badgerden

Evening all, having kind of a rough day. Hard for me to put into words, I came to this class after I had a one day classic mess up (10/9) I was at the start of a 10 day vacation, and lets just say I started drinking before the I even got to my destination. Not proud, very embarrassed by it. Husband was upset with me, not angry, surprisingly, but scared none the less. We talked about my drinking and it turned into a positive, but the negative of being drunk and barely remembering the evening lingers with me. Today my husband was cleaning out his truck from a recent visit to the friends house that had the party, and he brought out this dog food bowl that he had won as a door prize the day of the party. It just brought out all kinds of feelings, fears, anxiety, guilt, even sadness in me. The only remembering portions of the party, the embarrassment of drinking and driving, the whole thing. I have felt like a dark cloud has enveloped me. Its a dog food bowl for goodness sake, but it really has affected me emotionally. Like I could curl up in bed and cry. In no way do I feel like drinking, right now I never want to see another bottle, ever. I didn't feel this way yesterday, that dog bowl that my husband placed on the counter, is like a catalyst that brought all these emotions up. I am torn between hiding it away forever, or using it as a reminder to not drink. Right now I want to hide it away, throw it away, get it out of sight, I really can't look at it. Emotions are all over the map right now.
I am hoping a good nights sleep will help shake the emotions, I dont know,,,,

feeling adrift.

Badge

Dee74

I think you need to forgive yourself Badge.
You've been doing everything right since then...& like you said you felt fine yesterday,.,,don't let shame drive you backwards.

D

Dee74

I'm glad you had a good weekend Bob.

Not sure I understand about your work situation tho? Have you said something before and I missed it?

D

bobdrop

About my friend at work that died. I have had so many friends at work pass. She was different. She beat back cancer and had a bone marrow transplant. I have no idea what happened yet.

Dee74

I understand now Bob - sorry for my lack of memory.

D

Viperidae

Victor, you won’t be the same, you’ll be better. I get it though. And do much is done with drinks. Making contacts, business deals etc. I had a high school buddy that’s now a big Advert Man that I’ve been messaging, making jokes out of crappy ads. He’s funny and so am I. It would be a riot to hang out. Today he invited me for drinks with him. It sucks. I didn’t tell him I never drink. I just said, ‘unfortunately I rarely drink these days. My auto immune issues and depression are under control, but if I drink it throws everything out of whack.’ He came back with joke having nothing to do with drinking, and it was funny. He’s obviously is fine with it. It didn’t phase him at all.

Anyway, quick check in before bed. Day 7 and 8 were good. Day 9 was crappy. Day 10 was VERY good. The improvement trend continues. I wouldn’t be surprised if I felt junky again in 2 days. That’s fine.

Ok gotta go to sleep.

Viper

waxfruit

This place, SR is really special to me.
I'm feeling a bit strange right now and found a nice message someone left me. That was nice... Still figuring the site out. Always on my phone. I'm sure it's easier to maneuver via computer.
Anyway- sleeping in my apartment tonight. Way too tired to drive to my folks house. Wish my cat was with me. Hopefully I'll get some sleep.

Rubaduck

Thanks for the concern, badgerden. It's not the alcohol, I'm literally just not much of a computer typist at home. I tend to be more of a lump in my chair when I have chance to relax, if that makes sense. I promise if I start having cravings or worrying thoughts I'll let you know. Or if I think I have a nice idea to help someone (like when I posted my sleeping tips etc) I'll share.

I'm not too far off a month dry now I guess, so if not before then, I'll post a happy message when I get there.

Doubledee

Hey everyone. Got up early today. Just gonna send a few replies before I get stuck into my day.

Dee74 - Thanks for the comment. The fact that you have lots of friends now and a great social life after being sober is inspiring to me.

SoberVictor - On this occasion of trying to stay sober I'm going to avoid non-alcoholic beer. I find it strengthens the pathways in my brain that lead back to drink. As I'm trying to break a habit I find it best to avoid it. I suppose if you're stuck in a situation it might help. But some non alcoholic beer is 0.5 percent alcohol and could give you a slight buzz if you drink enough and then you may end up craving more. Just my experience. I've uncles who quit drinking after years of heavy drinking and they'd have non alcoholic beer at social events so it works for some.

But congrats on attending those events and staying sober. That's impressive and inspiring.

Getbetter- I think you're right and I may have to lose these friends for the time being. I hope not forever, as they are quite open minded and supportive. I don't wana be too drastic and just cut ties though, as they are quite open minded too and I think will support me once they wrap their heads around it. My sobriety is more important than pleasing friends so I'm willing to do whatever it takes to maintain it. I believe we are a sum of our influences. If I continue to hang around with people that are following that sort of lifestyle it will increase my likelihood of being sucked back into it.

Viper - I love your advice haha. I definitely may need to use that sort of advice in the future.

Rubaduck - Good to see you're staying sober. I must mention posting on SR has made it much easier for me staying sober the past 17 days. I've made a pact with myself to come on for 30 mins a day to browse through the forums and respond to this thread. Hope you check in at another time in the future to let us know how you're getting on and any advice would be appreciated, as a month is a massive achievement.

charliesworld

Hello - I can't believe how far behind I get even after just missing a couple of days.

