Class of November 2016 Support Thread Part 9
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
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Thanks for advices on nightmares ananda, it was really horrifying and woke shaking, trembling. Feeling better now with tea and big cup of coffee and a miserable cigarette.
Ananda, I don't know of your health problems, do you mind to tell? If not, I get that too, as you would know.
Your meal sounds great and wish I were there to share. A real life experience. Dinner with friends.
Ananda, I don't know of your health problems, do you mind to tell? If not, I get that too, as you would know.
Your meal sounds great and wish I were there to share. A real life experience. Dinner with friends.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,601
I would like to know ananda. When I saw that you were wearing a heart monitor and you struggling to get out of the bath there for a while wondered on your health. Also saw you having to use a cane for a while.
Don't have to go into big detail just overview. Or simply tell me to rack off
I hope you are doing well healthwise now.
Don't have to go into big detail just overview. Or simply tell me to rack off
I hope you are doing well healthwise now.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
The short story is that most of this (not the heart part) is alcohol related in that I got pancreatitis from drinking and ended up in the hospital for 3 weeks or so last May. I don't remember anything from May 16th when the ambulance arrived till May 29 or 30 when I could actually sorta tell them where I was and sorta got the date right (I said 2017 based on fiscal year at work instead of 2016).
Anyhow .. I've been told by my son, mom and brothers that when my body started to shut down they had to transfer me to KU Med and I ended up on a ventilator for 4 days to a week depending on who you ask (LOL). They didn't think there was much chance I would survive.
I left the hospital barely able to walk more than 5 or 10 feet with a walker and someone holding me on a ropy thing. I couldn't remember things for more than about 5 or 6 minutes at first. I had aphib during all of this and had had it previously (not alchohol related) so they almost did some kind of surgery while I was in the hospital...but went down hill so fast they couldn't. They have inserted a heart monitor to check on it and I have medicine. Will need eventually to have some surgery, but they put that off as long as they can ... also a med change that requires hospitalization will happen probably in the next year.
No one thought I would get as better as I did. I am on a cane and fall about every month or so and wobble on a regular basis. This is probably what remains from Neuropathy from drinking ... they said it wouldn't get worse after I quite but it has. The cane is probably permanent but a girl can dream
My memory is bad enough I have to use a navigator, miss dr. appointments even with 3 reminder alarms
But overall it isn't bad enough to really interfere with normal functioning and relationships ... I just have to let people know so they understand when I can't remember something new.... takes a very long time of repetition to get it in my head.
I stayed sober from last May till the end of October. After a month of drinking I was hospitalized again for a week and followed up with my like 10 or 12th treatment. Fortunately the treatment center was very small, and not only 12 step stuff. Additionally I found my counselor there as he gave lectures. He stays sober using martial arts and friends
I guess that's it ... ask any questions you want it is ok. I'll probably mention more details as things go along and come up in the thread .... just cause the whole story would be pages
Can you tell I'm a writer!
Anyhow .. I've been told by my son, mom and brothers that when my body started to shut down they had to transfer me to KU Med and I ended up on a ventilator for 4 days to a week depending on who you ask (LOL). They didn't think there was much chance I would survive.
I left the hospital barely able to walk more than 5 or 10 feet with a walker and someone holding me on a ropy thing. I couldn't remember things for more than about 5 or 6 minutes at first. I had aphib during all of this and had had it previously (not alchohol related) so they almost did some kind of surgery while I was in the hospital...but went down hill so fast they couldn't. They have inserted a heart monitor to check on it and I have medicine. Will need eventually to have some surgery, but they put that off as long as they can ... also a med change that requires hospitalization will happen probably in the next year.
No one thought I would get as better as I did. I am on a cane and fall about every month or so and wobble on a regular basis. This is probably what remains from Neuropathy from drinking ... they said it wouldn't get worse after I quite but it has. The cane is probably permanent but a girl can dream
My memory is bad enough I have to use a navigator, miss dr. appointments even with 3 reminder alarms
But overall it isn't bad enough to really interfere with normal functioning and relationships ... I just have to let people know so they understand when I can't remember something new.... takes a very long time of repetition to get it in my head.I stayed sober from last May till the end of October. After a month of drinking I was hospitalized again for a week and followed up with my like 10 or 12th treatment. Fortunately the treatment center was very small, and not only 12 step stuff. Additionally I found my counselor there as he gave lectures. He stays sober using martial arts and friends
I guess that's it ... ask any questions you want it is ok. I'll probably mention more details as things go along and come up in the thread .... just cause the whole story would be pages
Can you tell I'm a writer!
