PhoenixJ

Was eaves reading. Winter IS June- August. I remember our seasons because there is (or used to be) a famous book by an author- Colin Theile called 'February Dragon', primary school reading. It is about bushfires. Feb- is the last month of summer. So I just add 3 months. Simples. So here (Adelaide- Dee lives in far away over there Austr. they are a weird mob over there- they talk funny and have something called 'humidity'. Last week of Autumn. The process of summer to Autumn is gradual- we aint got that fancy 'humidities' here, folks don't like it 'round these here parts. quite dry. If there is a solid day of rain, the roads and ground if usually dry very soon after.. From A- winter seems to happen overnight here- like a switch. This weekend was the coldest, windiest and wettest. So (dramatic music with a map) Winter is coming.

Ananda

Thanks Pheonix! Pop by anytime and chat ... we are a welcoming bunch.

Where I have in Kansas we have humidity and wind chill. People think it is fake till they come here and feel it

so it's not the heat, it's the humidity
& it's not the cold temperature but the temperature with wind chill.

It can easily be 8 degrees fernehieght and be 40 degrees BELOW zero with wind chill. And that gives frosts bite just like 40 below without wind chill.

Again Thanks!!!!

Ananda

Happy to say I got a couple more hours of sleep and have let go of the pain of earlier. I know it will come back up as it wasn't fully processed, but everything doesn't have to be taken in at once. Joy and good times can happen as well each day.

My therapist talks about these huge emotional things as like balls pushed under water. Eventually they pop to the surface (when we get tired of holding them down) and we pop them

You know I have to agree the goodscore guys with the one that only gives 9.9 are irritating in their own way. I suppose they are there to keep us from having those perfectionist ideals overwhelm us when reality comes along...

To all of you ....

Steely

You sound like you are feeling lots better kev and was going to post to see how you were travelling but then I get all conflicted as to being too intrusive.

I figure that people come and go, post a lot, post a little in SR and that's their right but am so glad you are out and about, and really good news on scoring the legal secretary's job.

"sittin on the dock of the Bay....." sounds idyllic, sketching, drawing all good stuff and really hope you have found some resolution with your bf. It sounds that way.

Having being married once myself I noticed that most friends were my husband's friends and following our divorce saw a lot drop away. It is so important to have our own set of friends, and own activities to make us whole.

I'm aching all over too ananda don't know whether it's PAWS or what, but do feel pretty crap even though I laugh a lot. Maybe I'm an hysteric

I cry every morning no risk, and it does have to do with remembering I think. I can't even pin point exactly what is making me cry. Have lost and thrown away so much. Hurt and worried so many people, and hurt myself entirely. A slow suicide.

Like you, try to drag myself out of it because the grog is definitely not an option and I do want to find the capable, loving person that I believe deep down, myself to be. I hope you are back on the bounce.

Seeing things through new eyes is wonderful. It doesn't happen much but found yesterday after writing that poem and heading outdoors seemed to see things with much more clarity.

The world looked brighter even though my mental state was pretty much the same. I reckon that's a bit of progress and does demonstrate the importance of distraction and the doing of things.

And now I'm tearing up. Washing it away. Tears have a purpose, and don't mind that salty taste either.

Maybe my achy body is a result of a fall I took at the railway station hurrying to go visit my Mum - the train was pulling in. I tripped on my shoelace and hit the deck.

Big chunk out of my thumb, grazed knee and twisted my neck. Blood everywhere. The guard had basic first aid and two kind passengers patched me up. Shook me up. Got admonished by the guard for hurrying in a really nice way. Told me it wasn't worth it. He's right.

Funny you know, the fact that I wasn't drunk made me feel a whole lot better. Wonder whether I would have been assisted so well if I had been drinking.

We just got to keep going on the sober journey and have a deep faith that things will get better.

Love you guys.

Steely

Sorry about long post besides, I know it was scintillating

Steely

Hey Phoenix you're the veritable meteorologist. I didn't get that book in primary school but do remember "The Rolling Plum". The story of a plum that rolls all over the place. Might have set me up for my own experience. Always good to hear from you Phoenix.