I've had a busy weekend and now it's Monday morning I'm tired and feeling like I'm on the verge of crying. Saturday morning I woke up feeling great but then spent some time with my eldest who is having some problems and I'm worried about him. It's not something I can help him with. My OH's job is still up in the air and although I try not to think about him being unemployed again it's at the front of my mind some days more than others. I'm frightened about this and he's been mentioning it more in the last few days.

Then yesterday morning similar to Badge I found a bottle of wine in the kitchen. Normally I'm not bothered at all. It's my partners and it's red wine which I hate. We don't buy it ourselves because he doesn't drink it really but he does get given it sometimes by people saying thanks for stuff. I don't touch it unless I'm in the middle of a binge and will drink anything as long as it keeps me drunk, and that bottle was one he "rescued" before I got my hands on it last time I was drinking.

To top it all off I'm off to a funeral today. Not someone I knew but I'm going with a friend to offer support.

Now I've got that off my chest lol I'm off to get dressed and will be back later hopefully feeling a bit more positive.

waxfruit

Just a suggestion Ruba- go back to when you first joined and posted daily. Much different attitude and enthusiasm.
Be careful-
"I'm not too far off a month dry now..." that alarms me.

waxfruit

I can't sleep. Anyone available to talk?
Any suggestions on where I can go let me know.
Thanks

Dee74

I answered your other thread waxfruit but, if you're into it, the Arcade is good for whiling away an hour or two?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/arcade.html
D

SoulShine8

On my way off to work - thoughts for wax today. I know you are strong!!

Getbetter72

Bad: Agree that you have to forgive yourself. That was the one single thing that was holding me back in every single aspect of my life. Literally. At church on 11/5 by God's grace I finally, after 25 or so years, was able to forgive myself. It was amazing and I am indeed a new creation.
Double: Having to at least temporarily cut ties with friends who aren't all in regarding helping you maintain sobriety would be hard. I don't have any friends who are regular drinkers so I don't really identify with that situation but certainly can empathize with it. I'm a lone drinker at home when I binge. Anyway, maybe you can sit down with them and just explain in detail what you are doing, what you are up against, and why you so very much want their help. I think you will quickly find who you should and should not keep close to you. Sometimes in situations where we become someone else entirely (drunk us vs. sober us) our friends just don't keep pace with us. Sometimes people who we thought were great friends aren't what they seemed. I'm not saying that's the case here, just making a point.

Rubaduck

Thanks waxfruit, I found that really interesting. My memory of the early days is feeling awful physically for a few days, followed by a feeling of mild depression for about another week after that. Had a lot more stress then, too. But it's quite possible I was trying to cheer myself up with some positive posting.

When your longest dry stretch in several years is less than a week, closing in on a month feels like a pretty awesome thing. Thank you for caring and asking me about it, though.

P.S. (to anyone wondering): Goal is dry to the grave, and making the road there as long and happy as possible. That's looking very achievable, because I've got my plan, and I've got my kids to inspire me to always stick to the plan. It's working, and working very well.

BrightenMeUp

Hey Class.

Checkin in on day 41. Im actually glad its Monday as weekends are my tough days. I did manage to keep myself very busy and do have an active plan that has been working for me.

I must admit though, I bought alcohol on Saturday, I was at the gas station and went in to pay and saw the cooler filled with beer. I thought, what the heck you can relax and just have a few. It was like an impulse I couldnt control, or so I told myself. Nonetheless, I did not drink it. I felt so guilty that I bought beer that I couldnt bring myself to drink it, nor did I even want to. But I did buy it so I know my AV is trying hard to work against me.

I hope everyone is hanging in there. Im sorry I havent been posting all that much, like I said ive been in a slump and feel I have nothing to offer on here to anyone and I definitely have no business giving any advice.

Have a great day and my best wishes to all of you!!

Brighten

CClarity50

Good morning October group!

One of the great things about sobriety for me, is a thirst for learning - cant get enough of reading books right now. Not big on fiction, but love any history or business book.

Read a book over the weekend by Mark Mason - "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k". If you can get over some of the language used (doesn't bother me), the book is a great, easy read.

Small excerpt from the book summary:
Happiness comes from solving problems

"Problems never stop; they merely get exchanges and/or upgraded. Happiness comes from solving problems. The keyword here is “solving.” If you’re avoiding your problems or feel like you don’t have any problems, then you’re going to make yourself miserable. If you feel like you have problems that you can’t solve, you will likewise make yourself miserable. The secret sauce is in the solving of the problems, not in not having problems in the first place".

Have a great week!

Ba bam!

MelSober

ChloeRose, I don't think he meant it as an insult, it is a connected communication forum and that is technically social media. It's just less BS like FaceBook or Instagram.

I am in awe of your awesome sobriety ChloeRose! Way to go!

I have hit day 30 today. Hooray!

MelSober

I know I'm late but I can relate to your post and those feelings of shame and regret. As time goes with each day I am still sober and still present I feel better and less depressed about the past. I hope you can give yourself a break. I imagine if someone else had done those things you would forgive them and move on. You deserve the same grace. Be kind to yourself. Be proud of the work you're doing!