Dee74

Looking good Nands - good luck with the seedlings

D

Ananda

Attachment 32019

And trying this ....

Ananda

In the interest of staying honest about who I am right now at all times .... I'm going ahead and posting.

I'm waiting for the Therapist to call me. My mind went back to this difficult relationship issue and I'm kinda walking around with my heart in my throat cause I won't share it with anyone and I don't want Chris to see.

I guess it's pretty ridiculus that I think people will think I'm stupid for falling for something. But then I remember I'm not the only person who has fallen for something and some of those people are definitely grounded and well balanced, so this doesn't reflect on me.

So there are two issues I guess .... it hurts ... and my need to not look stupid.

I'll work through this but just realizing it may take more than a day or two. That said I think I will be able to mostly enjoy my days as usual ... just occasional breakdowns I suspect.

I really hope I can get a sobriety ring soon. It seems like it would be a comfort right now. I'm not considering drinking but am a bit wary that I could start thinking that way if I'm not careful. I'll let you all know if it starts to become an issue so others can help me (and post on the more used forums as well. For now I'm ok and still smiling. It's almost pizza time

Dee74

I'm a pretty grounded guy but sometimes I get taken in by people, here or in my real life.

I don't consider thats my fault or that it's wrong to trust people.

I might just recalibrate my interface a little , maybe install a new firewall and I go on

D

Ananda

A re-boot seems to fix most things

Poppy79

Hello lovely nobenders.
Long time no type for me. Not too sure why I have been absent, I think my eBay and Gumtree addiction has something to do with it. Had to remove the eBay app from my phone hahaha. I couldn't stop buying stuff, scoring awesome and cheap deals. And then having packages arrive and wondering what would be in them. Ohhh the excitement. Simple pleasures right?
I just wanted to check in quickly and let you all know that I do often think about our group and hope everyone is still going super strong. I'm sitting on 200 days today, so close to 7 months
Love to all xoxo

Steely

Far out Poppy and good to see you. . Congratulations on 200 Days

I don't know what is going on for you at the moment ananda but as Dee says we have all been taken in by someone at some time in our lives. I've felt stupid too about stuff like that but really, all we were demonstrating was trust.

Crumby really because it would be good to be able to trust without suspecting sabotage and recalibration does seem in order. I'm still learning.

People used to tell me all of the time that I was too trusting but I ignored them to my detriment. The good old learning curve.

Got my ring from jeweller and speaking of trust got suspicious that he had nicked the real sapphires and smaller rubies for dud zirconia. I can't tell the difference and he probably didn't, just an example of losing faith and trust. But it looks great.

Was sitting in the dentist chair and dentist says to nurse Linda, "get the ALCOHOL Linda" and seriously I froze in the chair. Told myself that I wasn't choosing to take alcohol so settled a bit.

Luckily he must have wanted it for instruments or something because it didn't go into my mouth. Yay! The mere mention of the word makes me so

Still got some stuff to do organisationally and am very tired and have another train trip ahead so will dip out now and make a cuppa.

I loved your pic ananda, really did. Seedlings, just like us.

Dee74

Great to hear from you Poppy.!
I hope we hear from some other NoBenders too

D

Steely

Yes, where are all the other Nobenders? Wherever you are hope you are all still doing well.

Just got in after full day and got EVERYTHING DONE! Was thinking had I been drinking would have felt so sick and tired would have done nothing, so very proud of myself. And that's new for me.

Funny, I'm still sick and tired but not alcohol sick and tired and it makes all the difference. I'm prepared to go through this because there is going to be a positive outcome, but with the grog no outcome is positive, ever.

Even organised 2 strong men and a truck to cart heavy stuff down to the street for Council clean-up. By getting rid of stuff it gives me impetus to keep moving and planning for my eventual move.

Mark my words, though the conversation I had with my son was civil and agreeable, as soon as Termination date arrives he will be back on my case as to when I am moving. Money talks and I walk

Shouted myself sushi 'cause couldn't face cooking and am now sitting in messy surrounds watching Dr. Who. I like the Doctor.

So glad to be sober.

Steely

Forgot to say how lovely you looked ananda .

kenton

You look lovely in those photos Ananda. Good luck with the seedlings. I hope you are feeling ok Ananda. I've been let down and had my feelings trampled on by people and it's still happening to a certain degree. I always think that happy people don't feel the need to go out of their way to be unkind. So now, whenever anyone is unkind to me, I try to turn my hurt into feeling sympathy for them. Clearly something is going on in their lives to make them unhappy.

Steely, I love Dr Who too and sushi. Sounds like a fantastic evening. Do you have your sobriety ring yet? I look at mine often and think of all of you.

Kev, glad you are sounding so energised and happy. Banana hair mask sounds awesome. When I read your post, I realised I had some over ripe bananas so just mashed them up and put them on mine and my daughters' hair. Not sure if that's what we're supposed to do but it smells lovely. Only problem is, my sons saw what we were doing and wanted to get involved. So now there is a bit of a mashed banana food fight going on!!

Poppy, so good to hear from you. Huge congratulations on 200 days. I was thinking the other day that as we all get sober and recover, I guess we will all check in here less and less. I guess that's just what happens. But even though I don't know any of you in the real world, it made me feel sad thinking that I would lose contact with you. I don't feel anywhere near being able to carry on this journey on my own so I know I'll be checking in here daily for the foreseeable future. It's just incredible how much you all mean to me. I owe you all so much. I've learnt so much from each and every one of you. And I'm not just talking about the banana hair mask tip!! My hubby just walked into the kitchen, looked at all the squashed bananas, shook his head and put the kettle on. He is so much happier now he has a sober wife. Even if I'll always be the kind of person that encourages banana food fights.

