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Class of November 2016 Support Thread Part 9

Old 06-11-2017, 06:23 PM
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Kev I've been thinking about your posts a lot and could probably talk to each and every point in detail, but will try to find a nutshell which I always find better. Only my thoughts kev, in the hope they might help.

You are going through a lot of changing circumstance kev in both your personal relationship, and with alcohol.

And kev, you don't have to explain your not drinking to ANYONE! At weddings and stuff it's nice to have something soft in a fancy glass to fit with the mood, but REALLY no one cares, and if they do they're stupid.

From my experience the overthinking does my head in, so to use a hackneyed phrase kev, "when in doubt, play a pawn". Meaning as you'd know, you don't have to win the game in first move. You sit and think about your next move.

I can remember a woman when I first attended AA saying for me to not rush things. At the time it didn't mean much to me and wanted it now, but now when I look back I can see that she was right.

Why not just sit with what you have at the moment, continue going to your AA meetings, keep learning, reflecting, coming here and maybe meditating to quietening the chatter. Play a pawn kev.
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Old 06-11-2017, 09:36 PM
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5.30am in UK and I'm up early because my 11 year old daughter is off to France for 5 days with the school. She is so excited but I am an anxious mess! Not letting her know that of course! I'm so excited for her but with the world like it is, I want to keep all my kids safe where I can see them. That's not best for them, I know. I just love them so much. So much it hurts. They really are the most incredible, funny, inspirational little people and I'm so lucky to have them in my life. I am so emotional today!!! I'll read your posts and will respond when I get back from dropping her at the school. Just felt emotional, worked through RAIN and wanted to contact nobenders. That's how I roll xxx
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Old 06-11-2017, 09:48 PM
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Hi Kev

Thanks for your advice Dee! I think I tend to obsess a bit too much with the past. Maybe it has to do with wanting to control things and trust issues. But I often think that by analysing the past I will get a glimpse of the future. So if someone acted horribly in the past I tend to assume that they will do the same
in the future. Which makes it hard to live in the moment or to forgive. Probably something worth having a closer look at.
I've probably spoken about the novel The Shack before. It opened my mind a lot about forgiveness and what that means, for myself and for others.

It's written in a Christian framework but it's not evangelical. I think anyone here who wants to read it would get something from it.

The main lesson I got from it - and I'm paraphrasing - is 'its hard to move on with your hands locked around someone's throat'.

The other main thing is that forgiveness need not mean a reconcilliation or allowing them to get in a position where they can hurt me again - it's about me being able to move on.

D
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Old 06-12-2017, 12:51 AM
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Kenton, how much you make sense to me,

Im feeling sorta the same way, but we need to do it properly this time around. You Only Live Twice

I'm anxious about my kids welfare when theyre here on relatively safe grounod PLUS ....

The compounding effect of all that you have been through would have any mother fearful for her children. Lioness. More than fearful, anxiety provoking with our thoughts scalding, I know the feeling, but we gotta find a way free that is better.

My granddaughter whom I love so dearly and who is very close to me went to France just recently. When her mother became I became mother to her in more ways than one. I adore her, and I know she loves me. Digs my haircut

I was terrified for her safety kenton, but did not utter a word. We can't block their discoveries kenton, besides they'd never speak to us again.

Once I fully recognised how much she was looking forward to it, I could not but look forward to it with her, still scared.

She had a ball. I have pics of her outside the Eiffel Tower on New Year's Eve. She was loving it and It looked beautiful. And so did she.

RAIN seems the only way to go at the moment kenton. I think it's a good way, don't seem to hurt any.

I'm worried this won't send and didn't finish upsaying what I started to say.

