Class of January 2017 Support Thread Part 5
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 941
Day 135
Good morning all. I woke late, normal for a Monday I suppose, so a shorter post.
MrM I hope you feel better soon in your struggles with depression. It sounds like you are talking to who you need to. I can relate to what you are experiencing, although not to the same extent. Minds need healing the same as bodies, for most of us probably. Good luck with the new meds. Keeping my fingers crossed for you, buddy.
Skipped all the morning routine that has been helping with my own cloud of "overhead scribbles" this morning. I needed a lay in for the week. Will make up for it tomorrow.
Have a healthy, happy and sober day classmates, one more week !
Good morning all. I woke late, normal for a Monday I suppose, so a shorter post.
MrM I hope you feel better soon in your struggles with depression. It sounds like you are talking to who you need to. I can relate to what you are experiencing, although not to the same extent. Minds need healing the same as bodies, for most of us probably. Good luck with the new meds. Keeping my fingers crossed for you, buddy.
Skipped all the morning routine that has been helping with my own cloud of "overhead scribbles" this morning. I needed a lay in for the week. Will make up for it tomorrow.
Have a healthy, happy and sober day classmates, one more week !
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 67
Hi guys. Very hesitant to post this morning. Back from vacation and lapsed after 100 days. Very lost at the moment. Want to get back on the wagon again but really disappointed in myself and need to figure out how and where to re-start. Dee, maybe you could provide some advice here as I am reeling........Do I join the May thread and start from day 1? ........Will provide more details about what happened in next post but need to get back into hectic work morning as it is my first day back. 
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: NH
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Originally Posted by J9NoWine 
Hi guys. Very hesitant to post this morning. Back from vacation and lapsed after 100 days. Very lost at the moment. Want to get back on the wagon again but really disappointed in myself and need to figure out how and where to re-start. Dee, maybe you could provide some advice here as I am reeling........Do I join the May thread and start from day 1? ........Will provide more details about what happened in next post but need to get back into hectic work morning as it is my first day back.
It is difficult because on the one hand this is a big deal but on the other I don;t think you should beat yourself up or panic. Just dust yourself off and start again.
You sound disappointed, but I would say that 100+ days is a great achievement. Hold on to that as evidence that you absolutely can do long term sobriety. You need to make sure this is a "blip" not what would be the usual (for me anyway) slip back into the old habits.
I don't have a great deal of practical advice, but I would keep posting here in this thread as we are here to support you as best we can.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
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How is it going J9? Hope you are well. I was thinking of you today and hoping you aren't feeling too down about things.
I've had a stinky here today as it happens myself. It really seems that my latest "magic bullet" of getting back on the SSRIs isn't going to work out. Had to take the day off work today as they have made me so sick over the weekend. Yuck.
I can't really afford to take the day tomorrow, so I either have to stop taking them or tough it out at work. And the drugged-out zombie look isn't considered professional when you work in a high school.
I probably wrote this already but I'm totally secure in my sobriety at the moment, but I can;t seem to get moving with anything. I thought this would be a proactive step towards feeling better, but don't know if I can do it.
I've had a stinky here today as it happens myself. It really seems that my latest "magic bullet" of getting back on the SSRIs isn't going to work out. Had to take the day off work today as they have made me so sick over the weekend. Yuck.
I can't really afford to take the day tomorrow, so I either have to stop taking them or tough it out at work. And the drugged-out zombie look isn't considered professional when you work in a high school.
I probably wrote this already but I'm totally secure in my sobriety at the moment, but I can;t seem to get moving with anything. I thought this would be a proactive step towards feeling better, but don't know if I can do it.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Hi and welcome back J9 
There's no rules about where to post
I think joining the May thread could be good - there's something about being with folks around the same point as yourself that helps IMO...but it's not mandatory and even if you did do that there's no reason for you to posting here as well
As for day counts - again thats a personal thing.
Some restart the count, some don't, some don't count at all.
For me, I need to be honest because if I'm not my brain will rationalise that 2 slips in 6 months is only a little bit worse than one...
