Class of November 2016 Support Thread Part 9
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Class of November 2016 Support Thread Part 9
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Second!
Good morning Nands!
I have been intensely working on my spirituality and the fourth step over the last days.
The situation with my BF is very difficult for me to handle and I don't know if it was me who was wrong or him and I got totally caught up in trying to proof somehow that he is wrong. Because I felt so hurt by his behaviour I was sure that I must be right.
I came to the conclusion that it's totally useless to figure out who's wrong and who not because I will never be able to have a neutral point of view and also what does it help to know that he is wrong if he doesn't see it like that and doesn't want to change?
So I decided to only focus what I can do to help the situation.
I have found my HP and the best I can describe it would be positivity.
I want all my actions to be motivated by positive motives and emotions like love, compassion, justice. Because that helps me and others to grow and to be happy.
What I no longer want is to act out of fear, entitlement, hatred, envy, revenge and so on. These feelings are all destructive and have never led to anything good in my life. They made me turn to alcohol over and over again, kept me from being who I wanted to be, they destroy me and relationships with the people around me.
I started praying and asking my HP to help me to always let positive emotions inspire my actions and in moments where I feel like I would act out of any of the bad and destructive ones to let me realise that before I act on them and to help me to see past them.
Because what I really want in life is for myself and others to be happy. Acting on the wrong feelings though will never lead me to what I want.
I have to give them up just like I had to give up alcohol. It will never lead to anything good.
And I never drank out of love, compassion, or any other truly positive emotion.
Whenever I drank it was out of bad emotions like fear or (self)hate. Even in seemingly happy moments like a celebration I didn't drink for a good reason. I drank because I felt like I had earned it somehow. Which is entitlement.
And if I act only out of positive emotions I have no reason to hate myself.
I know the hard part will be to always stick to it because our monkey brains (where the AV comes from) make us feel entitled to our negative emotions and to act on them. It's our first reaction by default.
But having realised this will make it easier to understand what I'm doing and why and to work on it. I feel like I see many things much clearer now.
And even though this is a very new realisation for me, I can already see how much of a difference it makes when I stick to it.
I still haven't seen my BF after our last fight and he promised to come over today to discuss some things. Now he cancelled and asked to postpone it to the weekend because he feels like it only got so bad with his reactions cause he didn't set clear enough boundaries in the first place, asking for space when he needed it. And now he needs it.
My initial emotional reaction to this was fear (of being rejected), entitlement (he promised to come over) and anger (why does he punish me like this?). If I had chosen to act on them I would've started a fight, telling him how unfair he is, how he makes me anxious and how I suffer and so on. Which would've probably made him not wanting to see me for even longer and it would've resulted in a downward spiral and surely ruined the day for both of us. Which would've been some sort of revenge as in 'if I can't have what I want (to see him) he isn't allowed to have what he wants (space) either and I will make sure he knows'
But instead of focusing on who gets what they want, I tried to step back and asked my HP for help to act in a positive way, that will not worsen the situation but improve it.
For him improvement meant that I give him his space. But then I still would have felt rejected and bad. So for me the situation could be improved by trusting him and understanding his motives. There's no valid reason to think that he wants to punish me with this. He said he needs time to process and clear is mind. Which isn't harmful to me or our relationship in any way. So I decided to trust him and be happy about his decision. He is taking responsibility in a way. If he feels like seeing me today wouldn't be a good idea cause he doesn't have the nerves to act the way he would like to act cause he's too exhausted and drained to be understanding then he might actually do that to protect me and our relationship.
By adjusting my thinking like this I now can have a good day and he too. I replaced fear and entitlement by trust and compassion.
Another good effect: had I acted out of fear and entitlement I would've felt bad. Not only because of the possibly bad outcome of the situation but also because it's somewhat embarrassing to act out of these emotions. Even when I don't fully notice it.
But acting out of compassion and trust makes me feel good about myself and helps me to like me more. I don't have to hate myself for this or feel any shame. I can be happy
Good morning Nands!
I have been intensely working on my spirituality and the fourth step over the last days.