My love to everyone xxx
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Old 06-12-2017, 01:23 AM
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I just Googled The Shack. Looks really good. I'm going to read it, thanks for the recommendation Dee

Kev, it's tricky with events like weddings when society dictates you have to drink poison to toast the happy couple. Which when you think about it is completely bonkers!! Could you maybe drink orange juice in a champagne flute so it looks like bucks fizz or sparkling water in a wine glass? Remember that at events like that, people have got so many of their own thoughts racing around their heads, they may not pay too much attention to what you're drinking. I'm not doing AA steps so I don't know about step 12 but I do know that I am a creature of extremes. I'm either completely distant or far too attached. Correction. That's how I USED to be. I'm changing, we all are and I'm trying so hard to become more balanced. Clarity brings me balance and sobriety brings me clarity so I reckon if I stay sober and continue seeing the world as it truly is, not what my AV wants me to believe about the world, maybe a balanced approach to everything will become second nature. Fingers crossed. That's the long term goal.

Steely, you know it already but for the sake of completeness, YOU ARE NOT A CRETIN! You are thoughtful, clever, funny and kind. You are the opposite of a cretin. You are a cretout if such a word exists. You know it Steely and we know it xx

I don't know anything about face to face issues in AA meetings Ananda but I do know a little about dog washing. My dog loves rolling in stuff and acquiring an unpleasant scent but he hates getting the scent washed off him. And he's a labrador that loves to swim. He loves the sea, lakes, puddles.... The dirtier the water the better. But clean water? He runs a mile. Hope you got the dogs washed Ananda and thank you for all your pearls of wisdom. And they are pearls. You always sound so measured and reflective Ananda. Compared to you, I feel like I bulldoze my way through life never really aware of how I'm coming across to others. I'm learning a lot from you Ananda so thank you very very much.

Learning loads from you all. Hope everyone is doing well and I look forward, as ever, to hearing from you all xxxxx
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Old 06-12-2017, 01:29 AM
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Our posts crossed Steely. Thank you so much for understanding. Seeing my daughter get on the coach sith her friends.... Their little faces beaming with joy...We can't stop them having these experiences. It's part of life, it's part of growing up.... but the love is so intense, the need to keep them safe is so powerful.... I'm going to be glued to the school website for updates and I'll be counting the hours until she gets home on Friday night. But I'd never take this experience away from her. Your grand daughter sounds awesome Steely, I'm glad she had such a great time and that she has you in her life xxxx
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Old 06-12-2017, 01:51 AM
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I feel the same about you ananda. You are truly wonderful

I don't want to turn into a mutual admiration socity but I think we got very lucky with the November thread. The commonality and comradera (sp) has been so good for me and so good for us all I reckon.

You so made me laugh with "uncretin" kenton but by some miracle from out of
no where am having glimpses into what you say to me. I know that I am not stupid, but I feel stupid.

No, I am not stupid. Someone told a lie, or someone evaded the truth. Might have been me. And it's not funny. But,
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Old 06-12-2017, 02:02 AM
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We are crossing posts kenton just thank you so. My granddaughter thinks I'm "The Bomb".

I love her so much and so incredibly protective of her because when my daughter, her mother became ill she was at risk, not physically just that my daughter had no capacity to care for her or her two brothers.

But she was the youngest and needed more care. It was a very hard time in my life and I still feel the reverberations.

But wouldn't trade it for the world.
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Old 06-12-2017, 02:16 AM
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I think you'll like it Kenton.

I understand the mixed feelings about your daughter too, but I'm really glad your daughter is getting the experience - kids shouldn't be missing out on things because of evil or the fear of that evil...otherwise the evil wins, and it can't. It just can't.

I'm sure she'll have a wonderful time

D
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Old 06-12-2017, 02:25 AM
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It deadset can't Dee it deadset can't. "Takes more than guns.....".
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Old 06-12-2017, 09:03 AM
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Wanted to post this picture of one of my dogs ... Gunny ... taking over the guest bedroom.
Gunny GRM bed.jpg
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Old 06-12-2017, 09:55 AM
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Gorgeous Gunny!! That is so cute Ananda. When we got our dog my husband said the dog wasn't going to be allowed to sit on the sofa or even go upstairs. Yeah, right. Our dog has his own space on the sofa and sleeps every night on our bed!! And me and my husband are locked in a constant battle to be the dog's favourite human
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Old 06-12-2017, 10:44 AM
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We have the same fight at our house! And the dogs play it for all it's worth.