As for how and where to re-start? Today and right now sound pretty good me J9?
D
There's no rules about where to post
I think joining the May thread could be good - there's something about being with folks around the same point as yourself that helps IMO...but it's not mandatory and even if you did do that there's no reason for you to posting here as well
As for day counts - again thats a personal thing.
Some restart the count, some don't, some don't count at all.
For me, I need to be honest because if I'm not my brain will rationalise that 2 slips in 6 months is only a little bit worse than one...
As for how and where to re-start? Today and right now sound pretty good me J9?
D
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 941
Day 136
I am so sorry J9. Like MrM suggested, the only important thing is you get back on the wagon quickly. Don't let the blip define you, but the 100+ days of sobriety beforehand. Whatever you decide, and wherever you post, you are amongst friends here.
MrM. Thinking of you as you wrestle with everything. Although many of us are unfamiliar with exactly what you are experiencing, posting here regularly, as you do, seems a positive way to express thoughts when you need to. It is a real achievement that you have found stability with your sobriety and something to be proud of. Just this next big hurdle to go. You will find a way through this.
I will admit to feel a lot of empathy and bit down for my classmates struggles this morning. I will keep it short but am thinking of everyone. Have a healthy, sober and happy day. We all need one.
I am so sorry J9. Like MrM suggested, the only important thing is you get back on the wagon quickly. Don't let the blip define you, but the 100+ days of sobriety beforehand. Whatever you decide, and wherever you post, you are amongst friends here.
MrM. Thinking of you as you wrestle with everything. Although many of us are unfamiliar with exactly what you are experiencing, posting here regularly, as you do, seems a positive way to express thoughts when you need to. It is a real achievement that you have found stability with your sobriety and something to be proud of. Just this next big hurdle to go. You will find a way through this.
I will admit to feel a lot of empathy and bit down for my classmates struggles this morning. I will keep it short but am thinking of everyone. Have a healthy, sober and happy day. We all need one.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 67
Thank you MMT, Dee and DLB for your kind words. I think that I just gave up on my trip as there was no one specific trigger. I was completely exhausted with life, work and the constant daily struggle of thinking and trying not to drink that I thought WTF, I just want to escape for a bit and resume my sobriety when I get back. This has not been as simple as I thought it would be.... The danger for me now is not to sink into the "what's the point" mentality and to start fighting again each day to not get sucked back into that obsessive, destructive lifestyle.
One very small victory for me last night was that I was able to force myself to drive straight home after working a very long, challenging day and not stop for wine.....ARGHHHH!!! this is going to be a tough one.
Have a great day everyone...I am going to suspend my count for now and just focus on getting through each day.
J9
One very small victory for me last night was that I was able to force myself to drive straight home after working a very long, challenging day and not stop for wine.....ARGHHHH!!! this is going to be a tough one.
Have a great day everyone...I am going to suspend my count for now and just focus on getting through each day.
J9
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 67
MMT...How selfish am I??? I forgot to mention that I am glad that you feel secure in your sobriety and that I really hope that you get things sorted out with your meds. I have had mental health issues myself for a long time and need to revisit and adjust my meds/dosage on a regular basis to make sure they are working....think that I could use some "tweaking" right about now!!lol
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 205
Hello all!
J9 welcome back! I think it is such a positive move that you came back here to SR. I find it very brave. That tells me that you are really wanting to do this and you are making the correct decisions to get back on track. What's past is done...think about today. I think it is smart not thinking about counts for yourself. Keep posting here!!! We got you!!
MMT, I hope you are able to find the proper balance with your meds. I can imagine it must be a delicate balance finding the right solution. But you can do this! You have come this far, it is quite an accomplishment. I think that it is a total roller coaster, and even with all of the amazing highs we have to ride some lows as well. Keep in touch with your doctor and hopefully you can strike the balance sooner rather than later.
Sunday was Mother's Day here, so it was nice to get some breakfast in bed! But then I had two shows, so unfortunately spent the rest of the day away from the family
It's all good. I had yesterday off and since my classes are done, I have the day off today and a show tonight. Trying to get back into the running habit, and getting the house a bit more in order!
