Class of April 2015 Part 13
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Wow SG. That's a super good friend you have there. And good for you for not blowing it off.
I've got an idea for ya. Something to chew on at least. How about exploring an area to grow or an area of your life to improve too? I say this because something that happened to me was when I quit drinking, I quit growing. All I did was quit something. What I should have done is started something. Expanded my reality in some way.
After all, the life I was living was prone to addiction. My behaviors and thought processes were the same after drinking thsn they were before I started drinking.
It was inevitable that I'd become addicted to something again. For example, I still had depression and anxiety and hadn't learned different ways to address them. That's just one of several issues.
Consider this as well: when you addressed alcoholism, you emerged yourself into it. You dove head first I to understanding the why's and how's, as well as learning tools you used to quit
Heck... I'm betting you can write a book on the issue. It was new and exciting and gave you hope. And it was exciting (overall anyway) to apply what you learned and have it work. You achieved the seemingly impossible!
Of course I'd suggest spiritual growth. I'm not saying find Jesus and asked to be saved, but rather learn the techniques to make contact with the version of yourself that is deeper than your ego.
Learn how to meditate to make contact with that version of self. Look into awakening. There's YouTube videos, forums, podcasts, and books.
Maybe dedicate yourself to get a deeper understanding of what makes the universe tick. Emerse yourself so you can decide once and for all.... Is there a God? Are there any powers in the universe at play? Is there anything you can connect with?
If there is, then wouldn't living a life that ignores those powers be hard? A life where only our thoughts and egos leads our lives is very limiting. In the big picture, our thoughts and egos are a micro level. Very, very, very, limited
Maybe that's all there is though? If so, then what can you do to expand your beliefs and expand your life as a result.
Maybe use this as a redo. Go back to when you were actively in recovery then figure out that next step.
What's the next phase?
I've got an idea for ya. Something to chew on at least. How about exploring an area to grow or an area of your life to improve too? I say this because something that happened to me was when I quit drinking, I quit growing. All I did was quit something. What I should have done is started something. Expanded my reality in some way.
After all, the life I was living was prone to addiction. My behaviors and thought processes were the same after drinking thsn they were before I started drinking.
It was inevitable that I'd become addicted to something again. For example, I still had depression and anxiety and hadn't learned different ways to address them. That's just one of several issues.
Consider this as well: when you addressed alcoholism, you emerged yourself into it. You dove head first I to understanding the why's and how's, as well as learning tools you used to quit
Heck... I'm betting you can write a book on the issue. It was new and exciting and gave you hope. And it was exciting (overall anyway) to apply what you learned and have it work. You achieved the seemingly impossible!
Of course I'd suggest spiritual growth. I'm not saying find Jesus and asked to be saved, but rather learn the techniques to make contact with the version of yourself that is deeper than your ego.
Learn how to meditate to make contact with that version of self. Look into awakening. There's YouTube videos, forums, podcasts, and books.
Maybe dedicate yourself to get a deeper understanding of what makes the universe tick. Emerse yourself so you can decide once and for all.... Is there a God? Are there any powers in the universe at play? Is there anything you can connect with?
If there is, then wouldn't living a life that ignores those powers be hard? A life where only our thoughts and egos leads our lives is very limiting. In the big picture, our thoughts and egos are a micro level. Very, very, very, limited
Maybe that's all there is though? If so, then what can you do to expand your beliefs and expand your life as a result.
Maybe use this as a redo. Go back to when you were actively in recovery then figure out that next step.
What's the next phase?
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,189
Lots of great ideas for me to chew upon Inc. Thanks as always.
Inc, I met a couple folks last night whom attend both AA and NA meetings. What have you found to be the similarities and differences between them?
Inc, I met a couple folks last night whom attend both AA and NA meetings. What have you found to be the similarities and differences between them?
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Originally Posted by stargazer016 
Lots of great ideas for me to chew upon Inc. Thanks as always.
Inc, I met a couple folks last night whom attend both AA and NA meetings. What have you found to be the similarities and differences between them?
Inc, I met a couple folks last night whom attend both AA and NA meetings. What have you found to be the similarities and differences between them?
A bit of a younger crowd with 50+ sprinkled in. Some meetings have more 50+ than others.