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,601
Yes, I can tell you are a writer ananda and can also see how harrowing has been your experience. A nightmare.
Suffice to say it amazes me how we can keep returning to the demon even after close calls with death. I have done same and have dodged more bullets than an arsenal can hold.
My left hip and lower back are pretty wrecked having been "bounced" by a bouncer in a pub because I gave him lip. It was only smart arse comment, no more but he picked me up and pinged me on my arse on the concrete outside.
I could not walk for weeks, had electrical feelings coming from my fingers and close to paraplegia I think. I was very "lucky". Still I returned.
I suppose the Buddha would have a word or two with me about ego because I have always believed that I could stop at that 1-3, it seemed nonsensical to believe that this was not possible. I know differently now and that it really is that first drink. I'm grateful that I've finally got it with no damage to my ego at all.
Nearly crushed between a ferry and the wharf, fell from a moving train and numerous other catastrophic events which should have seen me dead. Fell into a BBQ to which I still carry the scars on my arm.
I can remember my psychiatrist saying after returning once again to the fray, "but you nearly BBQ'd yourself!" Yet still I returned.
Both of us have come close to death with this terrible malady ananda but I know in my heart that I will never drink again.
Simple really, I just don't want to anymore. It means zip to me in terms of living life and hold no envy for those who can drink rationally. It's just what other people sometimes do, and I don't. Just like a lot of things.
I realise now that I was in emotional and psychological pain and drank to escape those feelings. I now I seek to embrace them and live as an adult, experiencing the full range of emotions that good old life has to offer. I want to live with pride and integrity.
We have survived ananda and I thank you for sharing.
I'm scared I'll lose this post so will send now with love. xxx
Suffice to say it amazes me how we can keep returning to the demon even after close calls with death. I have done same and have dodged more bullets than an arsenal can hold.
My left hip and lower back are pretty wrecked having been "bounced" by a bouncer in a pub because I gave him lip. It was only smart arse comment, no more but he picked me up and pinged me on my arse on the concrete outside.
I could not walk for weeks, had electrical feelings coming from my fingers and close to paraplegia I think. I was very "lucky". Still I returned.
I suppose the Buddha would have a word or two with me about ego because I have always believed that I could stop at that 1-3, it seemed nonsensical to believe that this was not possible. I know differently now and that it really is that first drink. I'm grateful that I've finally got it with no damage to my ego at all.
Nearly crushed between a ferry and the wharf, fell from a moving train and numerous other catastrophic events which should have seen me dead. Fell into a BBQ to which I still carry the scars on my arm.
I can remember my psychiatrist saying after returning once again to the fray, "but you nearly BBQ'd yourself!" Yet still I returned.
Both of us have come close to death with this terrible malady ananda but I know in my heart that I will never drink again.
Simple really, I just don't want to anymore. It means zip to me in terms of living life and hold no envy for those who can drink rationally. It's just what other people sometimes do, and I don't. Just like a lot of things.
I realise now that I was in emotional and psychological pain and drank to escape those feelings. I now I seek to embrace them and live as an adult, experiencing the full range of emotions that good old life has to offer. I want to live with pride and integrity.
We have survived ananda and I thank you for sharing.
I'm scared I'll lose this post so will send now with love. xxx
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Wow Steely - Thank you so much for that beautiful post ... obviously you are a writer undercover as well!
I hope you don't mind my chuckling (snirkle snirkle)
Some of the things were so horid and yet they are so stupid they become funny ... or perhaps just an "if I didn't laugh I'd cry" thing.
The one I laugh about now was a few days before I went to treatment this last time. I was on a cane and off the walker, and had more sever memory problems.