The situation with my BF is very difficult for me to handle and I don't know if it was me who was wrong or him and I got totally caught up in trying to proof somehow that he is wrong. Because I felt so hurt by his behaviour I was sure that I must be right.
I came to the conclusion that it's totally useless to figure out who's wrong and who not because I will never be able to have a neutral point of view and also what does it help to know that he is wrong if he doesn't see it like that and doesn't want to change?
So I decided to only focus what I can do to help the situation.
I have found my HP and the best I can describe it would be positivity.
I want all my actions to be motivated by positive motives and emotions like love, compassion, justice. Because that helps me and others to grow and to be happy.
What I no longer want is to act out of fear, entitlement, hatred, envy, revenge and so on. These feelings are all destructive and have never led to anything good in my life. They made me turn to alcohol over and over again, kept me from being who I wanted to be, they destroy me and relationships with the people around me.
I started praying and asking my HP to help me to always let positive emotions inspire my actions and in moments where I feel like I would act out of any of the bad and destructive ones to let me realise that before I act on them and to help me to see past them.
Because what I really want in life is for myself and others to be happy. Acting on the wrong feelings though will never lead me to what I want.
I have to give them up just like I had to give up alcohol. It will never lead to anything good.
And I never drank out of love, compassion, or any other truly positive emotion.
Whenever I drank it was out of bad emotions like fear or (self)hate. Even in seemingly happy moments like a celebration I didn't drink for a good reason. I drank because I felt like I had earned it somehow. Which is entitlement.
And if I act only out of positive emotions I have no reason to hate myself.
I know the hard part will be to always stick to it because our monkey brains (where the AV comes from) make us feel entitled to our negative emotions and to act on them. It's our first reaction by default.
But having realised this will make it easier to understand what I'm doing and why and to work on it. I feel like I see many things much clearer now.
And even though this is a very new realisation for me, I can already see how much of a difference it makes when I stick to it.
I still haven't seen my BF after our last fight and he promised to come over today to discuss some things. Now he cancelled and asked to postpone it to the weekend because he feels like it only got so bad with his reactions cause he didn't set clear enough boundaries in the first place, asking for space when he needed it. And now he needs it.
My initial emotional reaction to this was fear (of being rejected), entitlement (he promised to come over) and anger (why does he punish me like this?). If I had chosen to act on them I would've started a fight, telling him how unfair he is, how he makes me anxious and how I suffer and so on. Which would've probably made him not wanting to see me for even longer and it would've resulted in a downward spiral and surely ruined the day for both of us. Which would've been some sort of revenge as in 'if I can't have what I want (to see him) he isn't allowed to have what he wants (space) either and I will make sure he knows'
But instead of focusing on who gets what they want, I tried to step back and asked my HP for help to act in a positive way, that will not worsen the situation but improve it.
For him improvement meant that I give him his space. But then I still would have felt rejected and bad. So for me the situation could be improved by trusting him and understanding his motives. There's no valid reason to think that he wants to punish me with this. He said he needs time to process and clear is mind. Which isn't harmful to me or our relationship in any way. So I decided to trust him and be happy about his decision. He is taking responsibility in a way. If he feels like seeing me today wouldn't be a good idea cause he doesn't have the nerves to act the way he would like to act cause he's too exhausted and drained to be understanding then he might actually do that to protect me and our relationship.
By adjusting my thinking like this I now can have a good day and he too. I replaced fear and entitlement by trust and compassion.
Another good effect: had I acted out of fear and entitlement I would've felt bad. Not only because of the possibly bad outcome of the situation but also because it's somewhat embarrassing to act out of these emotions. Even when I don't fully notice it.
But acting out of compassion and trust makes me feel good about myself and helps me to like me more. I don't have to hate myself for this or feel any shame. I can be happy
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Hi Kev!
You sound so well in that post. I have to ditto everything you said, even though I express some "get rid of him" thoughts. I actually sorta realized when Dee posted a response
that I had forgotten that I don't know much .... only you will know the "right" thing for you based on who you are, they are, and all the other circumstances.
