Hi everyone!
It's Monday morning here. I know most people don't like Mondays much and I'm no exception. It's the time of the week when I feel most anxious and I still find it hard to start the day. I get nightmares most nights and even if I can't fully remember them, they give me this feeling of "something bad has happened" and that feeling stays for hours. 5 months ago I'd have had a drink to brush away all remains of that feeling. Obviously not an option now. I need to find other ways of coping with that feeling. I tried meditation a few times but didn't notice any change.
My weekend was super nice and relaxing, apart from that family dinner. It caused so much stress for me to have my plans changed but once we were there it was still nice to see my dad and brother and it makes me happy to see that my BF really likes and gets on well with all of my family. My brother and his GF quit smoking nearly 3 months ago. I was very happy to hear that. He's been a chain smoker for as long as I can remember.
Dinners at my dad would typically include 1-2 bottles of wine per person but this time even he drank less.
Also much like you LSW I noticed how nice it is to come home without feeling exhausted from the drinking. I didn't get bad hangovers though, only a bit dehydrated and exhausted. Pleased to hear your dinner party was nice!
So yes, dinner was nice November! 18 degrees though, amazing! Can't wait for warmer days to come.
Sending good thoughts your way, rainy! Good luck
And remember if you don't get that house, it wasn't the right one yet. (That's my strategy to avoid anger and frustration, haha)
And good luck to you too, Phoenix! I hope you'll get it solved soon!
I fully agree with Dee, Poppy! Do what you think is best for you. That's something many of us have to learn now and you can feel proud cause you're starting to really take care of yourself and create a life you love!
How was your trip Kimmy? It sounds like a lovely location, I always find the first night of no internet I feel stressed but then I noticed it's so much easier to relax and unwind without cell phones and wifi.
Abriella your post got me confused, I thought I'd missed time change! But here it'll first happen in two weeks, how weird they don't do it on the same day everywhere.
Steely I picture you'll be doing maths by the pool, that's what I'd consider a perfect way to relax, haha. Sounds lovely!
I think you've expressed your thoughts on AVRT very well there. I'll have to read some more about it too. Although I started to like the one-day-at-a-time approach. In the beginning it didn't make any sense to me and I found it was like I always left myself the option to drink the next day if it's "only for today". But now I find it takes away all of the "I can / will never drink again" from me. Cause today I know I won't drink and I don't have to worry about tomorrow.
I can relate so much to what you said about dealing with the past and memories. Although I'm still in the u-turn phase with some things. I could go to a daycare intense therapy for traumatised patients but I can't pay for it and there would be the chance to get it financed by the state but for that I would have had to report the rape to the police back then which I never did. I just couldn't. I know it's wrong and in a way I helped the guy who did it to get away with it but I just couldn't do it. I chose to drink (already drank before) and pretend it didn't happen.
At least I'm getting better at paying my bills again and working on some family stuff in therapy.
And what you said some pages ago about the paralysed feeling, I think it's the same for me. It was how I felt when the things happened. Scared to death but unable to run. Not understanding what's happening, not being able to accept it or to react.
Sorry to end this post in a depressing way. Thinking of you all!