And as Bob Dylan said, "you don't need a Weatherman to know which way the wind blows." But I don't think he was talking about meteorology.

Steely

Hey, I'm getting my ring out of the jeweller today with stone replaced. It should be a ruby but I can only afford a knock off job fake zirconia or a bit of red glass idk. I'm still excited. It's really old and not all that crash hot but I like it 'cause it's so old. Let's just say Kim Kedashian (sp) would chuck it in the bin.

I have lost so much good jewellery because of my drinking. Not lost, lost, had to hock it.

And just heard John Travolta is going to donate his Boeing 747 to an Australian aircraft restoration museum. They are going to keep it flying. How good's that! I love old aircraft.

Ananda

And the parrellells to this time, here and now .... very ironic.

Our wether here has definitely been shifting ... global warming perhaps? It's subtle, but not quite as cold last winter, stayed cooler longer, rain came later, but last summer not as hot as usual ...

Makes gardening interesting!

Ananda

I think tears are healing ... but must be accompanied by some chuckling ... even if it's black humor!

I am sore because of all the gardening. But did I tell you that for the first time in over a year I was able to get out of the tub with out it being a big ordeal? 3 months ago I was still having to basically crawl out of the tub and then figure out how to stand Another reason that I'm happily single .... I sometimes think a husband would be helpful, but then I look at my friend's husband and realize...

"helpful NOT"

I'm going to make a list of my most favorite smiles so I can use them more. It takes forever for the whole set to load on my computer, and it's hard to scroll through so many. You may see a lot more smiley attacks soon!

Steely

What time is it in Kansas ananda? It's always good when I wake early and see a post from you when most others are still asleep.

It's cooling down here and am now having to rug up.

And we reckon you're a weird mob Mr Phoenix but must admit you have some beautiful buildings, churches and the streets so wide. It is very beautiful.

Went to a conference there once and got so pissed it was a disaster. A really kind young man rescued me and took no advantage. Thanks South Australia.

Ananda

Kev, I am glad you are doing well. my stupid ego says I chased you off ... but I've been around long enough to recognize it as bull and laugh at it!

Well ... I had some uncomfortable news today. I'm ok with it. I guess it didn't really come as a complete surprise, I had had doubts at times. I'm not comfortable sharing about it at this time, but it isn't anything life threatening or that effects me other than emotionally.

I remember again ... when I give love or trust or respect to another human being, and they aren't quite who they portrayed themselves to be ... I got the gift of being able to give love, respect and trust .. and it must really suck to be them ... and I really mean that.

I also remember that it isn't personal. People who have significant issues don't treat others badly or harm us out of a personal thing ... they would do the same thing to whoever happened to be there ... it was just my turn to be the person who got banged up a bit.

I texted my therapist and he will call me tonight to discuss this. It is something I need to tell him and I'm afraid I will chicken out if I don't tell him right away ... it's always a bit embarrassing to be gullable ... especially since my family are so ... oh well.

Chris and I had fun playing in the garden and now I am planting the seeds and transplanting the tomatoes... wish me luck

Steely

We seem to be posting at the same time ananda, ooooh what is time?

I reckon tears are healing ananda always feel better after crying, and bring on those smiles.

Oh man, get this for corny.....smiling through our tears....did I really say that! Aarrgghh

Oh yeah, I wouldn't be married for quids (old money here) I much more enjoy my single life. Underpants? Are you kidding

I want friends, but not married I've become too accustomed to the just me.

Ananda

It's almost 4pm here .. so I figure its 7am there???

You know I often think about the people who kindly rescued me or just were there for me back in the day. When I hung out at bars drunk and only a kid really, and those who found out I was underage would just care about me and not take advantage of my outrageous sexual acting out. Those people are close to my heart. I remember my luck every time I remember the trauma part.

Some took advantage and some even physically forced themselves on me refusing to hear No. I understand my part ... but regardless of what I did ... it doesn't change the wrongness of what they did in some cases.

Again ... all the angels in my life! A psychologist once told me that people who have been through what I did as a child, end up in Osawatome (the state mental institute) cutting themselves and completely wack ... and that I must have had a lot of really great influences to have turned out pretty ok.