I do believe that when it seems appropriate for me to trust someone, and they screw me over, it reflects on them, not me.
Sounds like you are getting some really good insights on your feelings too! For me, due to my Buddhist twist, it is about allowing the negative emotion and thoughts to be. Not to judge them, as they are what they are, neither right or wrong and not necessarily true (same with my opinions and beliefs).
Of course the monks are very clear that we do our best to not ACT on unskillful actions. For me it was a matter of stopping judging myself for my thoughts and emotions and just acknowledge they are there and move on through my world without over playing their importance.
Now remember that is just what I'm practicing ... obviously for others different words and different approaches can work better for them.
I had a lovely morning in the garden! I transplanted some ground cover, watered with my son, and read a bit in a book I'm reading (fiction detective). Just came in so I can do dishes, cut the pineapple and plant some more seeds in the starter pots.
I'll check back later and hope all is well for all of you
You sound so well in that post. I have to ditto everything you said, even though I express some "get rid of him" thoughts. I actually sorta realized when Dee posted a response
that I had forgotten that I don't know much .... only you will know the "right" thing for you based on who you are, they are, and all the other circumstances.I do believe that when it seems appropriate for me to trust someone, and they screw me over, it reflects on them, not me.
Sounds like you are getting some really good insights on your feelings too! For me, due to my Buddhist twist, it is about allowing the negative emotion and thoughts to be. Not to judge them, as they are what they are, neither right or wrong and not necessarily true (same with my opinions and beliefs).
Of course the monks are very clear that we do our best to not ACT on unskillful actions. For me it was a matter of stopping judging myself for my thoughts and emotions and just acknowledge they are there and move on through my world without over playing their importance.
Now remember that is just what I'm practicing ... obviously for others different words and different approaches can work better for them.
I had a lovely morning in the garden! I transplanted some ground cover, watered with my son, and read a bit in a book I'm reading (fiction detective). Just came in so I can do dishes, cut the pineapple and plant some more seeds in the starter pots.
I'll check back later and hope all is well for all of you
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Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,525
Your last post really did sound so much more positive kev. My lost post said that I needed to learn trust again, but really it was ME that I had to trust. Love you Kev.
I am so sad about my son. So very painful.
I am so sad about my son. So very painful.
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Hi Steely, sorry to hear you are sad about your son. Going to type a scream now aaaaaaggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgggggghhhhhh!!!
That's better.
Family issues do my head in. But we're not drinking Steely. How awesome is that? I'm having a bad day today but it's 10.40pm here so not much of this day left and tomorrow will probably be much better. And if it isn't, I still won't drink. Doesn't matter what life throws at me, I still won't drink. A few months ago I wouldn't have typed that. I wouldn't have tempted fate. Now I feel confident enough to write that I will never drink alcohol again. And that progress is amazing. Maybe not such a bad day after all. Good morning Steely, I'm off to bed. See you tomorrow everyone xxx
That's better.
Family issues do my head in. But we're not drinking Steely. How awesome is that? I'm having a bad day today but it's 10.40pm here so not much of this day left and tomorrow will probably be much better. And if it isn't, I still won't drink. Doesn't matter what life throws at me, I still won't drink. A few months ago I wouldn't have typed that. I wouldn't have tempted fate. Now I feel confident enough to write that I will never drink alcohol again. And that progress is amazing. Maybe not such a bad day after all. Good morning Steely, I'm off to bed. See you tomorrow everyone xxx
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Thanks Ananda and Steely!
I feel much more positive. I would've never expected to ever say this but I think in large parts it has to do with finding a connection to my HP. I thought I could never find one. I just didn't know what to look for and coming from a very non religious and non spiritual background it seemed weird and even a bit scary. Having trust issues for most of my life already it was hard to have faith and trust something I cannot see with something as important as my sobriety and life. So I guess it was wariness and fear that kept me from giving it a chance. But over the past month I started noticing a feeling that I started to develop everytime I was in a meeting. I felt hope, calm and a sense of belonging. Not only belonging to the group or AA but into this world. It took me some time to identify this feeling and now I chose to believe that this feeling is my HP. Which is wonderful because it means that I can connect to it anytime and that it will be there whenever I need it.