I feel a lot less desperation in NA than I do AA as well and a lot more positive energy.
I think the difference stems from AA having more court ordered people in them?
NA seems to have more of a fellowship outside the meeting rooms as well.
I did AA in 2015 and just couldn't get into it. Even though I live where AA was founded. I tried only about 6 meetings. Ended up in rational recovery instead.
This go around, I determined I needed to accept a higher power. Something had to change. I set a goal of 30mtgs on 30days that included aa and Na. The first mtg I went to was NA and I felt so at home, I stayed with them.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Got a rejection email from Pepsi today.
Disappointed of course. But surprisingly, I'm not super bummed about it. Well.. Not really surprising I guess because my powers of acceptance is through the roof now.
Just another day. It was a beautiful day actually. 1st of 2 days in a row. A rare occurance. Got a lot done including applying to other jobs.
I am actually elated to a degree due to how I'm responding to the news. I was SURE I had the job too. I couple months ago, this would have been devistating for me.
I thank my spiritual growth for this. Actually, I'm ramping up on this front starting right after this message with a regular meditation routine of 30min 2x daily. Almost sounds painful as I type that out, but I'm excited for the journey.
I'm following a guide suggested by a room over at reddit: r/steamentry. Steam entry is the first phase of a deep understanding of Buddhism. There's more too it, but basically it the beginning of one heck of a journey.
I feel I've already stepped firmly on this path. Now it's time to get serious about it. Much of what I read o that reddit forum from those who post is way over my head. I'm definitely a newbie.
I'll be going through 4 phases of meditation with 4 weeks spent in each phase. The first phase is about breathing and mastering the senses. I'm not sure I'll have to spend a full month as I've already done a lot of focus on breathing.
Although I've done a bunch of it, the deepness in which this page goes is much deeper than just focusing on the breath. I'll be expanding my awareness of the breath as well as applying other focus points involving the senses.
Should be interesting. Or really boring. But from what I've experienced with meditation recently, I highly doubt it will be boring.
I think one thing I like about all this, besides how much it cured regret, depression, and anxiety, is how I could study ths (awakening, Buddhism, enlightenment) for a life time and still feel there's much to learn.
Disappointed of course. But surprisingly, I'm not super bummed about it. Well.. Not really surprising I guess because my powers of acceptance is through the roof now.
Just another day. It was a beautiful day actually. 1st of 2 days in a row. A rare occurance. Got a lot done including applying to other jobs.
I am actually elated to a degree due to how I'm responding to the news. I was SURE I had the job too. I couple months ago, this would have been devistating for me.
I thank my spiritual growth for this. Actually, I'm ramping up on this front starting right after this message with a regular meditation routine of 30min 2x daily. Almost sounds painful as I type that out, but I'm excited for the journey.
I'm following a guide suggested by a room over at reddit: r/steamentry. Steam entry is the first phase of a deep understanding of Buddhism. There's more too it, but basically it the beginning of one heck of a journey.
I feel I've already stepped firmly on this path. Now it's time to get serious about it. Much of what I read o that reddit forum from those who post is way over my head. I'm definitely a newbie.
I'll be going through 4 phases of meditation with 4 weeks spent in each phase. The first phase is about breathing and mastering the senses. I'm not sure I'll have to spend a full month as I've already done a lot of focus on breathing.
Although I've done a bunch of it, the deepness in which this page goes is much deeper than just focusing on the breath. I'll be expanding my awareness of the breath as well as applying other focus points involving the senses.
Should be interesting. Or really boring. But from what I've experienced with meditation recently, I highly doubt it will be boring.
I think one thing I like about all this, besides how much it cured regret, depression, and anxiety, is how I could study ths (awakening, Buddhism, enlightenment) for a life time and still feel there's much to learn.
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,189
Sorry that the Pepsico job did not work out Inc but glad that you have a super positive attitude and are moving forward in all aspects of your life.
I have been experiencing drastic mood swings and drinking urges over the past week or so. Seeing the doctor next week, so hopefully he can suggest a course of action. Think it might finally be time for an antidepressant. I am so against taking meds unless absolutely necessary. Thinking maybe Wellbutrin may be an option. My wife started with it recently, and it has seemed to help stabilize her moods. We will see.
