The Power Of Sobriety Thread (POST!) #4
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
I admire your matter-of-fact, realistic attitude, Carlos: “If I’m going to be at peace, agree and accept must be at odds.”
It takes a lot of self-discipline and maturity to maintain serenity when there’s a big internal disconnect. When I’m in that state, I’m constantly reminding and even nagging myself to “be content in all circumstances;” but peace doesn’t generally bud forth from vigorous nagging!
The best thing I can do is visualize myself whisking the dirt off my hands and divert my attention to something completely different.
It takes a lot of self-discipline and maturity to maintain serenity when there’s a big internal disconnect. When I’m in that state, I’m constantly reminding and even nagging myself to “be content in all circumstances;” but peace doesn’t generally bud forth from vigorous nagging!
The best thing I can do is visualize myself whisking the dirt off my hands and divert my attention to something completely different.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,047
I hope everyone here, regulars & lurkers, feels good about where they are with sobriety. For me, not drinking is pretty normal now. I still notice people's glasses when I pass a sidewalk café, and my eyes are drawn to liquor store displays like magnets. Being around drinking unsettles me, though it can’t make me drink. So I still & always will stay away from bars, and when I attend receptions I make my rounds with greetings and leave as soon as I can.
More intimately, I’m fortunate to have all the encouragement that I need -- we keep no liquor at home, my husband only very rarely drinks as much as one beer, my sister has been sober for 25 years or so and my older sister, I hope, just had her first year sober. I don’t associate with anyone who would ever encourage me to drink, even “just one.”
I don’t feel much internal temptation anymore -- I can always recall how much I hated myself at the bottom. Why would any sane person want to feel so vile and desperate again? Of course, I wasn't sane at the time, but having been so fortunate to "get sane" -- why would I give it up? I advise anyone who is freshly sober not to romanticize what you were. There's no such thing as a good drunk.
As far as why I drank -- always an interesting question, but only important to help me understand and resolve the problem -- there are so many reasons that it's fruitless to pursue them all. But one reason: I sought to stifle anxiety, fear and pain. I have a lot of chattering and buzz in my brain. Alcohol more-or-less silenced them, while I was drunk, although sober, they came back worse and worse. Achieving mental repose without substances is the great constant effort of my own personal sobriety. Some days I'm more peaceful than others. SR helps.
I should mention another big factor in the "why" I became an alcoholic -- I have things going on in my brain chemistry that cause discomfort and strange ideas. So now I take pills for that, and they work, and help me get along with myself and other people much better. Naturally they have some side effects, but not too much. Alcohol had a lot of side effects too, but I put up with those for 35 years, very selfishly.
Taking stock today. I hope someone who reads this can find something useful in it.
More intimately, I’m fortunate to have all the encouragement that I need -- we keep no liquor at home, my husband only very rarely drinks as much as one beer, my sister has been sober for 25 years or so and my older sister, I hope, just had her first year sober. I don’t associate with anyone who would ever encourage me to drink, even “just one.”
I don’t feel much internal temptation anymore -- I can always recall how much I hated myself at the bottom. Why would any sane person want to feel so vile and desperate again? Of course, I wasn't sane at the time, but having been so fortunate to "get sane" -- why would I give it up? I advise anyone who is freshly sober not to romanticize what you were. There's no such thing as a good drunk.
As far as why I drank -- always an interesting question, but only important to help me understand and resolve the problem -- there are so many reasons that it's fruitless to pursue them all. But one reason: I sought to stifle anxiety, fear and pain. I have a lot of chattering and buzz in my brain. Alcohol more-or-less silenced them, while I was drunk, although sober, they came back worse and worse. Achieving mental repose without substances is the great constant effort of my own personal sobriety. Some days I'm more peaceful than others. SR helps.
I should mention another big factor in the "why" I became an alcoholic -- I have things going on in my brain chemistry that cause discomfort and strange ideas. So now I take pills for that, and they work, and help me get along with myself and other people much better. Naturally they have some side effects, but not too much. Alcohol had a lot of side effects too, but I put up with those for 35 years, very selfishly.
Taking stock today. I hope someone who reads this can find something useful in it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
Cour,
Alcohol became a self medication thing for me, also.
That false “silencing the noise” or the “everything will be alright” feeling is what I was chasing. My thinking was seriously skewed, and the out of place-ness, always was there, also.
As it happens, the physical, emotional, mental “ working the steps” for me, is a divine intervention. Things I can “do”, or actions I can take, to connect with life for the first time. I have no idea how I got through life drunk, and I probably shouldn’t be here, alive.