My thoughts are with everyone here, going through some tough times. sending positive healing thoughts.
NACN
J9 welcome back! I think it is such a positive move that you came back here to SR. I find it very brave. That tells me that you are really wanting to do this and you are making the correct decisions to get back on track. What's past is done...think about today. I think it is smart not thinking about counts for yourself. Keep posting here!!! We got you!!
MMT, I hope you are able to find the proper balance with your meds. I can imagine it must be a delicate balance finding the right solution. But you can do this! You have come this far, it is quite an accomplishment. I think that it is a total roller coaster, and even with all of the amazing highs we have to ride some lows as well. Keep in touch with your doctor and hopefully you can strike the balance sooner rather than later.
Sunday was Mother's Day here, so it was nice to get some breakfast in bed! But then I had two shows, so unfortunately spent the rest of the day away from the family
It's all good. I had yesterday off and since my classes are done, I have the day off today and a show tonight. Trying to get back into the running habit, and getting the house a bit more in order!My thoughts are with everyone here, going through some tough times. sending positive healing thoughts.
NACN
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Toronto
Posts: 268
Day 136,
Hey everyone, made it home from Florida. The project I was working on was due this past Friday so most of my evenings were spent working on that, which to be honest, definitely helped saved my hyde! Made the vacation a little less fun, but in the end probably more of what I needed. At night my family would sit on the patio and have drinks but I'd just excuse myself and go inside and work. I’ve been working on this project since the beginning of my sobriety and I’m not gonna lie, after submitting it, a HUGE part of me wanted to celebrate with a drink! Then Saturday night me and my bf went out to dinner and my AV was loud, telling me I deserved it 'cause I finished the project, and I was on vacation, and the restaurant had a wine list the length of War and Peace…. but I didn’t listen Feeling good right now, but more aware than ever that I need to stay busy and keep a plan in order for this to work. Already lining up future projects to get started on to keep myself busy.
J9, I'm going to echo what others have said. I think it’s incredibly brave of you to come back right away. And congrats on driving straight home last night….I would consider that a HUGE victory! It would’ve been really easy to use this slip as an excuse to go on a spree! 100 days is a massive accomplishment, and now you know you have it in you to do that and more!!!
MrM - Sorry to hear you’re struggling. I hope today has turned out to be better than yesterday. I don’t have any experience with SSRI’s personally, but my sister has been on them on and off for years and I know she’s also struggled with finding what works for her. I hope with the help of your doctor you’ll find what works for you. Sending big hugs!
Cute - Way to go on the license!!
NACN - Congrats on the success of the show!! Wow, you seem really busy with that. Breakfast in bed sounds lovely!!!!
DLB - Thanks for sharing that link in the guardian. Got a bit of a pit in my stomach when reading it cause I've missed so many early meetings myself from being hungover. Maybe not on the same scale, but you still get that same feeling of “What the hell am I doing with my life” Personally I think it’s important to constantly read articles like this as a reminder of how bad things got.
I’m finding myself sometimes lately going to the dangerous territory of “I wasn’t that bad”….”I could just have a glass of wine”. I tend to romanticize drinking wine, when I must remember there is nothing romantic about being puffy faced, incoherent, sloppy, etc. Not to mention the internal physical damage that was getting done!!!!!
Exitstrategy – Welcome!! Hope to see you post more!
Site – Nice to hear from you!!! Way to go on skipping the temptation of the drinks on the patio!!!!
Okay, I need to finish unpacking and start making more plans to stay busy! Wishing you all a happy sober day!