How are things Amp?
Enjoy the day all!
I have been experiencing drastic mood swings and drinking urges over the past week or so. Seeing the doctor next week, so hopefully he can suggest a course of action. Think it might finally be time for an antidepressant. I am so against taking meds unless absolutely necessary. Thinking maybe Wellbutrin may be an option. My wife started with it recently, and it has seemed to help stabilize her moods. We will see.
How are things Amp?
Enjoy the day all!
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Sorry to hear SG.
I've used wellbutrin for years and would highly recommend.
But I would also very strongly recommend supplementing it with something that will actually fix the issue too. Doctor blood work, therapist, spiritual growth, etc.
Wellbutrin was awesome for me, and for several years too. But of course there's a tolerance to deal with it. I knew that at the time and continued to increase dosage every couple years or so.
I just didn't consider what would happen when the max dose would stop working. I didn't look that far ahead or take that seriously. I felt like I'd just cross that bridge when I get there.
The issue is, over all those years (close to 10?), I was using a pill to deal with depression. When that pill stopped working, all I knew was to look for another pill.
Again... Wellbutrin is the best AD I've been on and strongly urge you to ask your doc for it. And meanwhile, set an appt with a shrink.
Also ask your doc right there for some blood work. Demand that he test everything that effects mood swings...vitamin defiency, testosterone / cortisone levels, etc.
Very important. For some reason, they don't seem so quick to do that. It's my experience they feel as though wellbutrin cures the issue and fails to deal with the source. I doubt that... But it just "seems" that way. Maybe so. Maybe it's the psychiatrists who understand drugs only masks the issue.
I've used wellbutrin for years and would highly recommend.
But I would also very strongly recommend supplementing it with something that will actually fix the issue too. Doctor blood work, therapist, spiritual growth, etc.
Wellbutrin was awesome for me, and for several years too. But of course there's a tolerance to deal with it. I knew that at the time and continued to increase dosage every couple years or so.
I just didn't consider what would happen when the max dose would stop working. I didn't look that far ahead or take that seriously. I felt like I'd just cross that bridge when I get there.
The issue is, over all those years (close to 10?), I was using a pill to deal with depression. When that pill stopped working, all I knew was to look for another pill.
Again... Wellbutrin is the best AD I've been on and strongly urge you to ask your doc for it. And meanwhile, set an appt with a shrink.
Also ask your doc right there for some blood work. Demand that he test everything that effects mood swings...vitamin defiency, testosterone / cortisone levels, etc.
Very important. For some reason, they don't seem so quick to do that. It's my experience they feel as though wellbutrin cures the issue and fails to deal with the source. I doubt that... But it just "seems" that way. Maybe so. Maybe it's the psychiatrists who understand drugs only masks the issue.
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,189
Thanks for the view the info on Wellbutrin. Maybe I can take something six months of the year only, and not build tolerance. AD's always worry me that I will never be able to make my wife happy again, you know. I don't think I have a choice now anyway. Depression is the ultimate mood killer in reality.
I get extensive blood work done twice a year, and this appointment was made months ago to discuss blood work. I just keep adding things to talk about, lol.
I get extensive blood work done twice a year, and this appointment was made months ago to discuss blood work. I just keep adding things to talk about, lol.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Lol. FWIW, WB does not have the same level of sexual side effects. It did for me at higher doses... Like 450mg vs the 150 I started on.
In fact, for many, it enhances sexual desire since it effects dopamine vs seritonin.
You've got nothing to worry about.
In fact, for many, it enhances sexual desire since it effects dopamine vs seritonin.
You've got nothing to worry about.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Really sorry to hear about the Pepsi job, Inc. I'm switching my allegiance back to Coke immediately. Seriously, their loss. You never know what other doors may open up!
Sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch, SG. Can you think of any event that may have triggered this? I'm finding the social side of the run up.to the holiday season difficult. We had a wine and cheese event at work yesterday (I had to buy the wine and open the bottles), tonight I'm going to a gig in Sevilla and tomorrow is work Xmas lunch. Also I'm single parenting this week as Mayte has had to go and look after her mum who needed urgent eye surgery for a hole in her macula. It's just life though. I don't feel like I'm in real danger of drinking though I've had to cut off those "what if" thought trains a couple of times. All credit to you, SG, for.knoqing when it is the right time to seek professional advice. I've always been one for doing it all on my own and, as you know, that's got me into a bit of heavy weather over the years.