I got lost going home from counseling (where I've gone for years) after many wrong turns till I had no idea where I was, I turned left on to a road after a stop sign. This put me on a railroad track where I was stuck. Yes, I was 3 sheets to the wind drunk. Eventually the police showed up and made radio contact to stop the trains on what it ends up is a very busy track. A nearby car shop came and towed me off the track. As we finished up and I approached the police I, of course, played the "I'm just a poor old cripple lady" card ... they never even asked if I was drinking and assured me that in the future if I got lost I could call 911 and an officer would help me get back on track!
I laugh, and yes ... it is funny .... but only because it turned out alright. I'm very aware of how absolutely dangerous that was, the potential for harm by being on an active train track and those I could have hurt by driving so drunk. Yet still I snirkle a bit when I remember it.
I think it must be around noon your time. I hope your afternoon goes awesome as you deserve an awesome day
I hope you don't mind my chuckling (snirkle snirkle)
Some of the things were so horid and yet they are so stupid they become funny ... or perhaps just an "if I didn't laugh I'd cry" thing.
The one I laugh about now was a few days before I went to treatment this last time. I was on a cane and off the walker, and had more sever memory problems.
I got lost going home from counseling (where I've gone for years) after many wrong turns till I had no idea where I was, I turned left on to a road after a stop sign. This put me on a railroad track where I was stuck. Yes, I was 3 sheets to the wind drunk. Eventually the police showed up and made radio contact to stop the trains on what it ends up is a very busy track. A nearby car shop came and towed me off the track. As we finished up and I approached the police I, of course, played the "I'm just a poor old cripple lady" card ... they never even asked if I was drinking and assured me that in the future if I got lost I could call 911 and an officer would help me get back on track!
I laugh, and yes ... it is funny .... but only because it turned out alright. I'm very aware of how absolutely dangerous that was, the potential for harm by being on an active train track and those I could have hurt by driving so drunk. Yet still I snirkle a bit when I remember it.
I think it must be around noon your time. I hope your afternoon goes awesome as you deserve an awesome day
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,601
Oh ananda we gotta get on the right train and at last I think we have.
When I write of my harrowing calls with death I am conscious that some people might read and think, "oh, I'm not as bad as steely so I really don't have a problem."
So for all those who might read, I was once like you with the odd embarrassing moment, the coats and purses left in pubs, spent too much money, and so forth.
It does not stay that way let me assure you that we can all finish up on that railway track with no way out. "Take a tip from one whose tried." Bob Dylan said that.
And yes, when I look back it is funny in a cartoonish sort of way, but I don't want to be in the cartoon anymore, but I will never lose my sense of humour, this I know. I think it has kept me alive. I'm still laughing ananda, believe me. Laughing sober, at last.
Thank you for thinking of me as a writer. I love to write but my self esteem and confidence so low that I have no faith in my capacity. I start to tell myself that I'm having myself on in believing that I have any talent whatsoever.
I did write a poem the other day which pleased me, it needs a lot more work, but it's a start, and am determined to give it a red hot go now that I really am sober. I did 3 years creative writing at university and was told to continue, but I just continued to the next pub.
I'm trying to work out this chat room thing as would be really good to start conversation.
Thanks for being there ananda.
When I write of my harrowing calls with death I am conscious that some people might read and think, "oh, I'm not as bad as steely so I really don't have a problem."
So for all those who might read, I was once like you with the odd embarrassing moment, the coats and purses left in pubs, spent too much money, and so forth.
It does not stay that way let me assure you that we can all finish up on that railway track with no way out. "Take a tip from one whose tried." Bob Dylan said that.
And yes, when I look back it is funny in a cartoonish sort of way, but I don't want to be in the cartoon anymore, but I will never lose my sense of humour, this I know. I think it has kept me alive. I'm still laughing ananda, believe me. Laughing sober, at last.
Thank you for thinking of me as a writer. I love to write but my self esteem and confidence so low that I have no faith in my capacity. I start to tell myself that I'm having myself on in believing that I have any talent whatsoever.
I did write a poem the other day which pleased me, it needs a lot more work, but it's a start, and am determined to give it a red hot go now that I really am sober. I did 3 years creative writing at university and was told to continue, but I just continued to the next pub
. I'm trying to work out this chat room thing as would be really good to start conversation.