Hey everyone, made it home from Florida. The project I was working on was due this past Friday so most of my evenings were spent working on that, which to be honest, definitely helped saved my hyde! Made the vacation a little less fun, but in the end probably more of what I needed. At night my family would sit on the patio and have drinks but I'd just excuse myself and go inside and work. I’ve been working on this project since the beginning of my sobriety and I’m not gonna lie, after submitting it, a HUGE part of me wanted to celebrate with a drink! Then Saturday night me and my bf went out to dinner and my AV was loud, telling me I deserved it 'cause I finished the project, and I was on vacation, and the restaurant had a wine list the length of War and Peace…. but I didn’t listen
Feeling good right now, but more aware than ever that I need to stay busy and keep a plan in order for this to work. Already lining up future projects to get started on to keep myself busy. J9, I'm going to echo what others have said. I think it’s incredibly brave of you to come back right away. And congrats on driving straight home last night….I would consider that a HUGE victory! It would’ve been really easy to use this slip as an excuse to go on a spree! 100 days is a massive accomplishment, and now you know you have it in you to do that and more!!!
MrM - Sorry to hear you’re struggling. I hope today has turned out to be better than yesterday. I don’t have any experience with SSRI’s personally, but my sister has been on them on and off for years and I know she’s also struggled with finding what works for her. I hope with the help of your doctor you’ll find what works for you. Sending big hugs!
Cute - Way to go on the license!!
NACN - Congrats on the success of the show!! Wow, you seem really busy with that. Breakfast in bed sounds lovely!!!!
DLB - Thanks for sharing that link in the guardian. Got a bit of a pit in my stomach when reading it cause I've missed so many early meetings myself from being hungover. Maybe not on the same scale, but you still get that same feeling of “What the hell am I doing with my life” Personally I think it’s important to constantly read articles like this as a reminder of how bad things got.
I’m finding myself sometimes lately going to the dangerous territory of “I wasn’t that bad”….”I could just have a glass of wine”. I tend to romanticize drinking wine, when I must remember there is nothing romantic about being puffy faced, incoherent, sloppy, etc. Not to mention the internal physical damage that was getting done!!!!!
Exitstrategy – Welcome!! Hope to see you post more!
Site – Nice to hear from you!!! Way to go on skipping the temptation of the drinks on the patio!!!!
Okay, I need to finish unpacking and start making more plans to stay busy! Wishing you all a happy sober day!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 941
Day 137
Good morning class mates.
J9, it is awesome you drove straight back and didn't drink yesterday. I hope you get to enjoy a the first hangover free morning for a little while. Still my favourite part of this journey. I think it was CasandreLee who once described waking hangover free as feeling like Christmas morning each day. I am so glad you chose to keep going with us on SR.
NACN It sounds like the shows are going well and you are enjoying the extra time not having classes. My bike or running is 4 days a week. It is more of a struggle getting motivated some days than it should be, but it always feels great afterwards.
Ina. Well done having a great vacation and on coming through the challenges in once piece. And completing your project while you were away and finding a healthy way to celebrate it's completion. Shorter term positive goals, or projects, while sober have been my lifeline this last few months. It has helped enormously, feeling I have a target and stopped the "so now what" depressed feeling that was looming over for the previous few months. I envy you having completed one. I am getting there
Well it is homework (projects) time and working out for me before work. Have a wonderful, healthy and sober day all. One more day.
Good morning class mates.
J9, it is awesome you drove straight back and didn't drink yesterday. I hope you get to enjoy a the first hangover free morning for a little while. Still my favourite part of this journey. I think it was CasandreLee who once described waking hangover free as feeling like Christmas morning each day. I am so glad you chose to keep going with us on SR.
NACN It sounds like the shows are going well and you are enjoying the extra time not having classes. My bike or running is 4 days a week. It is more of a struggle getting motivated some days than it should be, but it always feels great afterwards.
Ina. Well done having a great vacation and on coming through the challenges in once piece. And completing your project while you were away and finding a healthy way to celebrate it's completion. Shorter term positive goals, or projects, while sober have been my lifeline this last few months. It has helped enormously, feeling I have a target and stopped the "so now what" depressed feeling that was looming over for the previous few months. I envy you having completed one. I am getting there
Well it is homework (projects) time and working out for me before work. Have a wonderful, healthy and sober day all. One more day.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 67
Good morning Folks!...Well I survived another day without the "demon juice"...worked late and met a friend for a movie. The hardest part of the day for me and probably most everyone is the bewitching hours between 5 and 7 during the week...if I can distract myself during this time and then go to bed relatively early, then I am ok. I am finding that there is a huge amount of inner-chatter in my head as my AV is having a field day right now...and I feel like screaming SHUT THE "F" UP!!!