Anyway... Hope you guys have a good weekend and that things start looking up soon
Sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch, SG. Can you think of any event that may have triggered this? I'm finding the social side of the run up.to the holiday season difficult. We had a wine and cheese event at work yesterday (I had to buy the wine and open the bottles), tonight I'm going to a gig in Sevilla and tomorrow is work Xmas lunch. Also I'm single parenting this week as Mayte has had to go and look after her mum who needed urgent eye surgery for a hole in her macula. It's just life though. I don't feel like I'm in real danger of drinking though I've had to cut off those "what if" thought trains a couple of times. All credit to you, SG, for.knoqing when it is the right time to seek professional advice. I've always been one for doing it all on my own and, as you know, that's got me into a bit of heavy weather over the years.
Anyway... Hope you guys have a good weekend and that things start looking up soon
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Yes.. I agree with amp. Very impressive response SG.
Ya'll wanna see something fascinating? It's regarding quantum physics. So many goofy and unexplainable things occur at the smallest level observable. Quantum physics opened up a new world of understanding (and confusion) by being able to observe and study how very small particles behave.
There's several very strange phenomenon discovered through QP. I'll share some others later.
But this is the grand daddy of them all and the experiment that made quantum physics what it is today.
Check it out. 5min video.
https://youtu.be/HiAj7S6ko9Q
Ya'll wanna see something fascinating? It's regarding quantum physics. So many goofy and unexplainable things occur at the smallest level observable. Quantum physics opened up a new world of understanding (and confusion) by being able to observe and study how very small particles behave.
There's several very strange phenomenon discovered through QP. I'll share some others later.
But this is the grand daddy of them all and the experiment that made quantum physics what it is today.
Check it out. 5min video.
https://youtu.be/HiAj7S6ko9Q
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
I liked this video so much on meditation that I just had to share.
I found after meditating for a while in an attempt to connect with my deepest consciousness, I sensed something that was undeniably a higher power than my ego.
It took a while for me to figure out how. Besides focusing on my breath, what do I do? What do I look for? Will I know when I get there? Where is "there"?
I had a lot of road blocks to hurdle, that's for sure. But I kept reading / listening to Eckhart Tolle and DR Wayne Deyer and tried to find that "oneness" or level of consciousness they described.
Well, this video had blew open a door for me. Made a bunch of sense to me. Maybe that's because I was looking for that level of awareness and only knew what it wasn't.
Maybe the door was about to blow open regardless. Either way though, I find Mooji's approach to achieve that state very easy and quick.
If you're going to see what it's about... Try to watch it when you have some quiet time. Maybe take a few min and close your eyes and Meditate for a few min on your own. Just enough to slow the heart rate down and enter a state of peace.
On the job front, I have another interview coming up soon. Doing a phone screening on Monday. Fingers crossed.
On the addiction front, I'm getting very close to jumping. No more than 2 weeks. I got some comfort meds to help me with the final step(non addicting of course), just to boost my confidence and remove fear.
I also arranged 4 days off in January so I can take my boys to see mom in Florida. Pretty psyched about that. I'll be free as a bird by then!
I hope you take 30min to explore this. 15min to chill out and 15min for rye video enjoy.
https://youtu.be/wa5IF7x-ziA
I found after meditating for a while in an attempt to connect with my deepest consciousness, I sensed something that was undeniably a higher power than my ego.
It took a while for me to figure out how. Besides focusing on my breath, what do I do? What do I look for? Will I know when I get there? Where is "there"?
I had a lot of road blocks to hurdle, that's for sure. But I kept reading / listening to Eckhart Tolle and DR Wayne Deyer and tried to find that "oneness" or level of consciousness they described.
Well, this video had blew open a door for me. Made a bunch of sense to me. Maybe that's because I was looking for that level of awareness and only knew what it wasn't.