Thankful for each day, now though. I used to say I’m “ dumbing it down” to 24 hrs a day, but I think it’s more allowing me to live in a moment rather than regret yesterday, or fear tomorrow.
Alcohol became a self medication thing for me, also.
That false “silencing the noise” or the “everything will be alright” feeling is what I was chasing. My thinking was seriously skewed, and the out of place-ness, always was there, also.
As it happens, the physical, emotional, mental “ working the steps” for me, is a divine intervention. Things I can “do”, or actions I can take, to connect with life for the first time. I have no idea how I got through life drunk, and I probably shouldn’t be here, alive.
Thankful for each day, now though. I used to say I’m “ dumbing it down” to 24 hrs a day, but I think it’s more allowing me to live in a moment rather than regret yesterday, or fear tomorrow.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,846
Thanks for the awesome share, Courage!
Sobriety has become my new normal. So much so, that I never even think about taking a drink. I started drinking to escape and it became my crutch, one that I thought I couldn't function without. Of course, I wasn't functioning as good as I thought I was, but such is the nature of addiction.
Sobriety has become my new normal. So much so, that I never even think about taking a drink. I started drinking to escape and it became my crutch, one that I thought I couldn't function without. Of course, I wasn't functioning as good as I thought I was, but such is the nature of addiction.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Ok, I am absolutely basking in glory!
Remember the type of assignment that I’ve typically gotten Cs and Ds on?
This time I got a B!
And not only that, but it was THE HIGHEST GRADE IN THE CLASS!
Next week my ego may be punctured once again—but for tonight I’m basking!
Remember the type of assignment that I’ve typically gotten Cs and Ds on?
This time I got a B!
And not only that, but it was THE HIGHEST GRADE IN THE CLASS!
Next week my ego may be punctured once again—but for tonight I’m basking!
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,846
Nicely done, Gil!
Busier than usual week ahead for me. Driving back to Minnesota on Wednesday to spend some time with Mom and then Turkey Day at my brother's house with his family then driving back that night so I can be back to work on Friday.
Have a great Monday, gang!
Busier than usual week ahead for me. Driving back to Minnesota on Wednesday to spend some time with Mom and then Turkey Day at my brother's house with his family then driving back that night so I can be back to work on Friday.
Have a great Monday, gang!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Gilmer - Congratulations on 4 years sober. Good job on the B on your assignment too. It sounds like a tough class but Your mindset in sobriety is a good base for you to handle the ups and downs of your coursework.
Courage - Great post. Thanks for sharing.
Fbl - I hope you have fun with your family this week. Wishing you safe travels there and back.
Carlos - Good point about acceptance.
I just got back from a hockey tournament over the weekend. I had a nice time. There was lots of drinking but none by me. I’m comfortable that “no drinking” is my new normal.
My last drink was at a hockey tournament. This weekend I paused from time to time to pay attention and reflect on my gratitude for my new normal. The lessons learned in recovery are a wonderful foundation for other parts of my life as well.
Have a good Monday everyone!
Courage - Great post. Thanks for sharing.
Fbl - I hope you have fun with your family this week. Wishing you safe travels there and back.
Carlos - Good point about acceptance.
I just got back from a hockey tournament over the weekend. I had a nice time. There was lots of drinking but none by me. I’m comfortable that “no drinking” is my new normal.
My last drink was at a hockey tournament. This weekend I paused from time to time to pay attention and reflect on my gratitude for my new normal. The lessons learned in recovery are a wonderful foundation for other parts of my life as well.
Have a good Monday everyone!
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,181
Are you leaving tomorrow for your Mom's FBL? Safe travels to and fro.
Thanksgiving seems to be an appropriate time to reflect upon our individual journeys and be grateful and thankful that we got off the hamster wheel of addiction that was ruining our lives. I know that I'm eternally grateful for a second chance at life. I am also thankful to have gotten to know the amazing folks here on this thread and SR in general.
Enjoy your evenings all!
Thanksgiving seems to be an appropriate time to reflect upon our individual journeys and be grateful and thankful that we got off the hamster wheel of addiction that was ruining our lives. I know that I'm eternally grateful for a second chance at life. I am also thankful to have gotten to know the amazing folks here on this thread and SR in general.
Enjoy your evenings all!
on your result Gilmer 
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,846
Just about to hit the road for a quick trip back to Minnesota. It's a 750 mile round-trip in just two days, but I love to drive, so it's not a problem.
Happy Turkey Day, to those that celebrate and I'll check in again on Friday!
Happy Turkey Day, to those that celebrate and I'll check in again on Friday!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