NACN - Thank you for your support. I figured that I needed to come back here and "face the music" as it would be too easy to hide my lapse and would probably gradually slip back into the old routine...plus, I missed you guys!...Mother's Day breakfast sounded divine...good luck with your upcoming shows!
INA - I am so glad that you had a good vacation and were able to celebrate sans booze...very, very proud of you!
Dee - Ya, I found that the daily counting was becoming exhausting. I think that marking milestones periodically might work better for me. Right now, I am just trying to "stop" the mind racing and "knee-jerk" impulses as they happen and just try and observe the "why" reasons and hopefully watch the thoughts pass. ( I sound like such a spiritual freak here...being a very impulsive person, this is harder than it sounds for me)
DLB - I know what you mean about the "Christmas Morning" feeling. I have to admit that although my drinking didn't escalate to historical norms last week, I did feel less than stellar most mornings with a foggy brain and stomach issues.
MMT...Hope you are feeling better today...thinking about you lots!!
Cute - Congrats on your license! (Not sure if I said this already, getting old is for the birds!!)
Have a great day everyone!
J9
NACN - Thank you for your support. I figured that I needed to come back here and "face the music" as it would be too easy to hide my lapse and would probably gradually slip back into the old routine...plus, I missed you guys!...Mother's Day breakfast sounded divine...good luck with your upcoming shows!
INA - I am so glad that you had a good vacation and were able to celebrate sans booze...very, very proud of you!
Dee - Ya, I found that the daily counting was becoming exhausting. I think that marking milestones periodically might work better for me. Right now, I am just trying to "stop" the mind racing and "knee-jerk" impulses as they happen and just try and observe the "why" reasons and hopefully watch the thoughts pass. ( I sound like such a spiritual freak here...being a very impulsive person, this is harder than it sounds for me)
DLB - I know what you mean about the "Christmas Morning" feeling. I have to admit that although my drinking didn't escalate to historical norms last week, I did feel less than stellar most mornings with a foggy brain and stomach issues.
MMT...Hope you are feeling better today...thinking about you lots!!
Cute - Congrats on your license! (Not sure if I said this already, getting old is for the birds!!)
Have a great day everyone!
J9
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J9 --- You know you can do this! Remember, 100 days is a great achievement and that is not wiped out just because you had a slip up. As DLB says you are among friends here and it's great you are posting! I would love to celebrate reaching 6 months and a year with you, blip or no blip.
Welcome back Ina! Glad you had a nice trip!
I look at your sober number every morning DLB --- 137 now. We are getting some serious time in here now. Glad you are staking out new territory for those of us a little further behind.
I'm feeling much better today as I am adjusting quickly to the Lexapro. I expect most of us have experience with ADs as depression and anxiety definitely comes hand in hand with alcoholism. They take a while to get going but I'm feeling much better about things today, even though things have been going awry in my marriage recently for various reasons.
Anyways, early to bed for me, so that's day 118 in the books.
Welcome back Ina! Glad you had a nice trip!
I look at your sober number every morning DLB --- 137 now. We are getting some serious time in here now. Glad you are staking out new territory for those of us a little further behind.
I'm feeling much better today as I am adjusting quickly to the Lexapro. I expect most of us have experience with ADs as depression and anxiety definitely comes hand in hand with alcoholism. They take a while to get going but I'm feeling much better about things today, even though things have been going awry in my marriage recently for various reasons.
Anyways, early to bed for me, so that's day 118 in the books.
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Toronto
Posts: 268
Day 137,
Today’s been a bit tough. Not sure if it’s getting back from vacation, having to get into a new routine after finishing that last project, or perhaps it’s just the glorious weather we’re having – All I’ve wanted to do all day is go on a patio and drink. I guess I've been fairly lucky lately in that my AV has been fairly sporadic.