Maybe the door was about to blow open regardless. Either way though, I find Mooji's approach to achieve that state very easy and quick.
If you're going to see what it's about... Try to watch it when you have some quiet time. Maybe take a few min and close your eyes and Meditate for a few min on your own. Just enough to slow the heart rate down and enter a state of peace.
On the job front, I have another interview coming up soon. Doing a phone screening on Monday. Fingers crossed.
On the addiction front, I'm getting very close to jumping. No more than 2 weeks. I got some comfort meds to help me with the final step(non addicting of course), just to boost my confidence and remove fear.
I also arranged 4 days off in January so I can take my boys to see mom in Florida. Pretty psyched about that. I'll be free as a bird by then!
I hope you take 30min to explore this. 15min to chill out and 15min for rye video enjoy.
https://youtu.be/wa5IF7x-ziA
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Know what... That video is good. And I like to watch it once in a while. But THIS is the one that really worked for me the first time. Made meditation a while new game. I wanted to repeat that experience over and over and deeper and deeper.
It was an awesome nudge in the right direction.
Warning though.. It's 45 min long. Thought you can skip the 1st 8min or so. But probably best for set up.
https://youtu.be/VI999Z1XkZA
It was an awesome nudge in the right direction.
Warning though.. It's 45 min long. Thought you can skip the 1st 8min or so. But probably best for set up.
https://youtu.be/VI999Z1XkZA
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,189
I have not had the chance to check the videos Inc but I hope to. I did download a meditation app on my phone that I'm using five minutes a day to start.
I went to a very difficult AA meeting yesterday before work. The theme was Christmas and the stories told were heartbreaking. Death, abandonment, despair, crushed dreams and so on. I realized many folks have had such lower rock bottoms than I had. Sometimes feel a little bit of a poser going to these meetings.
Saw my doctor yesterday and he gave me a script for Welbutrin. I am hopeful that it will eventually give me some relief from this crushing round of SAD and the resulting drinking thoughts. He also offered me sleeping pills, which I thought to be a very very bad idea. I politely said no to that.
My brain is literally in the same frame of mind as the first month or so of my quit. I had been taking my recovery for granted for a long time. Keep on doing the work so that you guys don't end up back where I currently am now.
Have a good day all!
I went to a very difficult AA meeting yesterday before work. The theme was Christmas and the stories told were heartbreaking. Death, abandonment, despair, crushed dreams and so on. I realized many folks have had such lower rock bottoms than I had. Sometimes feel a little bit of a poser going to these meetings.
Saw my doctor yesterday and he gave me a script for Welbutrin. I am hopeful that it will eventually give me some relief from this crushing round of SAD and the resulting drinking thoughts. He also offered me sleeping pills, which I thought to be a very very bad idea. I politely said no to that.
My brain is literally in the same frame of mind as the first month or so of my quit. I had been taking my recovery for granted for a long time. Keep on doing the work so that you guys don't end up back where I currently am now.
Have a good day all!
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
That was my experience with AA as well. So much desperation in those rooms. I never went to jail, lost my license, killed anyone, etc.
With NA, I just don't hear those stories. Instead I hear of awesome recovery stories and growth.
I think part of it is because NA examines and talks about root behaviors, thought processes, and beliefs almost all the time.
They'll open with a topic like setting expectations, then open the room up for everyone to share. Every person is given the opportunity to speak or pass.
Most speak. And most share their experiences when they were caught up in the issue as well as how much they've learned and grown since working on it.
A couple might be stuck on the issue and just share their frustration with it.
They're more productive IME. I think the best way to put it is I see people who found their issues, worked on them, and have changed / grown as a result and love sharing that.
With AA it seemed most of them put their sobriety in the hands of God and thanked Jesus for not drinking anymore. They seemed to share the nightmare stories as a way to be thankful they are no longer that way.
Whereas NA is thankful for the way they've become based off their own awareness and effort.
Funny you mentioned meditation app. I just started using headspace today. I am exploring new techniques and trying to broaden my experience.
I saw a post from somebody at a different forum that they just achieved 100 days of meditation and shared what they discovered about themselves and life from the experience.
Though I am now meditating often throughout the day by taking 30sec to 5min here and there to be present, I have been irregular on doing a 20 or 30min block. Those blocks of time is where I learn the most.