Hope everyone has a fantastic Monday xxxx

Poppy79

Thanks for the welcome back peeps, Steely, Kenton, Dee
I have missed checking in here regularly, time just seems to get away from me lately. New role at work is intense but good. Learning a lot about marketing and running a business.
My gorgeous dogs recently had surgery, Honey was desexed, she stopped breathing on the operating table scary shizz. And poppet got 12 teeth extractions and now has an injured eye so is on meds every 4 hours. We have dropped over $2000 in vet bills in the last couple of weeks but hey..... it's worth it if the little munchkins are better off health wise. They are my fur babies and I want them to live for many many more years. Although poppet is nearly 14. She has been coming to work with me. Lol. Everyone adores her, 2.5kgs of lovely little fluff.
So yeah, I've been a touch stressed and worried lately but thank god I haven't wanted to hit the plonky poo and escape my life.
I haven't really kept up to date with you as I normally am but I do notice Ananda, Steely, Kenton, Kev and Dee are very active. Awesome, you seem to be really supporting each other at this time which is lovely.
My second post in one day WOW. I shall keep this up I think, now that eBay is out of reach haha.

kenton

So glad your dogs are ok Poppy. It's so scary when they have to go to the vets. My dog stepped on broken glass earlier this year and really damaged his paw. I was distraught seeing him in pain. He had to have surgery but thank god he has recovered well. He has been such a support to me... After I lost my dad, I spent hours walking the dog and crying in private. And my dog continues to be a massive support to me through my sobriety journey. So I totally get the fear and panic when one of our pets is unwell. Glad your two dogs are doing well and you coped with it all without wine. Awesome xxx

Oh yes, and the broken glass my dog stepped on was a broken beer bottle someone had kindly dropped in an area where dogs walk and children play. As if I needed another reason to hate alcohol!!!

Dee74

btw congrats on 200 days Poppy - glad the dogs are ok

D

Poppy79

Yeah Kenton, I totally get how your fur baby would have been and still is a massive support for you. I just pat poppet and my troubles seem lessened. And honey is just a happy and young, vibrant dog. She is bigger than poppet but still a wee little thing. Her energy forces me to snap out of the occasional funks I get in (usually around once a month these days hehe).
Anyhoo, thanks for your congrats on my milestone. I cannot believe I have come so far in such a short space of time really. Feels like my whole life has done a 180 for the better.
Off to bed now for some poppy pats and belly rubs
Xoxo

kenton

Night Poppy, Honey and Poppet. Sleep well. Here's to day 201 and all the days after that xxx

kenton

And sorry Steely, I just read back and seen you have got your sobriety ring. My attention to detail in posts isn't great. I read something like "banana hair mask" and get all distracted. Still, as long as I'm not getting distracted by vino anymore, all is good. Night everyone in Australia, hello everyone in Europe and sweet dreams all of you in the States. And I don't want to leave anyone out so hello to everyone in the world, whether you're awake or sleeping I hope you are happy and well xxx

Ananda

Wow Kenton!

What a lovely post to wake up to! Must be mid=day for you.

I'm ok. Therapist didn't call, but I'll be fine. Ajan Sumedo talks about how difficult it was at one time for him when one of the monks would disrobe. He says that in time he came to realize that they had their own Kamma to work with ... that even though he remained a monk for his whole life once he became one, some people are only suppose to be a monk for a short period of time. I like to remember that everyone is working through their own personal Karma. It helps me be compassionate and not take things so personally.

Traditional Budddist Karma isn't about what comes around goes around, or if you do something someone will do it to you later... Karma is something that happens to you in the moment that you do the act and reverberates, sometimes for a long time. OK I don't want to get too deep on this!

When I was a child I loved Dr. Who! that and the Narnia series ... but that was back in '68. When I was in England in '09 I did make Alley watch Brit TV with me every night cause I did love it so much more than the US shows. The only ones I watch here are Big Bang and what I call "mindless television". I am doing less of that now that I post here AND actually have a life going on here!

Although it is true that people come into our lives and then they go ... the nature of things... sometimes it is simply that the relationship changes...

I was very tight with a number of people here at SR for many years, even was able to visit some of them, but even though we do not have as much contact now, we still have occational contact and they are always with me as they are a part of what helped to form this person I am right now. I still hear from them occationally and it is always nice. And the years of our friendship on SR were very important for me, and I think all of them.

I really don't think I will be running off soon, as long as I stay sober. If I drink ... all bets are off.

I too have pets. 2 dogs ... Someone in AA once told me that he loved his dogs because his dogs gave unconditional love. They loved him drunk or sober. My dogs too ... although I sometimes think they need to attend some puppy-anon recovery meetings to help them deal with me ...

Of to hear Ajan Sumedo and water some plants ... Later friends!

Steely

So good to see everyone on the board and all still sober.

Banana fights, seedlings, doctored fur babies, new jobs, sitting by the Bay and sobriety rings. The Buddha has no ego (is that right ananda?) but I like his robes and am glad for his presence. But then, I know nothing of Buddha but reckon he would be happy for us. Buddha has always been sober, I'd say.

We are all travelling our own road but wave to each other in passing and wink, hey Jillwink? We know that though our roads be different we converge at the crossroads and understand. It is so very comforting to know that I am not alone and the journey a good one for us all. My goodness, what I threw away for a drink.

I'm having trouble sleeping 1:00am here and sipping tea how different from the 1:00am drunken escapism of the past. Though the feelings aren't good with depression and anxiety at least they are real feelings and I'll adjust.

Just wanted to wave to you on the road.

Steely

And I can't stop playing Thrift Shop Feat. Makes me laugh so much. Thanks ananda.