While typing this I just thought how half a year ago I would've scared the crap out of me knowing that I will ever say this, I would've assumed I got brainwashed.
What I mainly meant was also not to act on any destructive feelings. Because that would only lead to destruction. And it is growth that I want. I do think that that I still should allow all emotions to a certain agree but especially fear, anger and shame can be real bullies that influence my thinking and my perception of the outside world in a very negative way and as long as I allow them to dictate my thoughts they will make me act in a way that doesn't agree with the values I have deep down. By the way I think Buddhism is very interesting and there's so much wisdom in it
About my boyfriend: Yes there are moments when I'm not sure if this is worth all the struggle and if I really want it. But an AA friend and also a non AA friend both said to wait and give it time. I am still in a process of major changes and it's probably not the right time to make an important decision like this. Also, what if it's really me that is the cause of most of our problems? I want to try all I can first and until I am somewhat stable and myself before making that decision. Or any big decision really. There's much to love about him too and I don't think I can expect him to be perfect when I'm really not. The only thing that I know for sure is problematic for me is his resentment/anger issues. He knows about them and he says he will work on that. I haven't noticed any improvement but I will give it some more time.
Your garden must be lovely, Ananda! I often try to picture it. Last weekend I fixed & cleaned my balcony and planted some flowers and lots of seeds. Nothing has grown yet though. But I'm patient
Sorry to hear you had a bad day Kenton. But it seems like you still remember that you're doing really well lately. And yes tomorrow will probably be much better
Yes Steely, it's me I have to learn to trust again too. Me and life in general. And also the people around me. Sometimes I have days where I won't cross the street when there's any cars waiting at the pedestrian lights because I don't trust them and think they might just run me over with their cars even though the lights are red for them. Just because theoretically they could. Of course this is no way to live.
I'm so sorry your son is treating you that way. Young men can be especially blind to how they make others feel with their actions. Could it be he doesn't fully realise how he makes you feel?
I'm thinking of you and sending you lots of strength. You are loved Steely
I feel much more positive. I would've never expected to ever say this but I think in large parts it has to do with finding a connection to my HP. I thought I could never find one. I just didn't know what to look for and coming from a very non religious and non spiritual background it seemed weird and even a bit scary. Having trust issues for most of my life already it was hard to have faith and trust something I cannot see with something as important as my sobriety and life. So I guess it was wariness and fear that kept me from giving it a chance. But over the past month I started noticing a feeling that I started to develop everytime I was in a meeting. I felt hope, calm and a sense of belonging. Not only belonging to the group or AA but into this world. It took me some time to identify this feeling and now I chose to believe that this feeling is my HP. Which is wonderful because it means that I can connect to it anytime and that it will be there whenever I need it.
While typing this I just thought how half a year ago I would've scared the crap out of me knowing that I will ever say this, I would've assumed I got brainwashed.
What I mainly meant was also not to act on any destructive feelings. Because that would only lead to destruction. And it is growth that I want. I do think that that I still should allow all emotions to a certain agree but especially fear, anger and shame can be real bullies that influence my thinking and my perception of the outside world in a very negative way and as long as I allow them to dictate my thoughts they will make me act in a way that doesn't agree with the values I have deep down. By the way I think Buddhism is very interesting and there's so much wisdom in it
About my boyfriend: Yes there are moments when I'm not sure if this is worth all the struggle and if I really want it. But an AA friend and also a non AA friend both said to wait and give it time. I am still in a process of major changes and it's probably not the right time to make an important decision like this. Also, what if it's really me that is the cause of most of our problems? I want to try all I can first and until I am somewhat stable and myself before making that decision. Or any big decision really. There's much to love about him too and I don't think I can expect him to be perfect when I'm really not. The only thing that I know for sure is problematic for me is his resentment/anger issues. He knows about them and he says he will work on that. I haven't noticed any improvement but I will give it some more time.