So today was day 1. 20minutes done.
Headspace is cool because they have meditation packs which focus on areas like health, work, happiness, anxiety, and more. I chose two packs; change, and regret.
Today I started regret. It's a 10 day program. Very interesting.
Something else I doing starting today is huge.... I am going to attend a group meditation and a meditation center.
I saw this place recommended on a different forum. They are world wide. It's kinda like a church with group meditations and individual or small groups available as well. It's called Shambhala Meditation Center. There's one about 1hr from me.
Finally, I am exploring Tia Chi which combines yoga and meditation. It works on the body and mind. Just gotta find one with a schedule I can work with.
I want to expand from Tia Chi down the road and use that field to build my strength and confidence. I think it will be way better than going to the gym and doing my own routine
With NA, I just don't hear those stories. Instead I hear of awesome recovery stories and growth.
I think part of it is because NA examines and talks about root behaviors, thought processes, and beliefs almost all the time.
They'll open with a topic like setting expectations, then open the room up for everyone to share. Every person is given the opportunity to speak or pass.
Most speak. And most share their experiences when they were caught up in the issue as well as how much they've learned and grown since working on it.
A couple might be stuck on the issue and just share their frustration with it.
They're more productive IME. I think the best way to put it is I see people who found their issues, worked on them, and have changed / grown as a result and love sharing that.
With AA it seemed most of them put their sobriety in the hands of God and thanked Jesus for not drinking anymore. They seemed to share the nightmare stories as a way to be thankful they are no longer that way.
Whereas NA is thankful for the way they've become based off their own awareness and effort.
Funny you mentioned meditation app. I just started using headspace today. I am exploring new techniques and trying to broaden my experience.
I saw a post from somebody at a different forum that they just achieved 100 days of meditation and shared what they discovered about themselves and life from the experience.
Though I am now meditating often throughout the day by taking 30sec to 5min here and there to be present, I have been irregular on doing a 20 or 30min block. Those blocks of time is where I learn the most.
So today was day 1. 20minutes done.
Headspace is cool because they have meditation packs which focus on areas like health, work, happiness, anxiety, and more. I chose two packs; change, and regret.
Today I started regret. It's a 10 day program. Very interesting.
Something else I doing starting today is huge.... I am going to attend a group meditation and a meditation center.
I saw this place recommended on a different forum. They are world wide. It's kinda like a church with group meditations and individual or small groups available as well. It's called Shambhala Meditation Center. There's one about 1hr from me.
Finally, I am exploring Tia Chi which combines yoga and meditation. It works on the body and mind. Just gotta find one with a schedule I can work with.
I want to expand from Tia Chi down the road and use that field to build my strength and confidence. I think it will be way better than going to the gym and doing my own routine
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Man...couple things I need to elaborate SG.
First off, I came here to post my new adventures and ulitmately that's what I did instead of responding to you. I kinda did respond, but I felt that I made it all about me again. That is something I am working on. I definately have an issue there.
Ultimately on the meditation front, the point I was trying to say besides yammering on about my experience, is I really hope you keep going with it.
It's not something that will change you in a day, or a week, or maybe longer. It takes consistency so you'll keep exploring the realm and find a space where you feel something productive. Somethings besides focusing on the breath.
I hope you keep going. 5min, 5 sec, 20min...whatever. Any time where you spend inside your own head exploring what's going on in there is helpful. You are a very inquisitive person. There's no doubt you'll keep questioning what you're supposed to do, or gain, or experience, etc.
You'll either get bored from not learning anything, or you'll go all in once it opens up to you. Since you tend not to accept many things at face value, or accept status quo, there's not a shred of doubt you'll find what's going to work for you and how to use it.
Just need persistence and patience. I know ou enough that you are persistent for sure. Not sure about patience. By that I mean I do not know.
Bottom line....keep going. The only thing I know that will speed things up is to explore that area outside the actual exercise of meditating. Like reading up on meditation benefits, techniques, etc. Perhaps hunt down some meditation forums and start a dialogue...or even just follow. Expand your awareness on the topic as a whole.