Thanks for being there ananda.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Yep ... even back when "it was fun" it wasn't really all fun ... lots of times sick, blacked out, or just crying and unable to stop sluring, and sleeping with any old thing that that gave me the time of day.
I think the "fun" was often more a "whistleing in the dark" trying not to think about some issues of abuse I had...
Glad that I don't have those worries today and sober is turning out to be a lot of fun this time. Of course the fact that I had to retire in December means I have more freedom than in the past to pursue my stuff.
Today is supposed to "Poetry Day", but as usual I have too much to finish up to get to it. I will have to make a more solid effort. If you want to work on your writing again (although it sounds like you have real training), my mentor has told me ...
write at least 200 words everyday for a month to start with just to get in the habit (in a journal no one reads and don't think about what you are writing ...the point is to find your voice with out you, or anyone else for sure, effecting the writing with criticism or praise.
Choose a poet (since that is my main medium) you like and basically imitate them till it feels natural. This isn't about adopting their style. It's really about finding your own through exploring others. I chose Emily Dickenson the first time. Now I may have to choose between Phil Oches, John Prine and Macklemore ... (NOT ... cause it doesn't fit my style...mmm maybe that would make it more interesting!
Anyhow .... just thought I'd post something before you wake up so the thread isn't lost in the list!
I think the "fun" was often more a "whistleing in the dark" trying not to think about some issues of abuse I had...
Glad that I don't have those worries today and sober is turning out to be a lot of fun this time. Of course the fact that I had to retire in December means I have more freedom than in the past to pursue my stuff.
Today is supposed to "Poetry Day", but as usual I have too much to finish up to get to it. I will have to make a more solid effort. If you want to work on your writing again (although it sounds like you have real training), my mentor has told me ...
write at least 200 words everyday for a month to start with just to get in the habit (in a journal no one reads and don't think about what you are writing ...the point is to find your voice with out you, or anyone else for sure, effecting the writing with criticism or praise.
Choose a poet (since that is my main medium) you like and basically imitate them till it feels natural. This isn't about adopting their style. It's really about finding your own through exploring others. I chose Emily Dickenson the first time. Now I may have to choose between Phil Oches, John Prine and Macklemore ... (NOT ... cause it doesn't fit my style...mmm maybe that would make it more interesting!
Anyhow .... just thought I'd post something before you wake up so the thread isn't lost in the list!
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,601
Big Booh ananda.
I don't really have any training in writing. The 3 years I spent was pretty much just write stuff and go for it. Got marked on your work and seemed to go pretty well according to the lecturer. Didnt really believe her. That's me.
I think the advice given by your mentor is great and had similar in mind for myself when I eventually I return to writing. I think I could manage 200 words, it won't overwhelm me.
I was sober during those years and so much more productive.
Wow, do you like Phil Oches too! He's an absolute old legend of mine and in some ways still lament his death. Sometimes when reminiscing I listen to him, and it always makes me cry for him. He was beautiful.
Where is everyone? Is it something I said, or wrote? Insert little laughing green guy.
Still sober, feeling stronger and when steely gets strong, she's real strong.
I don't really have any training in writing. The 3 years I spent was pretty much just write stuff and go for it. Got marked on your work and seemed to go pretty well according to the lecturer. Didnt really believe her. That's me.
I think the advice given by your mentor is great and had similar in mind for myself when I eventually I return to writing. I think I could manage 200 words, it won't overwhelm me.
I was sober during those years and so much more productive.
Wow, do you like Phil Oches too! He's an absolute old legend of mine and in some ways still lament his death. Sometimes when reminiscing I listen to him, and it always makes me cry for him. He was beautiful.
Where is everyone? Is it something I said, or wrote? Insert little laughing green guy.
Still sober, feeling stronger and when steely gets strong, she's real strong.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
I think we posted so much they are getting shy
I sure hope that anyone struggling will pop in here and ask for help. I will be the first to pipe up when I'm having a hard time .... especially with drinking.
If we talk too much .... please PM to let me know
I sure hope that anyone struggling will pop in here and ask for help. I will be the first to pipe up when I'm having a hard time .... especially with drinking.
