samantha14

Checking in here too. Home from work, pjs on and dinner is in the oven. Had a work function in the early afternoon that I thought might be challenging but I just stuck to water and it all turned out okay. Seems it's getting easier this sobriety thing (knock on wood).

It's homecoming weekend here - yuck. We are a two university town and they both celebrate the occasion at the same time....fun (ummm - not) Work typically includes a lot of drunk people and a lot of crazy behaviour. I am off tomorrow (thankfully) but on call. Meh. Might just drop my phone in the toilet.

Well not much more to say. Sober weekend ahead!

beerbgone

Sam you work to much. You think about work to much!!!

samantha14

True and true.

Any episodes of BBT tonight BBG?

samantha14

Okay I heard a rumour that my yoga studio is holding a kitten yoga class tomorrow. But they're all sold out. Awwww man....that stresses meow-t. Lol

Purplrks3647

LOL Sam! Hopefully you'll find another one soon

ManInTheArena

Hi guys. Been working hard and traveling a bit. Just back from Atlanta and wish I could say I was good the whole time, but that's not true.

I think I could have had a chance if I stuck closer here, but even that might not have been enough. Honestly though, both work and home have been testing my limits for a few weeks now. I'll try and flesh it out a bit more tomorrow. Right now I am going to sleep.

You guys are the best, and you are my sanctuary. I'll give you all the boring details in the morning.

Dee74

What do you think is stopping you from looking to other options to deal with whatever besides drinking MITA?

D

LunaBlue

Hi, I'm here. Having a hard time these days.

I quit my group therapy. I felt I couldn't be honest. I've been betrayed by people relating what I've shared in meetings, so now I don't want to share. Which doesn't go over well in group therapy. I also don't trust my counselor because of my career. Though I'm not currently working.

I have PTSD from my ex. And from other things. But am not willing to be put in an expensive monitoring program with my career for having multiple diagnoses. It is like an entirely separate court system in my state even if you are not in trouble with the law, which I am not. My record is clean.

My counseling is voluntary. I just don't see the point in going if I can't completely open up to people.
I'm ok with going to AA or Smart Recovery and simply not sharing.

All of this and the betrayal and the damage caused by my ex has made me so paranoid though. I'm very scared to tell what's going on with me, but I am struggling.

I have support from my parents.

Thanks for listening and for always, always being here.

Dee74

Hi LB

I think if whatever we're doing is keeping us sober, it's a good thing.

If it's not keeping us sober, then I think we need to go back to basics and figure out what to add to make our recovery work...

Sounds like you've got some stuff to unload - if not on the boards maybe a PM to someone you trust?

D

Purplrks3647

So glad to see you MITA! We've missed you

You too, LunaBlue I can relate to being paranoid and unable to trust anyone. People suck! Post if and when you can

Having my cereal and about to make my first of many startin' fluids for the day. Hoping to get to the gym later, but that bridge will get crossed this afternoon.....normal 6 hour shifts are becoming 8 hours....not complaining, just gets to be a bit much sometimes.

See y'all a little later!

PhoenixJ

Support MITA, Luna. Purp is right..people suck. I think people should all be put somewhere away from us.

Pelagic263

MITA and LunaBlue we're glad you're back despite the difficulties. Dee is right, we can add new tools as needed, drop things that aren't working. The main thing is to find a way to lasting sobriety.

Another busy day. I built a new TV stand and need to finish it today. Everything we looked at in stores was some combination of cheap, ugly, too expensive, or too big. So I designed and built my own: just enough (I tend toward minimalism) and it matches the coffee table. Ahh, self reliance! A sure path to a peaceful day--but it chews up a lot of time. Stained it yesterday, polyurethane today.

Have a good weekend everyone. Check in when you can. Equanimity in the word of the day.

ManInTheArena

It's a few things, really - and I'm pretty sure you can guess what they are

1) SR is easy - it's just right here on my computer or my laptop or my phone, whenever I need it!! Going to some kind of meeting or counseling requires more effort. It's not really the effort that's the issue, it's what the effort signifies - which brings me to ...
2) Going to meetings or counseling, and the effort that requires, elevates my whole realization of being an alcoholic to a higher level. Right now I'm an alcoholic, but I can't be that bad of alcoholic if I can fix it with a simple online support group and some will power. Haha - clearly, that's not working.
3) I had been to a couple of AA meetings a few years ago. I really did not enjoy it. I am a private person and sharing stuff like this with a group of people face-to-face is hard and an anxiety provoking experience. I will try it again, though - either an AA meeting or a SMART recovery meeting. I may look at individual counseling too - at least for a short while.

The culprits this time were just too much exposure to drinking at work related activities and, of course, the other drinking that occurs in my house. My client entertainment activities (i.e., dinner and drinking) have been more frequent. This stuff is almost always done as a team, so if i'm not drinking along with the client or prospect someone else from the company is which generally leaves me free to abstain. Still, I am always the only one not drinking - I get a little tired of sticking out that way. The home situation is what it is, so I've got to find a way to deal with that.

I've got a little bit of a big head this morning, so I think today I'll just be lying low and licking my wounds. I'll research some stuff today and take some additional action on Sunday.

Thanks for listening guys, and I'm certainly open to suggestions from the group. Fire away

KiKi0615

Morning everyone....I am so glad to see all of you!!! I want to re-read all the posts tonight after I get home from a busy day. Love you all!

Dee74

Hi Mita

I actually meant - you're drinking for various reasons - whatever they are.

Whats stopping you from finding other ways to deal with those problems issues or emotions?

Seems like a lot of your life - maybe even the definition of who you are - is tied to you being a drinker - mine was too.

What you don't want happening is to lose that veneer of (more or less) drinking respectability and became obvious to everyone as 'that bad'.

Unfortunately thats the way the journey ends for most of us who don't have sense to jump of the runaway train before it's too late.

D

CristinaN

Good morning ☀️

Glad you’re back MITA and Luna.

samantha14

Morning!!

Hi MITA and LunaB!! So happy to see you both!! ❤️❤️

Pelagic - love your "craftiness" - have fun!!

Purplrks - cereal? Yum! I haven't eaten cereal in such a long time. Lol. My favorite is Golden Grahams. Hope your day flies by!

Well I'm off to clean the house and start some laundry. It's a quiet house this morning. Just me and Charlie and the cats. Feels peaceful. Kinda becoming used to this

ManInTheArena

Ok, I get that. Definitely, a lot of my life and what has defined my life has revolved around drinking. I do need to find other ways to deal with these issues.

I don't think anyone who knows me would say my drinking is "that bad", and I've always been good for a few drinks. The fact that I've hidden my problem so well is kind of part of my problem.

They don't know what I do when they are not around. Last night was a classic example of solitary drinking that no one else will ever know about. Once that train gets moving, there is no stopping it.

Big head slowly subsiding - caffeine and ibuprofen doing their thing.

ManInTheArena

And thanks, Dee. Everyone else, too.

PhoenixJ

Runaway train sums up my little rock-b very well. I always thought it was just about not drinking. For me it was everything...the same way of thinking of the world- orbiting booze. The way I wash dishes..through to keeping my word.
You are thinking lots MITA- a positive thing.