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Class of November 2016 Support Thread Part 7

Old 03-12-2017, 11:34 AM
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Haven't read any posts yet
sorry.

Party was fine. I was surprised to find it was more of just a dinner and althogh many people were drinking, no one seemed to be getting drunk. Rewind 4 mo ago I would've arrived buzzed and then order drinks, probably get some booze on the way home. I would most likely be dead hungover right now. Instead I was able to sleep in without a raging headache, having to go to the toilet and vomit periodically. There have been many times where I've spent most of my day puking, with no easing up until the evening. Unable to eat. Unable to do anything but lay in the darkness feeling like complete ass. Why would anyone drink after that?! Insanity.
Well instead of bowing to the porcelain God, I am off to the gym to work on getting strong.
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Old 03-12-2017, 08:57 PM
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Way to go, Ladyshipwreck!

Well, we wrote another offer on a house today. Send some good thoughts my way between now and Tuesday! Maybe 3rd time is the charm...?
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Old 03-13-2017, 01:14 AM
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Evening everyone.
I'm a wee bit stressed at present so not sure what to write really... it relates to work and the feeling of letting someone down, but on the flip side I am doing what I think is best for myself. I don't want to go into it too much as it isn't set in stone as yet. But suffice to say I am about to make a massive decision and that, dear friends, is causing me much anxiety.
Not tempted to drink though, my knee is nearly mended except for some minor twinges here and there. So I am not doing too badly I suppose.
Hoping you are all having a great Monday xoxo
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Old 03-13-2017, 01:42 AM
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If its the right decision for you and your well being I say follow your heart Poppy

D
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Old 03-13-2017, 04:28 AM
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Hi guys. We went to a chalet for spring break to go skiing and ice skating however there was no cell phone service or wi-fi. Didn't realize that was going to be the case. Think we all have technology withdrawal symptoms. Thank god for the TV and a landline. Got back last night. Have been thinking of you all and hope everybody I'd doing well. ❤️
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Old 03-13-2017, 05:45 AM
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Hi everyone!

It's Monday morning here. I know most people don't like Mondays much and I'm no exception. It's the time of the week when I feel most anxious and I still find it hard to start the day. I get nightmares most nights and even if I can't fully remember them, they give me this feeling of "something bad has happened" and that feeling stays for hours. 5 months ago I'd have had a drink to brush away all remains of that feeling. Obviously not an option now. I need to find other ways of coping with that feeling. I tried meditation a few times but didn't notice any change.

My weekend was super nice and relaxing, apart from that family dinner. It caused so much stress for me to have my plans changed but once we were there it was still nice to see my dad and brother and it makes me happy to see that my BF really likes and gets on well with all of my family. My brother and his GF quit smoking nearly 3 months ago. I was very happy to hear that. He's been a chain smoker for as long as I can remember.
Dinners at my dad would typically include 1-2 bottles of wine per person but this time even he drank less.
Also much like you LSW I noticed how nice it is to come home without feeling exhausted from the drinking. I didn't get bad hangovers though, only a bit dehydrated and exhausted. Pleased to hear your dinner party was nice!

So yes, dinner was nice November! 18 degrees though, amazing! Can't wait for warmer days to come.

Sending good thoughts your way, rainy! Good luck And remember if you don't get that house, it wasn't the right one yet. (That's my strategy to avoid anger and frustration, haha)

And good luck to you too, Phoenix! I hope you'll get it solved soon!

I fully agree with Dee, Poppy! Do what you think is best for you. That's something many of us have to learn now and you can feel proud cause you're starting to really take care of yourself and create a life you love!

How was your trip Kimmy? It sounds like a lovely location, I always find the first night of no internet I feel stressed but then I noticed it's so much easier to relax and unwind without cell phones and wifi.

Abriella your post got me confused, I thought I'd missed time change! But here it'll first happen in two weeks, how weird they don't do it on the same day everywhere.

Steely I picture you'll be doing maths by the pool, that's what I'd consider a perfect way to relax, haha. Sounds lovely!
I think you've expressed your thoughts on AVRT very well there. I'll have to read some more about it too. Although I started to like the one-day-at-a-time approach. In the beginning it didn't make any sense to me and I found it was like I always left myself the option to drink the next day if it's "only for today". But now I find it takes away all of the "I can / will never drink again" from me. Cause today I know I won't drink and I don't have to worry about tomorrow.
I can relate so much to what you said about dealing with the past and memories. Although I'm still in the u-turn phase with some things. I could go to a daycare intense therapy for traumatised patients but I can't pay for it and there would be the chance to get it financed by the state but for that I would have had to report the rape to the police back then which I never did. I just couldn't. I know it's wrong and in a way I helped the guy who did it to get away with it but I just couldn't do it. I chose to drink (already drank before) and pretend it didn't happen.
At least I'm getting better at paying my bills again and working on some family stuff in therapy.
And what you said some pages ago about the paralysed feeling, I think it's the same for me. It was how I felt when the things happened. Scared to death but unable to run. Not understanding what's happening, not being able to accept it or to react.