Keep being soppy girl! I consider it good as long as it comes with an equally sized slice of realism on the side

Ananda

gotta go plant things ... I'll check back in later...

I really love single most of the time. In the rare instances that I don't the couple people go .... see you really would be happier with a partner. Of course when someone is married and makes a comment about wishing they were single, no one starts telling them that they really would be happier alone and they should get a divorce.

If you are around later in the day you may find me back here! I'm invasive like a weed

Ananda

missed a post

I want a recovery ring, but since it will end up out of my mom's pocket as I can't pay all my bills already .... I will ask her if she is ok with me buying it. Truth is that she will probably think it is a wonderful idea and want to get me a really nice one (not that that matters to me) ..

She loves that I'm sober and it would be a way for her to feel I am committed to this sobriety.

Steely

Lost a post.

You are absolutely right ananda it hurts so bad when someone you loved and trusted betrays you, if that's what happened.

Happened to me whilst drinking and used to phone her (drunk) absolutely beside myself. It was a huge betrayal and could hardly believe it. And honestly it had nothing to do with my drinking, true.

Sober I would never do such a thing maybe phone once to tell her how I felt but not the drunken rampage of hurt. Glad that's gone now, glad she's gone too

Follow Buddha, he's got the drum. I'm taking your lead.

You will handle this with absolute grace ananda.

Steely

I hear you ananda and yes, you me too, could have finished up in the loony bin. Actually I did once, but got no diagnosis. Just mixed up, outa sight. We flew over.

Get the ring ananda, it'll be fun. Thanks kenton I know we knocked off your idea but it was a good one and pretty much knew you wouldn't mind.

You girls better not have 4ct diamonds or something I'll feel lesser than....

I'm hanging with realty ananda oooooh what is reality?

Love ya ananda. Keep that garden growing. Getting my potting mix today.

kevlarsjal

Still haven't found the time to catch up with all your posts...

It's midnight and I'm sitting with a hair mask in my hair, paying some bills and right after this post I will have to shower, wash my hair and go to bed. Then work, doctor, some errands, maybe a meeting or to my BF... today was so busy too. I am so grateful that I finally have the energy to do stuff again but man, time flies, it's insane!!

Today was nice, had breakfast on the balcony, good talk about my stepwork with my BF and guess what, he admitted that he reacted totally wrong before in our arguments. He will work on it and I believe him. He also reassured me that when he doesn't wanna see me it doesn't mean that he doesn't want me as his GF anymore. Which I always assume kind of. Probably because of the not feeling wanted BS my ape brain is projecting in any situation. But of course, when I worry about something I will see proof for that in tiny meaninlsss details. Gotta stop that.

After spending the afternoon at the bay I carried some stuff down in my cellar, planted a blackberry plant that I got yesterday, made a banana cake, cooked dinner, ate and made my homemade banana hair mask. (Anyone noticed how desperately I'm trying to use up my over ripe bananas?)

I have so much that I would like to say to you Steely and Ananda, but that will have to wait. All I will say now, is that I love you both (and you too Kenton!) and that no one scared me off

I miss posting here more regularly. Maybe I'll find the time tomorrow. But for now, good night! Xx

Steely

I'm in a hurry right now too kev as have dentist, JEWELLER and dull paperwork, waiting in queues, but wanted to say how well you seem to be "getting it". Me too.

I'm the same any tiny little hint has me think I'm being abandoned or hated or something. I'm really glad your boyfriend made it clear that just because he needs his own space from time to time it does not mean he doesn't want you as his girlfriend. Also glad that he's looking at his stuff too. You seem to be working it out. Go girl!

What's this banana hair mask you talk of? Sounds great. Do you just rub an overripe banana through your hair? I want to try it.

Be good to see you posting again, but I know life has a way of intervening. Just really great that you are sober and working through stuff with your bf, doing stuff too, for you.

Time zones are different but need to shower too, and prepare for a very busy day. I'm so excited about getting my ring out of the jeweller.

Love you too kev.

Ananda

and surprise!!! er maybe we will see!


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