Your garden must be lovely, Ananda! I often try to picture it. Last weekend I fixed & cleaned my balcony and planted some flowers and lots of seeds. Nothing has grown yet though. But I'm patient
Sorry to hear you had a bad day Kenton. But it seems like you still remember that you're doing really well lately. And yes tomorrow will probably be much better
Yes Steely, it's me I have to learn to trust again too. Me and life in general. And also the people around me. Sometimes I have days where I won't cross the street when there's any cars waiting at the pedestrian lights because I don't trust them and think they might just run me over with their cars even though the lights are red for them. Just because theoretically they could. Of course this is no way to live.
I'm so sorry your son is treating you that way. Young men can be especially blind to how they make others feel with their actions. Could it be he doesn't fully realise how he makes you feel?
I'm thinking of you and sending you lots of strength. You are loved Steely
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Join Date: Dec 2015
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That was a most magnificent post kev. I could not add another word to let you know how much I relate to everything you say. You have written my story. I think our HP's are friends.
Talking about flashbacks I sometimes see blood when it's not there. I'm not psychotic just a flash of my eye and I see it wrong for a split second. Not that I even spilled blood it is just the remembering or feeling of pain played by the eye. Ugh!
But we're doing it. And yes, I'm an aethiest but do believe you are connecting with your HP, me too. It's fantastic. It's us, it's ourselves, our higher selves with a little help from our friends.. That's how I read it for myself at any rate. I think you have made the right decision re your bf. Men, Huh! He sounds like he cares for you, but don't let him get away with real shite.
Ananda don't be embarrassed, Donal Trump and his cronies should be embarrassed, but he's too much the narcissist and that's the scary part. Many great writers, philosophers, intellectuals, musicians, poets came out of the USA. Reckon you should give Trump the 1" mow.
Don't want to lose this post, unread, but press Send now.
Talking about flashbacks I sometimes see blood when it's not there. I'm not psychotic just a flash of my eye and I see it wrong for a split second. Not that I even spilled blood it is just the remembering or feeling of pain played by the eye. Ugh!
But we're doing it. And yes, I'm an aethiest but do believe you are connecting with your HP, me too. It's fantastic. It's us, it's ourselves, our higher selves with a little help from our friends.
. That's how I read it for myself at any rate. I think you have made the right decision re your bf. Men, Huh! He sounds like he cares for you, but don't let him get away with real shite. Ananda don't be embarrassed, Donal Trump and his cronies should be embarrassed, but he's too much the narcissist and that's the scary part. Many great writers, philosophers, intellectuals, musicians, poets came out of the USA. Reckon you should give Trump the 1" mow.
Don't want to lose this post, unread, but press Send now.
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Kenton, thank you so much for the scream, I really needed it. I am finding peace now, but needed it then.
Thanks for thinking of me he is being a complete baby prat. Sick to death of it. It's stupid. Oh well mosey on steely, I'm sober and that's counting more these days, much more! "Any lengths", to coin a phrase. And with sobriety it becomes easier to let go of things you recognise as complete bs whilst drunk it's just the mayhem and bitterness. I don't want to live that way, for anyone any longer.
Hope you are starting to feel better.
I was in Tasmania for a conference and there was a little girl about 4 sitting alone in the TV room watching a replay of the Twin Towers crumbling. I went and sat with her as knew it would be frightening for her, traumatic. Man, this ain't a good world for kids.
We shall overcome. Choose love Manchester.
Thanks for thinking of me he is being a complete baby prat. Sick to death of it. It's stupid. Oh well mosey on steely, I'm sober and that's counting more these days, much more! "Any lengths", to coin a phrase. And with sobriety it becomes easier to let go of things you recognise as complete bs whilst drunk it's just the mayhem and bitterness. I don't want to live that way, for anyone any longer.
Hope you are starting to feel better.
I was in Tasmania for a conference and there was a little girl about 4 sitting alone in the TV room watching a replay of the Twin Towers crumbling. I went and sat with her as knew it would be frightening for her, traumatic. Man, this ain't a good world for kids.