If we talk too much .... please PM to let me know
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Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
I'm still alive nobenders! And sober
I feel terrible for letting you down and not posting much lately. Please don't think it's because of you Steely and Ananda, it's because of you THAT I post! Thank you both for keeping the thread alive, it's great!
Today was the last day at work already. The lady who's job I did will probably be back next week, if not they will contact me spontaneously. So I hope I'll have more time to post again from now on.
I was so tired today that I fell asleep during my MRI scan, despite the terrible noise!
Other than that I'm throwing myself into the AA program because I came to the point where I thought nothing else on this world wood keep me sober. It's going great and since I started working the steps, it's the first time in my sobriety that I don't feel like drinking and have no cravings anymore.
Things with my BF are still difficult but we're working on it.
Going to bed now, totally exhausted again. Have a wonderful day/night, I love you both Steely and Ananda! And all of you really, thanks for being in this class with me!
I feel terrible for letting you down and not posting much lately. Please don't think it's because of you Steely and Ananda, it's because of you THAT I post! Thank you both for keeping the thread alive, it's great!
Today was the last day at work already. The lady who's job I did will probably be back next week, if not they will contact me spontaneously. So I hope I'll have more time to post again from now on.
I was so tired today that I fell asleep during my MRI scan, despite the terrible noise!
Other than that I'm throwing myself into the AA program because I came to the point where I thought nothing else on this world wood keep me sober. It's going great and since I started working the steps, it's the first time in my sobriety that I don't feel like drinking and have no cravings anymore.
Things with my BF are still difficult but we're working on it.
Going to bed now, totally exhausted again. Have a wonderful day/night, I love you both Steely and Ananda! And all of you really, thanks for being in this class with me!
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Thanks Kev
I understand that f2f time is important. If I had any friends here I would probably post less
It sounds like things are going great and I'm glad that AA and the steps are helping you to feel more stable in your sobriety!
I found a recovery ring!
Talk more later.
I understand that f2f time is important. If I had any friends here I would probably post less
It sounds like things are going great and I'm glad that AA and the steps are helping you to feel more stable in your sobriety!
I found a recovery ring!
Talk more later.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,601
That was funny ananda. And I want to be in the Humour Club too. The bit about "posting less" if you had some friends, ie. Need a friend? Your're in too kev. Everyone's in.
Thank you for being so kind, because I did think it might have been something I said that saw people disappear. Tiny bit self absorbed?
People come and go, move to other threads and I am not familiar with cyber recovery and am still learning. And I'm still sober.
I understand the tiredness (fatigue) you describe and the fact that you fell asleep under MRI says it all.
I'm glad that AA is working for you too kev. AA was an important part of my life for a long time. There is much to be learned from the Steps. I just wanted to tweak them a bit, but they wouldn't let me.
I've just gotten in from visiting my Mum and am very tired (fatigue) so will close now just to say how happy it made me when you said that Ananda and I were the reason you DID post.
Glad you are both working on your relationship, but I'm not feeling real good about men at the moment so don't think I'd have a lot to offer. Insert little green laughing man.
Luv you kev. We'll get there.
Thank you for being so kind, because I did think it might have been something I said that saw people disappear. Tiny bit self absorbed?
People come and go, move to other threads and I am not familiar with cyber recovery and am still learning. And I'm still sober.
I understand the tiredness (fatigue) you describe and the fact that you fell asleep under MRI says it all.
I'm glad that AA is working for you too kev. AA was an important part of my life for a long time. There is much to be learned from the Steps. I just wanted to tweak them a bit, but they wouldn't let me.
I've just gotten in from visiting my Mum and am very tired (fatigue) so will close now just to say how happy it made me when you said that Ananda and I were the reason you DID post.
Glad you are both working on your relationship, but I'm not feeling real good about men at the moment so don't think I'd have a lot to offer. Insert little green laughing man.
Luv you kev. We'll get there.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,601
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Originally Posted by Steely 
Is there any other !
He beats the sht out of Dillon for me. He is the best. We sure could use him today. Have you ever seen any of the remakes of Love me I'm a liberal? Some are pretty good.
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