking. I have never shared that with anyone except my husband. She responded in a very supportive way (just as I thought she would.) I feel a bit more free for having shared it.

I must go and get some things done today. I'll check in later tonight.

Be123

Hi all. I don’t know where to begin

Actually I do - I can’t drink anymore. I’ve known this for a long time but my 50 days sober helped me see what’s going on in a real way. It’s not good now tbh

I hated the messages of drunks promising to do better. You won’t get that from me

I’ll sign in tomorrow and i ask for all your help and support in moving past day 1-3. You’ve all been there. Then I’ll ask for help and support at other times.

Hope you are all ok and please respect me for being so useless 😥