My other point I want to clarify is AA vs. NA. I sound like a huge AA hater. And the last thing I want to do is push you off AA becuase they ARE a great group with lots of great people. Every room is different. My expereiences will not be yours. You may walk into an NA room and find more despair there than anywhere.
Heck...on my kratom forum I shared how awesome NA was, and though many agreed, I did get some who said they experienced what I described in AA while NA in their area was highly religious.
I only hope you continue to explore the rooms. If you find one that you do not comfortable in, check out a different one. Even if it's AA.
FWIW...you don't need to worry about being an alcoholic at NA. They address addiction as a whole. Drugs, food, sex, alcohol..doesn't matter. They make it a specifc point NOT to talk about what their DOC was or ask about yours. They want everyone to feel welcome and will not look down on anyone for any reason. Every once in a while, somebody will mention what they used, but for the most part they view addiction involving a wide scope of manifestation. And every once in a while, you might have somebody ask before or after a meeting what you are using / used. They are normally new, or just coming off something really hard and looking for somebody who survived what they are tryng to recover from.
I've been to probably 150 meetings? I had ONE person ask me what my DOC was. This poor soul was coming off fent. Felt super bad for him. Hi was cold and clammy with galssed over eyes. Screaming discomfort and pain. He was over 30days off it at that point too. Sheesh. Poor guy. Havent been to that particular meeting in a while. I hope he stuck with it. He looked like day 2 from alcohol. I don't think I have the strength to live that for over a month.
First off, I came here to post my new adventures and ulitmately that's what I did instead of responding to you. I kinda did respond, but I felt that I made it all about me again. That is something I am working on. I definately have an issue there.
Ultimately on the meditation front, the point I was trying to say besides yammering on about my experience, is I really hope you keep going with it.
It's not something that will change you in a day, or a week, or maybe longer. It takes consistency so you'll keep exploring the realm and find a space where you feel something productive. Somethings besides focusing on the breath.
I hope you keep going. 5min, 5 sec, 20min...whatever. Any time where you spend inside your own head exploring what's going on in there is helpful. You are a very inquisitive person. There's no doubt you'll keep questioning what you're supposed to do, or gain, or experience, etc.
You'll either get bored from not learning anything, or you'll go all in once it opens up to you. Since you tend not to accept many things at face value, or accept status quo, there's not a shred of doubt you'll find what's going to work for you and how to use it.
Just need persistence and patience. I know ou enough that you are persistent for sure. Not sure about patience. By that I mean I do not know.
Bottom line....keep going. The only thing I know that will speed things up is to explore that area outside the actual exercise of meditating. Like reading up on meditation benefits, techniques, etc. Perhaps hunt down some meditation forums and start a dialogue...or even just follow. Expand your awareness on the topic as a whole.
My other point I want to clarify is AA vs. NA. I sound like a huge AA hater. And the last thing I want to do is push you off AA becuase they ARE a great group with lots of great people. Every room is different. My expereiences will not be yours. You may walk into an NA room and find more despair there than anywhere.
Heck...on my kratom forum I shared how awesome NA was, and though many agreed, I did get some who said they experienced what I described in AA while NA in their area was highly religious.
I only hope you continue to explore the rooms. If you find one that you do not comfortable in, check out a different one. Even if it's AA.
FWIW...you don't need to worry about being an alcoholic at NA. They address addiction as a whole. Drugs, food, sex, alcohol..doesn't matter. They make it a specifc point NOT to talk about what their DOC was or ask about yours. They want everyone to feel welcome and will not look down on anyone for any reason. Every once in a while, somebody will mention what they used, but for the most part they view addiction involving a wide scope of manifestation. And every once in a while, you might have somebody ask before or after a meeting what you are using / used. They are normally new, or just coming off something really hard and looking for somebody who survived what they are tryng to recover from.
I've been to probably 150 meetings? I had ONE person ask me what my DOC was. This poor soul was coming off fent. Felt super bad for him. Hi was cold and clammy with galssed over eyes. Screaming discomfort and pain. He was over 30days off it at that point too. Sheesh. Poor guy. Havent been to that particular meeting in a while. I hope he stuck with it. He looked like day 2 from alcohol. I don't think I have the strength to live that for over a month.
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