I’ve been staying pretty close to SR today and on chat to keep myself sane. Sometimes I get so angry that I can’t drink normally, but I still know I can’t and what will happen if I do.
Anyways, just checking in. Gonna go to bed soon and hope I wake up on the right side of bed
Today’s been a bit tough. Not sure if it’s getting back from vacation, having to get into a new routine after finishing that last project, or perhaps it’s just the glorious weather we’re having – All I’ve wanted to do all day is go on a patio and drink. I guess I've been fairly lucky lately in that my AV has been fairly sporadic.
I’ve been staying pretty close to SR today and on chat to keep myself sane. Sometimes I get so angry that I can’t drink normally, but I still know I can’t and what will happen if I do.
Anyways, just checking in. Gonna go to bed soon and hope I wake up on the right side of bed
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 941
Day 138
Good morning Januarians.
Thanks MrM. I will keep posting days. It helps me remember too ! Glad things feel slightly better than earlier in the week, even with the other life challenges. Small steps.
Inna. You can do this. Once you decide on your next project, maybe you will better when you focus on that? The sun and patio's just feel new for a few weeks more then are just normal again. You can make it through.
Well done Cute ! 4 months !! You are going to be in great shape when you start your new gig.
Thanks again Dee, for the tireless support and encouragement.
I will say, despite all the highs and lows we all have had, & how many blips, insurmountable challenges and WTF moments, we are getting through this journey as a group. However beaten up.
I feel very fortunate to be able to wake and read everyones posts and check-in with you all, each day. Coming to terms with our new lives. I have never been here before. As Dee can testify, in previous attempts, I am normally AWOL by now. A large part of the success in the journey this time has been the feeling of being part of a semi-anonymous group, with different and not-so-different struggles.
This week's short term challenges plan, other than my running, has not been as good as last week. There is still time to end on a high, and get through some learning new technology stuff. Work is so incredibly busy, and I have every excuse not to find time, but I just feel bad now if I don't invest in getting a few short-term goals in.
Other than that, all good. Still going for it.
Have a healthy, sober and inspiring day, Januarians. One more day.
Good morning Januarians.
Thanks MrM. I will keep posting days. It helps me remember too ! Glad things feel slightly better than earlier in the week, even with the other life challenges. Small steps.
Inna. You can do this. Once you decide on your next project, maybe you will better when you focus on that? The sun and patio's just feel new for a few weeks more then are just normal again. You can make it through.
Well done Cute ! 4 months !! You are going to be in great shape when you start your new gig.
Thanks again Dee, for the tireless support and encouragement.
I will say, despite all the highs and lows we all have had, & how many blips, insurmountable challenges and WTF moments, we are getting through this journey as a group. However beaten up.
I feel very fortunate to be able to wake and read everyones posts and check-in with you all, each day. Coming to terms with our new lives. I have never been here before. As Dee can testify, in previous attempts, I am normally AWOL by now. A large part of the success in the journey this time has been the feeling of being part of a semi-anonymous group, with different and not-so-different struggles.
This week's short term challenges plan, other than my running, has not been as good as last week. There is still time to end on a high, and get through some learning new technology stuff. Work is so incredibly busy, and I have every excuse not to find time, but I just feel bad now if I don't invest in getting a few short-term goals in.
Other than that, all good. Still going for it.
Have a healthy, sober and inspiring day, Januarians. One more day.
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Great work on 4 months CuteNGay. That's 1/3 of a year. I'll be there on Sunday. I do love a good milestone to keep me going! Well done! 
Definitely adjusting nicely now. Sickness has past, so it's time to wait for the positives effects of the medicine to kick in. Could be 2 weeks. Could be 6. Either way, by not drinking I am giving them a real chance to work. I'm curious to see what "normal" is really like!
Thanks for all your support. Keep pushing everyone.
Definitely adjusting nicely now. Sickness has past, so it's time to wait for the positives effects of the medicine to kick in. Could be 2 weeks. Could be 6. Either way, by not drinking I am giving them a real chance to work. I'm curious to see what "normal" is really like!
Thanks for all your support. Keep pushing everyone.
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