We shall overcome. Choose love Manchester.
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Hello! I'm sitting in the car on a beautiful sunny day, waiting to collect my daughter from a class and I started looking at avatars on my profile page. So I think I set one but I want to post this to see!! Hope everyone is having a marvellous Friday if it is Friday yet/still in your part of the world. Have a great weekend everyone xxx
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It's great when stuff works, Steely!
My two youngest kids are playing restaurants. They keep coming over to me with menus they've created and then I choose something and they go off and bring me back a bag of pebbles or a plastic cup of soil which is of course the food they've prepared. My 8 year old daughter just brought me over another menu and she said, "madam, here is your drinks menu. Don't worry, we have lots of very refreshing drinks with no alcohol in them that actually taste a lot nicer than wine!!!"
I used to think I was being so careful, only drinking wine after they'd gone to bed. But they're so little and they've noticed I don't drink alcohol anymore. Kids are so much more aware of stuff than we think. I'm so glad I'm doing this. I'm so glad we're all doing this. Now I'm going to tuck into a feast of leaves, gravel and a broken clothes peg! Yum. Hope everyone is doing ok xxxx
My two youngest kids are playing restaurants. They keep coming over to me with menus they've created and then I choose something and they go off and bring me back a bag of pebbles or a plastic cup of soil which is of course the food they've prepared. My 8 year old daughter just brought me over another menu and she said, "madam, here is your drinks menu. Don't worry, we have lots of very refreshing drinks with no alcohol in them that actually taste a lot nicer than wine!!!"
I used to think I was being so careful, only drinking wine after they'd gone to bed. But they're so little and they've noticed I don't drink alcohol anymore. Kids are so much more aware of stuff than we think. I'm so glad I'm doing this. I'm so glad we're all doing this. Now I'm going to tuck into a feast of leaves, gravel and a broken clothes peg! Yum. Hope everyone is doing ok xxxx
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I want to post but I'm so far behind! I slept till 8 and did 1 1/2 hours of Sumedo and have to fit in a trip to the store for dirt (isn't it weird we have to buy dirt) and then need to plant my starters and finish my budget for the month....
It's ok though, cause I don't care if I don't get every thing done! What is not done will wait till tomorrow and enjoying each moment as it comes up and fades is what matters!
I don't have a "God" or even really an identifiable steady Higher Power. That said ... I have the spiritual connection that others talk of and when others talk about their spiritual experencies I usually have similar things in my faith. Words get in the way more than they help sometimes I think.
OK ... It's been nice to have a break from the trump machine while he is overseas he is you guys problem
I have to remember that everything belongs ... even this current situation. I do have moments of compassion for him ... it must suck to me him, and every once and a while I see a picture of him where he looks like a little boy who just got his hearts desire (like driving a truck, or wining a presidency - every kids wish). There are even the sad moments when he pushes himself to the front of a crowd and poses ... and I see so much insecurity and need to belong in that. Or when he reaches for Milania's hand and she shoos it away, or she has to remind him to cover his heart during the national anthem. So there is something in there that I can feel compassion for.
That said, most of the time my son and I are going WTF ... when will they impeach him!
OK .. I will now go back to not talking so directly about this (but you all will know when I am) because it is important that should a trump supporter wander on to this thread they know that there is room in our thread for them too. We are all human beings and we all belong and sobriety along with humanity is our common bond.
OK ... enough sanctimonious BS from me
Yes ... I do have to fight my own arrogance on a regular basis 
Love you all and will post later when I finish up some of my chores. It's only noon on Friday here.
It's ok though, cause I don't care if I don't get every thing done! What is not done will wait till tomorrow and enjoying each moment as it comes up and fades is what matters!
I don't have a "God" or even really an identifiable steady Higher Power. That said ... I have the spiritual connection that others talk of and when others talk about their spiritual experencies I usually have similar things in my faith. Words get in the way more than they help sometimes I think.