And hot dog time is a blast .... Nia is old and has to have asprin twice a day and it goes in a hotdog so she will eat it ... so gunny gets one too....
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Old 06-12-2017, 12:26 PM
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Gunny is beautiful nands and I reckon he's looking out of the corner of his eye I'd love to feel that relaxed, like just flopped with paw extended from under the blankie. All I got was PAWS extended.

Tell you the truth though I am beginning to feel more centered and know that these early feelings of recovery would be swept away with a single sip. No thoughts of doing so, just thoughts on how easily it could all be lost.
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Old 06-12-2017, 02:28 PM
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You doing OK nands?
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Old 06-12-2017, 02:32 PM
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Just heard this phrase:

Sometimes happiness is like a missing sock. You know it will turn up eventually but it will probably be in the strangest place.

Made me think about the happiness I've found here on this thread.

I'm tired after my early start so I'm off to bed. Good night nobenders xxx or good morning or afternoon xxx
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Old 06-12-2017, 02:40 PM
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Good night kenton, sweet dreams.

I've found happiness here too kenton and though the sox are mismatched at least they make a pair. Check and polka dots are trending.
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Old 06-12-2017, 03:00 PM
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Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

I didn't think you could top your PAWS extended comment Steely but you've only gone and done it!! Check and polka dots are trending.... that made me laugh so much I think I may have dislocated a shoulder. Oh well, I've got another one. Definitely going to sleep now. Night xxxx
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Old 06-12-2017, 03:28 PM
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You two are such a laugh!

I haven't had a productive day, and am feeling a bit off balance and tired. It happens, and yesterday I was pretty active.... geeze I sound like a REALLY old woman... and I'm not that bad!!!!

I suspect that it as much due to my mind in hyper drive sorting information and sobriety and trauma in the background.

It's been a good day. Just feel a bit off. I tend to get too worried when something goes hinky and I think it is health related ... The Dr. had me go in and get a EKG on Friday and I assume the information on my loop-recorder for the prior week was a bit off... and Crap ... EKGs are expensive. Mom knows about it and will help me out when the bill comes. thank god insurance will cover part of it.

I need to bathe and go to the "women's Meeting" ... be back in about 3 or so hours ... about 11 am aussie time (right?) and Kenton should be sound asleep still at that time...

Don't worry about me. My health and mental issues are really not very bad at all ... but I just don't feel like I'm being true if I don't share that stuff too .... I'm not that gitter and glowy

Laters and thanks for the laughs!
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Old 06-12-2017, 09:12 PM
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I know exactly how you feel nands in not always being aglitter and aglow. Most days are difficult for me, some more than others and what with everything else going on, alcohol notwithstanding the abuse still haunts.

I'm putting all of my money () on sobriety giving me the wherewithal to find peace with it all, and find myself some serenity, and I truly think it possible.

If drinking I would not even be in the race caught on the idiot loop for the rest of my life and I am not going to allow for that to happen.

Like kenton with her refusal to let the morons in London win, likewise me, with the morons who got me. They will not, cannot win, I'm holding the bird. The "bird" being the top card, Queen of Spades, in a card game nands, and without waxing too lyrical the "bird" being sobriety. We're all holding the bird. Yay us!

Don't know why I posted you this morning to ask if you were OK, I just had a feeling, and caught a glimpse of you from the corner of my eye so I'm glad to hear that you are relatively OK. Same here.

Not possible for anyone to always be aglitter and I don't even want for that, it's good to feel and think beyond the glitter.

Just glad that you are OK nands and to let you know how much your presence has meant to me. And naturally that includes kenton and kev without whom I know I would not have made it this far, and besides, I love laughing with you all.

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