Sorry to end this post in a depressing way. Thinking of you all!
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Old 03-13-2017, 12:48 PM
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So sorry to hear that Kevlarsjal. It wasn't wrong, you had to do what was best for you regardless of everything else...not looking after yourself would have been wrong.
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Old 03-13-2017, 01:51 PM
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It's not depressing kevlarsjal, it's the truth, and I didn't report it either. Too scared, too in shock. I didn't even know I was in shock, too young. After I got myself home my parents were waiting up for me and my father punched me in the face because I was covered in dirt and leaves, missing my handbag and only one shoe. My mother stood by and did not intervene, nor come into my room to comfort me in any way. Neither asked me what had happened. I remember falling to the floor, seeing stars but with enough wherewithal to promise the gods I would never tell anyone, ever. Years later I got really drunk and blubbered the truth to my mother who refused to believe me. If it had not been for my brother, (with schizophrenia) who was not as unwell as he is now, standing up for me I would have had no one on my side. This is part reason why I have tried so hard to help my brother, have him housed and looked after medically these last few years. He helped me in his own crazy way. When my Mum refused to believe me I ran to my father's urn and cried over his ashes. My Mum promptly organised to have Dad's ashes scattered and failed to tell me so I never got a chance to say goodbye to Dad. And now I am helping her in her dotage and it makes me SO angry. Why would I help the old crone, she never helped me? I am bursting with unexpressed anger.

And now I can't say anymore because it still makes me crazy, anxious, powerless.

All I can say at this point, and I've probably said too much, is that we WILL get our power back kevlarsjal. Not drinking and proper work with my therapist is the only way this will happen for me. Not a day at a time, but forever. A way of being. And now I'm scared to press send. Geronimo.
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Old 03-13-2017, 01:56 PM
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Such a powerful post Steely, that must have been difficult to press send but I'm very glad you did. I feel like I know you, the true you and yet we haven't even met!
And.... I am so sorry you went through such a horrid experience and that your own Mother was not supportive. You have every right to be angry. But I hear forgiveness can also set you free and allow you to move on from the past trauma, easier said than done I know.
Be very very proud of yourself hun, very proud. You have a gorgeous soul and don't ever forget it
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Old 03-13-2017, 01:57 PM
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Have been thinking about why I said all that, and if I said too much. Came to the conclusion that I call out racism and other crap stuff so why not call this one out. Its the truth. And what's wrong with the truth?!
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Old 03-13-2017, 01:57 PM
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Oh Poppy. Can't stop crying.
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Old 03-13-2017, 01:58 PM
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My post above also goes to Kevlar... ditto to you Kevlar
Takes much strength to unload such a painful experience.
I for one am amazed at both of you xx
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Old 03-13-2017, 02:05 PM
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Crying is cathartic so have at it I say cyber hugs being sent down south to NSW.
I suspect unloading will make you feel a bit of relief now that you have shared your pain. I hope so anyway xx
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Old 03-13-2017, 04:11 PM
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That's true Poppy. I never know if I say too much but sorta went into zombie mode and started hitting keys. No one 'really' knows me, so unless Donald Trump is wire tapping me don't feel bad about disclosing any longer. Why should I, I was only a kid.

Just saw my GP and got the last piece of documentation for my housing application and hope it's enough to get me out of here into my own place.

My head feels like mush but have a good feeling that things will work out. Thank God I'm sober.

Thank you Poppy, you are a lovely woman.
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Old 03-14-2017, 12:11 AM
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Oh Steely, I hope you feel better. Thoughts are with you.
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Old 03-14-2017, 12:39 AM
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(((steely)))

I think lot of us have stuff like that in our past and reactions like that too - I know I do.

It's only been the last decade or so that I dropped that bundle - I dropped it and never looked back.

40 years is long enough to keep beating myself up for other peoples evil or my family's total disregard.

D
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Old 03-14-2017, 12:45 AM
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Wow, such powerful posts, what Poppy and November 2017 said goes for me also,
Steely- When I read posts from you and other Nobenders I am always amazed when our histories mirror each others, even though we are time zones and miles apart. Your post's regarding your mom resonates with me, I was always told that evil lives forever, I knew that not to be true when my mother died.

Hugs all around Nobenders, Love ya all.
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Old 03-14-2017, 02:27 AM
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support and tears
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Old 03-14-2017, 03:37 AM
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Thank you everyone...and then I PM'd Anna to remove my posts because I freaked out and thought I had said too much and was only now just now game enough to go back in and look....and I thought you would think I was...I dunno. But you were not like that and I thank you so. I think I just wanted to tell someone.
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Old 03-14-2017, 03:53 AM
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No, this is a safe place Steely...Anna & I try very hard to keep the support threads that way

D
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