OK ... It's been nice to have a break from the trump machine while he is overseas he is you guys problem
I have to remember that everything belongs ... even this current situation. I do have moments of compassion for him ... it must suck to me him, and every once and a while I see a picture of him where he looks like a little boy who just got his hearts desire (like driving a truck, or wining a presidency - every kids wish). There are even the sad moments when he pushes himself to the front of a crowd and poses ... and I see so much insecurity and need to belong in that. Or when he reaches for Milania's hand and she shoos it away, or she has to remind him to cover his heart during the national anthem. So there is something in there that I can feel compassion for.That said, most of the time my son and I are going WTF ... when will they impeach him!
OK .. I will now go back to not talking so directly about this (but you all will know when I am) because it is important that should a trump supporter wander on to this thread they know that there is room in our thread for them too. We are all human beings and we all belong and sobriety along with humanity is our common bond.
OK ... enough sanctimonious BS from me
Yes ... I do have to fight my own arrogance on a regular basis Love you all and will post later when I finish up some of my chores. It's only noon on Friday here.
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Yum, clothes pegs and pebbles kenton. T-bone and peas? Was there a deserts menu? That is so delightful and can remember my son examining my face as a child and saying how much he loved the pimple on my face!
Hope no-one was disturbed about my saying that I see blood sometimes. It happens when my anxiety is peaking and PTSD related I think. They are splatters of blood, not a pool of ghoul and disappear as my eye refocuses. I'm sane, or so my psychiatrist says so don't let it disturb you, it's *simple *angst. Not drinking helps heaps but a struggle, and that's OK.
Glad your house looks similar to mine ananda dishes in sink etc. and today am going to make inroads. Where to start? The kitchen, I think and move on from there.
I understand what you mean about feeling sorry for the Don because I can see all of those little boy lost behaviours too but can't feel sorry for him, there is too much at stake. And when I see Milania pulls away from his hand I feel proud of her considering the disgusting attitude he has towards women.
I don't seethe on it feel like an observer in a really bad play. I think he'll be impeached and got a good laugh when you said he was overseas and our problem. 
Best to leave politics out of it here, hey?
Lots to do in the house today, and got myself a cutting of lavender which I'll plant in good relaxing 'down time'. Also cuttings of some beautiful succulents which I'll try to strike as well. Just need to get some good soil (dirt) and away we go.
My love to all, and on the face of it we are all doing so very well. Dat's life.
Hope no-one was disturbed about my saying that I see blood sometimes. It happens when my anxiety is peaking and PTSD related I think. They are splatters of blood, not a pool of ghoul and disappear as my eye refocuses. I'm sane, or so my psychiatrist says so don't let it disturb you, it's *simple *angst. Not drinking helps heaps but a struggle, and that's OK.
Glad your house looks similar to mine ananda dishes in sink etc. and today am going to make inroads. Where to start? The kitchen, I think and move on from there.
I understand what you mean about feeling sorry for the Don because I can see all of those little boy lost behaviours too but can't feel sorry for him, there is too much at stake. And when I see Milania pulls away from his hand I feel proud of her considering the disgusting attitude he has towards women.
I don't seethe on it feel like an observer in a really bad play. I think he'll be impeached and got a good laugh when you said he was overseas and our problem.
Best to leave politics out of it here, hey? Lots to do in the house today, and got myself a cutting of lavender which I'll plant in good relaxing 'down time'. Also cuttings of some beautiful succulents which I'll try to strike as well. Just need to get some good soil (dirt
) and away we go. My love to all, and on the face of it we are all doing so very well. Dat's life.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,525
I think it may have been you kenton who said that young men often do not know the impact they can have with their words and actions.
It helped, and is true, but am taking a break from it because it really, really upsets me and I can't afford to engage with his anger, because then I get angry and it only makes things worse. My hope is that eventually we will find resolution. For the moment it is adieu, not adieu!
It helped, and is true, but am taking a break from it because it really, really upsets me and I can't afford to engage with his anger, because then I get angry and it only makes things worse. My hope is that eventually we will find resolution. For the moment it is adieu, not adieu!
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